Holy. Crap. 500+ reviews. I can't even begin to thank you all enough. Thank you. Writing this silly story has been an incredible experience so far—thanks for coming along for the ride. If you're interested in seeing some perspectives and ideas we don't get to explore in this story, you may want to check out my story "Sunshine Girl," which looks at Bill Forbes' life and death with Caroline, and "Flipped," which examines that coin toss in 3x15. But for now, let's just find out what Damon thinks of Elena's new plan, shall we?
Damon's lips parted, but no words emerged. His eyebrows drew together, but the look on his face was unreadable, terrible and confused and something else—hopeful? Seconds of silence stretched into minutes, the only sound the thudding of her heart, the rush of blood in her ears. She knew what it would be like when her heart stopped, but she couldn't quite imagine what it would be like to awaken with that hunger which so defined Damon and which almost destroyed Stefan.
She couldn't bear the silence any longer. "I thought you'd be happy. This was always your plan to keep me safe."
"I think," he said slowly. "You'd better start at the beginning."
They sat together on the edge of the bed and Elena told him everything. How she'd accused Katherine. How Klaus had swooped in and taken the credit. What he'd demanded from her. How she'd nearly ruined everything by telling him about Esther's plan. How a knot of icy fear had formed around her heart when he'd told her he'd get his doppelganger, one way or another.
"And I realized I am the cause of all these problems. But I don't have to be. If I turned, it would all be over. No one could use me, no one could try to sacrifice me, no one could use my family and friends to get to me. I wouldn't mean anything to them anymore. Or at least, I could protect the people I love. I can't do that now," she said. "Don't you see? It's the only solution we have. It would solve everything."
Damon was still silent. He ran one gentle finger along her cheekbones, just below her eyes. Was he imagining what it would look like when she changed, when the veins spread through her skin and her eyes turned to crimson? He pulled back abruptly, walking to the window and staring out at the trees.
"Say something," Elena pleaded.
He bowed his head, his face hidden. "I won't do it," he said. His voice was low and rough, as though the words caused him physical pain. "Not like this."
The thought that Damon might say no had never occurred to her. He'd wanted this for so long—forced his blood upon her, begged and pleaded and cajoled every way he knew how. And now when she was ready for it, when she wanted it, he refused her. "But why? I'm doing this for us, Damon. Didn't you hear what I told you? Klaus isn't going to stop until he gets what he wants."
"Klaus is going to die, Elena," he said, his back still to her. "We don't know when exactly that's going to be because you neglected to find out all the details of the ancient evil witch's master plan. But Klaus is going to die, and if I do what you're asking, you'd still be a vampire. Forever. And that's a word that actually means something after you're turned."
"And then we'd be together. Like you wanted," Elena said. Unless he'd decided that the prospect of spending eternity with her was too much to handle.
"But is it what you want? Because I didn't hear that anywhere in your list of reasons I should turn you." He turned to face her. "Thwart Klaus. Protect your friends and family. Save yourself." He ticked the reasons off on his fingers. "Nothing about what happens after that."
Her heart sank. "Of course we'd be together. Of course that's what I want. Damon-" she started.
"No. Whatever happened to 'if I turn, it'll be on my terms, not Klaus''? What happened to doing this for love and not fear, Elena? Is that just all out the fucking window? Everyone will be safe, and oh, by the way, we can finally be together? We shouldn't be an afterthought." He kicked Katherine's suitcase and it exploded against the wall, showering the room with silken dresses and satin underthings.
"You turned Vicki—you turned Isobel, but you won't turn me?" Elena asked.
"Yeah, because I didn't give a flying fuck about either of them!" He clutched the window sill, and she heard the thick old wood creaking in his grasp. "And do you really think Klaus will just let you walk away? Have you forgotten that Katherine spent 500 years running from him? Not because he wanted her blood, but because he wanted revenge. Even if he didn't kill you outright, Klaus would make it his mission to make sure you spent an eternity alone." Elena could see the tension in his body, every muscle coiled to fight, to lash out, to strike. "You didn't think this through. And then you dangled it in front of me—the thing I want more than anything, Elena. And I have to say no." He laughed bitterly. "Life is too fucking ironic."
Tears prickled in her eyes. "I thought...I just want to end it. Here and now. I thought it'd be best for everyone. Even—maybe even especially—for you," she said. She moved toward him, resting her hand on his arm. Quick as a flash, he grabbed her, whirling her to face him, his hands wrapped loosely around her neck.
"Maybe I should do it," he said, his eyes wide. "Do it, and take you far, far away while you're transitioning. So far Klaus couldn't find us, so Esther could finish her plan." His fingers dug into the back of her neck, probing, as if determining how much strength it would take to shatter the fragile bones. Then he abruptly released her. "No. Once this is over, once Klaus is dead, you'd hate me. And you'd hate yourself for doing it because of him."
The tears that had threatened finally fell. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. But the only reason I can even consider it at all is because I know that when...when it's done, you'll be there. And if you're there, I can make it through anything."
And it was true. When she'd been with Stefan, the idea of turning had been repellant. Not just because she feared the change, not just because she'd be giving up a chance at a normal life and a family, not just because she feared she'd become a slave to the blood like Stefan or a monstrous, twisted thing like Katherine. She'd resisted because deep down, she knew she and Stefan couldn't last the centuries. That ultimately, she'd be alone. But if Damon was by her side? She knew that they could survive, that she could hold on to herself. Together, they could be happy. It wouldn't be a normal life, but normal had flown out the window the day a crow followed her home from school.
"Don't. Don't make this harder for me than it already is," he said.
"I don't know what else to do. I could go to Stefan—I could go to Elijah," she said, but she knew she never would. Damon was the only one she could trust, and she'd never do it without his consent, never take the risk that he wouldn't love her after it was done.
"You'll do exactly what you want to do, Elena. You always do, as today's latest adventure in idiocy proves. But I'm asking you not to. Not yet," he said.
"How many more people have to die so I can live? How many more of my friends do I have to bury so we can keep pretending I can ever be normal?" She fought the rising panic. "He threatened to compel me, Damon—to compel me to love Matt so he could get me to breed, like some kind of animal. And he could do it, we both know he could. I can't let him," she said, breath coming in short gasps. It was easy for him to tell her to be patient, easy when he didn't have all those bodies stacked up behind him, all those who had sacrificed themselves for her, when one drink and one snap would solve all their problems.
"I know. You don't think that thought doesn't make me want to run out of here and get myself killed trying to take down Klaus? Because it does. But I can't. We have to keep it together." His hand clenched into a fist, knuckles white. "You already risked everything to help Esther. We have to at least give that plan a shot. Let's at least see this through. Then, whether Klaus is alive or dead, we can revisit the issue." He reached for her hand. For once, his skin felt warm against hers. She was so cold. "Please. For me."
She squeezed his hand, and gave a nod. She could wait. For him, she would try to be brave. "Swear it, Elena. Swear it on Jeremy's life," Damon said urgently..
"I swear," she said. "I swear I'll wait. I won't do anything without you. I owe that to you."
He took her into his arms, holding her close. "You do. Just see that you keep your promise this time," he said, pressing his lips against her hair. "I love you, but I could've killed you when Ric called me."
"I was trying to help. I didn't want for you to have to hurt Katherine," Elena said.
"I know. You're always trying to help. Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but you kinda suck at it," he said with a wry smile as he released her. She managed a laugh. "Not to mention that hurting Katherine is just good, clean fun. Now let's get the hell out out of here."
They left the bed and breakfast hand in hand, but Elena looked back at the building with hard eyes. She'd keep her promise, but it only extended so far. No one else would die because of her.