Author's note: so sorry if it's a little late. Blame my colds…and my sudden addiction to skip beat (the manga, anime and drama) yeah, I'm a little obsessed about it today.

Expect an OOC, angst, maybe fluff (yes I've written a fluff!) and a twist (I wonder if it's really a twist…just read it to find out). My grammar was never perfect, just saying…you might see a few mistakes…but hey you've finally reached this chapter, you've probably used to it already…-laughs nervously-

Okay…I shouldn't be proud of it. Anyways I better stop babbling.

Enjoy reading!

Chapter thirty- eight

A reason for everything

Rumors fly too fast around Hogwarts that Renee wasn't even surprised that the whole campus learned that she had already awaken, in just a matter of hours after Harry and the others finished visiting. She wasn't even surprised when visitors were starting to mill up at the infirmary the next day, mainly her fellow Gryffindors and Dumbledore's Army.

Her days past mainly in physical therapy and accepting visitors, a kind of routine that she was beginning to bore herself up. She wanted to get out of the room, walk around the grounds and breathe some fresh air. But her weak body and the mediwizard's firm decline refuses her to go, to her very much dismay.

Renee put down the charms notes that Hermione gave to her and glanced at the open window. She was glad that the mediwizard had allowed her to study at the infirmary so she won't be left behind in her classes, especially OWLS was just around the corner. After having such an unfortunate event, it was still unbelievable for her to learn that she was still alive…that could still worry about her pilled up homework that were waiting for her after she gets better.

The young witch didn't react or comment when Hermione told her that it was Isabel who save her at the forest, nor did react when Hermione told her that Isabel managed to kill Esclair at the end of the battle.

But even how much she try to conceal everything, that would not change my hatred…that wouldn't change the sin she had made to me.

No matter how Isabel tried to talk at the young witch, she would always think of ways to prevail those. Renee was angry, mad or frustrated (she really couldn't point the right term to her feelings at her mother) that she still couldn't face her. Isabel would always leave empty handed every time she would try and Renee wasn't even guilty in the slightest. Renee knew she was being childish, but she couldn't help it. She still couldn't forgive her…she still couldn't forgive herself.

Renee picked up the hidden newspaper at the end of the journal, one of the things that she requested from Hermione to slip at the end of her notes. She knew how will Madam Poppy throw a fit if she learns about that…but hey, who cares about that?

She had been following outsides' events through the newspaper and Hermione's stories. And basing from those, she could tell that people outside school were having a rough time too. Especially now that a mass escape from the prisoners of Azkaban happened, it made the whole wizard world in complete panic.

Mass breakout from Azkaban

Ministry fears Black is "Rallying point"

For old death eaters

The Ministry of Magic announced late last night that there has been a mass breakout from Azkaban.

Speaking to reporters in his private office, Cornelius Fudge, Ministry of Magic, Confirmed that ten high-security prisoners escaped in the early hours of yesterday evening, and that he has already informed the Muggle Prime Minister of the dangerous nature of these individuals.

"We find ourselves; most unfortunately, in the same position were two and a half years ago when the murderer Sirius Black escaped," said Fudge last night. "Nor do we think the two breakouts are unrelated. An escape of this magnitude suggest outside help, and we mush remember that Black, as the first person ever to break out Azkaban, would ideally placed to help others follow in his footsteps. We think it likely that these individuals, who include Black's cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, have rallied around Black as their leader. We are…

Renee didn't even bother to finish reading the newspaper in dismay as she tossed the newspaper in the trash bin and casted a fire spell on it.

Rubbish, why did I ask for this newspaper anyway?

Of course she knew that it wasn't true at all, Sirius hate all death eaters with all his heart. And the man would rather die than helping them out of prison.

That hate, however made her anxious about her future relationship with him…now that Renee knew she was directly related with the death eater's leader.

The last weeks events were got buried by those events though, to her very much relief. And she was glad that no one dragged her to tell what happened that day; maybe they pitied her or just thought that her comatose condition made her forget those memories. Whatever their reasons are, she was still glad for it. Telling that event will make those memories relive again, and that scare her to death.

No matter how Renee tried to forget those, she still couldn't forget every single thing about it. It was like a scar that was imprinted on her mind and will never be remove for the rest for her life. In fact, the said events were even haunting her in her dreams that she already asked Madam Poppy for some dreamless potion.

She lay on her side while staring at the burning newspaper. If someone could give her a chance to change what happened, she would gladly do so. The very moment that changed her life forever.

The day she killed someone for the first time

…

"No…" she begged.

'Kill him'the voice had said, and it wasn't even Esclair speaking.

I don't want too. Who're you anyway? Get out of my head! Renee shouted on her head, realizing that she was the only one who could hear the voice. I'm insane…I could hear voices already…

'You're not insane. You're too soft, Emily still haven't train you to kill? Shame on her'

Get out of my head! She began to be irritated with the voice; at the same time she was beginning to get scared. The voice knew her mother's true name and…

'Don't worry, I know what to do. It's time for you to have your first killing'

No! Get out of my head! I said… she began to be frantic. There is no way she wanted to kill someone, even though she hated him every fiber of her being.

'There is always a first time in everything. You'll do fine; you're not my daughter for nothing'

Renee tensed at the word daughter, and finally realized that she was actually talking to her father…the dark lord…

No…Renee begged,"Please…" she voiced out her plea, making the convicted man laughed maniacally.

'This person should be punished; a low level wizard like him doesn't have any right to insult you. IMPERIO! '

"AVADA KADABRA!" Esclair shouted at the same time.

She couldn't maneuver her own body. It was as if she was watching a gruesome movie…only it was her who's doing the killing.

Renee raised her wand at the man and non-verbally casted an exploding spell in front of him, making his unforgivable spell hit the tree next to her. The tree explodes, making him throw backwards and hit his back at a tree. He looked up at the girl in surprise, as he didn't expect that the girl would be hiding an extra wand behind her clothes. She stood up at his feet, with an obvious evil smile gracing her lips. She elevated him and watched the blood dripping out of his fresh cut wounds. His hair stood up as he gazed at her dilated eyes and then finally realized that the girl was under imperious curse.

"How dare you to hurt me, I…Voldemort's daughter. You have no right you filthy half blood. Don't you know how to respect your superiors?" her voice was so cold, as if it wasn't her voice in the first place.

'No! Stop it! Don't…please' she was internally shouting, but she couldn't really do anything…Voldemort was controlling her; controlling every part of her body.

"My lord?" Esclair asked unsurely at the young witch.

Renee smiled evilly again as the man started to beg for his life. She stretched her wand again, making the man shouted in pain. Blood gushed so fast that some of it got on her robes and her feet.

'I beg you…I cannot do this…don't…'

"Avada kadabra" green lights launched at him, making the man stumbled on the dirt, taking a bath with his own blood. His eyes were glassy but still gazing at the smiling teen.

Renee was shouting internally as she couldn't even control her eyes in gazing at the dead man. A puddle of blood and mud was beginning to form just below her.

'No! Don't make me look at him. Why…why…Please' Renee wanted to close her eyes, look away from the corpse but she couldn't.

'You're my daughter; you have my precious blood running in your veins. That wizard deserves to be killed. I'll meet you soon, and when that time comes…I expect you to do great things. Things that only you could do'

Isabel ran towards the origin of the shouts and curses. She found Renee standing below a dead man, with her robes spattered with blood. Renee glanced back at her; her face with drops of blood which was obviously not hers. Her eyes were clearly silver and smiled wickedly at her…a smile that Isabel could only see on one man.

A monster…the Dark lord

"My lord" Isabel kneeled automatically at her spot.

"Emily. What a surprise, what are you doing here?" It was strange to hear from her own daughter her old name…a name that only death eaters use now.

"I was visiting her, my lord"

"Visiting? Ah, today is her birthday…is she?" her voice were becoming one with the dark lord's, "Happy birthday Renee, I suppose you liked my present, don't you?" said Renee and then her laugh echoed throughout the forest.

Isabel didn't respond and didn't even lift her head from the dirt.

"You didn't train her well…shame on you" Isabel could hear footsteps towards her, making her still at her pose even more.

"Forgive me my lord" she spoke though she really knew what will happen next.

The teen raised her wand, making Renee internally be in panic.

'NO! ANYONE BUT HER! I BEG YOU! PLEASE!'

"Crusio" Renee casually cast the spell at the kneeling woman.

Renee don't want to look, it was too painful to see her own mother be in pain because of her own magic…on her own wand…on her own hands. Isabel shouted, rolled at the ground and clutched the soil as she tried to soothe her burning flesh. She didn't know if the spell lasted for only minutes or hours. All she knew there was no way her mother would be alive after that curse…Renee wanted to run away…from the voice…from everyone.

"A punishment for being so layback, Emily…You know what will come up next when you disobey me again"

Rustles could be heard from afar, making Voldemort stop his curse and stared at the unconscious woman. He couldn't even hear the child inside her mind for some unknown reason. Several footsteps were coming closer at their spot, making him release the girl's body but did say something before he left.

"We will meet again Child…soon"

…

"Damn it all"

Renee couldn't help but swear for another nightmare. Her pillows were wet either from sweat or tears. She could even feel herself trembling in fear by just remembering that dream.

If only that happened in my dream

It took a lot of effort before she could stand up in front of the window. The weather seems to be moving along with her mood, as it was raining with thunderstorms.

The young witch thought of how she hated everything. She despises Voldemort for controlling her to kill Esclair. She hated Esclair for targeting her; she hated the Malfoys for trying to use her in their evil plans. She loathed Isabel for keeping such important thing from her; she despises Dumbledore for controlling her and Isabel like a chess piece. She loathed Harry for being the boy-who-lived; she loathed Snape and Sirius for keeping all the information from her.

But above them all Renee hated herself.

Renee hated how she can't do anything for stopping Voldemort in controlling her. She hated herself for killing Esclair; she hated herself for not guessing who was behind all of those attacks. She hated herself for not guessing the truth behind Isabel's movements; she hated herself for being Dumbledore's chess piece and cannot do anything about it. She hated herself for being close with Harry when he would just hate her in the end for being Voldemort's daughter.

Renee hated how she was being kept in the dark.

She stared at her hands and then covered her face with it. Many things had happened and a bunch of lies revealed. She really doesn't know what to think now…she really doesn't know what to believe…she really don't know herself now.

If everything were just a dream…

…

Severus Snape walked through the empty corridors. He was having a good mood ever since Renee woke up and had a hard time in concealing those. It was the first time he would visit her ever since the girl had awaken from being comatose. The man had never attempt to visit her on broad daylight, as he know how her fellow Gryffindors visit her regularly, and the last thing he wanted were another batch of rumors around the campus.

His dragonboots echoed through the silent halls, joining the sounds of raindrops and thunderstorms. He glanced at the dreamless potions on his arm; potions that Poppy had requested a while ago for the young witch. The potions master knew that the mediwizard wouldn't found it odd to see him at hours like this, as he had been visiting the young witch before same time like now.

He opened the door of the infirmary. The whole place was dark, aside from the candles near the back door. A complete opposite of the bright and well lighted infirmary he knew.

Did I enter a different room? Severus thought as he looked around.

A thunder lighted up the room and found the person who needed the potion. Renee was standing facing the window that he couldn't even see if the witch had noticed his presence.

"Miss Matte" he spoke as he began to be irritated with the silence. She never turned at him, nor did move from her spot.

He stepped towards the witch's direction and placed the potions on the top of the drawer. Only her bed was between them, but Severus could feel there was a thick wall in between them.

Severus was about to call her again when she spoke, a tone of voice that he wasn't accustomed for her to have.

"Did Mum send you here? Well, you're wasting you time" said Renee, with her coldest voice she could get and not even facing him.

Severus frowned further at her tone, it wasn't like the bubbly Renee he used to get irritated with, "Do not talk to me with that tone of yours you si—"

"Why? Is my so called father teaching you etiquette too?" he heard her huffed and then finally faced him.

He couldn't respond at her. The lights were so dim that he really couldn't see how she was, yet he could guess with her eyes how she was taking all things.

Her eyes that full of hatred

Renee turned at the window once again as the professor didn't respond, "Why didn't I get surprised that you already know all of these?" Severus could see her smirked as the thunder gave them little lights as it flashed behind the windowpane.

"Is it because you're with Dumbledore's scheme? Wait…or is it because you're a spy? You choose professor…I can't seem decide which is which" she spat as bitterly as she could.

Severus stepped forward towards the girl, "You listen carefully you daft girl" he impatiently said while he could hear her huffed once again at the insulting words, "I didn't know anything about this…circumstances you're facing at first—"

"I see…so is it because you're a spy too? Because you know I could be useful at your side?" interrupted the young witch, making Severus itched in casting a silencing charm at her.

"Do not!" he finally snapped, his last thread of patience were cut off. "-Do not interrupt me and do not jump to your silly conclusions. You think you're that great to be useful?"

Renee finally shut up at the professor's high voice. He internally rejoiced to that.

"Do not interrupt me again, or you'll face a silencing charm. These circumstances were not within my capacity for me to meddle, nor have the right to disclose such things with you. Your mother has a good explanation for keeping such things with you, if you just let her talk"

Silence filled the room.

"Why—"Renee managed to get the courage to break it and faced the man, "Why are you explaining this to me? I'm the most evil wizard's daughter; you're supposed to hate me. Ever since…why are you so kind to me?"

Severus didn't know how to respond to her question. Firstly, because he himself didn't know why that he was beginning to question himself; secondly, he was disturbed at her expression. The thunder gave him enough light to see how troubled the young witch was, how she was devastated to things were happening, how she was squished in between the situation.

And she couldn't do anything about it.

Renee seemed to be misunderstood the professor's silence, "Why? Is it because I'm his daughter? Is it because you pity me? Or is it you're afraid that I could be evil just like him?" she bit her lips to prevent her upcoming tears and turned her back against the professor once again.

"I beg you, please tell me" she pleads.

He couldn't restrain himself anymore. He sprang into her side and harshly makes her turn to face him.

"Miss Matte, look at me" he ordered, but the girl was looking away.

"I said look at me, Matte" he ordered once again but Renee was still doing the opposite.

"Renee! Look at me!" he finally snapped and shouted at her.

Renee jumped at his voice and finally gazed at him. It was either his unusual use of her given name or his high tone that he uses that made her turn. Either way, he finally saw her face clearly. Her eyes were so deep and bloodshot, like she hasn't gotten enough sleep ever since she officially woke up and just came from crying. She was trembling and fragile looking, like she had aged two decades because of the sudden events.

Severus felt a thug into his heart. It was the first time he saw her like that; he was used to her bubbly expressions, her whines and plea expression. But never like this, never used to her battered look, never used to her defeated look.

It wasn't a beautiful sight.

"Listen, I'm not what you think I am. I'm not kind, nor favoring you. I'm fair to all my students" he shortly paused as he know he wasn't like that too, "Nor did I show kindness to you because you're his daughter. I've never pitied you. I'm never afraid of you because I know you won't be evil as—"

"But you know it!" she interjected again, "I've killed him, I have that monster's blood. I have high tendency that I could be like him…I—"she sniffed and then Severus finally realized what the girl bothering her.

She was afraid she will be like her own father.

Renee was on the act of turning her back at him but got halted as he put his hands on her shoulders.

"Do you kill him on you own will?" he asked.

"No…but—"

"The question was only answerable in yes or no. Is the killing in your own accord?" he asked again.

Renee looked at him in the eye before answering, "No"

"Do you hurt Isabel in your own will?"

"No"

"Do you feel too much hatred at your mother that you want to kill her? Or someone related to that secret?"

Renee looked at him with wide eyes, "No! Why are you asking me this?"

He put down his one arm from her shoulders and then squished her other shoulder, "Then you answer your own question. The killing was against your will, even if he had tried to kill you. You didn't want to hurt your mother despite of the sin she had committed to you"

Severus sighed audibly before continuing, he wasn't used to this kind of conversation…this is Albus' specialty, not mine. "You won't be like him because you know how important life is. You are not going to be like him because you cannot hurt people around you even if they had committed something from you"

Renee slowly gazed at his eyes, "Do not fret. You are not just Isabel's daughter, nor did the Dark lords. You are not just my silly potions' student that once followed me around just because of extra lessons" He saw her lips curled up at the memory.

"You are you. The only one that could know you best is yourself. Do you think you will be evil like him? Do you think you can turn to darkness?"

For once, Renee's face lightened. "No, I don't think I will be" she slowly said and Severus nodded.

"Good, because I think you will not be—"he was startled at the sudden thug at his chest. Renee leaned her forehead on his robes, making herself balance through her sudden grip at his clothes.

They were in that position for minutes in silence. Only the raindrops and the occasional thunderstorms made the sound. It was soothing for both of them. The chaos about Voldemort was once forgotten; the chaos of her linage was forgotten. The only thing they could both think was the warmth of her forehead on his chest, her hand clutched at his robes, her occasional sniff and the occasional rub on the shoulders that Severus would do.

"Thank you sir…for clearing this up to me" Renee softly spoke, still not moving an inch from her position, nor did Severus. "I'm scared" she finally voiced out her feelings.

"Do not be. Isabel's there for you. Dumbledore is too, and the mutt-" Severus spat the name and Renee softly chuckled that he could feel its vibration against his chest, "You have many people around to support you"

She slowly lifted her head to gaze at the professor, "Will you there for me too?" she asked.

Her green eyes meet his. Her eyes were obviously tired from crying and fitful nights, yet it was still beautiful. So beautiful that he thought his heart skip a beat…that he thought he forgot to breath. Like the first time he had…

No

"Professor?" her voice made him snapped. Her eyes looked at him worriedly at the sudden professor's trance.

No…it can't be…I don't…I shouldn't…

"I'll be there, as long as you wanted me to" he finally said as he fights within his consciousness, to his logic…to his…

"Always?" she pressed again.

Severus gazed at her once again; her lashes glitter in tears that he could compare it to stars shining brightly on a dark clear sky. Like an expensive rare diamond among the stones and gems…like-

Stop it, why in Merlin's name I'm becoming poetic?

"Always" he responded then he realized that it was the first time he had used the word to someone else…but never regretted it.

Renee smiled at him so warmly that it instantly warmed his insides for unknown reasons. She leaned again to his that Severus wondered if she could hear his heart pounding…

"Thank you, for being there" she softly said. Severus nodded, though he wasn't sure if the young witch saw it.

"Professor?" she asked as she watched the raindrops in the window.

"What is it?"

"I was wondering…when I was comatose, I had once heard a voice…"

"You're imagining it" he quickly interjected, making Renee shut her mouth.

"Okay" she finally responds while hiding a smile, thinking the potions master would never admit it no matter she asks about it.

A/N: angst was beginning to tire me; it keeps my heart heavy while writing those. But I don't think I'll be getting away from it, now that Renee knows everything. –sigh- So I've tried a little fluff to have a break from that angst, what do you guys think about it?

Leave me a review to keep me inspire! –Winks-

Renesnee