Disclaimer: The wording is mine but the characters aren't

Well, that's most of the hard stuff out of the way for now.

Thanks for the reviews, they're really heartening.

OOOOOOOOO

"Don't let me run away," she whispered.

"Cuffed together," he rumbled.

She felt her lips curve briefly against his skin. Then they fell. She wasn't stupid enough to think that everything would be alright. To make up for leaving without a word would take all the effort she had. She didn't even know how long it would take or if Castle would ever trust her again. She was pretty sure after she told him the whole truth he never would. But she had to start somewhere.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Her voice shook so bad she wasn't even sure he would hear her.

"But you're here now."

OOOOOOOOO

He felt like he was going to crash. Just too much information and too many questions. His head felt like it was in a spin cycle with thoughts and emotions all jostling each other but constantly in motion.

The only thing anchoring him was Kate's fingers still wrapped through his.

She apologized.

'Enough for now'.

She still had things to tell him.

All the things he hadn't told her. He really didn't deserve her apology.

His PTSD and what that summer had done to his family.

Alexis.

Oh crap, Alexis.

He tried to reach behind him and fish his phone out of his back pocket but his free arm was having trouble. Kate must have realised what he wanted though because she let go of his hand and slid her hand nimbly into the pocket, coming out only a second later with his phone.

"I have to call Alexis."

"That's going to be an interesting conversation."

"Even Alexis and I have boundaries. There are things she doesn't need to know about me. As a father there are some things I do not need to know abut her either. My little girl is going to like pink and fairies until she's 30 as far as I'm concerned."

She cleared her throat and forced some strength into her spine. She straightened and summoned a teasing half-smile.

"You helped her pick out a blue prom dress."

"I guess she can like blue too."

He hit speed dial, hoping to avoid her response. He was feeling a little better though. Her voice soothed the irrational part of him that couldn't believe she was there. How long would it take for him to readjust? For him not to be scared all the time? Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe Kate had been added to list of people he would be scared for and worry about for the rest of his life.

"Hey, Dad." Well there was one of the others on the list.

"Hey, Sweetie. Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah. I'm actually going out with my friends later."

"That sounds nice. You haven't seen them in a while."

"I know. I've just been pretty busy with my internships lately. If I had known I was still going to be here I would have laid off the extra credits so I wouldn't have only had one class."

"You miss school a little, huh?"

"A little," she sighed. "So I guess you're ringing because you're going to be late again. Lanie was telling me about the case on Wednesday. You finally caught a lead?"

"Yeah, we have an idea. Actually Beckett and I are a little tied up right now."

"Okay. I'll put your dinner in the oven."

"Oh no, that's okay sweetie, we got it already. I think I'm crashing at Beckett's place tonight."

There was a silence on the other end.

"Is everything okay?"

She sounded calm enough.

"Yeah. Everything is fine," he reassured her. "No serial killers. We were just going to go over the case a little more and we're pretty tired, so she offered her place."

"You know Beckett isn't going to like you saying she's tired."

"Probably not."

"So everything really is okay?"

"Scout's honor."

"Not valid."

"I swear on your mother's poor acting."

Kate snorted and he grinned over at her, taking her hand again.

"Was that Beckett?"

"Yup. You can even ask her if you want to."

"That's okay."

"Seriously don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. We're just really tired."

"Dad, it's only ten thirty. There is no way you're tired, and you don't sound tired. Plus you haven't been sleeping until like two in the morning."

"Good thing you don't run interrogations," he sidestepped.

"Dad. What aren't you telling me?"

"Today has just been a big day. I'm turning in early because she doesn't trust me awake in her apartment unsupervised."

A well-timed elbow connected as Alexis muttered, "Don't blame her."

"Have a good time tonight, sweetie. But call the car if you're out too late."

"We won't be."

"Alright pumpkin, love you."

"You too."

He ended the call with a sigh. She was growing up- she didn't even complain about him telling her to call the car. To many people, the macabre ways his mind worked didn't make sense. Ever since Alexis was born he had been imagining the ways in which he might loose her, each worse than the last. But now Alexis was seeing first hand what people did to each other and she indulged him. Trying to look out for him by not letting him worry.

"She's a good kid."

"The best." He agreed automatically, unable to restrain the proud papa bear smile.

"So she's still enjoying working with Lanie?"

He shook his head in bemusement. "Too much, I think."

"You still worried about her at work with you?"

"Yes and no."

She cocked her head curiously.

He sighed and moved to collect their dinner containers. "I love that she's found something she enjoys and that she's interested in. She gets home from the morgue and she's tired but she's happy."

"That's a good thing, right?" she took the containers he handed her one by one and added them to her refrigerator.

"Yeah. She actually told me the other day she was starting to understand why I was still working at the precinct. That she felt like she was doing something worthwhile."

Kate smiled and nudged him as she closed the door. "You did a good job with her."

"I'm so lucky."

So lucky in so many ways.

"She's proud of you, you know."

He turned to look at her fully, unsure if he heard right.

"Alexis and I haven't really talked since the summer," Kate admitted. She looked sad about that. "But she talks to Lanie. From what I hear she needed to talk to someone."

He felt himself freeze. He and Alexis avoided talking about that summer. He wanted to help her but he couldn't talk about it himself without sinking. And he knew that Alexis knew it. That was probably half of what scared her. The pathetic mess her father had become. How could she be proud of him?

"Lanie didn't tell me anything else," Kate said. "But I think she's proud of you too Castle, in her own way. The boys too."

Her I'm proud of you was left unsaid, but it was clear what she meant.

His throat tightened.

He couldn't do this now. Not with her. He just nodded in acknowledgement.

"You want some coffee?" he asked, going for nonchalant.

From the steady look she gave him, he would say that he failed.

"Why haven't you talked to her, Castle?"

He froze, panic and something sour in his mouth.

She must have felt the way his hand clamped involuntarily. If she hadn't she would have noticed its sudden clamminess. As a detective, there was no way she was going to be able to miss it.

"Castle?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now, okay?"

Or ever.

"Castle."

"I don't want to talk about it!"

He was fighting to keep himself in the moment. He couldn't afford to lose out to the memories now or he really would snap. He didn't think he had the strength to keep all the words inside again. And she wasn't ready to hear them.

She squeezed his hand. "OK."

He focused on breathing.

"Thank you, Castle."

Her voice was uncharacteristically vulnerable and he looked up to see her.

"For coming back."