Rosalina: Helloooo people! How have y'all been? I've been fine, thanks for asking (if you didn't ask, then f*ck you!)
Authoress: Rosalina! I thought we had agreed that you wouldn't swear during the A/N's!
Rosalina: It happens.
America: Yeah, totes.
China: Stop speaking in those slangs stupid westerns!
France: Mon amis, calm down! The chapter didn't even begin yet!
Italy: So let's a-fix this!
-Previously in How To Live With Hetalia-
And as Alfred was using the computer, I was playing Mario Kart with Yao, Ivan, Ludwig and Matthew. Guess who was winning? *wink* Me, of course*wink*.
"For some weird reason, my e-mail account is not working." My ears recognized the sound of someone hitting my computer's keyboard, "Hey, Rosie! What is this pink with a white heart icon on your desktop under the name 'Yandere Simulator'?"
"I wouldn't click that thing if I were you." I was being honest. I don't want people here with mental issues because of that game. Oh fuck, blue shell! Matthew you asshole! I was first all the time in that race, and in the last lap the son of a bitch sends me a blue shell! I can't lose a Mario Kart race to Ivan!
Alfred giggled, "I'm not afraid of no icon, I'm the hero!"
"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that." I'm done with this shit. I'm done with all shits.
And so, Alfred was up for a very neat surprise.
-Reality in Rosalina's POV-
Merda [Portuguese- Shit].
Paska [Finnish- Shit].
I was in first place until I fucking fell off Rainbow Road thanks to Canada. I said he would be plotting his revenge against me by pushing me off the road in that damn racetrack.
"I walk a lonely road," Caitlyn sang in the rhythm of the song 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'. I was actually surprised that she was even paying attention to my race. She was seating down at the floor with her earphones on and her face buried on her phone, probably scrolling over Tumblr, "Because everyone else fell the fuck off…"
Yao glanced at her with a 'WTF' expression. He was at the same sofa as Francis and Arthur, and it looks like he was trapped in the middle of the conversation the blonds were having (conversation? France and Britain? More like relieving sexual tensions) while he tried to win a Pokémon Gym battle.
The modified lyrics to the song are actually true, because Matthew was the only one out of everyone playing who was still on the road. Ivan, Luddy and I fell off the cliff. And I was in 4th place because of the blue shell's impact in my kart and the fall into the pits of hell just afterwards.
"Damn you all! No one makes me lose a Mario Kart race!" I exclaimed, as my character (obviously Luigi, because I wouldn't pick any bitches like Peach or Daisy) in the game crossed the finish line in 4th place, because of the fucking blue shell Canada fired at me. "It's all your fault! I was in first place all along and you just fired that thing at me!" I pointed my Wii remote at the blond Canadian in a menacing way. Everyone stared at me like I was being the crazy one. Come on…
Matthew flinched at my sudden aggressiveness (sudden? I was cursing under my breath at every shell that hit me during that game), "I'm sorry, but that's how the game goes…"
"I know how the game goes!" I spat out. Calm down, Rosalina, you can't lose it now. Actually, you are forbidden to lose your temper while the nations are here. It'll be good for your anger management and everyone'll be happy. What the hell? I can't even recognize my own thoughts! I sighed as I stood up from my seat between Ludwig and Ivan, then I threw the Wii remote into the empty space where I had been seated, "Alright, I'm done with this shit."
"Come on, Lina! 4th place isn't all that bad!" Danielle looked at me with a smile. She was seated with her legs crossed at the floor close to the second sofa with Feli. They were playing Poker with a bunch of cards she randomly carried inside her purse. Kiku was also hanging around close by, with a camera he found somewhere, and was snapping infinite pictures of my anger.
The living room in my house was quite big, with two fairly big sofas (which could turn into beds), a table in the center where I always put my feet and the TV. Maybe you're thinking that my family has sweet cash, and let me tell you: WE DO. Dad has some cash. I mean, he has a kicking ass job that enables him to travel the world.
"Yes it is!" I groaned as I sat back down in the sofa with my arms crossed. Ludwig rolled his eyes and Ivan gave me a sympathetic look (at least I think it was). I absolutely hate losing in any type of game, especially if it involves Mario (and in that category we can include Super Smash Bros.). I hate how Danielle can always be happy on getting 4th place or whatever…she gets happy only to be able to participate in things and make new friends.
Alfred giggled, still hiding himself behind my laptop, "I see Rosie is a bad loser."
I turned around to face the blond boy, "Take that back!"
At that point, I was almost killing America. Dude, seriously? Why does he not behave properly like the rest?
"Never!" God give me patience because if you give me strength I'll punch Alfred.
Before I could get up and unleash all my anger into the American, Britain interrupted everything while he glanced at a completely random hand watch he had, "Oh dear! Look at the time!"
I looked at my wrist like if I had a watch, which I didn't, "Time to kill some people?" At that point everyone knew who I was talking about. Better yet, who I was planning to murder in their sleep.
"No, you silly!" Iggy waved his hand at me as he stood up from his seat on the second sofa, "It's tea time!"
Really now? We just had lunch! Oh well, maybe it's the afternoon tea time and Arthur is following 'A Hobbit's Guide To The Correct Time To Eat' (a debut novel by me), which probably consists in:
7:00am – Breakfast, (duh, the most important meal of the day, which I sometimes am too lazy to make);
9:00am – Second Breakfast (because everything that is good should have an unnecessary sequel);
11:00am – Elevenses (fishes, precious?);
1:00pm – Luncheon (Luncheon, I choose you!);
4:00pm – Afternoon Tea (Arthur's heaven);
6:00pm – Dinner (I'm hungry now…);
8:00pm – Supper (Isn't Supper the same thing as Dinner?).
So, according to my calculations, we might've just missed Afternoon Tea. The reason why an Englishman would have missed the Afternoon tea in the first place is beyond me, though.
"Really? Yay! I'd love to have some hot tea and cookies!" Danielle exclaimed, still playing cards with Feli. At that time, Arthur was already on his way to kitchen to make us tea.
"But we don't have cookies." I replied, calmly. Well, I hate being a bitch but…I don't actually hate being a bitch but there's no way I'm sharing my secret candy supply with other people! It is secret for a reason! "I mean, we had cookies before Cat decided to eat them all."
That's true. When we arrived, Cat was eating my chocolate chip cookies, something that I don't approve.
"It's n-not like I'm p-possessive with c-candy like you." Caitlyn said quietly, as she glanced up at me from the place she was. She was with her back leaned on the right armrest of my sofa, so I could see what she was doing (I'm glad she wasn't reading RusAme smut while they're here, because that would be suicide, and I don't want my carpet stained with blood).
Anyhow, it's not 'being possessive with candy', it's called 'defensive eating', where one strategically consumes food for the sole purpose of preventing others from having it, and guess who has this?
"Hey, I'm fancy!" I glanced back at her. From what I could see from her phone, she was on Tumblr, reblogging Sherlock stuff. I poked Ludwig with my elbow, which made the blond man glare at me with an annoyed expression. The only one who's apparently enjoying this little scenario is Ivan. "Just some hours ago I purchased vegetables!"
"I-I literally have no c-comebacks to that." Caitlyn turned resumed scrolling over her Tumblr with an annoyed expression. Well, shit.
I got up from my seat and clapped my hands together, gathering everyone's attention, "Let's see what's on the TV, shall we?"
"I thought you vould never ask." Ludwig crossed his arms as he stared at the TV, waiting for something nice to happen, which obviously won't happen because we're talking about my life, where stuff is never nice.
Even my definition of 'nice' is questionable, so bear with me, folks, do you think I'm your normal story protagonist!? Not in the slightest! I'M AWESOME!
I started to collect the Wii remotes we were no longer using from Matt's, Ludwig's and Ivan's hands and proceeded to put them away in the drawer for video game controllers I had in the wooden thingy where the TV was located. That drawer was literally overflowing with video game controllers from lots of different generations. I had a Wii, Game Cube, NES, CD-I, Nintendo 64, Play Station 1, 2 and 3 and the list goes on and on.
My dad has always been a video game enthusiast, ever since he got an Atari when he was a kid, back in the Middle Ages. He told me that he had almost broken up with my mother because he chose video games over her. Ah, dad, now we know from where my love for video games came from.
I sometimes could see him playing Zelda on his old NES and after he finished doing so, he would leave the game sprawled around the floor, just because my mother hated when he didn't put his games away. He still likes to piss her off even when she's not physically with us anymore. It's a way to keep her with us, even if it is only in memory.
Okay, enough of depressing thoughts.
Thank goodness that Italy is always here to brush off those feelings from me, "Veee~ Rosa! I really don't-a want to watch Dany's scary show again!"
Alfred giggled. Danielle smiled and I traded suspicious glares with Ivan. Really, Feliciano is that cowardly? He can't even handle a show where almost every episode an important character dies in a brutal way and at least 3 whores are banged?
Shit, I must be playing too much Assassin's Creed.
"Aw, Feli~!" Dan gave the Italian a sympathetic smile, "It's okay not to like that show!"
"Don't worry, Feliciano." I assured the auburn haired Italian, giving him the most sympathetic smile I could. Italy smiled back, and proceeded play Poker (I think it was Poker…maybe because Dany was banned from a Poker site some years ago because she was accumulating a fortune of 200,000 dollars, and when the moderators found out she was underage, they banned her) as I continued to look for the remote control of the TV. When I finally found it, I turned the Wii off and selected the normal cable TV. After I did that, I came back to the sofa and sat there with a loud 'THUD' in the fabric. Luddy and Ivan looked at me with WTF faces, like I was being the weird one who just popped out of the blue into my humble residence.
I started to browse the channels as everyone else started doing random shit, and I eventually came across some news channel, "I'm sure we'll find something nice to watch-"
"Vait, vait!" Ludwig suddenly exclaimed, as he now shifted in his seat, and he was almost falling from the sofa, his blue eyes widening at the news channel, where the reporter was telling something about Greece-whatsoever-I-don't-fucking-care-but-apparently-everyone-else-does, "Greece received help from the EU? I did not agree on zhat!"
England stopped whatever he was doing at the stove and narrowed his eyes at the TV, "Neither did I."
"Veeee~ Look Germany! It's-a your boss, Merkel!" Italy pointed at the TV as the blond German chancellor flashed on the screen.
Russia chuckled lightly amidst the madness going on between the nations who were part of the European Union (yes, even Italy was paying attention now), "Europe is goings insane."
"Do you ever cry because you're not in the EU, Russia?" America asked, obviously trying to mock poor Ivan. Why am I defending him?
Ivan turned to Alfred, his smile never fading, which made the American scoot further from the Russian with his chair and my computer, "Tears of joy, Товарищ [Russian-Comrade], tears of joy."
I'm pretty sure Caitlyn z-snapped at that.
"Rosalina? Can you explain vhat is going on?" That was the only thing I heard from Germany before everyone else started to argue. I saw Danielle covering her ears with her hands and start humming (what she usually did when people argued like that), as the rest of the nations discussed.
I don't really understand all this conflict about helping a country drowning in debt with some money. Maybe I won't ever know about the perks of being a nation. But now, how do I avoid telling them they're an anime? "How the hell am I supposed to know?"
"Because you live here, and the news are in your TV." Matthew observed, looking at me with an eyebrow slightly raised.
I crossed my arms as my eyes travelled from one nation to another, "But it's not my fault that you didn't know about pressing matters with Greece and the EU."
"That is the point, ma-chérie [French-My dear]." Francis smiled, "We should know."
"Veee~ That is because we are-" Feliciano started, but was interrupted by a furious Ludwig. I guess that's something the auburn haired man shouldn't be saying.
No shit, Rosa.
"Nein [German-No], Italy."
Yao closed my DS and shook his head, "You shouldn't have said that, aru."
"Shouldn't have said what?" I pressed, annoyed. Really, what are they hiding from me? Their status as nations? Probably. Why are you so worried, Rosa?
"That would be of coming out sooner or later, дa [Russian: Yes]?" Ivan agreed, nodding his head and glancing at his nation companions.
"Cosa [Italian-What]?!" Caitlyn finally shut off her phone and turned her body to be able to see everyone. She still kept seated down on the floor leaned on the armrest. Her wild ginger curls bounced with every movement.
Japan glanced at Germany and Italy, and both of them returned the gaze with a worried expression. England ignored everything and just concentrated in making some tea (no, he wasn't making tea, he was eating some ice cream). France coughed awkwardly. Russia looked down at me with a smile. Canada and China watched everything with poker faces.
The next sentence spoken by Alfred caught me in genuine surprise, as he closed my laptop, "I don't think it's a problem to tell them, dudes."
I looked at him with a surprised expression (as so did everyone else).
"Are you insane, wanker?" England exclaimed, almost dropping the ice cream he was eating and leaning against the balcony at the kitchen, his eyebrows frowning in anger. Why is it such a big deal for us to know that they're nations?
"Yes! Wait, erm, I mean, NO! I'm not insane!" Alfred contradicted himself before getting everything together, "I'm just saying that I think it's the right thing to do since they've been so kind to us."
Wow.
Wow.
Wow. Did Alfred F. Jones aka The United States of America just say that line? Now it's official, the world's falling apart and Europe's going insane. I know I've been super nice and kind and lovely recently but hearing that from Alfie was new.
There was an awkward silence, as the nations just traded glares with each other. Some seconds later, I felt tired of the silence, because really, they were the ones who started building curiosity inside my brain, "So?"
"You-a do it, Germany!" Italy suggested.
"Alright, alright." Ludwig nodded in defeat.
Before he started his explanation, the nations made Cat, Dan and I swear for our lives that we would not talk about what we heard here in any circumstances, which we agreed (not that I would go to the middle of a shopping mall and put on a stand written 'take a photo with a personification of Germany! Only $0.99'. Now that I think about it, it would be a good idea to make some quick cash, I'm such a powerful businesswoman) without much.
They explained the stuff of being personifications who can't really die and some other shit that I shall not be mentioning here because I find irrelevant and all. After a while of the nations cutting each other off for numerous reasons, I noticed that Danielle was staring creepily at them and was nodding at nothing in particular, which kinda creeped me out a bit (fun fact that Dany has the attention span of a goldfish). It was funny to watch as Alfred almost got his skull cracked in half because he managed to piss off all the other Allies with some stupid comments.
Anyway, all the explanations were really useful for me to comprehend all the stuff with Francis' nose returning to normal in a matter of hours after I broke it. Actually, I wouldn't believe anything if it weren't for my violent past attitude towards the Frenchie.
I had to fight the irrational urge to ask how the hell are the countries even born, but I managed to control my little sarcastic tongue. It was really mind-blowing to be actually housing some supernatural beings at home and shit, but all of this just made a huge knot in my brain. Here we don't have personifications…or maybe that's just what the government wants us to think…
Oh great I'm getting into my 'Conspiration Theories' mode. Next phase is running around pointing at random stuff because they looks like an Illuminati triangle.
Well, one thing is that Alfie couldn't log in on his email account (not that I think that it was because the boy is dumb [that could've been the case, though], but because his email account might be from a parallel universe whatsoever), and that's a pretty big red flag for my theory that they're from another universe, given the fact that there are multiple universes around.
I'm not totally convinced that we're in real life. I mean, even if it was fiction, given an infinite number of possible worlds, it must be true in one of them. Maybe, just maybe, this could be really happening.
Amazing, Rosalina, you managed to turn all of this into some deep shit.
I'm out of my mind, I'll come back in five minutes.
…
I'm back now, bitches!
Sorry, kinda went out of topic here… Let's move on with the narration.
Now, Japan is kindly explaining that they represent their respective countries on monthly World Meetings and shit, and Caitlyn started to ramble in Romanian something along these lines: Oh, Doamne, Doamne, așa că este tot adevărat !? Sfinte cookie ciocolata! [Romanian- Oh my God, oh my God, so it's everything true!? Holy chocolate chip cookies!]. Not that anyone knew what she was talking about.
"Oh my God! That's so cool!" Danielle squealed, throwing all of her Poker cards up, "Are you allowed to eat a lot and I don't know… hmm befriend other countries and hang out together, that's so cool and nice and sweet and…"
I watched, amused, as Danielle blabbered away, ranting on her own sweet little thoughts to anyone who had few neurons left (*cough* Italy *cough*) to hear.
I smiled internally. It's so nice to know that the countries trust me enough to give away all that info. Well, of course I've accepted them into my humble residence without thinking twice, so that counts a little.
Once everyone calmed down a bit, Germany couldn't keep his eyes off the TV, as the news channel was still talking about Greece, Merkel, the EU, some other shit…"But I still want to know zee reason vhy ve only discovered Greece's new loan now."
"M-maybe because y-your bosses can't contact y-you?" Good, Cat, always using your best guess. It was funny to look at her glancing at Yao as he played with his new Hello Kitty dressed up as a panda. I could not think of anything more Chinese than freaking Yao Wang holding a freaking Hello Kitty dressed up like a freaking panda.
"I'm not entirely convinced about that, you know…" Kiku wondered, "They could have easily reached us."
"C'mon, guys, just relax and forget about the EU, Greece and whatnot," I sighed, quickly ignoring the weird glances the nations were shooting my beautiful self, "And just focus on your host who's cute as hell," I ignored Japan snapping pictures, Russia's creepy cute glares, Germany's frown, France's and Britain's death glares at each other, and America in general, "Which is, coincidentally, from where I came from."
"I agree." Who said that? Use your best guess.
I turned to the blonde boy with glasses and he was now opening my laptop once again, probably to check again what was going on with his email or finding out what Yandere Simulator was all about (I hope for the last option, I'm a mean girl), "Hey, I didn't give you permission to tell I came from!" I pointed a finger at him.
"Did it hurt, Rosie?" Is he using a pick up line on me? I swear to God if he's using that overused pick up line on me I'll break all his toes (not that it matters, because he's toes will heal in some hours just like Francis' nose).
"Did what hurt, Alfred?"
"When you broke Earth's crust ascending from hell." The blonde laughed cheekily. Everyone else just stared with poker faces (maybe except for Ivan, who was about to snap and kill someone), waiting for the time I would summon something from the depths of hell to kill the American.
"Actually, I only scrapped my knee." I said, sarcastic as hell. I obviously can't kill him, mainly because I know that personifications bleed, and I don't want my house full of blood. And I definitely don't want to call Rosario to come clean the house, even though father instructed me to call her if I had any problem with keeping the house habitable. "And I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you after that line."
Alfred chuckled, "A kiss wouldn't look so bad…" Okay, okay. As much as I won't admit it, I like Alfred. He makes me think of good comebacks I can use later on some bitch, and I hope he's not doing this on purpose.
"Ha, ha, that was so funny that I'll have to summon the devil to laugh along with me." I turned my head away from him and grabbed the TV remote I left on the armrest of the sofa. I heard France and Britain arguing over something or other and Japan scolding America on his lack of politeness to their humble host (me). I started to browser between the channels, "Let's search for something else to watch…" When I was browsing, something very interesting was on, "Oh look, SpongeBob's on!" Isn't that some good karma?
Ivan grumbled something incomprehensible in Russian, and after grumbled something almost incomprehensible in English, "Not that stupid show…"
"Come on, Ivan!" I rolled my eyes. Well, if I were in his position, (I mean, if I were a big manly dude) I wouldn't want to watch freaking SpongeBob (not that I don't enjoy that show till the present day, sometimes I find myself watching it late at night or waking up very early in the morning just to watch).
After some moments, the platinum blond Russian ended up agreeing (geez, he was tougher to convince than Germany, and I think Mr. Doitsu is muuuch more frightening) in watching the cartoon without any threats of pipes 'accidentally' crashing into my flat screen TV.
The episode that was on was the one where the jellyfishes broke Squidward's clarinet and tossed it on fire while dancing around it.
"I love 'ow the jellyfish are able to magically light a fire inside the water and Britain cannot cast a simple spell!" Francis honhonhon'd as he (and pretty much everyone else) watched the cartoon and eventually laughed at something stupid SpongeBob or Patrick did (I could have sworn I saw Germany smirking).
Arthur almost dropped the spoon full of ice cream he was holding. The Brit was seated at the dining table opposite to America and he was devouring a pot of strawberry ice cream (since I'm not particularly fond of that flavor, I didn't complain), "I heard that, frog!"
"Yup, e-mails are not working…even Facebook is buggy… Time to try Rosie's little 'Yandere Simulator'!" America called out from his seat at the table with my laptop, "Hey Japan, 'Yandere' sounds like something you might know."
"Hai [Japanese: Yes]." He nodded, "What are you doing, America-san?" Japan made his way to the empty chair beside Alfred and watched my computer screen with curious eyes.
I wasn't giving a flying fuck if Alfred would be scared of the game or not. I was secretly hoping that he would pee in his pants. "Playing this little game in Rosie's laptop." The American replied.
"Little game, huh?" Caitlyn muttered, loud enough for me to be able to hear, but low enough for Ivan and Ludwig not to listen, "I wonder what he'll find inside that computer-"
NOT MY YAOI! I DELETED ALL MY YAOI!
In a quick move, I smacked the back of the ginger's head (and of course I had to be smiling like a psychopath as I did so), "Watch your little mouth, Caitlyn."
The others and I continued to watch some more SpongeBob until Alfred called out all of a sudden, while he and Japan were probably gathering the courage to play Yandere Simulator on my computer, "Here, let's play together while Iggy gets some tea for us and Rosie gets some ice cream." I rolled my eyes. Fuck this shit I'm out. I'm not going to get any ice cream for that bunch of lazy asses.
"Do I look like a slave to you?" Arthur called out from the kitchen, his bushy eyebrows frowning.
Francis flipped his hair majestically, "Britain, you are a bitch."
"Can I have a source from where you took that statement, please?" The Brit rolled his eyes.
"The mirror." The blue-eyed blonde observed. That was a very good comeback. If you can't imagine a pair of pixelated sunglasses being photoshoped into your face after a comeback, you need to practice more. In Francis' case, I could literally see the sunglasses in his face.
"BURN!" I literally stood up from my seat and walked all the way to the Frenchman and gave him a high five.
Everyone else had to control themselves not to explode with laughter (well, except maybe Lord Doitsu).
"I don't think you know, but 'bitch' is a compliment to me." Arthur smiled, "So thank you, Frog, for the wonderful words."
Francis and I exchanged jaw opened glances. Arthur literally killed the comeback with another one even mightier. I need to bow to this man and learn the ways of comebacks with my new sassy gay friend, Britain.
And I still ship FrUK with my heart and soul, okay?
Meanwhile SpongeBob was still on, Feli and Dan were still playing poker and Caitlyn was still on Tumblr, America and Japan finally managed to get the game running (I don't blame them, it took me ages to figure out how to download it, then more time to figure out how to get the game running and more time to actually figure out the controls).
"America-san, press 'start'." Japan suggested, "This seems like a very nice dating simulator-"
The Japanese was interrupted by America screaming to the top of his lungs, "OH CRAP! HOLY CAPTAIN AMERICA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"
Everyone jumped up in fright but when they realized it was only freaking America being a coward, they returned to whatever they were doing (nothing).
"Rosalina-chan! This is not right! The girl…she was surrounded by corpses and full of blood!" Kiku asked me, very worried. I could see that he was very nervous/worried with the main menu of the game, where Yandere-chan is standing at her school's front yard with some girls around and then all of a sudden the screen fades and when it comes back Yandere is all covered in blood and there are multiple corpses around her. Ahhh, classical Japanese school simulator. I wish we had those schools here in America.
"It's just a glitch, don't mind it." I had to struggle really hard not to smile maliciously. They surely will have a very nice surprise with this game.
"What kind of glitch makes an innocent looking girl a murderer?" Alfred's eyes widened at my comment.
"Don't ask me." Well, Alfred, I told you not to click the icon, now you deal with it.
"The magic machine strikes again…" Francis suddenly stood up from his seat and came to seat in at Alfred's other side, because he was apparently interested in my little game, "Let me see this game…"
Oh Francy-pants, you don't know what to expect. I only know that I will be laughing my ass off at the three countries playing Yandere Simulator.
I started to feel more comfortable in my seat now that Germany decided to move to the empty spot beside Canada where France was. That way I could scoot a little away from Ivan (who was so close to me that if I weren't careful, I would most likely slip into his lap at any second). I did it, only for the Russian to scoot closer to me, smiling like the freaking cutie that he is. Oh good grief.
Wait, Rosa, didn't you say that you were going to befriend this guy? See, he believes you to be his friend, so don't try to run away.
I hate myself sometimes. Better yet, I hate the freaking choices I make.
Anyway, after SpongeBob ended, I decided it was time to browse some more channels, and as I did so, the trio at my computer started to play the game, "So yeah, I can control the girl around using the 'w', 's', 'a' and 'd' keys." Alfred stated. The whole purpose of the game is to eliminate everyone in Yandere's (that's the name of the main character) way to her Senpai (which includes drowning, kidnapping, faking suicide and murdering your rival) without getting caught, while keeping your reputation as an angelic teenager intact. Isn't that what 'Yandere' means after all? A cute and innocent person on the outside and a ruthless stalker on the inside. Much like how Belarus is interpreted (not in my headcannons).
That's right, awesome readers! For you to completely understand the game, imagine Yandere is Belarus and that Senpai is Russia. Could you do it? Good, now imagine her killing everyone on her way to her big brother while keeping the angelic attitude.
Congrats, you now just grasped the main purpose of Yandere Simulator.
"Check the wardrobe." Kiku observed. Aren't they cute?
"Okay..." The American sighed, clicking furiously on the keyboard of the laptop, "How do I select the wardrobe?"
"Idiot, it is written that the 'e' key makes the selections." Francis rolled his eyes. "And I'm not the one who is scared of computers!"
Excuse me?
"Got it." Alfred replied, "Is that right? I can change her panties?" Finally they discovered an important mechanic on the game: you have to take panty shots of other bitches at school so that Info-chan will give you info (duh) and will burn your rival's reputation for you or even get you a new uniform in case you've gotten yours and the spare one full of blood. If you don't manage your kills correctly, and burn all the evidence on a convenient incinerator you will eventually get caught by a teacher and BAM Senpai will never notice you.
France honhonhon'd, "This looks like my kind of game." Of course Francis would get excited about choosing the girl's panties. Okay, as creepy as this sounds, all of Yandere's panties grant her some sort of ability, depending on their color and shape. For example, one of them gives her more points while studying, another makes her gossip more effective, leave less bloody footprints and so on.
"Pick the first one." Japan suggested, "Now go to school."
At that point, Yao was already playing something 'make-believe' with his Hello Kitty, Feli and Dan were still playing Poker, Cat was still on Tumblr, Arthur was still eating ice-cream, Ivan was still scooting as closer as possible to me and Matthew and Ludwig were with that expression 'What the hell am I doing here?'.
"Awn, it's a Japanese school simulator!" Alfred called out.
"What is the goal of this?" Francis asked, turning to me. I wasn't paying too much attention to him nor to the TV, so I was basically staring into the blankness.
"Simple: kill everyone who gets in the way between Yandere-chan and her Senpai."
"Rosalina-chan, what kind of games do you play?" Kiku wondered, obviously in disbelief that I would play such games. I mean, look at me? A freaking Belarus look-alike who plays bloody games? Who would've thought?
"Some of them are far worse than this, trust me." Well, we're talking about Yandere Simulator, but there's Silent Hill which is stupidly scary (I had trouble sleeping for at least a week the first time I played that game) and Jeff the Killer, that is my number one reason for not sleeping at night.
Unexpectedly, Caitlyn rose from her seat on the floor and stood up in front of me. "Well, Lina, it's g-getting late and I need to g-get home before dark to w-watch over C-Catherine."
Damn, it's not 'late'! It's time for afternoon tea! And Arthur's just preparing some tea for us, judging from the awful smell irradiating from the kitchen.
I just love Cat's family. I mean, she has a younger sister that's literally a copy 'n paste of her physical appearance that is named Catherine. The girl is 6 years old and is the worst brat you'll ever encounter. She once set her parent's couch on FIRE 'accidentally' when she found an unattended box of matches! So there's actually a reason behind Cat wanting to go home soon to watch the little devil.
"No it isn't!" I retorted, "Come on, why don't you stay for our afternoon tea with ice-cream?"
"And with the wonderful company of the 'andsome me?" Francis added, winking playfully at the ginger haired girl, making her blush instantly.
"I r-really need t-to go." Cat insisted. Now she headed to the key hanger behind the front door where she usually kept her motorcycling helmet stored. It was black but had the drawing of a galaxy in it, which made me eyegasm every time I looked at it. She took the helmet off the hanger and held it loosely in her wrist. "Hey, D-Dany, want a l-lift?"
The brunette looked up from her Poker cards at Caitlyn and smiled, "Yay, thanks! I love riding motorcycles!"
"You ride motorcycles?" Matthew asked curiously. Actually, Cat only rides motorcycles. She refuses to ride anything else. She's a motherfucking hipster (she got that stupid side to her personality after she started learning Romanian…Stupid Romanian…).
Caitlyn just nodded in agreement. If it were me or Dan who had asked her if she rode motorcycles around, she would've answered 'Well duh, I have a helmet', but since it's just a cute looking guy asking, she might as well be nice. Not to mention that she takes a long time to get comfortable around someone to make those jokes, unlike me, who just met a couple of random boys and I can't seem to keep my little sarcastic mouth closed.
"Dudette, that's so badass!" America observed. Coming from America, it's legit. What can I say? I'm American too!
Caitlyn nodded in understanding. The other countries just stared as she made her way to Danielle and helped the brunette up to her feet. "Say g-goodbye and let's l-leave." I stood up from my seat so that I would accompany my friends to the exit, because that was surely a polite thing to do.
"Vee~ Dany! Do you really have to go so soon?" Feliciano cried, grabbing the girl's bare arm and holding it close.
"But I'll see you tomorrow, Felii~!" Dan gave a quick peck on Italy's cheek. Oh my gosh, I just can't.
"Oh, that's-a true!" Italy let go of Danielle's arm, blushing lightly, "See you tomorrow, bella [Italian- Beautiful]!"
"Bye guys! It was nice to hang out with you today! We'll see each other tomorrow to hang out too! Bye!" Dan waved her hand enthusiastically at the other countries. I watched the scene with a poker face. Like, really, Danielle is just too pure for this world.
"Bye Danielle-chan!" Japan stood up from his seat at the computer beside America and bowed at the black haired girl.
"Call me Dan, Kiku!" Dan giggled, "Bye-bye Luddy!" She waved at the blond man, and received a ghost of a smile back from him.
"It h-has been a p-pleasure to get to know you a-all." Cat beamed and lowered her hair in a respectful manner. Is it just me or Caitlyn is stuttering less than before? "Surtout vous, Mathieu [French- Especially you, Matthew.]"
"Merci. Vous êtes vraiment sympa et je suis heureux de vous avoir rencontré trop. [French- Thank you. You are really nice and I'm glad to have met you too.]" Canada replied. The other countries looked at them with faces like 'WTF dude what the hell', except maybe for France, who most probably knew what was being said.
After that, both of my friends headed to the front door and started chatting while waiting for me to follow. I was going to, not before listening to a little conversation from my sweet sweet nations.
"I think Caitlyn is into Canadia." America observed.
Italy scratched his head in confusion, "Who?"
"It's me! CANADA!" Mattie exclaimed. I get him, it's not very nice to not be noticed by family and friends.
"Don't be so immature, of course she isn't, aru." Yao didn't even look up from my DS when he replied to America's original statement.
"She addressed to him in French." Japan pointed out.
Francis smiled, "It could 'ave been for me, you know."
"She said Mathieu, and as far as I know, that's not your name, frog." Britain replied from the kitchen, where he still was.
"But one thing I was right, I taught Mathieu how to make girls like him, honhonhonhon~!" France shrugged. Oh well, let's get Cat and Dan out of here before they start listening to this nonsense.
I headed to the front door where my friends were talking about how much nicer it would be if the nations actually ruled the world.
"There would be more friendship, don't you think?" Danielle said, smiling sweetly like the little cinnamon roll that she is.
I just love how Dany is so sweet. As Cat likes to say, Dan looks like a cinnamon roll and is in fact a cinnamon roll (well, unless you somehow manage to really piss the girl off).
Cat looks like a cinnamon roll but she could in fact kill you. If you start talking shit about Ireland or chocolate pudding, she'll most likely get pissed at you.
And I look like I could kill you but I'm in fact a cinnamon roll. And I'm not saying this only to feel better about myself. I'm a nice girl if you look deep, deep, deep into the black abyss that is my soul.
"Nah, there would probably be lots of stupid little wars because of stupid little grudges." I observed, joining in the conversation without being invited.
"Especially between France and Britain." Cat observed, "Those two will end up destroying the rest of the world someday."
"What a time to be alive." I smiled.
"You are one lucky chick, Lina." Cat pointed out and Dan nodded. I know guys, I know. The Hetalia boys landing in my house out of all places is some kind of good fortune that doesn't happen to me. For example, when stuff is going really well in my life and when I finally think I'm getting everything together, the ceiling simply collapses and I have to start from zero.
"I know."
"And also the bitchiest girl around." Danielle added.
"My pleasure."
"Sooo, what time do you we should meet before going to the mall?" The ginger haired girl asked.
"Mall?!" Dan and I cried in unison. Well, Dan cried excitedly, and I was just surprised. I really had forgotten about that, after all the mind-blowing shit that happened today.
"Don't you remember?" Cat insisted, "You said you'd take the boys to the beach, but nobody has swimsuits."
Danielle nodded in agreement, "And nobody has decent clothes."
"Ah, yeah." I scratched my head in somewhat embarrassment, "I remember now." I then giggled lightly, "It will be weird if we find mall cosplayers, though." I don't think I've mentioned that it's not rare to see mall cosplayers around these parts, so if I didn't, here's a friendly reminder that we might run into some crazy little girl (or boy, who knows? I'm not judging people, for now) dressed up as Seychelles.
"Don't say that!" Danielle hissed. That's really new. Not that I actually knew that she would make a constructive comment about anything (especially something as complex as my situation right now and the nature of random mall cosplayers). "It'll only attract more confusion!"
"But we can't keep it a secret forever." Cat pointed out.
Unbelievably, the freaking nosy country of the United States of America apparently had heard what Cat had said halfway across the room, "What secret?!"
"That'd be the secret of Rosalina's bitterness." Danielle said, trying to fix the problem with America. Well, I didn't like that reply. Not at all. Dude, as much as my heart is black whole, I have some feelings. Sometimes a bad bitch like me goes through some feelings for a while but it's okay because I'm still bad and classy as fuck.
"I'm not bitter!" I said bitterly, with a bitter expression.
"Okay, okay!" Dan tried to make up for her mistake with me by gesturing for me to calm down. Well, I always accept apologies in cash, if you know what I mean *wink* *wink*.
With that, I said goodbye to my friends, and (reluctantly) hugged them both. We also set the time for our next encounter to 9 AM tomorrow, so that we'll be able to set everything up for our shopping trip with the nations. Before they left, I pointed out that Cat was leaving so soon because she didn't want to help me with my nation-situation, but she kept saying that she needed to take care of Catherine and that the New Jersey law forbids underage people to ride motorcycles after 11 PM (a/n-that's a real law in New Jersey, guys! I looked it up :D).
I hate how sometimes I have absolute certainty that the world and the people in it are constantly conspiring against me to see me fall/cry/pee in my pants. I have to accept the fact that there are actual people who like me (as weird as it sounds) and wouldn't do anything to mess with me. Well, except for the motherfucking bitch Daphne, my long-time dumb blond rival…but our long-term hate is a story for later.
I closed the door as Cat and Dan finally left the house, and locked it with my key. I turned around to face the living room, but my random thoughts about pizza were interrupted when my nose couldn't recognize a suspicious smell coming from my kitchen.
The only person that was at the kitchen was…
"Well, shit." I cursed under my breath, as I started walking towards the new kitchen of Satan, "United Kingdom of Britain and Northern Ireland what the fuck do you think you're doing-?!"
"Oh, hello, Rosalina!" The blond Brit smiled at me, as he stood next to the stove with a tea pot on it, probably filled with water for making tea. He was wearing my pink cooking apron again, not that I ever wear it, no. I'm just a tad possessive with my stuff, that's all. "I am but preparing our afternoon tea!"
"But what's that horrific smell?" I inquired, genuinely annoyed/intrigued by the horrible smell irradiating from some simple water.
Arthur shook his head in disapproval, "I'm making some toast using your toaster." Indeed the toaster was plugged on a random charger and the little light was on, so no suspiciousness here.
"Well, okay then. I'll just leave you alone." I started to make my way out of the tiny space that was my kitchen, but then I remembered something, "Just don't light anything on fire, okay?"
"You have my word, Rosa!" The British man replied.
"Good." I muttered under my breath as I made my way out of the kitchen and into the living room. Everyone there was quiet, Germany, Russia, Italy and Canada were watching a romantic comedy on the TV (well, Russia and Italy were the only ones watching, the platinum blond boy was watching the movie with a hopeful expression and the Italian was just giggling at some nonsense the protagonist said). China was playing Pokémon on my DS, and he seems to be taking it pretty seriously, judging by the faces he's making.
Meanwhile, America, Japan and France were at the table looking at my computer screen, and the three of them seemed kinda horrified. I guess they now found out the true nature of Yandere Simulator. I approached them slowly, until I was standing just behind them.
"Rosalina-chan! What kind of game was that?!" Japan looked up at me, taking his brown eyes from the screen, "It took 'Yandere' to a new level!"
"Oui [French-Yes]! It was really disturbing!" France joined in, his blue eyes sparkling with unease.
America finally noticed me and said, "I'll have trouble sleeping! It was so scary oh my God!"
"I told you not to click that icon, but nobody ever listens to me in this house!" I snapped. I was quite angry for some seconds, but my rage dissipated when I noticed that the three boys were looking at cute cat pictures on Google Images to calm themselves down after the game.
Really, dude? And you call yourself a hero?
"Эй, [Russian-Hey] Подсолнечник[Russian-Sunflower]!" Ivan turned his head into my direction, calling my attention. He was still smiling like an idiot, "Come here watch this movie with me, Канада [Russian-Canada], Германия [Russian-Germany], Италия [Russian-Italy] and Китай [Russian-China]!"
Everyone looked at the Russian with puzzled expressions, but chose to ignore the purple-eyed nation. What the hell did he just say?
"Sorry, but I hate romantic comedies, they're just a bunch of lies." I sighed. Isn't that what they really are? Love doesn't exist like that. Actually, I don't know if it exists at all. But I'm not the one who's an expert in this thing, as I said before, my heart is a black hole.
"I don't really be liking them as well, because I don't really get them." Ivan said the last part almost in a whisper. He looked almost sad when I denied his request, but whatever, I don't need to please anyone. "Being of reals (a/n-I use this version of broken English as Russia's accent because it is also used on the PolandBall comics, which I enjoy a lot. Also, since Poland and Russia are both Slavic countries and their languages sound the same to non-speakers, I'll simply make this Russia's accent), Подсолнечник[Russian-Sunflower]?"
Yeah, Ivan. Being of reals.
Before I could reply, a song coming from my computer took everyone in surprise. It sounded like the little ringtone that Skype uses when someone is calling you…weird, who would call me? As far as I know, I'm lonely as hell, "Rosie, who the hell is 'lipecortez1997'?" Alfred asked, raising an eyebrow at the screen.
Then it hit me. 'Lipe Cortez' in this case is short for 'Felipe Cortez', aka my noble father, and 1997 is the year I was born.
"Holy crap it's my father!" I cried, as I shoved the three boys away from my laptop, "Shoo, shoo!"
"Geez, I'm not a dove that you can 'shoo' around!" Alfred complained as he got away from me.
Francis sighed, "Mon Dieu [French-My God] America, stop!"
"Okay, dude!" Alfred walked towards the kitchen fabulously, "I'm going to mess up with whatever Iggy is doing!"
"You can't do this!" Iggysaurus shouted all the way from the kitchen.
"I can do anything! I'm America!"
"There are things American but Amerishouldn't." I sighed. I don't need (more) blood in my wall, damnit! Well, I should've omitted the last part, there are things Rosalina can and things that Rosalina shouldn't do, and telling the readers I've had blood in my wall before was a mistake. "Know the difference." And yes, I've broken the fourth wall. Wanna know why? Because I'm freaking awesome, that's why! Fourth walls are for losers! "Now everybody shut up!"
Before Alfred could reply, my death glare was so intense that he had to shut up before I summoned John Cena or Chuck Norris. Or Ivan.
The rest of the boys who weren't close to the computer looked at the others with suspicious expressions, as the ones close to the laptop took a few steps back (except Alfred, he was now annoying Arthur).
I took a deep breath and clicked on the green button to initiate the video call with Dad.
Once the camera was ready, I said, "Hello, Dad."
-Yay!-
Rosalina: So yeaaaah! New chapter! *whispers* If there are any plot-holes don't blame me, blame the Authoress!
China: I bet the readers liked the chapter, aru.
America: Who wouldn't like a chapter that I'm in!?
Rosalina: I'm sorry to cut your fun, but you were in all of the chapters until now.
America: See? That's the true range of a hero!
Russia: So, (before I beat up Amerika with my pipe) if you were having the fun while reading the chapter, why don't you leave a review? It motivates the authoress a lot!
Authoress: True! Anyway, I think it's important to say that I had a ton of stuff planned for this chapter, but it got so huge it went out of hand, so I cut it in half!
France: And that means more chapters!
Arthur: I hate to be in this position, but I'm 100% agreeing with the Frog.
Authoress: Oh, one more thing! The separate story with Cat and Dan is already up! There's only one chapter for now, but you're invited to check it out! It's called 'How To Live With Hetalia Through Other Eyes'. Very creative title, I know! *bows*
Germany: Until the next chapter, readers.
Italy: Addio!