CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Marlene

I sit alone on the roof. Alone… it's fitting; I feel so alone in everything Uriah just told me. I promised Four I wouldn't breathe a word of it to anyone, and I intend to keep that promise, but that just leaves me with so much just… swirling around in my head, crowding out every rational thought.

Is this how Uriah has felt the past few weeks? And Tris, too? After that whole confession of Uriah's today, I do believe him at least about his feelings for me. Four's reaction made it clear that he does really care about Tris- he's probably in love with her, actually. He didn't say so and probably doesn't even know it yet, but I saw the look in his eyes when he imagined watching Tris die.

"There you are," says a familiar voice from behind me. Edward soon plops down next to me. "Where did you go? Is everything okay?"

I don't answer for a while, and he doesn't push me. That's one of the things I love about my friendship with Edward- he seems to know when to just wait and to allow the silence. I lay back on the roof and stare at the stars, and Edward soon does the same.

"Uriah is in love with me," I finally say, "but it's… it's just all really complicated."

"Because of Tris?" Edward asks after a pause. I'm not sure how to answer. It does have to do with Tris, but not in the way that Edward is thinking, and I promised not to tell him about the issues that are making this so complicated.

I shrug. "Sort of… but not like that. Uriah and Tris really are just friends, it turns out. I guess everything- that they were never together at all, that Tris actually does want to be friends, I guess- was the truth. There are just… some things that they have been through together, as friends, and I don't know if I can… get past it all, I guess. I'd really like to talk to you about it but I made a promise- to someone else involved in the whole situation- that I wouldn't."

Edward turns his head to look at me. He has beautiful blue eyes and his hair is messy in a really cute way. Right now… right now I wish that things could work out that way for Edward and me. He is handsome, smart, and he 'gets me'. It would just be so much easier, so much less complicated, than this mess with Uriah. Unfortunately, I know that there's just nothing there between Edward and me. Friends is all we will ever be. I guess sometimes love isn't easy. Sometimes, it's something you have to fight for. Maybe the fight is what makes it really worth it. Maybe it will make us stronger.

"If you need to talk about it, I promise not to repeat anything you say," he offers.

God, it's tempting. It really is. It would be a relief to just let the words all fall out of my mouth, to have someone to help me talk it through. I won't break Four and Uriah's trust like that, though, no matter how badly I want to. I shake my head. "I really can't," I whisper.

Edward sighs. I know it isn't irritation that he doesn't have the latest gossip; he's just concerned about me. "Did you tell Uriah that we aren't together, I hope?"

My eyes shoot open. Oh God, I didn't, did I?! "No, I was distracted and… didn't think to." My voice is a little shaky. I can't believe I didn't tell him that! And right now, I am just not ready to face him again. "I guess I will just have to tell him when I'm ready to talk to him again," I sigh.

"Well…" Edward trails off. "If you change your mind, I'm around. C'mon, it's getting late." He stands and holds one hand out to pull me up. "We should get back to the dormitory." I smile and accept his hand, but as I walk back with Edward, I'm starting to feel really badly about making Uriah so jealous.

Tris

"Give it to me!" I'm fuming, trying to hold myself back from making Peter's black eye even blacker, as he holds the paper he has been reading the Erudite article from above his head, too high for me to reach. I know I shouldn't let him get to me. I know what Erudite is trying to do with these articles. But going to reporters, making up lies about signs of my father having abused me is just too much right now. Tobias and I haven't really made up from when I slept at his apartment. It's been two whole days now and the longer this silence goes on, the more I feel like I'm about to shatter… or explode.

Peter smirks at me. "And what do you plan to do about it, little girl?" He snorts and snickers at his own lame insult.

I snort. "Nice try, Peter, but I've kicked your pathetic ass twice now." I may have proved that I can hold my own against Peter, but that doesn't mean I want to have to repeat my performance for a third time. I'm just asking for trouble; I know it, yet I just can't seem to help myself.

To my surprise, as Edward comes through the door, he barely glances at the scene before storming over to Peter and snatching the article right out of his hand. I may be too short, but Edward certainly isn't. I'm not sure if he's trying to help me… or if he hates me because Marlene does and just wants to help Peter torment me.

Edward's lips move slightly as he silently reads the article. When he finishes, he crumples it somewhat as he drops his hand to his side. "So, it seems Molly and Peter have been telling reporters that Tris talks in her sleep about something she doesn't want her dad to do to her." He glares around the room at all the transfers with his eyes narrowed. He actually kind of reminds me of Tobias right now. It's like a perfect Instructor Four impersonation.

His glare stops on Peter and Molly for several seconds before he continues. "Has anyone heard Tris say stuff like that in her sleep? Anyone who doesn't have an immature personal grudge on Tris, that is?" No one says a word, and Christina and Will are shaking their heads while shooting a deathly glare at Peter. "Me either," Edward says.

Edward turns to Peter. "You are a coward, Peter. You are the one who doesn't belong here, not Tris. Which she's made pretty damn clear, by the way, the two times she's beaten the shit out of you, despite being half your size. But since you still won't just leave her the hell alone…"

Without even finishing his sentence, Edward strikes. Edward is far superior in hand to hand combat over any of the other transfers, probably even equal to Uriah. I certainly wouldn't stand a chance against him, though I can definitely beat Peter. There's nothing fair about this fight… but I really don't care. Peter brought it on himself. He deserves it.

Edward's fist collides with Peter's jaw with such force that he practically goes flying across the room. I don't feel sorry for Peter, but I also don't much want to watch this. I turn my back to the fight happening several yards away from me, still clearly hearing the grunts, moans and screams coming from Peter, as well as the thuds of Edward's fists and feet and the occasional crunching sound. "I'd rather just get out of here for a while," I tell Christina tiredly. "I'd even go shopping. Come on."

Christina's whole face lights up, though she's still a little distracted by the fight. I nudge Will. "Can you make sure that Peter makes it to the infirmary?" I may not like the guy, but I don't want him dead. Besides, he did help me in Erudite. "And tell Edward I said thank you?" Will nods, probably just relieved to have an excuse not to be dragged to the shops with us. I just have to get out of here. I wish I could just disappear for a while, or sleep for a week, but since that can't happen, Christina can do what best friends are great at and distract me.

Tobias

During initiation, I am not scheduled for any shifts in the control room, but I still come to watch the screens and offer to relieve my coworkers early here and there. I'm a naturally suspicious person- that's why I chose to work in intelligence. I don't naturally trust my leaders the way the Dauntless-born generally do, so I keep an eye on what's going on around the compound, the city, and especially the leadership offices. This, of course, is how I knew something was going on, leading me to hatch that plan to spy on Max.

Tonight, I came in and only two others were here, neither of which pay me any attention, which is perfect for what I am planning to work on tonight. I have been discreetly hiding saved clips from security footage of Max and Eric's offices- specifically, meetings with Jeanine Matthews. Often their conversations are, for lack of a better term, coded, but the conspiracy between them is clear whether you can understand their 'code' or not- hopefully clear enough to put them under truth serum once they try to execute their attack. My hope is that we can find some way to shut it down quickly, and with how much information Uriah and Tris have about how this will all go down, I'm feeling reasonably confident that we can do it. After all, Tris says that she and I did it before, and that was without the knowledge that is giving us an advantage this time around.

I've gotten all the files copied to the first flash drive, and am waiting for them to copy to a second- I just want to be sure we have a backup copy or two, and I will hide them in different places or maybe even give one to Tris or Uriah- when I notice a screen near me flash to the hallway my apartment is in. I notice because there is someone knocking on my door. The camera is down the hall from my apartment, so usually I would have to isolate the footage and zoom in to see who it is, but I would recognize her tiny figure and blond hair anywhere.

Tris and I haven't really talked since she stayed over two nights ago. Yesterday, that was fine, because I was still pretty upset with her for keeping so much from me. I don't understand why she can't just trust me. It seems to me that with all our history- at least, all the history that she remembers- she should know me well enough to be able to tell me things. Then again, it sounds like we went through a fairly significant rough patch at the end. I'm also beginning to notice how unsure Tris tends to be of herself, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this- she did grow up in Abnegation after all- but she has always seemed so confident for an Abnegation-born that I forget, sometimes, that she didn't grow up with her parents praising her every move like Zeke and Uriah did.

Today, I've been longing to see her all day and just get past this. Forgiveness is usually hard for me, but somehow I have already grown to need her, and holding onto anger over what I know had to be an impossibly difficult situation for her to navigate just doesn't seem worth it.

I see Tris look around quickly to be sure she is alone, then walk down the hall to a storage closet. I know exactly what she is doing, and there are only two minutes left on this file transfer to the second flash drive. As I wait for it to finish, I watch her emerge from the storage closet, smiling slightly and waving at the camera as she walks back to my apartment door, and I chuckle. She really does know me, doesn't she? I'll bet she checked my spot at the chasm, then knew the next most likely place I would go was the control room. The file transfer finishes just after she unlocks the apartment door with the spare key I don't remember ever showing her. I close out my computer and turn off the monitor, make sure the two flash drives are tucked safely in my pocket, and head home.

The door is unlocked, so I don't need to take the time to get out my key. Tris rolls off my bed and comes to the door to greet me as I enter my apartment and shut the door behind me.

"Hey, baby," I say softly, wrapping my arms around her and burying my nose in her hair. "I saw that you remembered where the key I never showed you was," I chuckle.

"Sorry, I hope you don't mind," she says into my chest.

I shake my head as I pull away from her and lead her to sit on the bed with me. "Not at all."

Tris looks down at her hands as she picks at her cuticles. "I'm sorry," she says softly. "I should have told you everything sooner. I just… when I got here I was so excited to see you, and I knew it wouldn't be easy, but then I screwed it all up the very first night when you found Uri and me by the Chasm. I was just afraid that when you knew everything that I had done… that I don't know… it would scare you away."

I sigh. "It sounded like just about everything you did was out of selflessness, and that's one of the things I lo-" I clear my throat. What just almost came out of my mouth?! "-like most about you," I tell her. "I was angry, yeah. But I… I really care about you, Tris, and I want this to work. So maybe we can just work on trusting each other and being honest, and talking about things instead of running away." She nods, still looking down. I wrap my fingers around her chin and make her look at me. "Tris. Let's just forgive each other and move on. But seriously, don't leave me again this time around. Promise me."

"I promise, Tobias," she says in a clear, strong voice. "Believe me, I learned my lesson when I died." A shiver runs down my spine, just as it does every time she says something like that. "I love you," she whispers, and I crash my lips to hers. My hands grip her waist, and her fingers tug at my hair. Her tongue grazes my lower lip and as I part my lips further to grant her entrance, I slowly lower her back onto the bed. Our kiss deepens, full of passion as I hover over her.

My hands seem to move without my brain telling them what to do. It turns out, when I'm not thinking so hard, I am a lot more daring than I thought, and after running them up and down her sides slowly, I find my hands sliding up her stomach, under her shirt. She moans as my hands graze her breasts. I cup them tentatively, and it registers in my brain exactly how I am touching her. My breath hitches in my throat and my pants have gotten really uncomfortably tight. I know she feels it, and her hands move to my butt.

Then it's like she realizes very suddenly how intense this has gotten, and she pulls away. I rest my forehead against hers, my eyes closed, breathing heavily. I have never wanted someone the way I want her.

"Tobias," she says almost painfully. "We never finished talking about… um… well, where we stand with… all this."

This is probably not the kind of conversation that we should have with me pressed up against her like this. I force myself to sit up and scoot a few inches away from her, and she sits up and pushes her shirt down before finger-combing the tangles out of her hair.

"So… um… how are you feeling about… us and our… physical relationship?" I ask her. I look at her to try and read her face. She is biting her lower lip. Does she have any idea how sexy she is when she does that?

She worries her lip for another moment, and takes a deep breath. "It really depends on you. I mean, I know you're probably ready in a sense, but before when we were together… we were so sure of our love for one another. I still am, but it's different for you. I just want you to be sure of your feelings and commitment first. I don't do casual sex. I already love you, but I need you to love me, too."

I don't do casual sex, either. I think she knows that. After all, she was my first kiss. "That is fair. And wise," I tell her. I take a breath and gather my courage. "I'm falling for you, Tris. But you're right, we aren't ready yet. It's going to be hard to be wise, though," I say with a smirk.

Tris laughs. "Trust me… it will get harder every time you push me down on this bed." I don't doubt that. "We can still do plenty of this, though." She leans in and kisses me again, and I pull her into my lap. My hands are sliding up her back, her bare skin sending electricity into me, when we are interrupted by a knock at the door.

Marlene

I would never exactly expect Four to jump for joy seeing me at his doorstep as we really aren't close- with him, hardly anyone is- but he looks more irritated than I would have expected. When I see Tris, the messy, tangled state of both their hair makes it obvious that I interrupted something.

"Uh… should I leave?" Tris asks nervously. Four looks to me, and I shrug. "I'll… I will just go."

She slips on her shoes and is about to walk out the door, but I grab her arm. "Your hair, Tris," I say with a small smile, and her hands go immediately to her hair as her face turns nearly as red as a tomato, and she rushes into what I can only assume is the bathroom.

"So…" Four says awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. "I guess you're here to talk about what Uriah told you the other day?" I nod as I glance around the room. I've never been inside of Four's apartment before. He isn't really one to throw parties or anything, so I've never had a reason to. It's the plainest apartment I've ever been in. There are no knick-knacks, only the bare minimum of furniture. He doesn't even have a couch.

Four motions to the small dining room table and I cross to it and sit in one of the chairs just as Tris comes out of the bathroom. "So, um… thanks, Mar," she says quietly as she approaches us. I smile and nod at her. Tris bends slightly- Four is enough taller than her that even sitting in a chair while she stands, Tris doesn't have to bend very far- and kisses him. Four's arm wraps around her waist and his hand squeezes her hip lightly.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he murmurs, and she nods. Four's eyes follow her, and a moment later, I hear the front door gently click shut.

I can't help commenting- I have never seen this side of Four before. "You two seem really sweet together." He smiles a little and looks down at his hands as if he's embarrassed.

I may as well just come out with it and get this conversation going. "So… everything Uriah said… it seems crazy. Impossible."

Four laughs. "Yeah, it does," he agrees. "I won't pretend to understand how they both… experienced all that they did. But I know that they both seem to know an awful lot that can't be explained, and they seem to be very sure about it."

That's the part I can't get past. Uriah does seem to know a lot of things that I can't explain. And Four is right, Uri seems to be absolutely certain about it all. I've fallen for plenty of Uriah's pranks, but unless his acting skills have improved by a factor of ten overnight, he's not acting.

"What did Tris say that made you believe her?"

Four studies my face for a while like he's trying to decide how to answer. "No one here really knows anything about my past. Even Zeke knows very little. He doesn't even know my real name," he begins. I wonder why Four is so secretive? If he doesn't tell me now, though, I know I won't ever get it out of him, so there's no point in trying. "I took Tris into my fear landscape. The last fear, my fourth fear, is when she would have figured it out, but she accidentally called me by my real name during the third fear."

"I'm sure there are other ways she could have found out," I argue.

Four nods. "Yes, there probably are. But it was when I confronted her on it that she told me everything." He takes a deep breath. "Then she said something else that I haven't been able to come up with any explanation for. You know that Uriah said there was going to be a war, right?" I nod. I suppose that's a part of why I don't want to believe him. The idea of that, it's pretty scary. "Well, I had suspected something like that for a while. I work in the control room for a reason, Marlene. I'm not as trusting as most people. I had gotten Lauren to write me a program to mirror Max's computer so I could snoop around on it from a remote location. I told her it was to prank Zeke."

I laugh, and he smiles momentarily as he continues. "The night that Tris told me about all this, it was the night before I had planned to install this program. I had not told anyone about it- and you better not either, I don't need to be tried as a traitor, okay?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm no traitor either, not to my faction but also not to my friends. If you guys are right, it's my leaders that are about to betray me. I wouldn't do that to you, Four."

Four continues, "Tris asked me about my mirroring program. She wanted to know if I had done it yet. She said that I told her about it later, and told me what I said I had found. Then she offered to help. She and Uriah helped me get the program installed- and almost got caught in the process. But then, when I got a chance to actually look… I found exactly what she said I would. Marlene, absolutely no one knew I was going to do that. That isn't the kind of plan I would let someone in on. I mean, hell, Zeke is my best friend and he doesn't even know my real name, so clearly I wouldn't go blabbing about something like this."

We sit in silence for a few minutes as I think about what he has just said to me. I search for any possible explanation for Tris to know that. She could maybe know what he would find, if she was actually somehow involved with whatever the leaders are planning… but that still wouldn't explain her knowing that Four intended to spy and how intended to do it. And my mind keeps coming back to the bet in which I lost a month of Dauntless cake.

"Besides Tris, how many other Stiffs have transferred to Dauntless?" I ask. Four flinches and I could swear I see a flash of panic in his eyes, but it's gone as quickly as it came.

"One," he says quietly. Something nags at the edges of my mind, as if I'm missing something I should try to figure out, but I push it away. It doesn't feel relevant to the problem I'm trying to work through right now.

I sigh and lean my head into my hands, my eyes closed. I don't want any of this to be true. I don't want that death scene I watched, with my vacant eyes as I fell seven stories and went splat on the street, to be true, nor the war, being betrayed by my faction, Uri and Tris's eventual deaths… none of it. But I can't deny it any more. I know deep down that Uriah would not make something like this up, and he wouldn't tell me if he weren't positive. He's my best friend and the boy I love. I have to trust him.

"This is so messed up," I whisper. "There's no way he could have known, is there? He knew a Stiff was gonna jump first."

Four snorts. "Yeah, well, a Stiff as first jumper, that literally is a first. The other Stiff that transferred jumped last, actually." I laugh. Four's eyes grow serious. "Look, Marlene, I know that this is crazy, and it's overwhelming. And trust me, I know better than anyone… it's really complicated trying to navigate a relationship with someone who has had been through it all with you, but it hasn't happened to you yet. In fact, Tris and I had a big fight about that a couple days ago. You kind of walked in on us making up." His cheeks are turning pink, and I smirk.

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," I chuckle.

Four shrugs. "Hey, you probably saved us from losing control and doing something we aren't quite ready for yet. It worked out well, really."

I stand. I can tell that Four isn't used to having people over, and now that I don't need to ask him anything else, I should go. Four follows me to the door. I start to open it, but he stops me. "If you need to talk again… look, I'm not great at this stuff. But I can try, if you're really ever desperate enough to chance it." He's wearing a lopsided smile on his face, and I chuckle.

"Thanks, Four." Once the door closes behind me, I lean against the stone wall of the hallway, wondering what exactly I should say to Uri.