A/N: OK. Fine. On we go. (BTW, that Angst in the genre? I'm putting it to good use here.)

She doesn't know how long they have been stood like this, lips and tongues fused in the most gentle battle of wills she has ever been involved in, but her lungs have been demanding air for longer than she'd like to admit. She tries to hold off the inevitable a little longer, uncertain what will happen when he realises what a mistake he's making. (Because she is certain, once he's come to his senses, that that's what he'll think, and then where will that leave her?)

Just as her oxygen levels become desperate, to the point of she knows she'll have to break this kiss if only in order to breathe, in the end it is the shock of the noisy tone of her mobile she's forgotten she has with her that ultimately breaks the two of them apart. Unable to look at him, (God, what must he even think of her right now?) she fishes her phone out of her pocket, thankful for the excuse it gives her to turn away.

Seeing the name on the screen, she accepts the call. "Clarissa?"

Her already weakened voice now has a breathless tone to it, and she wonders if Clarissa will be able to tell what's been happening across the phone line.

"Nikki. Have you had any word at all from Jack? Only it's been about two hours now…"

"Yes," she coughs to try to clear her throat a little, "yes I've found him." She feels Jack's harsh breathing on the back of her neck moments before the weight of his head is against her hair. Eyeing the hand he's chosen to rest against her hip, the blood still seeping from the cuts, she can't help but to lean some of her own weight back into him (weak. She has always been so weak) as she turns her attention back to her call. "He's here. Don't worry."

"Oh thank god. It's just, I've not seen him like that since, well…" she pauses, and Nikki knows there's a story there she isn't privy to. She doesn't know how to feel about that. "Anyway, he seemed pretty upset."

Before she can say more, Jack has reached over and plucked the phone from her hand and has stepped away. Whirling around, a little off balance now her backrest has gone, she goes to demand an explanation, when she is stopped by the serious look on his face. Instead of grabbing her phone back, she just watches as he places the phone to his own ear, and finishes off the conversation himself, his eyes, now unreadable, never once leaving hers.

"I'm fine, Clarissa. Just been working off some steam. Let Thomas know I'll be in once I've dropped Nikki off home. Bye." Hanging up, he offers her the phone back, and she snaps it out of his hand, feeling her anger rise once more at his assuming tone.

"Dropped me off home? What, am I some pretty little damsel in distress? I don't need you to…"

"The hell you don't!"

Any tenderness he had in his tone before has gone now. She draws back from him slightly, aware his anger is now directed towards her. "I…"

"No. Don't. Don't you dare stand there and tell me you don't need me. Not after…" he waves his arms around, and she assumes he means her mini breakdown against him before the kiss. (She wants to point out that he kissed her first, but she doesn't get a chance.) "Or what, was that just pity? Poor Jack can't deal with the fact someone fucking tried to kill the woman he…"

"NO!" The words are forced out as strong as she can manage, hurt and betrayal across her face. "Of course not…"

Jack sighs. "Then why are you trying to push me away, huh?" He reaches out, his hand coming up to gently cradle her face against his palm, and, because he is here and she is so weak, she lets some of the weight of her head fall into it, almost like a caress. Almost in a whisper, he asks, "What's going on, Nikki?"

Taking comfort in his touch, she sighs. Keeping her eye-line fixed on his chest, she admits, "I can't lose you again." Not Jack too, not after every other person of any significance to her has left her in the past.

There is confusion in his tone now. She sees him duck his head to try to catch her eyes, but hers are still trained to his chest. "Again? What are you taking about?" She sees him give a sigh. "C'mon, Nikki, you're not gonna lose me. Hey, I'm right here, see? I'm not going anywhere."

He pulls her against him again, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head, and she takes comfort in the feel of the beat of his heart under his sternum. Closing her eyes, she snakes her arm around his back, letting his presence sooth her enough to mutter, "But you did. You left me, and I can't go through that again. Not again." Voice turning slightly towards a pleading tone she can't hide, she begs, "Please, Jack, don't ask me to deal with that again."

"Nikki, I swear to god, I have no idea what you're talking about. I never left you." His muscles have begun to tighten against her again, and she knows she cannot keep the truth from him any longer.

On a sob into his chest, she finally let's go what has been haunting her for so long. "But you did. You left me. Jesus, Jack, you went and fucking died on me."

She is crying openly now against him, the memories of that fateful day plaguing her. She feels him freeze against her, before he sucks in a sharp gasp. "What?"

Suddenly, she finds herself being pushed to arm's length and forced to meet his wide eyes, demanding an explanation. She tries, but the words she needs don't come easily. "You… that car. The one that ran you…"

He's dropped his hold on her completely now, and his voice has gone back to the cold and distant one he used when she first appeared at his side in the gym. "I remember."

Despite his words, she knows he doesn't remember. Not really. Not the pain and the anger and the fear she had felt, but never told him about. Brushing a tear away, her eyes fixate on his still wounded hands, the sight of the blood still there making her whisper, "You had massive internal bleeding."

"Yeah, I know. They told me."

She nods. "We… Thomas and me. We were finally allowed to see you, to get evidence. You looked…" she trails off, eyes dropping to the floor, the image of his battered and bruised body haunting her. She feels his hand rest against her arm again, and the touch helps to settle her a little. She glances up at him, and then away once more. "And then all these machines started blaring, and you were rushed into surgery. I couldn't… I didn't even…" Again, she trails off, lost in her memories of him being pushed away from her, the nurse calling for help and blood and she feels as sick in this moment as she had done in that one.

"Nikki?"

It is the sound of his voice that reminds her that it is in the past. Raising her head to meet his again eyes momentarily, she drops it again at the confusion still present in his eyes, and, confessing to the floor, rasps out, "You crashed on the operation table." She takes a deep breath, before finally meeting his eyes with her own still tear filled ones. "It took them 98 seconds to get your heart beating again."

She sees him draw in a deep breath, and intensely feeling the loss of his hand when he drops it from her arm. Voice just barely over a whisper, he demands, "What? Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

Losing what little nerve she had, she lets her head fall back down so she is once again facing the floor. "You survived. It didn't seem important," she mutters, trying to hide everything just the thought of his death has done to her. Jack, it seems, is too angry to notice she is only just holding herself together right now.

"Bullshit. Didn't seem important? I died and you didn't think it would be something I might want to know?!" He whirls away from her, facing the punch bag once more. She watches as he raises his right fist, his intention clearly to have a few more rounds on the unforgiving weight.

Wanting to save his hands, and him, from any more self-inflicted abuse, she stops him with a hand to his arm before he can make contact. "What would it change? Really, Jack, what would it have changed?"

She watches him as he pauses, his fist falling to his side once more. When he doesn't answer, she gives a small nod. "That's what I thought."

Still facing the bag, she sees him sigh. "Nikki…"

But she is lost in her fears and pain, and doesn't want him to coddle her. So she he presses on, her own voice turning hard now, despite its weakness. "So don't fucking stand there and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about." Falling silent, she gives him one last broken look before turning to leave him, because she is certain he will want nothing more to do with her now. The feel of his hand as he gently grabs her wrist stops her flight, however.

"Nikki…"

The words are on a broken sob, and it is this that finally breaks her resolve. Throwing herself against his chest, she feels his arms come up to hold her tightly. Pressed up against him, she begs, "Don't ask me risk going through that again. Because I won't. I can't."

His sure touch is almost too much for her to take right then. She tries to push him away, only to feel his arms tighten slightly. His mouth presses another gossamer kiss to her crown, before he tries to calm her from her panic. "Shhh."

She feels herself begin to calm at his sure touch, but still finds herself imploring, "I can't go through that again, Jack. I can't. I can't."

"Shhhh. It's OK. I'm OK." She finds herself pushed back slightly, until her eyes are meeting his. "I'm right here, see?"

She nods, giving a hitched sob even as she takes in his solid, alive, breathing form, from his jeans up to his bare chest with all his scars on display. Her eyes land on the thin scar across his sternum, and she stills. She gently runs a finger over the mark, and can't help the quick grin as the contact makes him draw in a sharp breath.

Feeling a calm she didn't know exist settle on her, she smiles. "Yeah. I see."

And this time, she kisses him.

TBC.

A/N 2: OK, yes. I killed Jack (dodges rotten fruit). BUT, in my defence, it was for less than 2 minutes and it's all in the past and he's totally fine now. And I'm sorry, but it's what appeared on the page and once it was there I couldn't take it back… please don't hate me.