Sorry guys! New chapter's up. Sorry it took so long. Cheers! xoxo

Chapter 30

She heard Mia sing in the studio but her voice sounded so far away. Her mind kept traveling back to Nathan and how much he had changed in the last few weeks. She had insisted on going back to work, against much protest from Peyton who felt that she needed more time to grieve. Haley felt she had grieved enough. Her baby was gone and no matter how much she cried, it wouldn't bring Lily back. When she told Nathan that she was going back to work a few days after Lily's funeral, he just nodded silently. She remembered feeling a surge of frustration build up within her. It was like he had built a thick wall around him that nobody could penetrate, not even her.

"Haley." She felt a nudge on her arm, snapping her right back into reality.

"Huh?"

"What do you think?" Peyton asked and looked at her intently. She noticed that Haley had dark circles under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept for days.

Her expression was blank for a second. "It was good," she said a while later, although it was said with indifference.

"Are you okay?" Peyton asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she shrugged and sat down.

"You're not fine Hales. You are far from fine. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" she suggested.

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm fine." She didn't want to go home, knowing that Nathan was going to be there. What was the point? She had already given up trying to get him to talk.

Peyton took her shoulders and shook her gently. "Haley, I don't care what you say to me, but trust me, you're not fine. You should go home. Please." Haley saw the concern in her friend's eyes and her eyes misted over. "Do you want to talk about it?" Peyton asked gently.

She shook her head. "There's nothing to talk about, Peyton."

"How's Nathan doing?"

Her question hit the right spot. A lone tear slid down her cheek. "I don't know," she said tiredly. "He's been really quiet and I..." She couldn't seem to get the words out.

Peyton nodded. "He's still grieving."

"I know he is. I am too. It's just that...you know what?" she said and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She didn't feel like talking about her marriage that felt like it was about to crumble apart to Peyton. "Let's not talk about this," she said and mustered a smile. "Mia sounds great. The album's gonna be ready soon and we have a lot of work to do. Have you arranged for the photographer to come by for her album cover?"

"Haley," Peyton started to say.

She took Peyton's hand and patted it reassuringly. "I'm fine. Come on. Let's get to work." She started to talk animatedly, leaving Peyton with no choice but to listen.

He stepped into the house reluctantly. He was hungry and the smell of dinner wafting from the kitchen made his stomach rumble slightly, but he dreaded the awkwardness that he knew would soon ensue at the dinner table.

"Hales?" he called out.

"In the kitchen," she called out back. "Hey baby," she said and walked over to him to give him a kiss. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, a bit," he confessed. "What's for dinner?"

"I made some meatloaf."

"Oh ok. I'm gonna change. I'll be out in a minute," he said and quickly made his way to their bedroom. He shut the door and locked it, something he never did. Leaning against the door, he closed his eyes and tried to still his beating heart. He loved Haley. He truly did but after Lily's death, he couldn't seem to look her in the eye. He knew how much she tried to act as if everything was fine but sometimes he could see the sadness in her face, and the feeling of utter helplessness would come rushing back again. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door.

"Nathan, are you ok? Why is the door locked?" Haley looked at the door curiously.

He slowly opened the door and tried to put on a normal face. "Oh, sorry. I must have accidentally locked it. Did you say you made meatloaf?" he asked. She nodded. "Good, coz I'm hungry."

A smile broke out on her face. Maybe everything was back to normal, she thought. She happily set the table and when they were seated, she eagerly served him. She chatted about her day and only after a few minutes realized that he was only half listening while pushing his food around the plate.

"Nathan," she said. He looked up. "You don't like it," she said, referring to the meatloaf.

"No, it's good. I just…I'm sorry. I have a lot of things on my mind."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She was determined to make him talk to her.

"Nothing, just stuff at school," he said dismissively. He was saved from explaining further when his phone rang. He grabbed it before she could see who was calling.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm having dinner…no I'm almost done…yeah see you," she heard him say over the phone.

"Who was that?" she asked curiously. "You going somewhere?"

"Nah, it was Skills. I told him I'd meet him tonight to discuss strategies. I'm gonna have to go. Don't wait up for me," he said, and with a quick peck on her cheek, he was halfway out of the door.

She stared at the door and sighed before getting up and walking towards the window. What she saw made her raise her eyebrows. She could have sworn it was Rachel in the driver seat, but before she could confirm it, the sped into the darkened road. She thought she must have imagined it, although the last time she checked, Skills sure didn't have long hair. She brushed it aside and thought it must be fatigue playing tricks on her. She looked at the barely eaten food on his plate and felt a sudden rush of anger coupled with extreme sadness. With a sigh, she cleaned up and took a shower before lying down on her bed, unable to close her eyes as she waited for Nathan to come home.

He saw her car parked outside his house and walked over. "Are you crazy? Why the hell did you park your car here? I said to meet me at the Rivercourt," Nathan lashed out.

"Hello to you too," Rachel said. "I know what you said but I didn't want you to walk over to the Rivercourt so I thought I'd pick you up instead. You're welcome by the way," she said sarcastically.

"Whatever," he said angrily and looked over his shoulder. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that no one had seen him with Rachel. "Come on, we're gonna be late." She merely shrugged and gave him the keys, indicating that she wanted him to drive.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," he said and concentrated on the road ahead. He hated lying to Haley but he had no choice. He didn't want to hurt her more than he already had.

"Nathan," Rachel said. He drove mutinously. "Haley's my friend," she went on to say. "I don't feel good sneaking behind her back like this," she said.

"Are we going to do this or what?" Nathan said impatiently. "If you don't we can turn around right now. Besides, it was your idea to do this in the first place," he said. She didn't answer. They both drove in silence until they reached their destination. She saw his hesitation as she pushed the car door open.

"Are you coming?" she asked.

He looked up at the tall building and watched the lights shining in every window and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I am."

She smiled at him and stroked his arm. "Good," she said and led him through the revolving door.

After two hours had gone by, Nathan finally emerged from the tall building with Rachel next to him.

"Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" Rachel asked lightly.

"It was something I had to do. There was no fun in it," he said flatly. Suddenly he was drained of all energy. All he wanted to do now was to go home. "Anyway, thanks for being with me tonight. Does Michael know where you are?"

She shook her head. "No, he's in Boston working on something. He'll be back tomorrow night. He doesn't have to know about this." He simply nodded. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, but only if I like the question," he said as they walked towards her car.

"Do you still love her?" she asked. Her question made him stop in his tracks.

"What do you mean 'still'? You know damn well that I do Rachel," he replied hotly. She seemed unperturbed by his outrage.

"Have you told her lately that you love her?" she asked. "I mean after all that happened?"

Again, her question surprised him. He tried to remember the last time he told Haley that he loved her and with a shock, he simply couldn't.

He managed to avoid that conversation with Rachel on the drive back home. He was greeted with darkness when he opened the door. It did not surprise him as it was almost midnight. He walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge in search of a bottle of beer. He saw Haley's meatloaf neatly wrapped in foil and automatically felt guilty. He knew that she was trying hard and he couldn't say the same about himself.

He then made his way to the bedroom and saw her curled up on his side of the bed. It made him smile a little. She had this habit of doing that saying that his scent on his pillow made her sleep better. He pulled off his shirt and pants and pulled back the covers. He sat down on the edge of the bed and gently stroked her head. It made her stir. She opened her eyes briefly before closing them again. Perhaps she knew that he was there and she immediately rolled over to her side of the bed without waking up. He got in and laid down next to her and watched her sleep. Slowly, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her close. In the softest voice, he said, "I love you Hales." He knew she couldn't hear her, but he needed to say it. Before he knew it, a tear had fallen on his cheek. He wiped it away and pulled her even closer, as if he was afraid that she would disappear like a wisp of smoke.

Only when Haley opened her eyes did she realize that he was not lying next to her. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost seven. She had collapsed on the bed last night after trying to stay awake waiting for him to come home. He must have come home really late, she figured. She rubbed her eyes and walked to the bathroom, only to see a post it note on her bathroom mirror. "Sorry Hales, I had an early start and I didn't want to wake you", the note said.

She closed her eyes and wished she had never woken up. She felt like she was living with a stranger, and not with a guy whom she had known all of her life. She rubbed her stomach unconsciously. Her mind went back to the day when she had told Nathan that she was pregnant and his reaction to it, and the events that led to him proposing to her. With a horror, she realized that her worst fear may become a reality. She felt bile rising up her throat and before she knew it, she was retching over the sink until she felt hollow inside. And only then she started sobbing.

"You look horrible," Lucas said to her as soon as he saw her walk through his office. She had puffy eyes although she managed to hide them behind her sunglasses.

She smirked. "Gee thanks. And good morning to you too, sunshine," she said sarcastically.

He laughed out loud and for a moment he thought that the old Haley James Scott was back.

"Is Nathan here?" she asked.

"No, he's not. He told me he was coming in late today. Why?" he asked as he took a sip of coffee. When he was done he offered it to her, who shook her head.

"No, thanks," she said. "That's weird. He came home late last night and this morning when I woke up he was already gone. He said on a post it note that he had an early start today."

"He said that on a post it note?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "Wow, I've heard of people breaking up on post it notes-". He then groaned when he saw her expression. "Oh God Hales. I'm so sorry. I am officially an idiot."

She laughed nervously. "You didn't have to say. I knew that a long time ago."

"Geez Hales. Way to break a man's heart here," he said. She gave him a small smile and sat down on the chair opposite him. "You know what, it's probably nothing. Maybe he went out early for a workout. He could be walking in here before you know it."

True enough, Nathan strolled in his workout clothes. Lucas raised his eyebrows as if saying "I told you so".

"Haley, what are you doing here?" he asked. "Did you get my note?"

"Yeah I did," she said. "I was just saying hi to Lucas." She noticed Lucas giving him an enquiring look but she ignored it. "I should head back to the studio. Peyton must be waiting for me." She walked over to Nathan and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you at home," she said and walked out with Lucas right on her tail.

"Haley, wait up!" he said loudly. He managed to catch her and took her arm gently. "Do you want to tell me what's really going on?"

She turned around and faced him. "I think Nathan's leaving me," she said and felt tears welling in her eyes.

"What are you talking about? Hales, Nathan loves you." he said. He looked over his shoulder and seeing that Nathan was nowhere near, pulled her aside to a corner. "Haley, talk to me," he urged her. "Is this about the stupid post-it-note remark I made earlier?"

She wiped her eyes hastily. She didn't know what made her say that, especially to Lucas. "No, it's not. I'm sorry. You must think I'm being ridiculous but I can feel it," she said, with tears still streaming down her cheeks. She looked at him with glassy eyes. "You should go. Nathan will be wondering what's going on." She kissed him on the cheek and before he could stop her, she left.

"Wait! Hales!" He called her but she didn't even look back. He returned to his office with the image of Haley crying and found Nathan hunched over the game plan for weekend.

Nathan looked up. "Hey, I think Q should practice on his jumpshots for the game this weekend. I'll see if he can stay back after school today. What do you think?"

"I think you should talk to Haley," Lucas said quietly. Nathan put down the sheets of paper and stared at his brother. "Look I don't mean to butt in, but I really think you should talk to Haley."

"Oh? About what?" Nathan asked.

Suddenly Lucas felt angry at his brother's attitude. "Well, in case you haven't notice, she's not doing so good. Not since Lily's death."

"Oh yeah? And you think I am?" Nathan asked, his own temper rising.

"Well, then maybe you should talk about it."

"There is nothing to talk about," Nathan said.

Lucas walked over to where Nathan was sitting and pulled up a chair. "I think there is. You're just refusing to acknowledge it. Have you guys even talked about Lily since…you know?"

"There is nothing to talk about," Nathan repeated adamantly, and quickly ignored him.

"I think there. She thinks you're leaving her!" he said hotly. He banged the table angrily. "Damn it! Nathan! What the hell do you think you're doing to her?"

Lucas looked at him exasperatedly. Nathan looked loss for words and for a minute wondered if at the back of his mind he was subconsciously thinking of getting away from Haley, and from all the pain.

Haley waited patiently for him to come home. She suddenly felt nervous and started to pace around the room. She had been living with her grief and sadness for as long as she could and Nathan was not making it easier for her. She knew that this was no way to live a life and she knew that she had to take control of her life again. But as the minutes passed by, her courage began to falter. She loved Nathan. He was the only man she had ever loved but lately she had begun doubt his love for her.

The sound of the turning key made her jump. She froze in her spot and watched as Nathan strolled in. He looked tired.

"Hey," he greeted her when he saw her and suddenly looked awkward. There was something different about her tonight. He could feel it. He tried to push aside the foreboding feeling that had engulfed him ever since he stepped out of his car. He had been thinking a lot about what Lucas said to him all day. Had he been giving out subtle signs that he was leaving? He felt remorseful thinking that he may have planted the seeds of doubt of his love for Haley all this time.

"Hi," Haley said and got up from the couch. "Are you hungry?"

He searched her face and suddenly noticed how drawn out she looked. The feeling of guilt returned, much to his consternation.

"Yeah, I am," he said. "Eat with me?" He was hoping that he could talk to her tonight during dinner. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and that he was never going to leave her. He wanted to tell her that he was still grieving over Lily's death. He wanted to tell her that he still cried every day thinking about the day she died. He wanted to tell that he cried remembering how Lily felt cradled safely in his arms. He wanted to tell her everything.

"No, it's okay. I already ate," she said. "Listen Nathan, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think we need to talk."

"Yeah, sure. I need to talk to you too," he said and started to walk towards her. He was surprised when she took a step back away from him and turned around so she wouldn't face him. He took another step closer and put his hands on her shoulder and turned her around so she was facing him. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, although he already knew. As soon as he saw her face he knew.

"I think I need time. Time away from you," she blurted out.

He knew it was coming but hearing the words coming out of her mouth still felt surreal to him.

"What do you mean time away from me?" Nathan asked, his voice breaking as fear engulfed him. Just then his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and swore under his breath. He answered the phone angrily and said, "Rachel, not now. I can't see you tonight." He hung up and looked at Haley.

"Was that Rachel?" she asked quietly.

He nodded and said, "yeah it was nothing."

"Have you been seeing her?" she asked.

He looked at her helplessly. He couldn't lie to her anymore. "Yes, but I swear it's nothing. You have to believe me."

So it was Rachel she saw in the car with him the other night. She shook her head and looked him straight in the eye. "I want a divorce," she said.