Author's Note: So I FINALLY got my hands on a Death Note 13! :D Sooo stoked! It's got a wealth of information in it! :D ...The only thing is: All that hard work I put into tracking the movements of all the death notes in the series, if I had just had the book, it would have made life so much easier. But yeah, I LOVE it, and if you don't have one, go get one ;P

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or anything remotely associated with it.

August 12, 2024. 7:48 PM... 12 Days Left...

"Now, are you sure you're alright?"

I heaved a sigh. That was the fifth time he'd asked me within seven minutes.

We were all gathered in my living room for a debriefing on the catastrophic failure that was the mission. All of us – minus Mello – were trying to figure out what had gone so wrong.

Gevanni was seated on my left on the couch and kept reaching out for my hand, but then, realising he was in the company of a whole slew of people, kept taking his hand back before it made contact with mine.

A handful of our coworkers were seated around the coffee table and Near took his usual perch in the leather armchair at the head of the group. Matt was covertly positioned in the far corner of the room; apparently he didn't really 'fit in' with the rest of us.

Mello had gone M.I.A. after he'd visited me in the hospital. According to Matt, Mello was doing some follow up research on the streets, gathering information and cross-referencing what we already had. I like to believe that Matt wouldn't lie to me, but I sensed there was a little more to it than what Matt was telling me.

"So what went wrong?" a voice asked finally, breaking the awkward silence and pitying glances I was getting from everyone.

"Bottom line?" I asked rhetorically. "They were waiting for us. They knew we were coming."

"How?" came back another voice.

"'How?' who knows how. They might have had surveillance cameras or..."

"No, that's not it," I cut in. "They were too well organized. They were expecting us well before we even got near that building. And what's more, I think they were expecting four of us, not just three."

"What makes you say that?" Gevanni asked beside me. ...I couldn't say why, but that just seemed like an odd question for him to ask.

"I heard one of the guys talking while I was trapped inside. He said 'The other three are getting away.' What other 'three'? There were only Matt and Mello in the building besides myself. Surveillance would have revealed that right away, which leads me to believe that not only were they expecting us, but they were expecting four of us."

"Maybe there was someone else in the building when you three were in there. Maybe those guys were expecting him, and not the three of you. It could all just be one big coincidence," Gevanni offered.

The logic was there. But Gevanni usually thought above that.

...I shrugged it off. We were all probably a little too shaken to be thinking at our best for the time being.

"Some other, unconnected guy infiltrating the same building as us, on the same night, at the same time? Highly unlikely," Near came back, confirming my previous assumption.

"We'll do some digging," a techie looking guy with a laptop suggested. "We'll run a scan of our computers and see if there was any hacking involved."

"And we'll run a check on our people to see if anyone was communicating with the enemy," Gevanni added.

"Alright, sounds good. If there is nothing else to be said, meeting adjourned," Near said, standing up, his silky, silvery hair bouncing with the movement.

The others followed his lead, stood up from their seats and headed towards the door.

"I'll see you all later," I called after them.

"Take care of yourself Jewel, I don't want to have to drag your limp body out of anymore burning buildings, okay?" Gevanni asked.

"Sure thing," I mumbled.

All my coworkers and Matt filed out of my apartment.

Matt shot me one last dog-eyed glance before he closed the door behind him. I really wish he'd quit doing that.

I waited a moment to be sure that none of them were coming back before I set a pot of water boiling on the stove for tea and pulled my comforter and Virginia off my bed and snuggled up on my couch.

The water started hissing after a moment and I poured myself a cup. I grabbed a bottle of black nail polish and my volume of Sherlock Holmes from my bookshelf. I desperately needed some 'Me' time.

I was just about sit myself down with my tea, blankets and book when I heard a knocking at my door.

"'Tis some visitor, tapping at my chamber door?" I said aloud, quoting my most favourite of poems. I'd never had the opportunity to do so before; no one I knew ever knocked around here.

I set the nail polish down on the counter and got up to answer the door.

"Mello?" I think I was more surprised that he had knocked than I was to see him.

If ever there was a word to describe his expression, in this moment it was 'dejected.' Mello looked completely depressed.

"Mello, w-what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

Instead of a verbal reply Mello just hung his head. I stood there waiting for another moment, expecting some other kind of response, but I received none. After a second, I was pretty sure I knew what was up.

I held my alabaster hand out to him. Mello didn't react, but I didn't move either. I didn't push, I didn't coax, I didn't speak. Before too long Mello relented and took my hand in his. I walked him slowly through my apartment and sat him down on the floor in front of the couch where I had gone to sit myself just minutes before. I let his hand go and retrieved the nail polish from the counter, and then, cautiously, I lowered myself to sit in front of him.

I leaned back against Mello and felt his body stiffen at first, but then relax as he sighed. He and I were a perfect fit for each other; two pieces of a puzzle. I leaned my head against Mello's neck and just listened to him breathing for a long time. I nuzzled my nose against the soft, smooth skin of his neck and felt him sigh again.

I straightened myself up ever so gingerly and pulled my knees up close to my chest. With one hand I wrapped Mello's right hand around my waist and with the other I put Mello's left hand on top of my left knee. I took the black nail polish from beside me and went ahead, painting Mello's nails. I hadn't seen him with black nail polish in a long time. Granted, I hadn't seen Mello for a long time period, but still.

I painted each nail with the greatest care and when I was done I took Mello's hand in mine, and brought it close to my mouth. I blew gently on each nail and when I was satisfied with their dryness I placed his left hand around my waist and started on his right.

After I was finished repeating the same ritual on his right hand, Mello wordlessly took the bottle of black polish and started painting my nails. He was even more careful than I had been. The act was so relaxing it was almost hypnotic and I felt like I was slipping into a trance. Mello's deep breaths and his soft and gentle touch on my skin was other worldly and at one point I was even sure I had fallen asleep.

I was in heaven until I realised that Mello was taking an especially long time on the fourth finger of my left hand. I sighed sorrowfully to myself and broke the silence saying, "'Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.''"

"What's that?"

"Never mind," I said, but then thought out loud, "Mello, what do you suppose life would be like for us, if we'd had normal lives growing up? If we had met in another time and place? I wish we had met in another time Mello, another place. Maybe things would have worked out better for us."

I got up from my seat and headed into the kitchen to make us a pot of tea. I hear Mello get up slowly behind me and follow me in. I filled the kettle and put it on the stove to heat, and opened my top cupboard where I kept my teas.

I had many teas. I loved tea almost, or even just as much as, I loved bubblegum. I had a tea for every different mood and occasion. I had teas for illnesses like my lemon and ginger teas, I had teas for special occasions like my rose petal or jasmine teas. I had every day teas like my earl gray or my chai teas. I had mint teas, and fruit teas and spice teas. I pulled out my box of jasmine tea; it was that kind of day. The soft, intoxicating fragrance of the jasmine tea never failed to bring peace into my life when I was feeling down.

"Damnit," Mello said suddenly. His sudden outburst had me jumping, and juggling my tea box from hand to hand so as not to drop it.

"Oi!" I cried as I just barely caught the box, and placed it on the table. "What was that?" I asked him, my heart racing in my chest.

Clenching his hand, Mello took a wild swing at the open cupboard door. His fist went right through the ancient wood.

"Mello?" I said with surprise.

"I promised you I'd look out for you!" he growled angrily, lining up for another swing at something.

"Mello calm down!" I said, reaching out and catching Mello's arm before he could put his fist through any more panels. "I can't expect you to look out for me twenty-four-seven. Even if you said you would. You don't have to worry about it, it's alright. Nobody's perfect. Not me, not you, not Near, not even L was that good!"

"You still think this is about that? You still think this is about my inferiority complex?"

"Isn't it?"

"NO! It's about how I almost lost you! AGAIN! Between the two of us it's a miracle you're still alive, you know that?"

"It's not up to you to save me!"

"No, it's up to Gevanni to save you now, is it?"

"NO MELLO! It's about me being able to take care of myself! I know I've got a long way to go, and I know I'm not as strong as I need to be, but I'm working on it!"

"You need to stop trying to do everything on your own! It's like you said, nobody's perfect!"

It hurt to have my words thrown back at me like that.

"But Mello," I cried as tears formed in the corner of my eyes, "that's just it! I was raised to continually strive for perfection. It started with my parents, and continued when I got sent to Wammy's! Every day I had to be around Near I was reminded about how inadequate I was. When I was around L I was reminded about how inadequate I was. Life is always trying to show me how I can't do anything on my own, even though that's all I've ever been told I had to do. I was taught by my parents never to show emotion, I was taught by Wammy's that I always needed to use my head and come out on top. I was taught that I should never need anybody to save me!" I sat and pouted bitterly.

"Jewel," Mello said after a while.

"What?" I sniffled.

"What is it that YOU want?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just finished telling me that your life up to this point has basically been what others want from you. Well what do YOU want?"

"What do I want?" I wasn't getting what he was asking me.

"Out of life? What do you want out of life Jewel?"

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"But it DOES Jewel! It's YOUR life! You need to stop living it according to what other's want from you!"

"I don't know what I want," I snapped bitterly as more angry tears flowed down my skin.

"Yes you do Jewel! You know what you want!"

"I don't!" I cried. I stared pleadingly up at Mello, his blue eyes were livid.

Suddenly Mello reached down; he grabbed my wrist and pulled me roughly through the kitchen, and through the living room. I gasped for a second as I tried to find my footing. The momentum from Mello's pull had me stumbling toward the far wall, and almost to the window.

"There!" Mello shouted. He pointed out my second story window and down onto the street. "That girl, right there!"

There was a sporty looking brunette in a ponytail crossing the street in front of my apartment building. She was wearing sweats and carrying a gym bag; her slightly stooped posture led me to believe that she was coming from her workout instead of going to it.

"What about her?" I asked with the tears still falling.

"You're jealous of her! She's got everything you ever wanted in life! What is it? What does she have?"

"What? I don't know?"

"You hate her! Why?"

"Mello stop! This is crazy!"

"She's got everything you ever wanted! What is it! Why are you jealous?"

I couldn't stop the eruption of tears. What had been a steady stream of bitterness had become a gushing torrent of heartache and hopelessness.

"Why?" Mello pressed. "What does she have that you want?"

"She's..." I wasn't even thinking, the words were just coming out, "She's got a family..."

"Does she have the best job?"

"No," I shook my head.

"Is she the best at what she does?"

"No."

"Is she the smartest person out there?"

"No."

"Does she have the most money?"

"No!"

"Does she-"

"No! No!" I shook my head violently, "She's got a family! She's got a mom and a dad! She's got a brother and she's got a husband and a kid! She's got a family!" I wailed between sobs. "She's... She's got a normal family. She doesn't have to feel ashamed or guilty every time she breaks down and shows emotion. There's no lies, no secrets, no..." I couldn't finish. I had nothing else to say because I had said it all.

That was all I truly wanted in my life. I wanted a 'normal' family. I wanted Near and I to have been raised by loving parents who would have supported us no matter what we wanted in our lives. I wanted parents who would have seen what he and I were capable of, and still told us that happiness was the key to life, not success.

"But that would be selfish," I spoke up after a moment, realising something. I swallowed back my tears and answered Mello's questioning glance. "It works both ways," I explained. "If Near and I had been raised by normal people, if our parents hadn't died and we hadn't ended up at Wammy's, what would have happened to the world? What would be different?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I already said how I wished we had met in another time and place Mello. But the fact is, there probably wouldn't have been another 'time and place' for us. We met because I didn't have a normal family, we met because I got sent to Wammy's. And what about Kira? Kira got brought down because it was you, Matt and Near who brought him down. But what if Near and I had been raised by normal people? Near wouldn't have been a part of the equation. What if Kira wouldn't have been taken down? How many other people out there would be wishing their parents were still alive? How many people would have lost the families that they always wanted?" I wiped my hand across my face and removed the last traces of my tears. "Somebody somewhere had to make sacrifices Mello, why shouldn't it have been me?"

"Why should it have?"

I shrugged. "I may not have gotten my ideal life Mello, but it could have really been a lot worse. I know I complain a lot, and I know I don't always see what I have. And yes, I do sometimes wish my life could have been different, but I really don't think I would change anything. Everything happens for a reason."

"But-?"

"There is one thing I need to clear up though."

"What's that?"

"I need to talk to Marsh."

Author's Note: Oh my! So much has been happening lately! Do you guys think its been going too fast? Too slow? Just right? And I'm sorry for having my characters get so OOC all the time, especially Jewel... But then, I think her 'contradictory-ness' IS a part of her character. This whole story I've been trying to write her as her described ideal, but I keep losing out to the emotional side when I write parts for her, and I dunno, I just think it fits and goes with her personality. Yeah?

Also, there's a rumour that Mello's nails weren't ever actually painted in the series ...I think we can all agree that Mello would look freaking HAWT with painted nails though ;P

ALSO, I think my traffic counter is broken :S It's showing no hits for Sunday at all, and no hits for my last chapter, even though there are even reviews on it already :/ It's weird.

Oh well, have a good night guys :)