Daryl knew what screams sounded like. He could probably tell the difference between and categorize them by the why and what. Background noise for the majority of his life, screams are not particularly troublesome for him anymore. But he has never heard Beth scream. Apparently that made all the difference in the world. This isn't background noise. She was lost somewhere in her own head. It wasn't pain, or anger, there was no fear in her screams. It was just utter hopelessness. Her eyes were open, but it wasn't Beth he was seeing in those eyes. She leaned against him, didn't fight him and he tried to comfort her, but his damn shoulder. At one point Rick leaned over the seat in the small jeep and tried talking her down. He may as well have been invisible. There was no point in even trying. Nothing was getting through to her. But the screams needed to stop. It's noise and noise attracts walkers, it's also not feasible for them as the new group to come off as unstable. Although Daryl cared less about the later than the fact that Beth was coming apart right in front of him. Digging into the pocket on the front of his flannel he pulled out a syringe and popped the top off with his thumb. It's easy to reach over and sink the needle into her bicep. It only took a few seconds for the sedative to kick in and her screams became ragged breathing and then even breathing and then silence.
"What'd you give her?" Rick eyed the empty syringe in his hands. Daryl shrugged.
"Sedative. Was on the table in the room I was in." Daryl broke the needle and shoved the plastic tube into his pocket. Rick's eyes moved over Beth. He's making sure she's fucking breathing? Really? Daryl looked at him and shook his head.
"I know what it is. Merle had this shit all over the house. Used it to come down from bad trips. You think I woulda gave her something I wasn't sure 'bout?" Daryl met the other man's eyes and glared at him.
"Daryl I'm just asking." Daryl didn't see any judgment there. But of all of them Rick should know that he would take care of Beth.
" 'Mmhmm." Beth was tucked in the crook of his good arm. She shuddered and he hoped he didn't just lock her inside some horrible nightmare.
Daryl wasn't comfortable taking Beth into the infirmary. If he had his way they'd just get in the RV and head back to Alexandria. He'd take care of her. And himself. He'd done it before and he had a feeling that Beth was gonna need time to pull herself out of what she'd gone through. That ain't gonna be easy. Seemed like the hardest shit to let go of and move on from was the stuff that tried to break you. Beth wasn't broken, she's to tough for that. He knew this for a fact, but she's lost and she needed to find her way back.
In the end Daryl agreed to taking her in because Rick asked him too. Just as he figured Beth was fine. Her vitals were all normal. She'd just been given a reprieve from the hell she is gonna have to work through. For now. Of course Dr. Carson wasn't happy with what Daryl did. Daryl didn't care. He gave Daryl a lecture about sedation safety and something about monitoring a patient. Daryl didn't listen. It was only when the good doc mentioned leaving Beth to recover there that Daryl finally heard him. He clenched his fists and tried to control the urge to laugh in the other man's face.
"I ain't leavin' her here! She's going home with me." Daryl could see that his reaction to that suggestion made the doctor nervous. He was aware that he could be intimidating, but was never fully conscious of the fact until it became a thing. Rick must have heard his outburst because he chose that moment to come into the infirmary.
"Everything okay?" His eyes searched Daryl's face for clues and lingered for a moment on Beth.
" 'S fine. The doc here thinks Beth needs to stay and recover. Ain't happening. She goes with me. Ain't gonna leave her behind again." He knew there was some kind of emotion behind his words, he just wasn't sure how to label it, but Rick understood.
"I was merely suggesting.." Dr. Carson began but Rick cut him off.
"Like he said, we'll handle it. She's in good hands. Thank you for everything." Rick was all business when he had to be. Michonne walked in and nodded at Rick.
"Everyone that's going is ready." she told him. She made eye contact with Daryl and he just nodded to her.
Daryl watched as the doctor looked again at Beth.
"Do you need help moving her?" he asked.
"Rick's got her." He looked at Rick and the question was in his eyes and Rick nodded.
Rick carried Beth to the RV. Maggie stood near by, waiting. Daryl saw the way her expression changed when she saw Beth in Rick's arms. He knew it was all coming back. He felt it too.
"She's fine. Needed to sleep. I can't leave her. I'll, I'm gonna take care of her." Daryl looked at the girl standing there. She looked as broken as Beth had outside the walls in the woods. They needed to get strong and rebuild and make that son of bitch pay for what he did to their people. They needed to make sure he couldn't ever do anything again. Maggie slipped her arms around Daryl and he stiffened not use to being touched by really anyone but Beth. He relaxed and put a hand on her shoulder. "Get yerself better and come home." He gave her a small smile and was blessed in return with a beautiful Greene girl smile that had the ghost of Beth in it. She nodded.
"I will."
Spencer closed the gate behind them. Rick drove the RV to the front of his house and parked it. Beth was still "sleeping" and Rick came and took her from Daryl and carried her in. He laid her on the couch and turned to Daryl.
"I need to go touch base with everyone and get Judith. You'll be good?" Daryl nodded at him. A few seconds later the front door opened and closed. Looking down at Beth he felt his chest constrict. She looked peaceful, too peaceful for his liking. He knelt on the floor beside the couch. Her breath was warm against his cheek and he felt himself loosen up a bit. He stayed there on the floor, tipped his head back and closed his eyes. Things were bad. They were only gonna get worse now. They'd wanted a fight, to take this bastard down. Now it was looking like a war. His head was pounding. A dull ache in his shoulder was beginning to border on being uncomfortable to the point of him actually getting up and taking something for it. For now though he wanted to be here, close enough to hear her small sleeping breaths. Just as he was drifting off she started to whimper and he felt her as she tossed and turned, struggling in a nightmare. He clambered up onto the couch and awkwardly maneuvered her into his lap.
" 'S ok Beth.. Just a dream, I got you." he tried to use a soothing voice and he brushed her her hair back from her face. She sat up and tried to pull herself even closer to him, yanking at his shirt and making that dull ache wake up. Her eyes were still closed, but she was seeing something behind them in the darkness.
"My momma, momma came out of the barn and he had her, and he was lau.. laughing." She was breathless trying to get the words out. Her face was contorted in pain and misery.
"He hit her with the bat.. Oh god… Stop!" Daryl tried to hold her against him, but she was squirming so much and his shoulder was on fire now.
"Beth.. Beth!" He hadn't meant to yell, but she didn't hear him anyway, wasn't waking up.
"Where's Daryl? Where is he? What did you do?" Her voice was pure anguish and it's him she's looking for? But he's here, he's right here.
"Beth I'm here!" It didn't matter what he said or how loud he yelled, she was stuck.
"No.. no Daryl you're bleeding.. I'm gonna get sick." She leaned over the edge of the couch and gagged then threw up what little she had in her. Shivering she laid across his legs and cried. He was helpless, fucking helpless. He rubbed her back and ssshh'ed her and she seemed to calm down a little. He heard the door opening and voices.
"Hey! Rick, I need help!" His voice cracked and she stirred on his lap. Rick came running into the living room and stopped. Michonne was right behind him.
"Go get a towel, wet half of it." Michonne pushed him and Daryl felt like crying when she knelt beside them.
"Nightmare?" she asked. Daryl nodded. He tried blinking back the tears but it didn't work. He could take his hand from the back of her neck and risk her waking up or he could just swallow his fucking pride. He chose the later and it was Michonne's fingers that brushed his tears away. Rick came back in with the towel and Michonne took it and leaned over Beth. Daryl watched her as she wiped Beth's face and hair. He felt the couch sink down beside him and Rick was there.
"Let me check your shoulder, you've got blood.. there's blood on your chest." Rick pointed and Daryl looked down and there was a thin stream running down his chest.
" 'M fine," he mumbled. Rick ignored him and pushed Daryl's shirt off his shoulder. In the midst of all that Beth stirred and pushed herself up, blinking as she looked around at everyone.
"What's.. I.. Oh my god, did I do that?" she stared down at where Michonne was wiping up the carpet. "I thought I was dreaming.. I'm sorry, let me help." She started to get up and Michonne put her hand over Beth's.
"I got it. Stay here and make sure he knows you're ok." Michonne nodded towards Daryl who ducked his head against his chest. He felt Beth's eyes on him. Then her hands.
"What happened?" She was still kneeling on the couch beside him and Daryl glanced up at her from beneath a fringe of hair. For some inexplicable reason he felt nervous around her all of a sudden.
"Just checking his stitches." Rick smiled over at Beth. She just looked at him with an odd expression for a minute and then Daryl saw the realization cross her face.
"That dream, nightmare, did I? You tried to hold me? I thought it was Maggie, well it was Maggie in the dream cause you.. you were.." she leaned over against the back of the couch.
"Beth.. 'm fine. See. "S okay." He pulled her in against him with his good arm.
"The stitches are fine too. You ok?" Rick looked at Beth. He reached across Daryl and squeezed her hand. Beth nodded her head, but Daryl knew it was just a way to appease Rick. She wasn't okay.
Eventually they were alone, there on the couch. Beth felt him breathing and she could tell he was tensed up, just by the way his muscles shifted underneath her. She wanted to ask, but if she didn't, would it go away? She was getting so damn good at making things go away. But then some things came back. He came back, her family, her whole world came back and that should fix her, shouldn't it? That should be enough to keep the monsters at bay. But the monster came back too. She sighed and pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. There's a ghost of a sting at her side. The stitches were healing. Pretty soon all that will be left is another scar. She's made of scars, stitched together by things that have tried to break her, but have failed.
"What happened?" she asked softly. It had to be done. She had to know where she'd gone cause very little makes sense from the time she heard the monsters voice until now sitting here with him next to her and he's supposed to be strong and nothing is supposed to break him. But he looks like she feels. It's in his eyes, was in Rick's and Michonne's.
"Everything." His voice, the gravelly, rumble that came out of his chest when he's unsure of what needed to be said.
"I need you to tell me because it's all in pieces and parts in my head Daryl. I don't know what's real." She knew that having him tell it, so much to tell was going to be hard for him. Cause Daryl isn't a man of words. But he's gonna try for her, of that she's sure.
"Where ya want me to start?" he asked softly.
He gave her the pieces of the puzzle so she could put it back together. And he might not have got it all, every detail, but it was enough for her to understand and some of it she remembered on her own. She just needed a little prodding to bring it back. To her credit she didn't fall apart while he told her. But maybe falling apart would be okay? Cause he's pretty sure she's keeping too much buried and that's part of the problem. She's gonna have to walk back through all the memories and let them go to the extent that she can.
"Sorry about the meds, they probably made ya sick." he said quietly watching her out of the corner of his eye.
"It's ok." Her voice was so fucking small and lost. But she's here with him and she's letting him hold her and that is huge.
"Ya ain't broken Beth, just lost." he spoke so softly, so gently, she felt the lump that meant tears in her throat.
"We could leave, just go. Let ya work through this, out there just us, like before. No distractions." He meant that. Wholeheartedly. Eventually they're gonna need him here, he knew that, but he'd decided back there in the RV that Beth came first, would always come first now.
"You'd.. you'd do that for me Daryl?" he didn't understand why she sounded so surprised. He can't fathom why she's looking at him in wonder, those big blue eyes shining with unshod tears.
I'd do anything for you girl.. Anything. He nodded.
Beth dropped her head and fiddled with her fingers. He knew she was struggling with words, like he always seemed to be. He leaned his head against the crown of hers.
"Daryl that means.. so much." she breathed.
"Just think about it." he whispered back. "If ya want to." She yawned into his chest and he realized that the day was almost over. They'd been through lifetimes since last night and even though they'd both technically slept they were beaten and needed more. He figured that it was okay for him to assume he was staying here tonight. He didn't think he needed to ask but..
"Ya need to sleep, real sleep." He rubbed his lips against the softness of her hair. "Can I, can I stay here?"
Her warm hand found it's way around his neck and her fingers threaded through his hair.
"Please do." she whispered and he hummed a soft agreement and took her hand in his again.
She stripped her clothes off and pulled a t-shirt over her head. Tired was such a simple word for what she felt and falling into bed and sleep, hopefully dreamless, with Daryl right there with her sounded about as close to perfect as she could imagine right now. She splashed water over her face and noted the dark purple smudges under her eyes, she would probably never look at her face again and not see a scar or evidence of the effect this shitty world had on her. The room was filled with shadows from the candle light and he was there sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat down beside him.
"Come on." He leaned back and slid over putting his wounded shoulder towards the wall. She crawled up and stretched out beside him, her head on his chest. She didn't question the fact that this intimate contact didn't scare her and that she wanted him, needed him here as close to her as possible. There wasn't a certain way to overcome a trauma was there? It was so easy here. Just so easy. His heartbeat under her ear and his hand in her hair at the back of her neck moving softly easing her into that sweet place where awake and sleep meet.
"Night Daryl," she sighed.
"Night Beth." The words rumbled gently in his chest and that to was a comfort.
Daryl had no idea what time it was or how long they'd even been asleep before it started again. She screamed and he knew that this time it was worse than before and he braced himself, tried again to hold her with his one good arm, but she fought like a tiger.
"Get.. GET OFF ME! I can't... " she rolled away from him and he grabbed her t-shirt before she rolled off the bed. He pulled her back and another scream ripped out of her and this time it was anger. His heart was racing because even though he knows this was just a nightmare he can't do anything to help and she may as well be living it for real. A frustrated groan that bordered on a whimper slipped out of somewhere inside him as he pushed himself up.
"You can't do this. You can't hurt me! Where's he at? Where's Daryl.. Let go!" Like before she isn't making any sense and her eyes are squeezed shut.
"Beth.. BETH wake up!" He followed her as she crawled down the bed and huddled at the foot trapped in her head. Screaming. The bedroom door swung open as Daryl made another attempt to reach her and Michonne came running in. She helped him get ahold of her and with his good arm he pulled her against him.
"I'm here, I'm here.." he kept saying it like a mantra until she calmed down and stopped thrashing. When she finally opened her eyes and looked around she shook head.
"Again.." she sobbed in frustration. Daryl bit down hard on his bottom lip and held her against him.
" 'S okay.." But he didn't know if it was. He glanced at Michonne who looked as defeated as he felt.
"I can stay here, in case.." She looked from his shoulder to Beth, but before he responded Beth started talking. Slow. Quiet.
"When he took me, I knew, I knew what was gonna happen. I just went ya know. I didn't fight anymore. Those hallways were always dark in the factory. He didn't say nothing, just walked and led me by the hand. He pushed me through the door to his room cause my feet stopped working. Then he said, 'You're a pretty girl and you'll have it good. All my wives do. Better than the rest. But you gotta do your part to.' There was a bed, his bed and maybe he had to drag me to it, a little. First time's always the hardest, he said. And I remember thinking, fuck you it's not my first time and it felt good to have that on him. He wasn't getting a virgin." she laughed hollowly and Daryl felt sick. He looked at Michonne begging her with his eyes to do something, anything. She shook her head, a very small movement, almost not.
"He ripped the straps on that stupid thing I had to wear, lingerie, he just ripped them and he seemed to like… he liked it. He yanked and pulled until it was off and he kept looking at me, but I didn't cry, I, I didn't. He told me to get on the bed and I guess I wasn't going fast enough cause he pushed me and yelled get on the fucking bed. So I hurried and I sat there. And he laughed and said, 'I get so tired of teaching you all how it's done' and he pushed me back onto the bed. He grabbed my breasts and he squeezed them hard. It hurt but I wasn't gonna cry even if that's what he wanted. He was sitting over me and it was hard to breathe and he, he was heavy." She stopped for a minute lost in some terrifying memory. Daryl was afraid to move, to breathe, to do anything that pulled her back. He didn't want to hear this, god he didn't want to. He wanted to get up and run, but this was it. This was her walking through those memories and he had said he'd be there.
"He took his clothes off right there on top of me." Beth pulled at the hem on the t-shirt she wore, worrying it in her fingers. "I, I tried to look away, but he turned my head and forced me to look. 'I'm your husband he said, you're gonna look at what you're gettin'.' Am I crazy cause I wanted to laugh at that? I had to bite my tongue and make it bleed cause if I laughed, if I… Then he made me touch him, said 'go ahead and touch it, I know you want to.. They all do.' And I had to, I had to.. 'he said you like that huh? Say it, say you like my cock, say, it now.' " She was looking at Michonne now and Michonne scooted over on the bed and took her hand. Daryl listened and didn't listen but he hears everything she was saying and it played out in his head and the horror of this, that he could imagine, that he could put picture to the words. His let his head drop, chin to chest and he closed his eyes, tears found their way through closed lashes.
"I said it, I said I like it but that wasn't good enough.. 'what do you like?' 'I like your cock' " she whispered these words and twisted and twisted the t-shirt in her hands and Daryl heard a tiny but distinct ripping sound.
He just kept saying 'I know you do, they all like it. They like it alot.' He had a condom, I don't know where it came from and he tossed it on my chest and told me to put it on. No fucking kids for him, he said. I did it, I hurried I just wanted it to be over so I thought if I just did what he said… When he put it in me it hurt. It wasn't my first time, but it hurt so bad and he just kept talking ya know? Just saying, I don't even know what. I just laid there and I let him.. I shoulda fought back, I shoulda. Would you have fought back Michonne?" Daryl's head jerked up at that and he watched Michonne's face. She looked at Beth and he knew she was close to breaking herself.
"No Beth.. You were right to do what he said. I woulda done like you." she held Beth's hand and looked at her while she spoke and Beth nodded back as if this conversation wasn't all kinds of fucked up. Beth sighed wistfully and twisted harder at the t-shirt.
"Then it was over. When he rolled off me and jumped up and I couldn't help it, I got sick on the floor and he just laughed and threw a towel at me. He told me to clean up my mess and wait for Sheri. I wanted to cry, to scream, I shoulda, but nothing would come out. I just sat there on the floor with that stupid towel wondering how a person who's just been, whose.. How come I couldn't cry?" She sat up and pushed away from Daryl.
"What's wrong with me? I shoulda cried right?" she sounded like she was pleading with Michonne for answers and Michonne took her other hand and shook her head.
"Nothing wrong with not crying, you were in shock Beth. You were scared and hurt. He hurt you. Nothing you did was wrong." He had no idea how Michonne was keeping her cool, he had no idea how he was going to maintain much longer.
"You ever been raped Michonne?" Dear god where the fuck is this coming from? He couldn't keep still any longer. He put his head in his hands and tugged at his hair. It was Michonne's answer that stilled his hands.
"Yes."
"So you know.. you know…" The t-shirt was in her hands again and Daryl shuddered and in the silence it almost sounded like a sob and she turned slowly and raised her face to his, her blue eyes shining in the candlelight, a light sheen of perspiration on her skin and she reached out as if to take his hand but changed her mind and let hers fall into her lap.
"He did that to me." she said softly.
"He hurt ya'." Okay he was here, he could do this, for her he'd be here. He didn't look away, he reached out, took her arm and slowly eased her back into his lap. He cried first because he was so done trying to be strong and he knew she felt it cause she sucked in her breath and then she was crying too, against his chest. It was the messy kind of crying that leaves wet spots and red cheeks and swollen eyes. But it was also the kind of crying that lets things go. Michonne slipped quietly out of the room and left them alone. And it was just them, there on the bed for a very long time. Daryl eventually leaned back against the wall and Beth put her head down in his lap and that was the last thing Daryl remembered until he woke up to pink skies outside the window and an aching neck.