Beth's feet barely made a sound as she sprinted toward the gate. She'd perfected this capability in the hospital and the factory. Sometimes being invisible was a matter of life and death. Daryl, on the other hand, was surprised that they hadn't encountered any walkers on their run back. He felt like his own feet were loud enough to attract walkers from miles around. Beth was so light on her feet it was almost like she was flying.
As Beth came up on the gate Eugene struggled to get it open.
"What's wrong?" he asked frantically. Beth smiled and laughed as she looked over her shoulder.
"Race." she said breathless. Daryl was gaining on her.
He bolted through the gate a few seconds behind her and just shook his head at Eugene as he passed by. The poor guy looked completely confused. A few of the Alexandria residents who were outside watched as the two of them ran through the streets.
Beth leaned on the railing of the porch to catch her breath. She watched as Daryl finally caught up. She didn't want what was happening between them to end yet. For a few minutes it was as if they'd never left the funeral home, as if, like Beth had wished, there was nothing but that moment. Daryl came up the steps, skipping a couple, and joined her on the porch. He bent over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. She moved away from the porch railing and took a small step towards him.
"You okay there Mr. Dixon?"
Daryl saw the sparkle in her blue eyes, the way her lips curved into a slight smile. He let his crossbow slip off his shoulder and dropped it gently on the porch. His eyes never left hers as he slowly closed the small space between them. He was lost in all that blue. For such a long time he'd never thought he'd look into her eyes again. At least not while he was awake.
Beth knew she hadn't won fair and square. Daryl had paced himself. He'd deliberately stayed behind. Daryl wanted to kiss her. He. Wanted. To. Kiss. Her. That realization thrilled and terrified her. The front of his leather vest brushed her hoodie and she had to tilt her head back a little to look at him.
Daryl's eyes were drawn to her lips, pink and soft and slightly parted. He trailed his fingers up her arm. He didn't know about her, but he was having trouble breathing. Then suddenly the front door opened and the spell was broken. Rick was standing there with Michonne behind him.
"We heard footsteps and…" Rick looked between Daryl and Beth. Daryl glared at him, which wasn't saying much because Daryl was always glaring at someone. Beth turned and grabbed her knife off the porch railing. She slipped between Rick and Michonne.
"You still owe me Daryl Dixon." she called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the house. Daryl watched her go silently cursing Rick's timing even though he'd been unsure of actually kissing Beth. Not because he didn't want to. He really wanted to. But it had been a long time since he had kissed a girl.
"What's going on?" Michonne asked, a small smile on her face. Daryl glared at her too. And the Maggie came up the walkway.
"Hey. Where's Beth?" she asked. Daryl glared at her and grabbed his crossbow and stalked off. He knew his cheeks were red. He could feel the heat coming off them. He noticed a couple on their porch watching him. "You got a problem?" he called out to them. The man ushered the woman beside him into the house. "Yeah I thought so." he grumbled and headed towards the house he shared with Aaron.
Beth climbed the stairs and with each step she felt a weight settle on her shoulders. She wanted to turn around and run out the door and scream at him to come back. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. She closed the door to her room and piece by piece stripped off her clothes. The plastic bag and tape were on the bathroom counter where she'd left them. She unwound the ace bandage and taped the bag over the gauze bandage below it. Turning on the shower she stood in the cold spray. Memories slammed into her head, cold water in the showers at the factory, the rusty knobs, the stained yellow tile. She had been trying so hard to keep these memories from resurfacing. She knocked over the shampoo bottles in her rush to finish and looked around almost expecting to see someone leering at her, a "guard", in case she decided to do something foolish. Before she was even completely dry or dressed she crawled into bed and buried her face in the pillow to muffle the scream that had been building deep down inside her. She screamed until the panic was gone and the shower in the bathroom was just a shower again. She tried falling asleep, hoping that it would be dreamless and an escape, but after tossing and turning for awhile she got up and got dressed. She slipped down the stairs and out the front door.
Daryl was in the garage messing with some left over parts when he saw Beth at the end of the driveway. She stood there quietly observing him.
"You coming in?" he called out to her. She looked around as she walked in.
"What is all this stuff?" she asked.
"Motorcycle parts." he said.
"Are you building one?" she touched a gear and looked at the grease on her finger.
"I did. It got stolen." he leaned against a workbench and laid the part down.
"By the Saviors?" Beth didn't really need to ask. She hopped up on the workbench next to him and let her feet dangle and swung them back and forth.
"Tell me what they did to you." he said quietly.
Her legs stopped moving.
"What?" she said softly.
"Tell me." he said again. He didn't know if it was right doing this. He wanted her to share her pain. Give some to him so she didn't have to carry it all. But the way she was looking at him, the expression on her face made him second guess what he had just asked of her.
"I don't think… I can't. Why?" That last word came out as more of a plea than a question.
"Because yer carrying it all inside ya and if ya give it to me I can carry it for ya. I don't know." he picked at his thumbnail.
She thought she vaguely understood what his intentions were now. And they were admirable, but she highly doubted that he realized what he was getting himself into. This wasn't just something you confessed, like a sin, and received redemption for the telling. It was the telling that gave it life. And she wanted it buried. Not brought to life some place inside of Daryl where it would fester and burn. You can't carry another person's story around inside of you and expect it to disappear.
Beth shook her head. "I won't."
He looked confused. And hurt. She reached out and brushed the hair from his eyes. "You can't take it away Daryl. And I won't give it to you. I don't want that in your head. The very fact that you would be willing to try means more to me than you will ever know." she spoke quietly and tried to smile.
They both heard footsteps and looked up. Rick came down the driveway and Daryl stood straighter and busied himself with the parts he'd been messing with earlier.
"Hey. We're gonna meet at Maggie and Glenn's to go over the plan for tonight one last time. We head out just after sunset." Rick said.
Daryl nodded and Beth looked back and forth between the men.
"What's happening? Where are you going?" she asked.
Rick explained a little about Jesus and the Hilltop. Beth wasn't surprised there were other survivors out there. The hospital had been full of people when she had last been there. They hadn't all been evil, not like Negan and his followers.
"I want to go, and help." she said.
"No." Daryl said.
"What? I am a part of this group too. And I know what I am doing!" Beth slid off the workbench and planted herself in front of Daryl.
"Beth you can't. If they see you they'll know that we have someone who can give us information no one else can. We need you for that. In fact I was going to see if you'd meet up with Denise tonight and start mapping out what you remember about Negan's factory and the location." Rick told her.
"See? We need you." Daryl said. She turned away from him and walked across the garage.
"Yeah. I can do that." she said. She turned and looked at Rick. "But when you go for him. I am coming with you. I won't be left behind." she said adamantly. Rick nodded slowly, he glanced at Daryl. Daryl continued to stare at Beth.
"Ok. Then I will see you later." Rick left them standing there the tension thick in the air.
"See, here's the thing, I really can take care of myself now." she said to Daryl and she walked out of the garage and down the street without looking back.
Once she was out of earshot Daryl whispered. "Yeah, I know ya can."
Dinner wasn't really "dinner" in the sense that it was anything formal. It was more of a meeting with sandwiches laid out on the table. Maggie smiled at Beth tentatively when the girl walked into the room. And Beth felt like a little child, the little sister Maggie teased and wouldn't take into town with her when her and her friends went. Beth always got left behind. She smiled stiffly at her older sister and sat in the empty chair between Rick and Daryl. The room was crowded. Everyone was here. Beth didn't know them all and this spot felt safe.
They went over their plans again and Beth found out it was an outpost manned by the Saviors that they planned on taking over. Once they rescued a boy who had been taken from the Hilltop, they were going to kill everyone else. Beth met Jesus, the man who they had befriended and who they were helping. And Andy, one of the Hilltoppers who knew where the outpost actually was. She tuned out the talk after a minute and looked around the room at all the faces that were so familiar to her and the ones that weren't. She felt uncomfortable, like and outsider. And then Maggie spoke.
"Beth we never got to hear what happened at Grady. You never came by… I thought.." Maggie must have noticed how quiet the room had suddenly become. And she had to have seen the looks that Michonne and Rick shared.
"I told Rick." Beth said. She looked down in her lap willing the anger slowly building inside of her to stop. But it was bound to happen eventually and Beth was tired of fighting it.
"But not me?" Maggie asked. Beth finally caved. Something inside of her snapped and she wanted to hurt her sister. She wanted her to feel bad for once again leaving her behind.
"What did it feel like thinking I was dead this whole time?" Beth asked calmly. Maggie sat back in her chair, her eyes widened.
"Stop." Daryl said. He glanced at Beth.
"Tell me! How did it feel watching Daryl carry my lifeless body out of the hospital?" Beth said angrily. "I was there alone, I was scared and I wasn't dead and no one was coming back. How did you not know I was still there, still alive? I know it was impossible, but you're my sister.. You should have known!" Anger is ugly and mean and Beth couldn't stop. " I needed you." She looked at Daryl. "I needed you."
Daryl watched Maggie's face fall and tears fill her eyes. He was tired of the anger that was eating Beth up. She's hurting. She's suffered, more than he can barely stand to think about himself, but did she forget that they were here mourning her? That they were dealing with a different kind of horror? Standing up and shoving the table away from his body Daryl got in Beth's face.
"What did it feel like watching yer daddy get his throat cut?" he snarled back at her. And once the words were out of his mouth he realized he might have pushed too hard. But he was hurting too. He had carried those memories inside of himself along with the guilt and pain and loss and love.. Cause he loved this girl.
She looked at him and he saw the hurt in her eyes, but he also saw understanding.
"It was a nightmare." she said softly.
"There ya go! It was a nightmare. Every fucking day it's been the same nightmare." Daryl stormed out of the room. Beth shuddered. She looked around the room at the others, at Maggie and she was ashamed of herself.
"Sorry, I'm sorry." she headed through the house looking for a back door. She went through the kitchen and she happened to glance at the refrigerator. Something there made her stop in her tracks. A small black and white picture. She recognized it for what it was. An ultrasound printout. And along the side it said Baby Rhee, Maggie, Glenn. She backed up into the door and took off.
Beth's first instinct was to run. She could be out the gate and into the woods in 2 minutes flat. But she only had her knife and she knew that the group would be headed out soon and she thought that maybe, just maybe she was beginning to find her place because she didn't want to let her anger mess this up. They had done a lot of planning and it was important. So she just walked around and around Alexandria. She was so consumed in her own thoughts she didn't see or sense her follower. And after she'd circled the perimeter about 10 times and she'd seen the others walking back to their homes she went back to Rick's and sat on the steps.
Daryl waited and watched for Beth to come out of Maggie's house. When she did he expected her to make a beeline for the gate and he was prepared to stop her. He'd carry her back to Rick's if he had to. But she surprised him. She didn't run. She just walked. And she kept walking. Around and around and he wondered how long she could go because he had stuff to do and he was sure he had been spotted by others. His heart ached for her in a way he wasn't used to, but kind of liked. She was sitting on the steps. He walked up the walkway and sat down beside her.
"We're gonna be headin' out." Daryl said. He didn't look at her.
"Ok." she replied. She shuffled her feet on the step. "Daryl?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry." she whispered.
"S'okay. You gotta remember, we were hurtin' too." he glanced over at her. She was nodding silently. He stood up. "All goes well we should be back by morning." He started walking away. And this walking away, this simple act was so damn hard. He slowed and turned to look one last time, maybe wave or smile. Yeah right, Daryl didn't wave and rarely smiled. Instead he walked back over to her and held out his hand. She put her small hand in his and he pulled her up, right up against him. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down and kissed her softly, willing his brain to remember this moment when he finally kissed Beth Greene for real. "Now we're even Ms. Greene." he said huskily. And he backed away from her and then turned and headed down the street.
Beth raised her hand to her lips and touched them. "Loser has to kiss the winner." She walked up the steps slowly. She didn't want to watch him walk away. She wanted to hold onto this kiss.
The group left soon after sunset. Beth stayed in her room until she was sure they were gone. She wouldn't watch them leave. Instead she would be waiting to see them return. She walked over to the infirmary sometime later and it was eerily quiet. A few candles in random windows were the only proof that she wasn't alone. Denise was sitting on the steps of the infirmary. She smiled when Beth walked up.
"Hey Beth. How are the stitches?" She stood up.
"They are healing. I'm going easy on them. I promise." Beth smiled back at her and this smile was real. Because something about Denise made Beth comfortable.
"Are you ready to do this? I know it's probably going to suck a little so I stole some chocolate from the food storage. I don't even know if you like chocolate.. Do you?" She climbed the steps and Beth followed.
"I do. Chocolate is good. Moonshine might be better." Beth said as they entered the infirmary. Denise had maps and paper and pencils spread on the floor.
"Moonshine? Really? I've never had it." the other girl said.
"It's pretty awful. Daryl introduced me to it. I think he was hoping I'd hate it. I did, but I also liked how it made me feel for a little while." Beth kneeled on the floor by a big map of Atlanta.
"So you and Daryl? Are you together?" Denise asked. She sat on the floor beside Beth.
"Mmmm.. we got close before I was taken, but well I was gone. Now. Wow, I think.. I don't know if together is exactly..." Beth searched for the right words.
"You love him." Denise said. She picked up a red pencil and pulled the big map closer to her. Beth just stared at her.
"Yeah. I do. I love him." Beth said quietly.
"Cool. It's good to still be able to have that. I told Tara I loved her and I think I scared her. She didn't say it back yet." Denise drew a big circle around one area on the map. "Here's Grady."
Was she really having a normal conversation about relationships on the floor of an apocalyptic infirmary while they mapped out a plan to find and murder this world's version of the devil? She was, and it was one of the best things that had happened since she'd arrived here. She smiled and leaned over the map.
Hours later the sky was starting to turn pink in the east and there were maps and drawings all over the floor. Beth yawned and stretched. They had accomplished a lot. The chocolate wrappers littered the floor. Because there were moments when the distraction if offered was much needed. Beth heard pounding and looked quizzically at Denise.
"That's Morgan. He's building something downstairs. I don't know what. He keeps to himself most the time and I don't bother him." Denise explained.
"I'm gonna go check on Carl. I know he stayed behind with Judith." Beth said.
"There's a place on the wall where you can see pretty far. I think Spencer might be manning it. In case, you know, you want to look and see if you can see anything." Denise said. She smiled a little. "I think the waiting is harder. Next time I want to go."
"Thanks Denise. For everything." Beth smiled at her.
The sky had pinked up even more and Beth felt that old anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Denise was right, the waiting was hard. She'd done a lot of that. Groups went out and came back so many times, you think she'd be use to it. But she didn't imagine ever being able to get used to not knowing if everyone you cared about would come back.
She spent the morning with Carl and Judith doing regular things and pretending all was well until Carl spoke the very words she was thinking.
"It's taking too long." he adjusted the bandage over his eye. Beth looked at him.
"It's barely noon. I bet they will be here soon." But even she didn't believe what she was saying. Daryl had said morning unless something went wrong. "Let's walk to the wall. Can't we see a ways from there?" she asked him. Carl nodded and he picked up Judith. When they went out the door a young girl Carl's age was on the porch.
"They aren't back yet." she said. She looked worried.
"Beth this is Enid. Enid, Beth." Carl introduced them.
The two girls smiled at each other.
"We're going to the wall. See if we can see anything. Come on." Carl told Enid. The three of them walked slowly in the quiet of the afternoon to the wall. It loomed large in the distance and Beth jogged ahead and climbed a ladder to a lookout post.
"Hey Beth right? I'm Spencer." the young man on guard introduced himself.
"Hi. Any sign of them yet?" Beth asked scanning the horizon and surrounding wooded areas.
"Not yet. They'll be back." he smiled. She knew he was trying to alleviate her fears. She didn't smile back.
"How long do we wait before we go out and look for them?" she asked. His face fell.
"I, I don't know. You aren't thinking of going out there are you?" he asked incredulously.
"That's my family out there. Of course I'm thinking about it." she climbed back down the ladder and stood by Carl. "If we don't hear anything in a couple more hours, I'm going out there."
"Beth, that's not a good idea." Carl said. Beth looked at him.
"Your dad is out there. Maggie and Daryl.. I.." she shrugged her shoulders. "Suit yourself." she started back towards the house leaving Carl, Judith and Enid by the wall.
"Beth!" Carl called out to her.
Beth stopped and turned to look at him.
"A couple more hours. I'll go with you." he said. Beth smiled and nodded. She really did hope the group made it back safe. She didn't want to take Carl out there. She had no idea what they'd encounter.
Later afternoon came and with it the rumble of a motorcycle in the distance. That wasn't cause for celebration yet. Daryl's bike had been stolen. Anyone could be on it. Beth ran to the wall and peered up at Spencer.
"It's the RV, the car and it looks like Daryl's bike. Get ready at the gate." he yelled at Beth.
Beth ran to the gate and waited until she could make out the faces in the RV. And then the motorcycle swerved around the RV and Daryl rode up to the gate. Beth slid it open and let them in. She ran over to where Daryl had stopped the bike. He was barely off of it when she slipped her arms around his waist.
"Woah girl.." he said almost losing his footing.
"What went wrong?" Beth asked and she looked at his face. She could tell by his expression that something had in fact gone wrong.
"There was a hostage situation. Some of them got a hold of.. they had Maggie and Carol, but they're fine. Got 'em back." Daryl said. Beth felt his words sink in. Got Maggie?
"The baby? She's ok? She's.." Beth was talking more to herself.
"She's fine, how'd you know about the baby?" Daryl asked her.
" I saw a picture.. Oh god.." Beth watched the group unload for the RV.
"Go see fer yerself. She's fine. " Daryl touched her lightly on her back.
Maggie stepped out of the RV and caught sight of Beth walking towards her. Beth looked at her older sister and her heart was in her throat. Maggie's face was dirty, she looked tired and pale. Glenn had his arm around her, but Maggie held her arms open to her sister. They just hugged and cried. Beth put her hand on Maggie's stomach.
"The baby?" she whispered.
Maggie didn't look surprised. "Fine. You saw the picture?" Beth nodded.
"Why did you go Maggie? You should have stayed here." Beth said.
"Now you sound like Carol. This is my family. I had to help protect them. But I'm gonna stay closer to home now." She held her hand protectively over her stomach.
Beth got bits and pieces of the story from everyone as they cleaned up and unwound. Unfortunately this was just the beginning. Plans were already in the works for another scouting mission once Rick and Jesus saw the maps Beth and Denise had drawn up. They were in the infirmary looking them over when Beth walked in.
"These are great Beth. You and Denise were thorough." he smiled at Beth. "And I know it wasn't an easy task to walk back through that place in your head."
"I just want him dead." Beth said. The man Jesus raised his eyebrows at her declaration.
"Hi I'm Jesus, Beth right?" he held out his hand and smiled at her.
"Hi, yes I'm Beth." she said.
"Well Beth thanks to you I think you just might get what you want, what we all want." he said.
"I want to help this time Rick. I can't sit here waiting. There has to be some place for me." Beth said.
"Me too." Denise said. "We did what you asked, now let us help." Beth glanced over at Tara who didn't look that happy about Denise volunteering.
"Actually I do need you. Both of you. You're going out with Daryl and Glenn. Taking a back way that Daryl took before. Just a quick look to see if anything else has been happening in that area." Rick said.
"Daryl agreed?" Beth asked. Rick gave her a look.
"He relented. You know Daryl." the sheriff shook his head. Beth nodded.
They decided to get some rest first and Daryl's group would leave just before sunrise. The other group was taking vehicles and circling in the opposite direction. This area had never been used for drops before and Jesus and Andy didn't believe there were any outposts located there either. It might be the best way into Atlanta. That was their final destination.
Beth couldn't sleep. It seemed to elude her lately. The only night she really slept good was the night Daryl had stayed with her. Daryl. Beth grabbed all the things she needed and quietly headed down the stairs. She didn't know why she was sneaking around. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She heard voices in the kitchen and she headed in there. Michonne and Rick were standing at the bar talking quietly.
"Hey, I'm, I'm going to Daryl's. I didn't want you to wake up and find me gone." Beth said.
Michonne smiled. "Ok. Thanks for letting us know Beth." Rick just nodded. Beth took her stuff and walked out.
Daryl's house was dark. Beth wasn't quite sure how she should go about getting inside. She didn't even know where Daryl's room was.
"What're you doing here?" He was standing in the shadows on the porch smoking a cigarette. She went up the steps and dropped her bag.
"I couldn't sleep." she said. He just looked at her and dropped his cigarette stubbing it out on the porch. He leaned down and grabbed her bag.
"Come on." he said and she followed him inside. He led her upstairs to his bedroom. A bare space with just a bed and a dresser. His stuff was ready on the floor in the corner. He put Beth's bag there too. Then he kicked off his boots and laid down on the bed. Beth stood there awkwardly for a few seconds and then she took off her boots and laid down next to him. He slid an arm under her and pulled her against him.
"You need to wear this while were out tomorrow." He reached up above his head on the headboard and grabbed a black beanie and gave it to Beth.
She looked at it. "Really?" she said incredulously. He nodded.
"Yep. You gotta cover up that blonde hair. You're gonna stick out like a sore thumb. Go to sleep Greene." He closed his eyes and Beth rested her head on his chest.