White.
It was overwhelming when I first came to; the blinding light above, the colorless walls and sheets and counters around me all swarmed together as my lids first struggled to part, the disorientation leaving me frightened and confused.
"Tori!" It was my mother's voice-I would recognize that worried tone anywhere-that first greeted me, but the fuzziness was still looming over my senses. "Oh, Tori," my mother sobbed, then leaned over to kiss my forehead, "my sweet, brave girl."
"Mom?" I managed to croak out. I still wasn't fully lucid, but I'd suddenly became painfully aware of my pounding head.
"Shh, yes, sweet girl, I'm right here." She gently rubbed my hair back and kissed my forehead, doing her best to calm me and make me feel safe.
"What's going on?" I asked in an incredibly childlike manner, rubbing my eyes then peering through the bright light and up at the worried face of my mom. Her eyebrows drew together, making her look older than she actually was; she'd looked like she hadn't slept in days, and I couldn't manage to piece together why.
"You're in the hospital, Tori." The hospital? I took my eyes off my mother then glanced down at myself, noting the pale blue hospital gown, the plastic band with my name and birthdate around my wrist, and the IV poking out of my arm.
"Am I okay?"
It was a legitimate question, considering I'd never woken up in a hospital bed with no memory of what sent me there. I raised my hands to examine them, then started slowing tracing my entire body with my eyes, trying to conclude exactly which part of my body needed medical attention. Then the hammer hitting my skull smacked me right on the temple, and I let out a pained groan.
"You will be, honey," my mother said comfortingly, her hand still brushing through my long, curly hair. "You were in a bad car accident."
And suddenly it all came flooding back: the flash of red, my flooded vision, the strange scream that escaped my lips, Jade.
"Jade," I stated simply, innocently, but I looked up to my mom with questioning eyes. The older woman gave me a sad smile, then nodded across the room, directly to right of my bed. I sat myself up, my entire, sore body screaming at me as I did so, so I could look in the direction my mom pointed.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw her; she was hooked up to way more machines than I was, her right eye black and her left bicep was wrapped in a bandage, soaked through with the distinct crimson red of blood. Jade, the hard, rough girl-the girl who got off on torturing me, on making me feel like an idiot-was laying across from me, more fragile and broken and vulnerable than I ever though Jade West could possibly be. I reached a hand out in her direction, but we were yards away. I turned back toward my mother, slowly, and only after I'd fully taken in Jade's broken body, and asked another question with my eyes.
"She'll be okay, Tori." My mom squeezed my hand, the only means of comforting me she had, "but she's got a long road ahead of her."
I peeked back over at her, and suddenly felt ridiculous for even being in a hospital bed next to her. I was clean, I was free of tubes and masks and chords, just one IV pumping in fluids, and she was dirty and mangled and broken.
"Where's her mom?"
I don't take my eyes off Jade, but I hear my own mom let out a sigh-one of her tell tale signs that she's disappointed.
"She was here at first." Her voice was calm, probably if only not to upset me anymore, but I could pick apart the disdain in her tone. "We were all called when you were being taken to the hospital. She came, saw that Jade was asleep... The doctor, uh, the doctor told her mom that he'd sedated Jade pretty heavily, so she probably wouldn't wake for a while...anyway, Jade's mom said it was pointless for her to be here and watch Jade just sleep, then told the doctor to call her when Jade was ready to be discharged..." I know my mom was shaking her head behind me, and she reached down to squeeze my hand again. Jade spoke little of her mom in the past, but it had been enough for me to gather that she wasn't much of a parental figure. I continued to stare at Jade and the heaviness in my chest grew, fueling my desire to reach out and just touch her, to just feel her skin and affirm that she's still Jade.
"I'm going to go tell a nurse you're awake, sweetheart. The doctor's going to want to see you." My mom slipped out of the room and I flopped back on the bed, pulling the thin, white sheet over my head. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, trying to make sense of everything. I had to force myself not to look over at Jade again; the mere thought of the pale-skinned girl, laying there so helplessly, tore away at me in a way I couldn't possibly justify. I breathed in deeply and comforted myself with the thought that it was just the guilt of coming out of the accident virtually unscathed, while Jade lay there, practically in pieces.
"Ms. Vega, glad to see you've joined us."
I whipped the sheet off of my head, exposing my mother and a young, handsome man in a white lab coat. He smiled at me kindly, and walked toward the bed, offering his hand to me.
"I'm Dr. Dann," he told me, shaking my hand and continuing to smile. "You were in quite an accident, there, young lady." He let go of my hand, and I brought it up to my hair, playing with a curl nervously.
"But I'm okay," I asserted, as if he didn't already know. As if he wasn't the one who diagnosed me in the first place. He smiled weakly at me and nodded, letting out a gentle laugh.
"You're very lucky, Tori. You should recover fairly quickly." His eyes were honest and sincere, and I wished they were enough to comfort me. "How are you feeling?"
"Um," I paused, tightly shutting my eyes, and considered the intent behind his question. "My body is a little sore. My head is pounding." He nodded again, and patted my arm caringly.
"The soreness is to be expected. We are a little concerned about your head, though. I'm afraid you may have hit it upon contact, and I like to watch head injuries very closely, so you'll be out of here in a day or so. " I nodded, slightly disappointed that I'd have to stay in the hospital, but mostly because I wanted to figure out the real dirt.
"And Jade?" I muttered, looking over at her seriously injured body.
Dr. Dann signed loudly, and I looked back at him to see a small frown on her face. "Jade is extremely lucky she's alive, honestly. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt," he paused, looking at me as if to congratulate me for wearing mine, but it definitely didn't ease my guilt. "She's suffered some very unfortunate injuries. The black eye was from the impact of the airbag with her sunglasses on-she must have turned to her right-and the bloody arm is from a shard of glass. Four stitches." He said this in such a nonchalant manner, but every word he spoke caused me more and more distress. "And," he repeated, "she wasn't wearing her seat belt."
I shut my eyes tightly, remembering how awful Jade was being to me. But I had seen her get into the car, I saw that she just sat and started the car, and I didn't say a word.
"So when the impact of the crash occurred," Dr. Dann continued solemnly, "she flew forward, and then the airbags were released, slamming her back against the seat." He used his hands to motion what had happened. "And," he sighed, "because of her size, and her position, the way she was thrown around caused four of her ribs to break."
I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly feeling like I was going to be sick. "Is she going to heal okay?" My voice was childlike again, slipping out from under the sheet I had pulled up to my face.
Dr. Dann walked over to Jade, bending over and placing his stethoscope over her heart. He paused, listening for a moment, then stood straight, hooking the device around his neck. "We originally assumed one of the broken ribs had punctured her left lung; she was unconscious when the paramedics arrived, obviously, but her breathing was very weak," he stopped, pointing to the breathing tube in Jade's mouth, "so they intubated her." Dr. Dann turned around quickly, grabbing some latex gloves from the dispenser on the wall, then put them on as he turned back on, smiling softly.
"But," he continued, "after examining the x-rays, and listening to her breathing, it's safe to say her lungs are unharmed." I let out a deep breath I didn't know I had been holding in, suddenly grateful for my own ability to just simply take a breath.
"So I'm going to remove her breathing tube." Dr. Dann turned to face my mother and I, as if we were Jade's own family and he was filling us in on her situation. "She'll most likely feel it and wake up, but there's a good chance she'll be groggy when does. Try not to overwhelm her. I'm sure you know, Tori, it can be a bit scary when you wake up."
I nodded, understanding and remembering how fearful I'd been when the whiteness first pierced into my eyes, and suddenly I was nervous for Jade. I watched Dr. Dann intently as he began to remove her tube. Jade's eyebrows furrowed, as if she were in pain, and she groaned lightly. Dr. Dann peered over her for a second, once the tube was fully removed, then took a step back. Jade stirred then opened her eyes, blinking twice, then squinting them again, clearly offended by the brightness of the room. I wanted to tell them to turn the damn lights down, that it was too much for someone who'd been through that much trauma, but I was too fixated on Jade's every movement and I sealed my lips tightly.
"The fuck..." Jade muttered, rubbing her eyes before opening them once again.
"Jade," Dr. Dann said, catching her attention. The dark-headed girl slowly turned her head to him, and I could no longer see her eyes.
"Who are you?" She questioned in a voice so innocent that it broke my heart, knowing she was certainly as unaware as I had been when I awoke. But she had no family to comfort her.
"I'm Dr. Dann. You were in a car accident. Do you remember?" Jade didn't say anything for a moment, her body frozen, then eventually she looked at herself-the hospital gown, the band around her wrist, the IV-and at the hospital bed, the room, and eventually me. At first, she just glanced at me briefly, as if I were any other part of the room, but immediately did a double take, staring at me with a look that screamed disbelief and confusion.
"Tori?"
And there was no venom in her voice when she said my name, no glare or sign that she was offended by my presence. She was confused and she was broken and she was alone. I raised a hand meekly and offered her a weak smile.
"What the hell is going on? What's wrong with me?" Jade demanded, turning back to Dr. Dann. "What the hell is this?" Jade's voice was getting louder and she was clearly becoming upset. "Where the fuck is- OW," she hissed, grabbing her ribs then turning flat on her back.
"You're going to be okay, Ms. West," Dr. Dann assured her, placing a hand on her arm to comfort her. "Those are the four broken ribs you're most likely feeling, but they'll heal-"
"Pain meds," Jade spat out, "Now." Dr. Dann, surprised, nodded then quietly left the room. Jade didn't make another sound until he returned, continuing to grip her side and tightly shut her eyes. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, that she would be okay, but I kept my mouth shut and settled on just watching her. It took a few minutes for the doctor to return, but when he did, he explained to Jade that the medication would most likely make her very sleepy again. Jade dismissed his warning with a wave of her hand, watching as the injected the pain killer into her IV. The girl let out a small moan, most likely of relief, then laid back again, seemingly much more comfortable.
It didn't take long for her to drift back to sleep, but the last words that escaped her lips were a feebly uttered, "Where the hell is my mom?"
And that was the first time Jade West broke my heart.