CHAPTER FIVE

Tobias

Since dinner, the Abnegation transfer has nagged at the corners of my thoughts. I'm not sure why I can't keep her out of my mind. She's not what I would expect coming fresh out of Abnegation, but I suppose that's why she transferred. I can still see little hints of her upbringing- she is quiet; her words and actions are deliberate. I suppose it's that strange familiarity that I can't get off my mind. Maybe it's simply that she's Andrew Prior's daughter. He works closely with Marcus and they are good friends, though I can only assume that Andrew has no idea what a monster Marcus really is.

I am approaching the Chasm, intending to follow the hidden trail down to the water. It's after midnight, and I expected the area near the railing that overlooks the Chasm to be deserted, but it isn't. There are two initiates in an intimate looking embrace. That initiates have wandered out of the dormitory at night- especially the first night, were they both transfers- does not shock me. Finding a Dauntless-born and a transfer together the first night is surprising. But most surprising is that not only is the Dauntless-born initiate my best friend's little brother, Uriah… the transfer is the Stiff, Tris.

My stomach twists. I don't know why it bothers me, and I push the unfamiliar pang of emotion out of my thoughts. This girl may have looked the picture perfect daughter of Abnegation when I would pass her on the streets years ago, but it's clear that somewhere along the way, that changed. Growing up in Abnegation, Tris should be wary of touch and a hug like the one Uriah is giving her, a hug so intimate and familiar, as if they've known each other for years, well… even had they known one another their whole lives, a hug like this would not be happening in Abnegation. This girl is clearly not what I was expecting. Not at all.

I push down my inexplicable disappointment, chalking it up to simple confusion at my inability to reconcile her behavior to her upbringing. The only explanation is that somehow she and Uriah have already hit it off. I use my 'Instructor Four' voice, as my friends call it. "What are you two doing down here?" I call out loudly, to be sure I'm heard over the roar of the Chasm.

Both initiates visibly jump, looking at me nervously… almost guiltily but not quite.

"Oh, uh, Four! How's it going, man?" Uriah looks scared shitless, like he thinks I'm going to punch him. "Uh… I think I'll be getting back to my dorm and getting to bed. Night, Tris!" He sprints away; I've never seen Uriah so nervous around me before, and it's weird. Everything about this is weird.

Tris stares at me with her jaw dropped. I keep my face blank, emotionless and intimidating. She's just an initiate, and she needs to know that I'm her instructor, that I'm an authority. I'm not her friend. "I can see why you transferred, Tris," I say coldly. "You sure don't act like you're from Abnegation. Guess you'll fit right in here with the Dauntless boys like Uriah."

Well, I think that did it. I could swear I see her actually shiver, and it gives me a slight sense of satisfaction. She's still frozen, still staring at me with her mouth hanging open. She begins to attempt an explanation that I didn't ask for and don't care to hear, apparently finally intimidated by me because she can't get the words out. "I'm not- we weren't-" Does she think I'm stupid? That wasn't a tentative hug with someone she barely knows. Why does she expect me to care who she dates or hooks up with, anyway?

I cut her off; I just want her to get out of here so I can push her out of my mind until I have to see the initiates tomorrow. "I don't care who you mess around with, Tris, just get your ass back to the dorm."

Her lip quivers. She's going to have to toughen up, because I won't coddle her. She bites her lip so hard that I'm surprised she didn't bite right through it and turns away from me, walking dejectedly away.

When I'm sure she's gone, I finally make my way down to the chasm. The rushing sound of the water calms me, helps clear my head, like white noise soothes a fussy infant. I try to keep the fiery little transfer from Abnegation out of my mind but she creeps back in.

For the two years since I transferred here, I have been the sole Abnegation-born member of Dauntless. Things are very different in Abnegation than they are here in Dauntless. My aversion to physical contact most certainly stems from my childhood there. No one here 'gets' me. Maybe in the back of my mind, I thought that Tris would, simply because she was raised there as well. From what I saw tonight, though, she's much more Dauntless than I had bargained for. Much more like the girls here who I have no interest in. It's just as well. I'll be leaving Dauntless to join my mother in the Factionless once I figure out what it is Max is up to with Jeanine. If this is who Tris is, then there's one less thing to hold me back.

Tris

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun," Tobias says. "The second is how to win a fight." Tobias is walking down the line of nine initiates handing us each a gun. As he presses one into my palm, he doesn't even look at me. I frown, looking at my shoes. I know in my mind that he doesn't know me, he doesn't remember the things I remember, he doesn't understand that Uriah and I are good friends... but my heart still hurts at his regarding me so coldly, and my head pounds slightly in the aftermath of last night's tears. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that."

I examine the gun, just for the distraction from my hurt feelings, as he continues. "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time."

I remember the first time I held a gun. It was in this exact same situation, it's just I'm the only one who remembers it. It felt so foreign in my hands, so dangerous, as if I could hurt someone just by possessing it. I'm not really afraid to hold the gun now, but I am really wishing I had thought not to stand next to Will. The gun in my hand with Will standing only a few feet away… my heart is pounding in my ears. This time, I really do know just how dangerous the hunk of metal in my hands is.

"We believe," Tobias continues, "that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear." Words Tobias said to me in a different time echo in my head. 'Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it. That's the point.' I can do this.

"Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

Peter pipes up with his idiotic comment, and I smirk as soon as he begins to speak, remembering what Tobias is about to do. "But what…" Peter yawns. "What does firing a gun have to do with...bravery?"

As Tobias flips the gun in his hand, puts the barrel against Peter's forehead and clicks the bullet into place, my body shakes in silent laughter. This is one of the few things that could amuse me after the misunderstanding last night. Peter freezes mid-yawn. Will looks at me in shock at my reaction.

"Wake. Up." Tobias barks. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." When Tobias puts the gun down, away from Peter's head, Peter turns bright red and his body straightens. "And to answer your question, you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you are prepared to defend yourself."

Tobias tells us to watch before he gets into stance, feet shoulder width apart, wraps both hands around the gun, and fires. I watch, not to see what to do because I remember how to fire a gun, I've certainly done enough of that by now. No, this time, I'm just admiring him. As others start to fire, I'm still staring at Tobias.

"Is there a problem, initiate?" Tobias's question brings me back to reality. Oops, I guess I got a little caught up admiring how gorgeous he is…

"Uh, no, sorry Four," I mumble. Feet shoulder width apart, I hold the gun firmly in both hands. I remember how the recoil sent me into the wall the first time I did this, and I know my body is not yet strong. I brace myself and fire. An image of Will, his eyes blank, a bullet speeding into his skull flashes in my mind. I close my eyes and breathe in and out through my nose until my breathing slows again.

When I open my eyes, Tobias is staring at me, his brow furrowed. "Uh, it's nothing," I say quickly. "Just… a bad dream I had. I'll get past it." It's true enough. I have relived the moment Will died many times in my sleep.

My Tobias would have known why I was struggling.

I look to see whether I hit the target. I'm surprised to see that while I didn't make the bullseye, I did hit the inner circle.

"Excellent first shot, initiate," is all Tobias says before he moves on.

Marlene

It's my first day of training as a Dauntless initiate, and I'm more nervous than I would ever admit. We've started with training on the punching bags. Lauren quickly demonstrated a few punches and kicks, then we were expected to jump right in and get to it. Us Dauntless-borns have been doing this stuff for fun to at least some extent practically our whole lives, I can't even imagine how nervous I'd be if I were a transfer. Especially if I were scrawny like that Stiff Uriah seems so impressed with. It's really weird, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was a little jealous. Not that I have any claim to him, much as I wish I did.

I practice punches and kicks but the bag isn't moving as much as I had hoped it would. I wish I had practiced this a bit more before initiation began. Lynn was in here all the time, and her bag is swinging pretty hard. I glance at Uriah on the bag next to me, admiring his form. He looks so confident. I wish I felt as sure of myself. But I'll pretend to. Fake it till you make it, right?

"Mar!" Uriah calls out. I stop and look at him, dropping my hands. He comes around behind me and reaches both arms around me, then positions my arms and fixes my fists. Huh, I see the difference between what I had been doing and how he has positioned me. With a hand gripping each of my wrists, he slowly moves my arms as he explains what we're doing. "Start with your arm in this position, and when you extend it, twist like this. If you need more power you can use your knees and elbows, too." I try it a few times and the bag moves more than before. "Awesome, you got it," he says with a grin- he has the cutest damn grin- then returns to his bag.

I try to concentrate on my training but now Uriah has taken off his shirt and it's hard to tear my eyes away.

Training. I'm here for training. If I don't focus, then I'm going to get my ass handed to me on a platter tomorrow when we start the fights. I shake my head to clear it and focus on my punches and kicks. Lauren walks by after a while and nods in approval; I respond with a satisfied smile. I am so engrossed in training that it feels like no time before Lauren dismisses us for lunch.

"You were lookin' good there, Mar," Uriah says with the cutest freaking smirk I've ever seen. "Fights tomorrow, right? You wanna spar a little tonight, make sure we're ready?" Physical contact with you? Yes please!

We enter the dining hall and fill our plates. Uriah walks ahead and Lynn and I follow… to the table with the transfers? Ugh. What is with Uriah and befriending the transfers?

"Tris! Christina!" he calls out, and his eyes light up. There's that pang of jealousy again. I sigh. "We're gonna spar tonight. Make sure we're ready for tomorrow's fights. You two wanna join?"

Tris shrugs and picks at her food. I look to Uriah he is frowning, looking at Christina, questioning her with his eyes. She looks at Tris and back at Uriah, shrugging, as if answering, 'I don't have a clue what's wrong with her.'

"Tris," Uriah says gently, rounding to her side of the table. He crouches down so he's looking up at her. As I put down my tray and sit, Uriah and Tris are talking to one another, but their voices are too soft for me to make out. Probably means it's a private conversation and I shouldn't try to listen, anyway.

My heart drops to my stomach as Uriah leads Tris away from the table and out of the cafeteria, a couple of sandwiches in his other hand. "What's going on with those two?" I wonder aloud when they're out of sight.

"It's weird, right?" Lynn says. "Uriah's easy to become friends with and all, but didn't they just meet yesterday?"

Christina frowns and shrugs. "I guess they must have some crazy connection or something," she says. "When I met Tris on the train I thought she and I would be great friends, but it looks like she's already found her bestie here." I thought Uriah was my 'bestie'. Well, him and Lynn both, but still. And I'd hoped that maybe… maybe soon we could be more. But if he has this crazy connection with this random transfer girl… well, now I'm not so sure.

I sigh aloud before I catch myself and Lynn shoots me a look, as if asking what's wrong. I shrug and fake a smile.

At least I get to eat my cake today.

Tobias

The initiates file in after lunch, and my eyes follow Tris. Her lips turn down into a deep frown, and her eyes look slightly swollen, as if she has been crying. Probably boy trouble, judging from what I saw last night, I think with a slight roll of my eyes.

I shake it off, and a moment later, I realize she has drawn me in yet again. Now she's chatting a little with Will and Christina, and Al joins them. He watches her every move, looking at her with adoration. So she's going to be one of those kind of girls. I guess when she left her old faction behind she committed to her decision with Dauntless abandon.

Time to get started training the initiates to fight. "As I said this morning," I begin, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless. We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." Yet again, my eyes settle on Tris. Not because she isn't paying attention- she is- but she's just so small and fragile, she's going to have to work extra hard if she's going to make it through stage one.

I demonstrate several kicks and punches, then the initiates begin to practice on the punching bags that are hung at three foot intervals along one side of the room. I pace along the aisle of initiates, watching their stances, how they hold their arms, the rotation of their fist as they punch, and so on. First is Peter. He's powerful, but not so big as to be slow. He doesn't need much help from me so if he wants it, he can ask for it. Next to him is Drew. Drew is stocky, fairly strong. I correct his stance and the position of his arms, but as soon as I move on to Molly, I notice when I glance back that he has already reverted back to what he was doing before. Oh well, not my problem. If he isn't going to listen, he'll suffer the consequences.

Molly keeps her left arm too high. If her opponents are smart, they'll notice and take advantage of that. She also doesn't move her feet. At all. She's about as responsive to my instruction as Drew was. I get the feeling that those two aren't the brightest bulbs in the box.

Next is Edward. His technique is excellent. I walk past him to his girlfriend Myra, who honestly may be beyond help, but I do my best.

After Myra is Al. That kid is a sledgehammer- all brute force, but no finesse. For the fights, that will do, though, against most opponents, because the kid is huge. I give him a few tips and move on to Will. Will was born Erudite and quickly picks up each tip I give him, fixing his stance, arm position, and so on. It's refreshing after wasting my time trying to help Drew and Molly.

Next I come to the one that hasn't seemed to be far from the center of my mind since she landed in the net in a gray blur: Tris. I stand back and watch her. Her stance is nearly perfect, and her technique is surprisingly good. She just is completely lacking in muscle. It's like she's trained before, but she couldn't have. There would be no one to train her in Abnegation, and if she had trained, she would be stronger than she is.

She glances at me nervously. "You don't have much muscle," I say. She bites her lip. "...which means that you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." She nods matter of factly and a look of determination settles on her face. She's stubborn and she's not going to go down without a fight.

I don't know why I do it- growing up in Abnegation, physical touch was very much discouraged, and no one ever really touched me unless it was to hurt me. Yet, I find myself placing my hand on her stomach. She's so small that with the heel of my hand resting on her side, my fingertips pass the opposite ribcage. She holds her breath, and the look on her face confuses me- a mix of relief, longing and sadness. I clear my throat. "Never forget to keep tension here." When I take my hand away and move on to Christina, shaking my head to clear it, I hear her slowly exhale. When I glance back, she's working the bag with her knees and elbows, causing it to swing twice as much as before.

Why am I so fascinated by her? I don't like the way that she won't stay out of my thoughts, I don't like the unnerving feeling I get when she looks into my eyes, as if I'm standing before her completely naked. And for some reason, I don't like that she is already so friendly with Uriah. This is going to be a long few weeks.