Disclaimer: The wording is mine but the characters aren't

OOOOOOOOO

He should have learnt his damn lesson; kept his mouth shut. How many chances did he have left? What if she didn't let him back in this time?

OOOOOOOOO

By unspoken agreement they had made their way back to her apartment. The time had dragged on as she watched his clenched fist beside her. She kept waiting for it to unclench, but it never did. The time went even slower because she spent the time denying the urge to stretch her fingers those few inches and lace her fingers with his. She never thought that in the space of a few hours, she would have come to think that holding hands with Richard Castle was normal.

She didn't know when she started caring more about him than she did herself, but she couldn't deny it anymore.

The remains of their dinner was a mockery of their earlier proximity. She had been so happy. He had been happy. Richard Castle had always been unable to mask happiness. And for once, she had been the cause. For once she hadn't been a bringing him darkness.

"We should probably deal with these," his voice a pathetic attempt at his usual joviality. "We wouldn't want your place smelling like old takeout."

She gritted her teeth. Damn him. He was trying to let this go. Damn him for letting her do this to him. For making him so afraid of talking to her.

He was just going to let her keep doing this to him.

Was he that desperate to be with her? Even at the cost of his physical safety and emotional health?

"Castle, you don't have to do that."

"Come on, Kate. It's just a few takeout containers. It's not like I'm cleaning up after a three course meal."

"No, Castle."

"You want to wake up and smell…"

"Castle! Just stop!"

His tentative good humor fell with an abrupt silence and the fear was back.

"Just stop," she whispered, looking away.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

His apology felt like a slap. He was apologizing again. "Don't you dare," she barely got the words out.

"Kate?"

"Don't apologize anymore."

"I- I don't understand."

She just shook her head, still looking determinately the other way, trying to get her emotions under control. There was enough at stake without her screwing it up because she couldn't keep her head on straight.

She drew in a deep breath and exhaled shakily. "Stop apologizing, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Kate," he started. He appeared to be struggling because he didn't manage any more than that.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"What?" he sounded genuinely shocked and when her gaze snapped up to his face was completely slack.

"I've been taking you," she expelled a breath in agitation "for granted."

"What?" he asked weakly. "It's not like I…"

"You've spent the last four years working with me, shadowing me, watching me. Are you honestly trying to say that you don't know…"she drew in another shaky breath. "You're my best friend? And that you read me better than anyone? Why do you think I dropped the case? Because you helped me to realize I wasn't ready and that I could wait. You knew I wasn't ready."

This comment was met by silence and she could see he was still trying to adjust to the new information.

Her gestures were starting to get bigger and she tried to rein them in. "You read me better, know me better than anyone. So you know to give me space. Not to push."

"I'm so sorry," he swallowed.

"Stop it," she almost yelled, pushing hard at his chest. "Stop apologizing all the time. You meant what you said, didn't you? Then don't apologize."

"But, I was just so…" He scrubbed at his face in agitation. "Angry. Damn it Kate."

"You were honest. And I needed to hear it from you. I didn't want to, but it was nothing that I haven't heard from Dr. Burke."

"Dr. Burke?" he asked, distracted

"My psychologist."

"You're seeing a psychologist?"

"You said it. I was in a free fall. I needed help."

"And so you went?" Like he couldn't believe it.

"And so I went."

He was silent, and his eyes never left hers.

"I went and got help. Am still getting help." She corrected herself. She ran her free hand through her hair. She couldn't afford to lose it again.

"Why would you wish that I got help, when you wouldn't let yourself do it? Or at least why didn't you tell me, Rick? When I got PTSD you did everything you could. Don't think I didn't notice. Did you really think I wouldn't do the same for you?"

"Kate." He sighed scrubbing is forehead.

"Partners, Castle."

He looked uncomfortable. "Partners," he finally agreed.

"You didn't think any of less of me, why would I think less of you?"

"You were shot, Kate."

"I was," she nodded. "And you were nearly shot. And then you watched me pass out. And code in the ambulance."

He blanched and whatever blood had returned to his face dropped away. She saw that look enough in the mirror to know he was slipping back into that moment.

"Lanie told me."

He wouldn't look at her.

"You said it, right? I wasn't the only one who was hurt. And I think you're right. It's about time I start making amends."

"You don't have to."

His voice was a rasp, like it hurt to make the words.

Probably because he thought that was what she wanted to hear- that she wanted an out. He was still clearly back in that cemetery but trying to make her feel better anyway. Stupid man. How could he try so hard to support her when he was falling over himself? He was too good for his own good.

"I do," she nodded again, this time decisively. She pulled on the cuffs for a second, trying to bring him back. It's what he did for her.

"And I know," she paused and looked up at the ceiling. "I know that I'm not ready to tell you everything yet, but I will. Soon."

"Kate, really." He brushed her hand with his tentatively. "This is enough."

"Are you sure?" she asked quietly, both looking at their hands.

"For now," he looped his hand around hers.

"And later?"

"Wherever we end up, we can decide then." He said with a sudden confidence which made her stomach clench.

"We?"

He nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. At least not without me."

"You seem pretty confident about that."

"I am."

He must have read her fear in her eyes but he never looked away and his certainty took over every line of his face. He looked arrogant with the knowledge.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she murmured.

His expression was fierce, trying to contain the joy. "I'm always good for my promises."

She smiled weakly. "Okay."

"Okay."

She stepped closer to him and tucked her head under his chin, leaning against him. Surprise had him tight for a second before he relaxed and wrapped his free arm around her and held her tight, their cuffed hands sandwiched between them.

She didn't know why she let herself do it, but she couldn't make herself pull away now she was there.

"Don't let me run away," she whispered.

"Cuffed together," he rumbled.

She felt her lips curve briefly against his skin. Then they fell. She wasn't stupid enough to think that everything would be alright. To make up for leaving without a word would take all the effort she had. She didn't even know how long it would take or if Castle would ever trust her again. She was pretty sure after she told him the whole truth he never would. But she had to start somewhere.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Her voice shook so bad she wasn't even sure he would hear her.

"But you're here now."