Hey guys. Sorry for the super long wait. I just got a new job (yay!) hence my tardiness. This chapter is shorter than normal but I just thought that I'd post it. Hope you'll like it. Cheers!

Chapter 29

The words from the priest sounded like buzzing to Nathan's ears. He stared blankly at the small casket in front of him. He could feel Haley holding on to his arm, her own body growing limp next to her. He turned his head and saw her face. Pale with tears flowing in steady streams. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. No parent has to be bury his child, he had once heard. He choked back on his own tears. He wouldn't cry. He was supposed to be the rock of their family. But the pain of Lily's death was too much for him to bear. Even with the vastness of the cemetery around him, he felt suffocated. He wanted the funeral to end. He needed to get away. Away from the pain, away from the grief.

He saw the small casket being lowered into the ground. He wanted to stop them, to tell them that it wasn't Lily that they were burying. It couldn't be Lily. Only he knew it was. He felt a movement from Haley. She had fallen down on her knees, watching the casket disappear. And when it was over, she still didn't move.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around. Another pale face. This time it was her mother's. She didn't need to say anything. She was his mother. She knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling at that moment. It seemed so wrong that he still had a mother when his own wife had lost that chance to be one.

He laid a hand on Haley's shoulder, squeezing it gently. She looked up. Even in the sunlight, her face was still ghostly pale. "We should go," he said quietly. She stared at him blankly, as if she couldn't understand what he was trying to say. She then shook her head.

"I'm gonna stay here a while," she finally said.

"Haley-"

"I said I'm gonna stay here a while," she hissed angrily.

Lucas then appeared and touched his arm. "Let her stay Nate. I'll wait for here. Why don't you go on home with the rest first."

He looked at Lucas uncertainly. It should be him comforting Haley, but he had a feeling that he was the last person she wanted to see at that moment. He reluctantly agreed and with one last glance at his grieving wife, he followed Deb silently without giving Lily's grave a second glance.

Lucas continued to watch Haley in silence. He knew that she needed this private moment to say goodbye to her daughter. He could only imagine the pain that she was going through. He stood behind her at a safe distance. He didn't want to intrude on her private moment.

"Why?" he heard her say. At first he thought that she was talking to herself. She then turned her head and faced him. "Why did she have to die? She was just a baby."

Haley's face was a picture of pure confusion and sadness. She knew that it was futile to ask these questions, but they kept swimming in her head like a never ending whirlpool.

"I'm sorry Hales. I don't have the answer to that," he said sadly.

"I know," she conceded quietly. "We've only had her for a few weeks, and now she's gone."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "There's nothing else I can tell you that you haven't heard from anybody else. Just be strong Hales."

"Do you think she knew that I loved her?" she asked softly. Her face was already showing streaks of tears.

He enveloped her in his arms and hugged her tightly. "Of course she did. I've seen you with her. You were a wonderful mother. There was nothing more that you could have done." He felt her nod in his arms. "How's Nathan doing?"

With a start she lifted her head. She suddenly realized that in her grief, she had not even asked Nathan how he was doing. They had spoke little with each other. Mostly it was her crying and him comforting her. It didn't occur to her that he needed comforting too. She remembered the way she had snapped at him earlier and immediately felt guilty.

"To be honest, I don't know," she admitted to Lucas. "I haven't really asked."

Lucas looked at her through narrowed eyes. Her answer surprised him, although he didn't show it. "Are you ready to go?" he asked instead.

She looked around the cemetery and noticed for the first time the colours of spring. She threw a smile at Lily's grave and said, "it was a beautiful funeral." She then placed the lily that she was holding in her hand and placed it gently on her grave. "Sleep tight, my little angel," she said before taking Lucas's arm and letting him lead her to the car.

Nathan looked at the group of people in his house. He knew that they were paying their last respects, but he still wished that they would leave. He didn't think he could stand another person telling him how sorry he was that Lily was gone. He didn't need anymore reminder of the fact that his baby had died and yet all he could see in every face in his house that day was just that.

"Hi Nathan," a female voice greeted him. He steeled himself for another condolence wish and turned around.

"Hey Rachel," he said quietly. He looked around for Haley but couldn't see her. She must still be at the cemetery still.

"Are you looking for Haley? I saw her coming in with Lucas justnow," she said.

"Okay, thanks."

"How are you doing?" she asked carefully.

"I don't know. I feel so empty."

"Nathan, I'm not gonna pretend to know how you must be feeling at this moment, but I just want you to know that if you need anybody to talk to, I'm here to listen."

He smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks Rachel. That means a lot." She smiled back. "Where's Michael?"

She looked over her shoulders. "I think I saw him with your parents." She smiled as she thought of her fiance. "Well, I'd better go look for him." She looked at him and gave him a small smile. "Just hang in there Nathan. It will get better," she said and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Will it? He wondered to himself. He suddenly felt like he couldn't take another person looking at him with such pity. He decided to go out back and take in some fresh air to clear his mind. To his surprise he found Haley there. She had a faraway look on her face. He doubted she noticed that he was there.

"Hales?" he said softly. She turned around and looked at him with vacant eyes. She then took a few steps towards him and buried her face in his chest. He thought that she was going to cry and it surprised him when she didn't.

"I'm so tired," he heard her say. He gathered her into his arms and pulled her close before kissing the top of her head.

"I know baby." He bit his lips when he realized what he had just said. The word 'baby' tugged at his heart. He looked around and watched the leaves from the trees fall. Somewhere in the distance he could hear birds chirping. How was it that my baby had just died and yet the rest of the world seemed so normal? he thought to himself.

"Do you think they're gonna be alright?" a concerned Brooke asked Lucas as they left the Scott house. The frown on Lucas's face did not comfort her one bit. She felt the baby stir within her and her hand automatically flew to her stomach, rubbing it in circular motions.

"They will be," Peyton said as she came up behind them. "They're Nathan and Haley. They've been through a lot together. They can get through this one," she said confidently. She knew deep down inside that her confident voice did not match the sinking feeling she felt at the pit of her stomach.

They ate dinner silently. Or at least pretended to. Neither of them could stomach anything at that moment, let alone food. Haley stole a glance at Nathan who was seated opposite her. She watched him move his fork around the plate silently. His face looked drawn. She wanted to reach out to him, to hold him close, to weep together but she held back.

"I'm not hungry either," she said solemnly. He looked up and gave her a wry smile. The house was eerily quiet after all the guests had gone back. He didn't know what to say to her. He knew she was hurting and still he couldn't find the words to comfort her. He silently got up and took his plate to the sink. He stared out the window into the dark night and propped his elbows on the sink.

She felt her heart breaking as she watched him. She knew he felt guilty, but so did she. She didn't blame him at all for Lily's death. It was meant to happen and if there was one thing she knew, there was no way you could defy fate. She walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He felt the touched and he flinched before turning around.

She saw his distraught face and gathered him in her arms. He went still, unsure of what to do. He then wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. They stood there for a few minutes in silence before he pulled away.

"You should go to bed," he said. "I'll clean up." He turned around and started doing the dishes, leaving her to stare at his back.

"Nathan, we need to talk about this."

"We'll talk tomorrow. I know you're tired," he said stubbornly without even giving her another glance. She knew he was hurting, but so was she. She couldn't understand why he refused to talk to her. She wanted to protest but she knew from the tone of his voice that he meant it. She reluctantly decided to let it go.

"Ok," she said. "Don't stay up so late." She came up to him and kissed him softly on his cheek. Was it her imagination or did she feel him cringe at her touch?

He closed his eyes at the touch of her lips and involuntarily shuddered. Everything felt so wrong today. Even a kiss from her which he so readily welcomed before. He waited until he knew that she had left and let out a deep breath. He suddenly felt like a fish out of water, gasping for air. For some reason he couldn't explain to her how he felt at that moment. Talking to her would only hurt them both more, or so he felt. The pain of losing Lily still felt so raw, and he felt sure that it was going to feel like a wound that could never heal. He wondered if a father could move on with his life when his child died. He stared at the plate in his hand and suddenly felt angry. Before he knew it he had thrown it across the kitchen. Only at the sound of the plate crashing did he realize what he had just done. Even after that, he just stared mutinously at the shattered plate and felt like the pieces were like his own heart. It could never be glued back together.

She heard the sound of something breaking and closed her eyes. She could feel a sob rising in her throat. Lying in bed waiting for him to come to her, she had never felt so alone in her life. At that moment, she knew that he would not come to her that night.