Please review- let me know if you want me to continue- if it was worth selling my little Sandle heart out for this. :P
Disclaimer: I own zilch.
This City is Contagious
(2)
The morning brightness was like a spot light calling out her wrongs as her eyes slowly opened to the day that was unfolding before her. Her husband's side of the bed was empty, she noticed with dread imagining him sitting at the kitchen table waiting for an explanation as her thoughts slowly entered her consciousness.
Her mouth felt dry and she could hear her heart beat in her head as she pulled herself up, bile slowly rising in her throat; the taste of last night's whiskey still prominent on her lips. Taking a sip from the glass of water that was left on the night stand she headed downstairs being careful not to catch a glance of herself in the mirror knowing that it would only make the guilt worse.
Grissom was sitting at the kitchen table like she had expected, a mug of fresh coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. He glanced up at her with a nervous expression as if he was attempting to word his concerns but didn't know how to go about it. It was clear he wanted to ask her about the previous night.
"You got home later...than I expected...I was thinking we could spend an evening together before I left for Paris." He was speaking quietly, clearly unsure of himself and Sara realised that it just made it harder to face what she'd done.
"I'm sorry...I got carried away...I should have been more observant of the time." She turned away from him pouring herself a cup of coffee knowing that she wouldn't be able to eat or look him in the eye.
"You could have called me to pick you up." He commented; his attention focused on the paper as he avoided looking at her for fear that evident of the previous night might come to light.
"Yeah...I know, I didn't want to trouble you...a friend dropped me off." She took a deep breath as they continued their conversation both facing away from each other both unable to meet each other's eye knowing that they would find nothing but confusion and betrayal.
"A friend?" He couldn't help but ask; the question seemed to slip out before he had a chance to take it back.
"Yeah...Greg" Sara replied, swallowing a mouthful of coffee hoping Grissom would believe her.
"Greg finally swapped out that mustang, huh?" Despite her silent hopes for him not to continue questioning he continued.
"He...got a new car." She swallowed the lump that was building up in her throat, every word like sand paper as her headache seemed to slowly get worse.
There was a moment of lingering silence between them as they attempted to work out what to say next, where they go from there. Grissom sighed standing up abandoning his breakfast and paper. Sara stood hunched up by the kitchen counter, using it as a support to hold her up.
"I have some last minute packing to do," He explained taking his glasses off before slowly replacing them. "I'll call a cab to take me to the airport."
"I can drive you to the airport..." Sara mumbled, but he had already disappeared leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Abandoning the coffee on the counter she made her way to the bathroom being careful not to step on any of the creaky floor boards not wanting to catch her husband's attention. She locked the door behind her, crumbling to the floor in tears.
She wanted so much for the emptiness to go away, for things to be back to how they were but she realised that would never happen. But she realised that it felt as if things had gone too far, as much as she wanted to change what was happening she felt like she couldn't.
The events of the night before seemed to flash before her eyes, slowly sinking in and becoming reality. When Grissom wasn't there she found it so much easier to pretend that nothing was happening, that nothing was going wrong but looking into his eyes made her deceit real.
With a deep breath she pulled herself up off the bathroom floor, stripping down she made her way to the tub hoping she would be able to wash off the worthlessness that seemed to be plaguing her. But the soap and hot water didn't seem to be doing any good.
As she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself she realised that she didn't feel any better. The mirror told her of her sins as she studied herself like she would have studied a crime scene.
She didn't look any different, but it wasn't the same person looking back at her. She wondered when she had become so exhausted- when she had given up. Her whole body seemed to want to collapse in every sense of the word.
Studying the person in front of her she wondered how Grissom could ever love her, after everything she did, how he could still want her. She wondered how he could bear to touch her, when she struggled to even look at herself.
Perhaps he didn't.
The thought seemed to be lingering in the back of her mind. His visits had become shorter and less frequent, and when she visited him work seemed to always be the main thing on his mind. They had become so disconnected that it didn't feel like they were the same people any more.
It felt like forever since the last time they'd made love and it wasn't that she hadn't desired it but it just didn't feel right. But it felt as if they were strangers, and sex just didn't seem to be suitable to the situations they had found themselves in.
They would awkwardly sit together and watch television or go to dinner and struggle to maintain conversation because they did have a life together. They were functioning as separately as they could and the small details would seem irrelevant.
After returning home they would find themselves exhausted from attempts at maintaining each other's company and sex just seemed to disappear as an option because all they wanted to do was cocoon themselves from the truth. They didn't know what was happening any more.
The one thing that she did know was that she wanted to make this work that was she was willing to do whatever was necessary to try and get things back to track. She took a deep breath a realisation settling in.
This needed to end.