CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tris

"Marlene," I whisper, trying to shake her awake. I knew her bed was next to Uriah's, so it wasn't too hard to find her, even with it so dark. I whisper louder. "Mar!"

"Hmm?" she hums sleepily.

From the next bed over I hear Uriah: "Tris? Is that you?"

"Yes, Uri, it's me," I whisper. I turn back to Marlene. "Marlene, Edward got hurt. He wanted you to come." Marlene shoots upright. My eyes have adjusted to the dark now, so when I turn I can see Uriah, though not with much detail.

"Did Peter…?" Uriah questions.

I shake my head. "No. Well, yes… but just his arm." Uriah nods and lays back down as Marlene pulls on shoes and we make our way to the hallway.

"Okay," Marlene says, her voice thick with sleep, but a little shaky. "Tell me what happened."

I explain about Peter's sick and bizarre effort to eliminate the competition by attacking others with butter knives, and Marlene gasps when I tell her he almost got Edward's eye. "If he had been asleep…" Marlene says. I just nod.

I'm not sure whether it's better to call attention to the elephant that never leaves the room or to ignore it, but I hate that Uriah is hurting so much, so I decide to try and address what is constantly eating at me.

"Marlene," I say cautiously, "I hope we can consider each other friends." I see the hint of a frown flicker across her face, but she masks it quickly. "If I've done something to upset you, I hope you'd tell me so we can work it out. Uriah is my good friend, and I don't intend to intrude on your friendship with him; I really would like to be your friend." Marlene nods, but it's not convincing. I sigh. "Anyway… I'm not sure what's going on with you and Edward… but… don't forget about Uriah. He cares a lot about you, Mar."

Marlene snorts and glares at me. "What, so he can hook up with some transfer but I can't?"

So she definitely does think there is something between Uri and me. I run my hand through my tangled blonde hair as I try to sort out how much I can and can't say. "Uriah and I are only friends," I say carefully. "I-"

"Please," Marlene says and rolls her eyes. "I can see what is going on with you two. I'm not blind. But apparently you are well aware of my feelings for him and moved in on him anyway. Don't pretend you want to be my friend."

I stand, stunned, outside the door to the infirmary for a moment as Marlene pushes her way in. After spending a minute trying to regain my composure, I enter the infirmary and sit down in one of the waiting room chairs. I want to see Tobias before I go, and I don't have to wait long; I've only been sitting for five or ten minutes when he sees me on his way out of the infirmary.

"Tris, I didn't know you were waiting out here." He holds out his hand to pull me up. We're in public, and I know that's why he drops it quickly, but I still miss his warmth.

"How is Edward?" I ask as we leave the infirmary and Tobias leads me, his hand on the small of my back, to a little alcove off of an abandoned hallway.

Tobias shrugs. "He's fine, just needed a few stitches. More shaken up at what could have happened, than anything. He credits you with his still having two working eyes."

I shrug. Wouldn't anyone have done the same, had they known? Edward doesn't owe me anything.

"I should get back to the dormitory." I really want to just go back to Tobias's apartment with him, but I am not about to suggest it before he does, and I really should be careful not to give the other initiates reason to suspect anything. We still have nearly two weeks of initiation to go. Two torturous weeks of keeping our relationship under wraps.

Tobias sighs, pulling me against him. "Be safe," Tobias whispers against my hair before cupping my chin in his palm and leaning in for a slow, tender kiss.

I lean against him for a few more moments, inhaling his scent of honey and mint and something distinctly him, committing it to memory so that it can carry me through until we can be alone again. "Goodnight, Tobias," I say softly as I pull away.

"Goodnight," he whispers as he watches me walk away.

Uriah

The first time I went through initiation, one of my most favorite days was today: ziplining. As a bonus, it was also the first time I invited Tris to hang out with Marlene, Lynn and me. Well, today, I did go ziplining, and I did bring Tris along… but Tris spent the whole time uncomfortably talking with Zeke, Shauna, and Shauna's cousin, Jason, that she (unsuccessfully) attempted to set Tris up with. The bigger problem for me, though, was that Marlene invited Edward.

Tris was still the first initiate to go down the zip line, right after Shauna's cousin, Jason, who I'm sure was eager to catch her at the bottom. I was behind Tris, then in line behind me was Marlene, then Edward. He spent the whole time waiting with his arm draped casually over her shoulders, occasionally whispering things that made her giggle like a schoolgirl on peace serum. I enjoyed my trip down the line, most of all because it gave me a chance to get away from the girl I love and the guy who stole her away from me. I felt better when I got to the bottom.

My renewed happiness was short lived. When Marlene came into focus on her flight down the zip line, I saw that she and Edward had chosen to ride together in one of the two-person slings. Tris looked at me empathetically and squeezed my arm, but if anything, that just made me feel worse. She and Four have their relationship all on track, but me? No, I seem to get further away from my happily ever after with Marlene each passing day. Tris told me a little about her conversation with Marlene last night, and I feel like she won't ever believe that Tris and I have never been more than friends. After Marlene's response to Tris insisting that we're only friends, I don't have the nerve to bring the subject up with Mar.

So now, here I sit, still feeling sad and dejected, at a table with Lynn, Christina, Will… and Tris, Marlene, and Edward. While Edward is the friendliest I've seen him toward Tris, Marlene looks at Tris like she's gum stuck to the bottom of Mar's shoe.

"So, you two were looking awfully close going down that zip line," Lynn teases Marlene. I clench my jaw and violently pierce a carrot with my fork. When I look up, Edward seems to be studying me. What, does he just get some sick joy out of my jealousy or something? What did I ever do to him?

Marlene giggles. "It sure was a lot of fun! Wasn't it, Eddie?" Oh, so now she has special pet names for him, does she? Great, just great. Then Marlene turns her attention to Tris. "When we made it to the bottom of the zipline, I noticed that Tris and Uriah looked pretty close, too. And I saw Jason following you around, too. You sure have your way with the Dauntless boys, don't you, Tris?" If we could just make this dinner a little more awkward, my day would be perfect, I think sarcastically as I roll my eyes.

"I'm really not sure what you're talking about, Marlene." Tris's expression is blank, but her cheeks are red and from my seat next to her, I can feel the tension radiating off of her. "Uriah is my friend, and I did not ask to be set up with Jason. I'm not interested, anyway."

Marlene rolls her eyes and Tris glares. Marlene turns her attention back to Edward and whispers something in his ear. He smirks.

I can't watch this any longer. I push back my chair, gathering up my tray. Tris follows me. "Uriah, don't let them get to you. Stay."

I shake my head. "I can't watch that any more."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asks, sounding unsure.

"No. I just need some time to think. Alone." I leave her standing there and don't look back.

Tobias

Tris looks frustrated and exhausted when she enters my apartment. "Did you discover that zip lining is as terrifying as I think it looks?" I ask, completely serious. Apparently she thinks it's a joke, though, because she grins and laughs.

"I guess you don't know that I went last time, too." How did she go last time? I was surprised she was going today, because it's usually only for the Dauntless-born initiates who have older siblings here. "And I loved it, both times. It's amazing. I know how much you hate heights, but you really should try it sometime." Never going to happen. And I give her a look that reflects that thought, to which she rolls her eyes.

"You look like you've had a rough day," I observe. "What happened?"

Again, she sits herself down on my bed as if it's her own. And again, I realize that it's possible that it was actually her bed too. I just haven't caught up. I wonder what else I haven't caught up on? I haven't yet worked up the nerve to ask about our former… or future, depending how you look at it... sex life. If there even was one yet.

"Well," she says, as I sit down next to her and pull her against me, both our backs leaning against the wall. "Your friends used ziplining to try and set me up with some guy named Jason, which was really… uncomfortable." They went ahead with that? My fist involuntarily clenches at the thought of some other guy hitting on Tris. "You should probably tell Zeke and Shauna about us, by the way. I, at least, definitely trust them." She looks up at me through her eyelashes.

I shrug and kiss her temple. "I'll think about it." And I will. I'm just not a very trusting person.

Tris nods, satisfied with my answer. "Then I came back to the dormitory," she continues, "and saw Al and Myra's empty bunks and… I don't know, all this didn't happen last time, Myra and Edward breaking up and whatever he and Marlene going on… and I feel bad for Uriah about that… and then Al…"

"What about Al?" I'm confused. Tris did stand up for Al with the knife throwing, but otherwise she never seemed to care much for him.

"He was my friend, the first time," she says quietly. "Since Edward left, Al didn't get kicked off after stage one. So my actions there got him kicked out of Dauntless, but that's really okay, he wouldn't have made it at the end anyway. At least he's alive this time."

At least he's alive? "What happened last time?"

"When I ranked first at the end of stage two- by a lot, I might add… I am very good at the simulations- Al, Peter and Drew attacked me. They tried to throw me in the Chasm."

My eyes close, though I don't recall making the conscious decision to do so. I was shocked enough at the attempt to take out Edward's eye… but they seriously tried to kill her? This horrible ache is in my gut and after a moment I recognize it… it's dread. Panic. Fear.

"You saved me, Tobias. I was hanging off the rail, with bruises and a head injury when you found them trying to kill me." She swallows hard. "Anyway… Al asked me to forgive him, and I refused to. So he jumped into the Chasm. I feel like I made that right this time, I guess, but I still feel some of that guilt when I look at that empty bed."

"I remember a lesson your father gave once," I say. "He said to 'let the guilt remind us to do better next time.' Sounds like you did that." Tris smiles slightly and nods. I'm thankful that I haven't had to see her in that kind of danger, but I hate that these important moments in our relationship… they didn't happen to me at all, yet. The more important thing right now, though is keeping her alive. I feel sick at the thought of her going back to that dormitory to sleep, but I know we don't have another option; someone would wonder where she was and eventually follow her, if she spent the next two weeks sleeping elsewhere.

"And then," she continues, getting back to her original explanation about her bad day, "dinner was extremely awkward because of Marlene and Edward, then Mar was making remarks essentially implying that I was a slut. Uriah stormed off when he'd had enough of watching her and Edward. I got out of there as fast as I could after that." She looks up at me with those doe eyes that make me melt. "But right now I want to forget about all that."

Tris leans against me and runs her fingers up and down my spine as she places a gentle kiss where my jaw meets my neck. God, that feels good. I can't get enough of this girl, and automatically my eyes close and I hum in approval. "Can I see your tattoo?" she whispers. "Would you tell me about it?"

I pull back and stare at her, confused. "Don't you already know about it?" I'm sure that the… other me (that is so weird) must have showed them to her.

"Mmhmmm," she hums, "but they're a part of you, and I want you to share that with me." I can't help smiling- she seems to understand, without me saying anything, just what I have been feeling about her having all of these memories and experiences that I don't share. My fingers find the hem of my shirt, and I quickly pull it over my head, turning my back to her.

Tris slowly traces the lines of my tattoos, starting with the Amity tree at the bottom, slowly making her way up to the Candor scales, the Erudite eye, Abnegation hands, and finally, just at the base of my neck, the Dauntless flames. Her feather-light touch slowly relaxes my tense muscles and sends involuntary shivers through me.

"We are told to choose one thing we believe, one thing we want to be. I think we've got it all wrong," I tell her softly. "We put down the virtues the other factions value, when we should be celebrating them all. I don't want to just be one thing." I pause and close my eyes, letting myself get lost for a moment in the way her nails tickle my skin. "I want to be brave and selfless, and intelligent, and honest and kind. I struggle the most with kindness."

Tris leans down low and kisses her way up my back, one kiss on each symbol, before turning me toward her and kissing me softly on the lips. "And that's what makes you so special," she whispers.

"There's something you should know that I don't think I've told you," Tris says, leaning away and sitting back, looking at me. "I'm divergent." My pulse immediately quickens, and my palms sweat. I should have known. I don't know why I didn't realize. I already knew she was in danger, from Peter, from Eric, and from everything she has told me is going to happen, but I didn't know I had to worry about this, too. "Tobias, don't worry about that right now, I know how to hide it in the fear sims. You won't have to delete any footage to hide me, and I played the part in my aptitude test, too. I got a Dauntless result." I nod, swallowing thickly, but I can tell from her face that she sees how panicked I am.

"But I should probably also tell you," she continues, looking down at her hands, "that Jeanine took… a great interest in me, during the last war." She pauses for a long time before finally looking at me, and I'm grateful for the time to calm my heart rate and breathing. My pulse is so loud in my ears that I'm not sure I'd hear what she said next if she spoke too soon. As always, Tris seems to know me better than I know myself, and she look at me and keeps waiting to speak, until it's just the right time for me to listen again. "I had aptitude for three factions in my first aptitude test. Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite."

"Three?!" I exclaim. I have never heard of someone getting three aptitudes. Though when I think about it, I can clearly see all three aptitudes. Selflessness has been more than evident when she has stuck up for Christina, for Al, who she doesn't even like, and when she protected me from Marcus in my fear landscape. Bravery… I don't even need to explain that one. And her incredible mind for strategy proved her intelligence during capture the flag.

Tris just nods slowly. I can tell she has more to say about the subject, but she doesn't continue; she simply leans against me, and I pull her down to lay on the bed, her head on my chest. All I can think about as we lay together in comfortable silence is how badly I wish I knew her inside and out, the way she knows me.

When Tris has gone back to the dormitory and I am again alone in my apartment, she still dominates every corner of my mind. When I am with her, I feel so warm and… whole. It hits me like a freight train: it's happiness. That's what I feel when I am with her. It's such an unfamiliar emotion that I didn't recognize it at first.

I had planned to leave Dauntless once I figured out what Max and Eric were up to. When my mother contacted me shortly after my initiation ended, she asked me to join her in the factionless. After some thought, I had told her I would someday, but not yet; more recently, I promised her that I would be joining her soon.

Dauntless had not turned out to be what I expected. Of course, I didn't join Dauntless so much because I agreed with their ideology as because I needed to escape Marcus, and I wanted to hit him where it would hurt most. He hates the Dauntless. However, if Dauntless were what it was meant to be, if it held true to the values touted in the Dauntless Manifesto, I could support it, I could throw myself into it fully. But that isn't what Dauntless has become, so I was going to leave it behind.

Now, I know I can't. With Tris here, I am happy. I am whole. I can be all those things I have inked on my back, because she gives me the strength and desire to be a better version of myself. To even accept myself again as Tobias, instead of the emotionless Dauntless prodigy, Four.

I fumble through a kitchen drawer for a pen and paper. I write the note quickly and fold it, stuffing it in my pocket before running out to the train tracks.

When I reach the Factionless sector, I head toward the building I know my mother typically resides in. A few blocks away I find someone I am familiar with, someone who I know can get the message to her. "Can you please get this note to Evelyn?" I ask Edgar.

He nods. "Sure, Four." And without another word he disappears into an alleyway with the note in his hand.

Even thinking of how disappointed my mother will be once she reads the note, I still can't wipe the ghost of a smile off of my face as I think of Tris, and the note that I just sent to my mother because of her.

E-
I am going to stay here at Dauntless. I am happy here- really, really happy. I hope you understand.
 -T