CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tobias

It's late enough now that no one is really out and about when we reach the Pit. I know Tris and I can't have any sort of public relationship yet, not while I am her instructor, but we're the only ones here. I take her hand, lacing my fingers with hers, and rub small circles in her palm with my thumb. I've never held a girl's hand before; all of this is brand new to me. I have been on a few dates when Zeke has forced me along, but I always managed to offend my date somehow very early on, so my experience with girls is non-existent. And that's okay. I'm glad I waited for the right girl. Tris is special… she's different. A really good kind of different.

I lead Tris down into the chasm. Almost no one knows about this place, so I like to come here to think or to just get away from the noise and ruckus of Dauntless life. There are no cameras, and you can't really see my spot down by the water from up above. Zeke discovered this place shortly after our initiation and I have never wanted to share it with anyone before. Not until today.

We sit on a large flat rock not far above the rushing water, and I wrap my arm around her waist.

"Can I call you Tobias? When it's just us?" she asks, looking slightly nervous.

I have not wanted to hear my given name in a very long time. Growing up with Marcus, it was always more of an expletive than a name. But it isn't like that when Tris says it. Then suddenly it hits me… she said my name before she saw Marcus. She already knew who I was. How did she know that? Did she recognize me from Abnegation? If she did, wouldn't she have told me sooner?

I have to ask her about it. "It's nice to hear my name again. But only when we're alone," I reply, then bite my lip. "Uh, Tris?"

"Hmm," she hums in response. She has the most serene, peaceful look on her face, and I almost don't want to ask what I need to in case it might ruin it. But I need to know.

"In my fear landscape… you… you called me Tobias. Before you saw Marcus." Her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open. She's clearly startled… and I swear she looks like she feels guilty. "Tris, how did you know who I was?" I have to remind myself to breathe as she just sits there in tense silence.

"Shit," she mumbles under her breath. She's hiding something. I trusted her, and I really hope she will trust me with whatever it is. I don't want secrets between us.

"Tris," I sigh, "please just tell me. I just trusted you with information about myself that I have never volunteered to anyone. Ever. Whatever it is, you can tell me." My gaze is fixed on her beautiful face. The anticipation is killing me.

She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a few deep breaths before speaking. "Tobias… there is something I haven't told you, or anyone… I'm just afraid you won't believe me. I'm afraid I'll lose you when I just got you back. But I will take that risk, so please keep an open mind." Just got me back? What is that supposed to mean?!

She takes a few more deep breaths- I'm starting to think she might be on the verge of a panic attack. I do my best to keep my expression understanding and encouraging.

"Crap, I don't even know how to start," she mumbles, but then she does start her story. "On the morning of the aptitude test," she begins, "I woke up from what I thought was a very vivid and bizarre dream. It… it was long and felt very real. My dream started that day, the morning of the aptitude test. In it… I did my aptitude test, I chose Dauntless and went through initiation. I ranked first. Then… then there was a war. A lot of things... happened. At the end I died, and Uriah did, too. At the very end of the dream, my mother and father, who had died of the beginning of the war, they told Uriah and me that we could go back and start over, fix everything." I'm confused. What does this have to do with me? And… wait, how was Uriah in her dream? Maybe they somehow knew one another before at school?

"Uriah found me the next day at school. We didn't even know each other before initiation. But he pulled me aside and he said, 'I guess that was real.' And then… then he called me Tris. I didn't ever make up that nickname until I landed in the net and you asked me my name, Tobias. Uriah dreamed the same thing, from his point of view. I mean, we weren't always together during the war and all that. But everything we each remember matches up."

I don't think I understand what she's trying to say. I must not. Because it sounds like she's saying that the dream was real or something, and that is impossible. "What does all this have to do with me?"

"We were together, Tobias. We were in love. Well, you were in love with me. I am still in love with you. I came back for you." I can't think. It's like my thoughts are just white noise. This doesn't make sense. This isn't possible. It isn't.

But then, as the white noise begins to quiet down and I can hear my thoughts again, my memory flashes to so many instances that have puzzled me. Tris and Uriah's close friendship, as if they had known each other for years- well, now she's telling me that they went through not only initiation, but also a war together. Tris's skill in training that I just could not explain. Her knowing my name, her ease in the fear landscape.

And then there was her mention of a war. Is that what Eric and Max have been up to?

"Tobias," Tris says, "you knew something was happening before it did, we just hadn't figured out what exactly, or moreso, how it would happen. You told me later that you had installed a mirroring program, I think you called it, on Max's computer. Have you done that already?" I stare at her with wide eyes. How did she know about that?! I haven't told anyone I planned to spy on Max in that way.

"You- how… No, I plan to do that tomorrow while everyone is at Visiting Day." I swallow hard. "You… you knew. I haven't talked to anyone about that."

Tris smiles… or maybe it's more of a grimace. "No, you told me. Later… when… when we were outside the fence."

Outside the fence. She's saying that we went outside the fence?! I flash back to the train a few days ago, when she was talking to Will and Christina. Will had asked what she thought was out there, and she had said… Maybe something we could never even imagine. But she knew. She knows. She knows what is out there.

"Look, Tobias, I'm sure that this is… a lot to take in. You're probably trying to decide whether I am mentally unstable for saying all this." She doesn't look at me. "If you need some time to think about it, if you need to talk to Uriah and see what he says, I understand. You're worth the wait."

This is real. She isn't crazy, whatever it was, a dream, a premonition… actual time travel, as ridiculous as that sounds… she has seen the future. This… is… real.

I swallow hard. "I… I believe you, Tris," I say slowly. "This is just… wow. And… you… you're in love with me?" She nods. That should scare me… but it doesn't. Instead, it makes me feel warm inside, a heat starting at my core and radiating out.

"You can't tell anyone. About any of this. I know you probably want to go ahead and see what's on Max's computer, I'm sure you need proof. I can help if you need it." It never occurred to me that I would be able to trust someone to help me with that. It would probably be much safer to do this with help.

We can worry about that tomorrow. I can't think about this any more. I just want to enjoy this beautiful girl who is, for reasons I cannot begin to fathom, in love with me.

"Let me… absorb all this and we can talk about it later. I just want to be with you right now." I cup her face in my hands, the beginning of a smile on her lips as I pull her in for our second earth-shattering kiss.

I have wondered many times what it would be like to kiss a girl, but I never imagined I could be so consumed with another person. My arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer to me, and she melts against me. Her tongue slides across my lower lip; I'm inexperienced, but somehow I react on instinct, welcoming her tongue into my mouth. One of her hands tugs gently at my short hair and the other traces the symbols tattooed down the middle of my back, making me shiver. I've never felt anything like I feel for this girl… it's indescribable.

She breaks the kiss, and it feels too soon. Before I can try to capture her lips again, I feel her warm, wet lips against a sensitive spot I didn't know was there, just behind my ear and I moan. "Tris…" I breathe.

"Tobias, I love you," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion. I kiss down her neck and notice a tattoo peeking out her shirt collar. Moving the fabric gently aside, I find three black birds flying along her collarbone and kiss each one slowly. "I love it when you do that," Tris whispers. If I wasn't already convinced that everything she told me was true, I would be now. I can feel the connection she has with me, the love she has for me, and I desperately want to feel everything for her that she feels for me.

I lean my forehead against hers, my eyes closed, breathing heavily. Without a word, I stand and pull her to her feet, and hand in hand, we walk back to her dormitory.

Tris

Today is Visiting Day. Despite being out late with Tobias last night, I wake up early, buzzing with energy, my thoughts filled with my Tobias. I feel so happy and light, it's as if I could just float away. It's almost like when the Amity gave me too much peace serum, that's how happy I feel.

I quickly pull on my clothes and rush into the Dauntless-born dormitory. Soon I have located Uriah's bed, and I shake him awake quietly. He sputters and rubs his eyes. "Tris?" he mumbles. "It's too early. Why are you waking me up?"

"I need to talk to you! Come on," I whisper.

Uriah groans, but rolls out of bed, slipping on a pair of old sneakers and pulling on a t-shirt; he was sleeping in just a pair of basketball shorts.

He follows me up to the roof. Thankfully, no one is up here. I glance around for cameras, and finding none in this area, I sit down on the ground, pulling him with me. "Can you be a girl for a minute?"

"You want me to be a girl for a minute?!" Uriah huffs. "This is what you woke me up for? To act like I am a girl?"

I whine. "Uriah, please? Come on, just… be all excited and happy for me here, okay?" He shrugs. "Four kissed me last night."

A huge grin breaks out on his face. "What?! No way! Oh my God, where? When?"

"You can be a girl!" I giggle, and Uriah scowls, crossing his arms. "Yesterday, after my fight with Peter- which I won, by the way-" Uriah grins even wider and pumps his fist. "Yep, I beat the crap out of that butter knife wielding psycho!"

"Well done," Uriah says proudly. "Now, get to the part about Four."

"Okay! So… I stayed after talking to him, and I was about to leave, and he told me to meet him that night by the Chasm. When I got there, he took me up into his fear landscape. I protected him from Marcus, and he thanked me after and kissed me!" I don't think Uriah could grin any wider.

"I'm really happy for you, Tris." I know he's having a hard time with everything with Marlene, and I wish Tobias and I could be public so she'd know there's nothing going on with me and Uriah… but we can't.

"Okay but here's the thing, and this is why I had to talk to you right away…" I bite my lip. He might not be happy about me telling Tobias the truth. Uriah stares at me expectantly. "I accidentally called him Tobias during his third fear. I wouldn't have figured out who he was until the fourth one. He caught it, afterward, and asked about it."

Uriah closes his eyes. "You didn't tell him, right? Cause I don't want to end up Erudite's mental ward."

"I told him." Uriah does not open his eyes. He's frozen in place. "And he believes me." Well, that gets his eyes to shoot open, alright.

"What? How?"

I shrug. "I guess I just knew too many things that I couldn't know." I drop to a whisper that Uriah wouldn't be able to hear if I wasn't speaking inches from his ear. Just in case. "I think the biggest one was that today, he was planning on installing a mirroring program on Max's computer to find out what he and Eric are doing with Jeanine Matthews. He had told me about it when we were walking in the garden at the Bureau, how he got the information. I asked if he had done that yet."

"That was smart, Tris."

I shrug. There are any number of things I could have shared to prove myself, really. "So, anyway, he may ask you about it all. He understands now why we are such good friends. But, anyway… now we just need to get things back on track with you and Marlene."

Uriah sighs. "Yeah. I hope it isn't already too late."

In Dauntless, I'm not used to seeing anyone wearing any color but black, but today the Pit is spattered with blue and white- families of the Erudite- and Candor-turned-Dauntless. I know she must be here, and my eyes scan the crowd until they finally land on the lone gray figure. I'm so happy to see my mother, but my heart sinks when I realize my father still did not come. I left on better terms than the first time, so I thought he might be here, but I don't see him.

I run to my mother, engulfing her in a hug. "I missed you, Mom," I whisper.

"Oh, I have missed you so much, too." We break apart and she holds me with one hand on each of my shoulders, looking me over with her sweet smile and her eyes twinkling. "Well, look at you! You look so strong and grown up and Dauntless, Beatrice!"

"I go by Tris now, actually," I say with a smile.

My mother nods. "Tris. It suits you. I see you've been fighting," she says, gently touching my jaw with three fingers- Peter must have landed a punch there at some point during our fight, though I don't remember it. She doesn't look worried, though.

I nod, "yes, and I won all my fights, mom!" She beams proudly. I see Four leaning against the railing to the Chasm. "Oh, Mom, there's one of my instructors!"

"He's handsome," Mom says when she spots him. I giggle and nod as we approach Tobias.

Hearing us approach, Tobias turns and smiles warmly at me, then my mother. "Hello, Mrs. Prior. I'm Tris's instructor. My name is Four," he says, shaking my mother's hand. "Your daughter is doing very well in training. You should be very proud. No one believed she would make it through the first stage, but there is no question that she will pass with flying colors, now."

"That's wonderful to hear," Mom says. "And please, call me Natalie." Tobias nods but looks a bit awkward. He scratches the back of his neck, like he always does when he's nervous, and I suppress a chuckle. "Four, is that a nickname?"

Tobias locks eyes with me. "Yes," he says, not looking at my mother. I try to ask him with my eyes, can I tell my mother who you are?

My mother tilts her head and stares at Tobias intently. "You look very familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Tobias pauses. Last time, he made a rude comment, but this time is different. This time, he has told me his name, he has told me his secrets, he's maybe even falling in love with me. Everything is different. "Perhaps," he finally says. "But that is something to discuss another time. Tris, can I speak with you for just a moment?"

When we are away from other people, he says as quietly as he can with me still hearing him, "I would like to take you up on your offer to help me with that… project, today. Maybe Uriah, too, if you can find him. Can you meet me at my apartment when your mother leaves?" I nod. "Do you know where to go?" I giggle. "Yes, Tobias. I know where your apartment is."

He shakes his head. "I just can't wrap my head around all this."

"I know," I say softly, one hand resting on his arm, then I turn and walk away from him, back to my mother.

We meet Will and Cara- which goes much more smoothly than last time, as I don't try to pick a fight with her- and Christina, her mother Stephanie, and her sister Rose. Then, my mother pulls me into an abandoned hallway.

"You know your way around," I say. "You were Dauntless." Mom looks stunned. "I know what you want to talk to me about," I tell her in a whisper. "Yes, I am… what you're thinking." I'm afraid to say the word 'divergent' out loud, out in the open like this, no matter how abandoned the area is. "Mom… something is happening. You, all the Abnegation are in danger. We need to find a time to talk. But not here."

She nods. "Be careful in stage two, Beatrice."

"I know, Mom. I know what to do." She looks confused but lets it go.

"I can't visit Caleb," my mother says. "The Erudite won't allow any Abnegation into their compound, even for visiting day." I shake my head in disgust. "When you can, please go see Caleb. Tell him to look into the simulation serums." I hesitantly nod. I just can't tell her, not right now, what Caleb did- will do- to me. I can't bear to. He didn't exactly betray our parents, but that's only because they died before he had the chance.

"I will come when I can. Maybe Four will bring me some night. He can be trusted." I pause for a moment before adding, "I love Caleb too, but we can't bring him into this. He's an Erudite now and we can't take any chances."

She looks unsure, but doesn't challenge my statement. "I have to go," she tells me regretfully. "I love you, no matter what." She turns and walks down the hallway, then before she turns the corner, calls out, "have a piece of cake for me! The chocolate is to die for!" I gasp, shocked that I forgot.

"Wait, Mom!" I call out, and she pauses and turns back toward me. I pull out the box I've been carrying in my bag. "I got this for you. To share with Dad." Pressing the cake into her hands, I wrap mine around hers and the box. "It's my gift to you. I love you both, always." She smiles, kisses me on the forehead, and disappears down the dark hallway.

Uriah

Mom and I are supposed to meet in the dining hall this morning for Visiting Day. Really, I can see my family anytime, but Visiting Day is treated as sort of a family holiday, so she wanted to be sure to see each other anyway.

On my way, I scan the Pit, watching happy family reunions for the transfers whose families haven't disowned their children for leaving.

Tris is standing with her mother and Four, a shy smile playing at her lips. Four is scratching his neck nervously and I can't help chuckling.

I see Christina and Will near one another, with Will's sister, Cara, who went to the Bureau with us, and Christina's mom and little sister. I smile at the Erudite blue, Dauntless black and Candor black and white standing together and enjoying one another, despite their differences in ideology and faction.

Peter, with his innocent-looking smile, stands with a middle-aged Candor couple, not too far from me. I'm tempted to go tell his parents what a bastard their son turned out to be, but it doesn't matter. They won't be seeing him any more anyway, except maybe on Visiting Day each year. He already left them, it's not worth causing them pain by telling them what kind of person he really is.

Drew and Molly are moping off to the side. Their families didn't show up. Myra and Al are nowhere to be seen.

Then I see Edward. He stands with a boy of maybe nineteen or twenty, dressed in Erudite blue. I guess his folks didn't show up; that's probably his brother. My heart sinks when I see who is with them, smiling and chatting. Marlene.

A lump forms in my throat as Edward glances over his shoulder, then wraps an arm around Marlene's waist. I watch him lean in and say something to her, his lips just inches from her ear, and Mar throws her head back and laughs. She leans into his shoulder, glancing up at him here and there with a flirtatious smile. I feel sick, as if someone punched me in the gut. How can she not see that I am in love with her? And here she is, falling for Edward. I'm sure that Tris will try to stop Peter from stabbing Edward's eye tonight, but I almost hope she isn't able to prevent it. Of course I really don't want that to happen to Edward, but I really wouldn't mind if he left Dauntless today with Myra.

Dragging my feet, I make the way to Mom's apartment, rather than the dining hall, planning to lay on my old bed and do nothing all day. For the second time this week, I don't feel like eating cake any more.

Mom found me on her way to the dining hall and dragged me there to have that piece of cake. I didn't want to let on how low I was feeling to Mom, especially on a holiday, so I ate my cake and promised to meet her for dinner, along with Zeke and Shauna. Unfortunately, it didn't do anything for my mood. I was looking forward to going off to have a little pity party by myself. To my disappointment, that didn't happen either; Tris found me on my way back through the Pit and dragged me by one arm to Four's apartment.

The last thing I feel like doing is talking about all the crap we went through, (only to die, then lose the girl I love to Edward, of all people, when I got another chance.) I groan out loud.

"What?" Tris says sharply.

"I don't want to answer all his questions right now. I want to go drown my broken heart in vodka," I say. "Congratulations to you two, though. You guys belong to one another. Like, the universe says so."

Tris laughs. Then, more seriously, she says, "Uri, we'll find a way. It will work out. I know she's meant for you."

Four looks totally lost. "Who?"

I look at him. "I'm in love with Marlene. We were in love, you know...last time. And then she died, and then I died… and now it looks like she's falling for Edward." I spit his name out like somebody forced brussels sprouts into my mouth. I really hate brussels sprouts.

He frowns. "You'll get her back. You will," Tris says firmly. "So stop being such a pansycake!" Well, that brightens my spirits slightly- the word 'pansycake' is finally catching back on! I've been trying to bring it back for like two years!

"Anyway," Four says, "Tris brought you here because I would like to see what's on Max's computer. I have a mirroring program I would like you, Uriah, to install on his computer. I taped the lock this morning, I will be in the control room making sure no one sees any sign of you going in there, and Tris will stand lookout in the hall." Four looks back and forth at Tris and me, then shakes his head as if to clear it. "This whole thing is just so crazy," he says. "You remember the same things as her, Uriah?"

I nod. "I mean, we didn't follow the same course so it isn't like we have identical memories, but there's nothing inconsistent between the two so far. We both have the same version of how this war played out. And man, we gotta do some things differently this time. I can't watch Mar die again, or Lynn, or… shit… when you turned yourself in at Erudite? Oh my God, Four went freaking insane." I finally notice how wide Four's eyes are. "Sorry, man, I should just shut up. Give you a little info at a time, when we have time to discuss it." I scrub my face with my hands. "It was a lot."

Four nods slowly. Tris breaks the tension and gets us back on track with this program Four wants me to install. "Yes, it was, Uriah. Let's get back to spying on Max, shall we?" Four explains to me exactly what to do, which is all pretty simple, since Zeke has taught me a lot about computers over the last few years.

Fifteen minutes later, the Tris and I are ready to begin our mission. Before Four left, he had said, "Remember, just don't act like you're sneaking around. If you look confident, like you're supposed to be there, it's a lot less likely anyone will question you. Wait here for ten minutes, then trust that I've got the footage isolated and go."

"Ready?" Tris asks.

I shrug. "As I'll ever be." If I get caught in Max's office… I really don't know what the consequences will be. I would expect no less than being kicked out of Dauntless. We make our way to the elevator, chatting about nothing worth remembering. When we have reached the tenth floor and made our way down the hallway where the leaders' offices are, Tris bends down pretending to tie her shoe. "See you in a minute," I say quietly. I whistle and tap the flash drive in my pocket as I walk into Max's office as if it were my own.

As Four instructed, I don't touch the chair, I just lean over it. I type in the password that Four made me repeat about three dozen times- 084628- holding my breath. It works, and I sigh in relief. Following Four's instructions exactly, though I am positive I would have known how to do this without him, I put the flash drive into the USB port and begin to transfer the mirroring program he tricked Lauren into writing for him under the guise of wanting to prank my brother.

I'm almost done when I hear a voice coming from the hallway and freeze.

"What are you doing out here, initiate?" Eric.