CHAPTER EIGHT

Tris

As usual, Al is whimpering in his bed. I'm still uncomfortable around him. Our history- which only I have memory of, as it hasn't happened to him yet- if it will at all- leaves me with my emotions jumbled and conflicted. It's as if every day, every time I see him (or hear him, like right now) there is a battle in my mind between forgiving him for what he did (but hasn't yet done), and the forgiveness I had allowed him after his death before… the forgiveness that I did not give him before he jumped into the Chasm.

Further complicating my jumbled feelings is the resentment and disgust I feel at his refusal to try to win his fights. Just as before, ever since the first fight, he has been taking a single punch and pretending to go unconscious. I didn't fight him at all the first time through initiation, but now things have changed and he was my opponent today. I punched him in the jaw, he fell and refused to get up, feigning unconsciousness. I don't know who I'll be up against for my final fight- the one where I beat Molly, last time- but I wouldn't have minded a little more practice by actually fighting him. Besides, to have someone just let you win… it's insulting. It feels like he thinks he's doing me a favor, because he doesn't believe I stand a chance against him. I don't like it when people underestimate me because they assume just from looking at me that I'm weak.

My Tobias, he didn't underestimate me. His words play in my mind, lifting the corners of my mouth into a smile. 'You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong.' I remember him leaning forward, his face so close to mine. I remember the way my heart sped up and my skin tingled as his fingers wrapped around my chin, smelling like metal. 'My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press.'

My breathing quickens at the memory. I miss him so much.

Just then, the moment I've been laying here, fully clothed and awake, and waiting for comes. The dormitory door opens, and I grin as the beams of light from the flashlight the people are holding shine around the room. I sit up, ready to grab my boots, excited for tonight. Tonight is Capture the Flag. The night Tobias and I climbed the ferris wheel.

"Everybody up!" I hear Eric roar. I freeze looking between him and Tobias. They are both looking right at me. I only let myself pause for a moment before I begin to shove my feet into my boots.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," Eric says. "We're going on another field trip."

In a moment I am sprinting. I can hardly wait. The memory of climbing the ferris wheel before with Tobias brings a smile I can't shake off my face.

Up near the track, I am one of the first to grab a paintball gun and shove a couple boxes of paintballs into my jacket pocket. As I do, Christina says, "Are we going to shoot something?" I grin, toss her a box of paintballs, and laugh. I turn away from her and move as close as I can to Tobias- which, unfortunately, also means I'm near Eric- as I hear the train's horn sound in the distance.

Tobias

"Time estimate?" Eric asks. I roll my eyes. He's been riding these trains for over two years; how hard is it to memorize the train schedule in that time?

"Any minute now," I answer. "How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" He shoves my shoulder, hard, as Tris approaches. She glances at me, then eyes Eric cautiously, seeming to move nearer to me while still trying to keep her distance from Eric. Glancing his way, I don't miss the way Eric's eyes travel down her body and back up. She's absolutely right, he is interested in her, and I have this undeniable urge to block her from his view, as well as the far more familiar impulse to punch him in the face.

The train is approaching now. Eric's eyes roam over Tris's small figure again, and she inches closer to me. As I run and jump onto the train when it arrives, Tris is right on my heels, and I reach out to pull her in. I watch her move further back in the car, undoubtedly trying to stay away from Eric, but her eyes watch me the whole time as if she's begging me to watch out for her. I look for Uriah, but he's across the car with Marlene and Lynn. He glances at Tris, then Eric, here and there, but does not move toward her. Maybe they really are just friends.

When everyone is in, I begin to explain tonight's field trip. "We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." I grab the side of the doorway to balance as the train car goes around a bend. "This is a Dauntless tradition," I add, "so I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" someone shouts- I think it was that asshole Candor, Peter.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," I say with full intention of making him look like an idiot. "You get to win, of course."

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says and looks at me. "Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?"

I have to think fast. If Eric goes first, he will pick Tris and I won't be able to watch out for her. At the thought of her and Eric, I feel like I just swallowed a rock. It's a risk, but my best bet might be to just start. "Okay," I say, "I want the Stiff."

Tris looks relieved and smiles at me, and Eric's eyes flash anger. He glares at me. He seems to be too angry and jealous to even come up with a clever dig at me. "Edward," he says through clenched teeth.

We continue back and forth, first the transfers until I end up with Tris, Christina, Will, and Al. Of the three Dauntless born that I actually care about having on my team- Lynn, Uriah and Marlene- I end up with both Lynn and Uriah, but Eric picks Mar before I can make her my third pick.. The members, of which there are only a few, are last, and I pick Shauna and Mia.

"My team gets off first," Eric says and I decide to tease him a bit more.

"Don't do me any favors," I say confidently. "You know I don't need them to win."

Eric was mad and frustrated before, but now he's furious. He's just so easy to get at. I can see why he puts so much energy into trying to bother me: it's really quite amusing. I know just what he's thinking about: he's thinking about having come in second to me in initiation, about being the second choice for leadership, and about having lost this game the past two years.

"Take your scrawny team and get off first, then," he snaps. "I know you'll lose either way." I chuckle as I motion to my team to follow me off the train.

I see Molly trip Tris as she goes to jump, but luckily Uriah is right behind her and keeps her from falling. When Tris has safely jumped off the train, Uriah elbows Molly in the stomach just before he jumps, and I smirk.

After some discussion of where to go, Uriah suggests we go to the carousel, as that's where Zeke's and my team hid our flag when we won this game in our initiation year. Tris walks several yards ahead of me with her friends, including Uriah- which still gives me that weird unsettled feeling in my stomach. Mia is suddenly shoulder to shoulder with me, leaning in close as she speaks softly. "So, you picked her first, huh? And she's a Stiff, is she?"

I glare. "What does that matter? She was the first jumper, you know. She's brave, and she's fast." I don't like something about the way Mia's talking about her though I can't put my finger on it.

"You know, Four," she says, still quietly, "I actually do still remember where you came from. No wonder you like her." She remembers where I came from? Panic rises in me. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. We were both oddballs, remember?" Mia was a transfer from Amity. She's right, it makes sense that she would have noticed.

"She's just an initiate," I insist, but somewhere deep down, I know I don't believe that anymore. Mia just smirks and falls back to chat with Shauna.

We arrive at the carousel and Will takes the flag from me. The initiates argue over who should be in charge, what strategy to use- all offense, all defense, somewhere in between… it reminds me of the bickering on the train yesterday, so I just tune them out. I'm staring off into the moonlit fairgrounds when I notice a familiar blonde head quietly moving away from the group. She's a few dozen yards away when I begin to follow.

Soon, I see where Tris is headed: the ferris wheel. She slings her rifle onto her back, held onto her shoulder by the strap, and climbs onto the ladder of the wheel, bouncing on it a few times to test its strength.

"Tris," I say, when I'm a few yards behind her.

She pauses and looks over her shoulder, but isn't at all startled, as if she were expecting me. "Yes?"

"I came to find out what you think you're doing."

A smile plays at her lips- she looks genuinely amused. "I'm seeking higher ground. I don't think I'm doing anything."

Anyone else and I'd be annoyed at her sassy attitude, but Tris… it's one of my favorite things about her. I know just how much strength and bravery is behind that sarcasm. I grew up where she did, though I'm sure my own home was much more strict than hers. We were still raised with the same values.

I smile, and as I do, I realize just how often I want to smile when I'm around her. It's really kind of odd. I'm not usually someone who smiles much. "Alright," I say, and I can even hear the smile in my voice. "I'm coming."

"I'll be fine," she says, but something about her tone tells me she means the opposite- not that she won't be fine, but that she'd like the company.

"Undoubtedly," I reply. The conversation feels like comfortable banter, a feeling of familiarity that I usually feel only with Zeke and Shauna. As we climb I just want to reach up and touch her… but I am her instructor. I keep my mind on that by asking her questions about what she thinks the point of the exercise is, how it relates to bravery, blah blah blah. She gives good answers, but I'm really only asking her all this so that I don't forget what my job is here- that I am supposed to be her instructor, not her friend or anything else.

When she asks if I'm alright, I finally realize how hard I am breathing. Somehow, though I'm still reacting to my fear of heights- a fear I'd never admit to, by the way- I was too busy thinking about her to consciously register just how high I had climbed. But now that she has drawn attention to my impending panic… well, now, I'm fully aware of exactly where I am. My heart pounds and my throat is dry, and it's hard to swallow.

"Are you even human, Tris?! It doesn't scare you at all? Being up this high?" Before she can answer, a gust of wind nearly blows her off the ladder. I grab her waist with one hand, squeezing her hip slightly as I push her back to safety. Her shirt has ridden up a bit and my fingers touch her bare skin. The jolt of electricity that goes through me at that touch, the warmth of her skin against my hand… I look up at her, desperate to know if she feels it too. "Are you okay?" I ask.

Her voice is tight, but I swear I see longing when her eyes meet mine. "Yes."

Somehow- I have no idea how I will myself to keep climbing, but I am pretty sure it has everything to do with her, and soon we are at the platform halfway up the wheel. Don't look down, Tobias. Don't look down, don't look down.

Tris is seated with her legs hanging off the edge of the platform and I don't know how she can be so calm, hanging a hundred feet above the ground like this. I cling to the bars behind me.

"You are afraid of heights, Four," Tris says once I have climbed onto the platform next to her. She says it as a statement, a matter of fact. There is no question implied. "Why did you follow me up here? I would have been fine." There's definitely a question now. Not just in her voice, but in her eyes. Her eyes tell me that she needs an answer. A real answer.

So, I search for one, and I know 'I'm your instructor' is not going to satisfy someone as curious as Tris. The answer comes out before I really register what I am saying. "I like being with you."

It's in that moment, that I know. I want her to know me. I want to trust her. I want her to know who I am, where I came from, why I had to leave… I want her to know things I have never trusted anyone with. I am not sure how to tell her, but I will find a way. I just know it, that she's worth it. That she deserves my trust, and that I want to deserve hers.

Marlene

I had been so excited for capture the flag. I mean, seriously, for years I have been looking forward to this. And then what happens? I have the misfortune of ending up on Eric's team. That Stiff, Tris, is on Four's team along with Uriah and Lynn, and so are the other transfers I've spent time with- Christina, Will and Al. That leaves me with that asshole Candor, Peter, and his two little minions, a bunch of Dauntless-born that I'm not friends with, a couple members I don't know, and just one decent person in the bunch, which is Edward.

I've thought about Edward here and there, since I saw him on the roof the other night. Now, following Eric toward the park at Navy Pier to hide our flag, I find myself inching closer to him. On the train ride here, the Candor transfer- Peter's little groupie, I think her name was Mary or Molly or something, was gossiping about Edward and Myra. No one stopped her- the other transfers looked uncomfortable, and Tris just looked down at her feet with her fists clenched and cheeks flushed.

Mostly, though, I watched Edward. He just looked away, arms crossed, while Molly went on about the fight she overheard between Edward and his girlfriend, Myra. Well, ex-girlfriend, now, apparently. Molly recounted every detail, none of which was any of her business, of how Myra cried over the near- certainty that she will be cut. I saw the embarrassment on Edward's face as Molly loudly, laughing with her ugly laugh that sounds like it belongs to a barnyard animal, told her asshole friends that Myra had asked if Edward would come with her and he had told her no… and then she had broken up with him. Then, I looked around the train car and saw that Myra didn't even come tonight.

I bump Edward with my shoulder as we walk. "You okay?" I ask. He gives me a wary look. "Molly's loud, I really couldn't help hearing her gossip. As much as I may have tried not to listen, no one can ignore that horse laugh of hers."

I'm pleased to be rewarded with a smile and chuckle from Edward. "I'm not okay right now, really- I really do care a lot about Myra," he says. "But I will be okay."

"Love hurts, sometimes," I say softly. I feel like I know kind of what he's going through. Uriah and I may never have dated, but we've been friends for so long… it hurts all the same. "You can always talk to me, you know. If you need someone. I'm a good listener."

Edward smiles and touches my shoulder as he quietly thanks me.

"So where should we look first?" Edward and I have been chosen to scout out the other team's location. I'm fast, and Edward is an excellent shot. Plus, we both volunteered. I think he wanted to get away from the rest of the team as badly as I did; Eric mostly chose people who were just as big of jerks as himself.

Edward scowls, but it's playful. "Why are you asking me?"

I elbow him in the arm. "You're supposed to be the smart one, Nose," I say, using Uriah's term for the Erudite. It's a play on words, because their noses are always in a book, and they know everything, or think they do.

Edward scoffs and tries to look offended. "I can't believe you'd insult me with a name like that…" he trails off, trying to come up with a mean stereotyped name to throw back at me, but he's clearly coming up short. I can't hold back my laughter.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, cause you're not fooling me for a second," I laugh.

Edward grins and suddenly, my feet are off the ground and Edward has thrown me over his shoulder. I squeal and remember what we're supposed to be doing as he shushes me… while laughing at the same time. "Put me down!" I whisper-yell.

"With pleasure," he responds, and I know that I should have been more specific- like maybe, 'set me down gently on my feet please, Edward,' as he drops me flat on my ass.

"Jerk!" I pout, ripping a handful of grass out of the ground and throwing it in his face.

I'm having fun, though. As I grin up at him, he extends a hand to help me up. Being with him is fun like being with Uriah. The thought startles me.

We resume our walk and I try to think of who else he is friends with, and I realize then that I've really only seen him hang out with Myra. It has been pretty obvious tonight that he isn't friends with Peter and his lackeys, and I haven't seen him around Tris and her groupies either. "What's it going to be like for you without Myra?" I ask. He seems a bit startled by the question. "I mean," I continue, "my best friend has been hanging out with the transfers a lot and that's been a little weird for me. You came her with her and had each other, I haven't seen you hanging around with anyone else, really."

Edward nods. "I don't know. You're the closest thing to a friend that I've made so far."

I stop. "Closest thing, huh? I see how it is," I tease, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't rate well enough to be considered your friend, apparently."

Edward's eyes look suddenly panicked and he stumbles over his words. "I didn't mean- I didn't want… shit!" His head is in his hands and finally I start laughing.

"I'm really not that easily offended, Eddie," I say, trying out the nickname as I poke him in the side. In the distance I see movement. "What's that?"

Edward turns to follow my line of vision, squinting. "Is that…"

"They turned the ferris wheel!" I exclaim. "What the hell are they thinking? Come on, let's get back to Eric fast!"

Getting back to Eric fast, as it turns out, was not fast enough. Tris, it turns out, is not only brave, she's also Erudite smart and thought to climb the wheel so she could see farther and we had barely made it back when they divided, conquered, and had the flag. My first thought was to wonder if Uriah went with her, but then I heard him going on about how she was there then suddenly, she wasn't, so I guess he didn't. All I can say about my team's loss is that I really hope Eric decides to watch the transfers tomorrow rather than us Dauntless-born, because he was completely pissed. I really thought at any moment, he might drop to the floor and throw a kicking and screaming, toddler-style temper tantrum. He avoided going to that extreme, but only just.

On the train ride back, I invite Edward to hang out with Uriah, Lynn and me, as well as Uriah's transfer friends. I may as well give them a chance, I figure, especially if it will help Edward make some new friends, which would make his break-up with Myra easier on him. The whole way back we're laughing and talking, and I find myself paying more attention to Edward than anyone else, even Uriah.

When we get off the train, my heart drops to my stomach when I see Myra there waiting. I walk slowly, dragging a ways behind the others, eavesdropping on their conversation as I walk away. For some reason, I just need to know.

"I'm so sorry, Edward, please, let's just forget that fight," Myra pleads in a sickly-sweet voice. I roll my eyes. She's going to be factionless in a few days either way.

"Myra…" comes Edward's voice.

"Edward… please. I love you." Her voice, she's literally begging now.

"No, Myra," Edward says. "I care about you, but we both know that you're going to be cut in a few days. I'm not leaving with you. I'm staying here at Dauntless. I'm beginning to make friends, even. Care about… other people here. There's just no future for us."

I pause around the corner where I can still hear them. I'm not eavesdropping really… I just think maybe he'll need a friend when they're done talking.

Myra's voice is cold and angry now. "I can't believe you! I came here… for you! I could have stayed in Erudite, we could have stayed there and lived happily ever after, Edward! And now you're just going to abandon me when I need you most?!"

"I never asked you to follow me, Myra!" he yells. "I tried to tell you not to! Look, I care for you, but I can't give up the entire rest of my life for you. I'm sorry that this was the choice you made, but that isn't my fault. You need to take responsibility for your own mistakes. I'm sorry."

I hurry a little ways ahead as I hear a stifled scream, probably Myra with her hands over her face. Edward rounds the corner. "Did you hear all that?" he asks.

"Uh… yeah." I can feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks. "I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am, actually," he says, smiling slightly. "I wasn't, earlier. But then I had fun with you out there, and I just… I can be happy here, still. She shouldn't have chosen Dauntless to follow me. It was time for a clean break."

We walk back to the dorms together. I glance at him here and there, and just as often, I can feel his gaze on me. He stops in front of my dormitory before moving on to his own. "See you at breakfast?" he says, looking hopeful.

"Sure, sounds great," I say. I surprise even myself by impulsively pulling him in for a hug. Then I give him a little wave and a small smile. "Goodnight, Edward," I say as I walk back into the dorm, unable to wipe the smile off my face.