Author's Note: GUYS! 1. I am so sorry for disappearing! I've got soo many finals and junk going on right now. In fact, I should be studying right now, but I'm getting this chapter up just for you guys ^_^

2. I need new music! Any ideas? Any bands/songs? Anything? I've been listening to the same music for like, years now! I'll find new bands/songs and they'll stick for a bit, but there hasn't been anything like, uber exciting recently.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or anything remotely associated with it.

August 12, 2024. 11:48 PM... 12 Days Left...

"Somebody somewhere had to make sacrifices Mello, why shouldn't it have been me?"

"Why should it have?"

I shrugged. "I may not have gotten my ideal life Mello, but it could have really been a lot worse. I know I complain a lot, and I know I don't always see what I have. And yes, I do sometimes wish my life could have been different, but I really don't think I would change anything. Everything happens for a reason."

"But-?"

"There is one thing I need to clear up though."

"What's that?"

"I need to talk to Marsh."

"You need to talk to Marsh?"

"I was forced into this life Mello, and whether or not I'm okay with it, whether or not I resent it, I shouldn't do the same thing to her."

"But-"

"It was the obvious choice you know, sending her to Wammy's. I mean, look at who her family is right? But what if that isn't what she wanted?"

"She was just a kid Jewel. Parents make choices for their kids all the time when they're little. Did you pick what school you wanted to go to before your parents died? Did any kid anywhere pick which school they wanted to go to?"

"No, but most parents send their kids to regular schools, the ones that are all the same anyway."

"'Kay, but she still is just a kid."

I laughed deeply and ironically at the idea. My Marsh, still a kid? "She may still be small Mello, but it's been a long time since she's been a 'kid.' And I think that's what I'm going to try to fix right now. Will you drive me?"

The drive to Near's headquarters was a quiet one. Neither of us spoke and then, without the audio stimuli, I found my thoughts wandering. I was unable to stop myself from getting trapped in the dead-end argument of whether or not Mello was going to stay with me this time. I was unable to stop myself from silently asking if I could handle it. I was unable to stop my thoughts from going back to Gevanni.

I had been graciously informed that it was Gevanni who had gallantly rescued me from my hellish grave the other day. He had sprung into action the second the explosion had happened and was in the building and up the stairs before Mello and Matt even got out. Talk about being on your toes. I didn't think he could have been more efficient if he had been expecting it. Gevanni had risked his life to save mine, and it wasn't the first time. In the past eleven years Gevanni had always been there, by my side, ready to help me get through whatever came my way. It was Gevanni's shoulder I had cried on when Mello had left.

Mello dropped me off at the front entrance and told me he'd be around later, told me he had some stuff to work on, some leads to run down. I just shrugged a response and went inside.

Up in Near's office I found Near, Marsh, Gevanni and a handful of other subordinates looking over stacks of papers and computer screens. Insomniacs; we were all a bunch of obsessive insomniacs.

"Jewel?"

"Morning guys," because technically, it was, I noticed as I checked my watch.

"Something we can help you with?" Near asked casually. I just shook my head, but gestured with my finger that I wanted Marsh to come with me.

My little chibi slid off of her chair and skirted around the large wooden table to meet me in the doorway. She stared up earnestly at me for a second with her big blue eyes; her azure eyes with flecks of sapphire and silver, two sparkling gems in the middle of her China-doll face.

I nodded my head out the door and she followed my wordless instructions without a second thought.

"My office kid," I told her as we worked our way through the hallway.

She led the way, and when we got into my own personal space I took the seat at the desk and spun in my chair to face her. She had a serious and apprehensive look on her face and for a second I couldn't think to phrase what I wanted to say. To give myself time to find my words I took in my surroundings.

I had never before really considered how boring and plain my office was. The walls, the floors, the file cabinets, cupboards and even my desktop computer were all just varying shades of gray. There was no colour, no life in the space whatsoever. I think I had avoided adding any personal touches on purpose. We moved around so often, it was rather pointless to try and make any one space any more special than the last or the next. I gave a small sigh at the emptiness though, and the fact that I didn't even have any pictures up. If you went to any other office in this city that didn't belong to Near or the organization, there were photos on the desks. There were pictures of family and friends. Not here. We couldn't take pictures around here. It was too risky.

"M-mommy?"

I turned back to my little cherub, my resolve hardening. "How do you feel about what we do here Marsh? Do you like it?"

"Yes?" she said, unsure of what I was getting at.

"Hun, is this, something you want to do? I mean really? Do you want to be up still midnight every night going over papers, and printouts? Don't you want to have friends and go out and play?"

She tilted her head like a confused puppy. "I, I'm not sure, I know what you mean."

"From day one I just kind of, forced you into this situation. I made you go to Wammy's, I move you around all the time so that you don't have time to make friends. Because of the dangers we face I basically keep you under lock and key all the time. I mean, don't you want freedom and friends and..." The more I spoke, the harder it was to convince myself that I had done the right thing in the beginning. I had taken this little girl's childhood away from her.

Marsh seemed to think over what I was saying for a moment and then she smiled. "Oh I get it," she said as her eyes took on that ever familiar sparkle. "I think, I think I like what we do. I like helping you and uncle Near. You do really important things; you help a lot of people right? I want to help people too."

Altruism in its purest form.

I shook my head and chuckled. She was crazy this one. Cute; but crazy.

"Was that, was that all you wanted?"

"Heh, yeah I guess," I chuckled again. "Why?"

"For a second I thought I was in trouble."

"Trouble? Why would you be in trouble?"

The sudden fear in her eyes betrayed her.

"Marsh?"

She bit her lip and cast her eyes downward.

"Marsh, is something wrong? you can tell me you know. I won't be mad."

"It's not that," she muttered softly.

"Hun, what's wrong? Are you alright?" I asked, sliding down off my chair and kneeling down to her height, attempting to lift her face up to mine. "You can tell me Marsh, it'll be okay. What's going on?"

My little princess started to raise her head slowly and meet my eyes. Her tiny heart shaped mouth opened for a moment and it looked as though she was going to tell all when...

"Oh Marsh, Jewel, found you guys," Gevanni interrupted, his frame filling my doorway.

"Uh hey. What's up?"

"Actually, I was going to head home, and I figured since it's getting late, and you might be here for a while, that I might just take Marsh home too while I'm at it."

"Near usually takes her home."

"Yeah, but like I said, I was on my way already, and he's going to be here for a while yet, so..."

"Alright. Well do you want to give us a minute? We were in the middle of something."

"Oh, uh well-"

"It's okay mommy. I'll just go. I'm pretty tired."

I met her eyes and wasn't convinced. "Are you sure hun? In fact, I could even take you back in a bit if you want."

"No it's okay. I'm going to say goodnight to uncle Near." She smiled widely, gave me a hug around my neck and in a flash was out the door past Gevanni.

"What was all that about?" he asked me when she was down the hall and out of ear shot.

"You know, I'm just not sure," I said, standing up from my kneeling position on the floor. "I have a very strong feeling that there's something that she's not telling me," I clarified as I bit my lip and dug around in my pockets for a stick of bubblegum.

"Oh I'm sure she's alright. But what about you? Are you okay?" Gevanni asked more seriously, coming over to me.

"Me? I'm alright. Why shouldn't I be?"

"You've had more than a little going on this month. It's been super crazy around here lately. And you almost just got blown up!"

I chucked, "Yeah Gevanni, I'm okay. This is all going to be over soon, one way or another. I'll be fine."

Gevanni closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. For a second I couldn't breathe. For a second I lost complete control.

Silent tears were streaming down my skin before I even realised they were there. I returned Gevanni's action and threaded my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest. He was right, this was all so ridiculous. How many things could happen to one person in such a short amount of time? It was absolutely obscene!

I sighed into his chest to release the pressure on my life, and sighed again as Gevanni's heartbeat matched mine. I just stood there for what seemed like forever. I let him hold me because that's what I needed. I needed to know that I wasn't in this alone. I needed to know that someone had my back, and that someone was Gevanni.

I was at such peace for that brief moment that I almost began to fall asleep; almost until I remembered something. "Oi!" I pulled away from Gevanni's embrace and started digging around in my desk.

"What are you going?"

"Wha-? What happened to my glasses?"

"Those ones you kept in your drawer?"

"Yeah. I need them to replace the ones I took from my house."

"Don't you remember? You had to use those last month after that hopped up druggie took a swing at you."

"Ohh yeahh! I almost forgot about him. What ever happened to that guy?"

"He's detoxing in some rehab facility in California."

I sighed with disappointment, "That'll never work."

"Detox is usually-"

"No, I don't mean the detox itself, I mean sending him to Cali for it."

"Why not?"

"Classical conditioning."

"What?"

"The principles of classical conditioning. Long story short, you've pulled him out of his 'drug zone.' You send him to Cali and he won't use drugs in California because he's never used drugs in California. But as soon as he gets back here, the familiar surroundings in which he used to do drugs will come back to him and his habituation for... It's all in my old notebooks. Here, I'll show you." I stood up from my chair and stretched to open the leftmost cupboard over my desk.

"No, no, it's fine. I believe you. I've got to get going anyway, Marsh is probably waiting. Have a good night love," Gevanni didn't wait for me to haul down my old, musty box of notebooks before he left my office.

I placed the heavy box, with a bit of a bump, on top of my desk, and lifted off the dust covered lid, being especially careful not to upset the miniscule particles and send them dancing into the air. I sighed whimsically at the contents. Mello had asked me what I wanted from life. I wanted to finish my schooling, I wanted to become a psychologist, a real one.

In reality I kind of already was. Our job was to, bottom line, get into criminal's heads. I already had more experience and more knowledge than most people with PhD's... but I didn't have that PhD. Whether or not I knew the material, whether or not I was already quite successful at what I did, I still didn't have that degree. I couldn't introduce myself as 'Dr.' I couldn't open a professional practice of my own.

I sighed again and pulled out the first notebook and flipped it open to a random page.

I was really starting to wonder if the world was just trying to play games with my head.

The page I had opened to was from my months of studying social psychology; and the particular topic of that page? Attraction. Attraction and relationships. I knit my brows together and frowned with annoyance. The first two points on the page were based on the two different types of relationships, Passionate and Companionate. I slammed the pages together before I could read them and went off to say my goodbyes and goodnights to whoever was left in this psych ward.

"You're still here?" were the first words out of my mouth when I strolled back into Near's office. Marsh was asleep with her head on the table and Gevanni was talking quietly with Near.

"Yeah, Near just had one or two more things to talk to me about before I left."

"Oh yeah... Oh look, Chinese," I smiled as I noticed a handful of new take-out containers sitting on top of the table in front of Near. I flipped open the lid on one of them to check its contents. "Spring Rolls, my favourite."

"Your favourite? We had those brought in for Near. He was going to be here for a while so we set him up with dinner," Gevanni muttered as I fished one of the rolls out of the container and bit off half of it.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Near doesn't like Spring Rolls."

"Actually," Near cut in, "I had a feeling you'd be a little hungry tonight. I had them order that for you. You can take that and the stir-fry and rice if you want."

"Seriously? Hey thanks," I said as I popped the remainder of the roll onto my mouth and took the handles on the take out.

"But what are you going to eat Near?" Gevanni asked with a hint of worry in his voice. "And you shouldn't eat this late if you're going to go right to bed Jewel. It messes with the digestion."

I arched my eyebrow again, "Since when have you been so concerned with my diet?" I asked suspiciously, pinching out another Spring Roll from the box.

"Well since... since you've... since you've been putting on weight."

I started choking on the carrots, cabbage and peppers before I could swallow. "I'm sorry? What was that?" my lips twisted into a pucker as I bowed my head to check my figure. I hadn't been gaining weight! I couldn't have been! It wasn't denial, it was a fact. I was always working out, and I kept a special check on my diet. It just didn't make sense.

"Jewel, I'm sorry, it's just-"

"No no, it's okay." I put the container with the remaining Spring Rolls, and the container with the rice back on the table and let myself with only the stir-fry. Surely that couldn't kill me, it was just vegetables. "Near, if you're staying here tonight, I'm taking your car. I'm tired," I called over my shoulder.

"For the love of all that is wholly, you're going to drive too instead of walking?"

I pretended to not be mortified at that comment and grabbed the keys from the hook on the way out. Gevanni was going to hear about it when I was in more of a mood to talk civilly and not in a mood to tear his head off for his comments.

I was starting to think that I wasn't the only one being affected by the pressures of the previous month.

I stomped over to the elevator and punched the button for the underground lot a little too roughly. I waited impatiently as the elevator pinged with every floor it came to and passed. Finally the doors opened up to the dark, gray lot; Nears shiny black Mercedes was parked in the far corner. I'd have it back in the morning before he even knew it was gone.

I clicked the lock button on the key ring and the car bleeped and the lights flashed as I approached. I slid into the driver's seat and started the car. I was speeding down the street in less than thirty seconds.

I loved fast cars. Fast cars gave me excitement in my life without the immediate threat of death. I mean sure, if I wasn't careful, a bone crushing, skull shattering impact was imminent, but there were no guns blazing, no bombs, no...

No brakes.

I pressed down lightly on the brake pedal but my foot went all the way to the floor. There was no resistance, the hydraulics weren't functioning.

There were some days when I really hated my life.

I didn't hate it enough to not fight for it though.

Luckily for me I didn't have to fight too hard. I was on a straight stretch and only ran one red light before I came to a stop on the side of the road. I was lucky I was on my way to my house and not on my way to someone else's place. If I had been on my way to Near's I would have been in slightly more trouble. He lived at the bottom of a hill.

I flipped on the warning lights on the dashboard, dug around in the glove box for a flashlight and let myself out of car, popping the hood as I closed the door behind me. It took me less than a minute to find what I was looking for; granted, I knew where to look. Cut brake lines.

I dropped the flashlight onto the hood of the car; slammed my left hand into my left pocket and came out with a pack of gum, slammed my right hand into my right pocket and came out with my cell phone. I flipped the device open and hit number two on the speed-dial. Number two only because the number one was preprogrammed for my voicemail.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I need a ride."

Author's Note: Whew! There's a lot going on in this chapter eh? What does it all mean! D:

So, threw in that little cutsie moment with Gevanni and Jewel as per a special request ...The not to cutsie moment between them was a necessity and I'm sorry, lol ^_^ Hope y'all liked this chapter :)

Also, I've got a poll for you guys ;P

Who's your favourite Wammy's Boy?

Mello

Matt

Near

Beyond

L