Hey everyone! So this one-shot is a little different than the others that I've done so far, for the main reason that it's plot is taken from a machinima. The machinima is by Nixxiom and Mooclucking, and full credit for the base of the plot goes to them! I also included 3 jokes from other rather popular machinimas. If you watch such things regularly, then I recommend you keep an eye out for them; I'd love to know if you guys can spot them! Hope you enjoy!
Revival Troubles
"So I have an idea." Wrath said, breaking the silence as he and Varimas rode their respective mounts across the arid and lifeless landscapes of the Barrens, the hooves of both dreadsteed and deathcharger charring the ground on which they rode. They had left a small horde outpost only a few hours beforehand with Ratchet as their destination.
"No." Varimas answered simply, never taking his eyes off of the wide path before them. He knew exactly where Wrath would be going with this. The entire reason they were even in the Barrens was because they had taken another unstable portal created by the warlock, and Wrath and Varimas left Blake and Yang behind in hopes of acquiring funds to head back to the Eastern Kingdoms.
"What? What'dya mean no?" Wrath asked, his eyebrows raised, glancing over to his masked friend, who never even flinched.
"The last time you had an 'Idea' I almost lost my arm... And my everything else." The warlock replied in a deadpan voice, increasing the speed of his steed slightly in an attempt to show he wanted the conversation to be drawn out no further. Wrath however quickly caught up and continued.
"You're exaggerating." He pressured, rolling his eyes. At least Varimas thought so. It was always kind of hard to tell with Wrath's eyes.
"No no, I think that Gronn was pretty intent on seeing if he could make me into an art project." Varimas hissed, subconsciously bringing his hand over to his other arm, rubbing it softly as he shook his head, attempting to force the memory of that incident out of his mind.
"Hey we killed it didn't we?"
"I was confined to a wheelchair for a week until the priests got to the Garrison!" Varimas yelled, finally turning his full attention to Wrath as both elves halted their steeds and turned their shoulders to face one another.
"And I remember you being a lot more agreeable when you knew I could just push you down the stairs for fun." Wrath answered with a snicker, his pointed teeth visible to the world as he chuckled.
"My point here is that you're nuts, and your plans usually end with either one or both of us covered in blood." Varimas replied, jabbing an accusing finger in Wrath's direction.
"But we'll need the money to charter a ship to ferry us to booty bay from here, and that Troll mother back at the outpost was willing to pay us to find her daughter." The Death Knight reasoned, directing his own finger in the direction they had come from, where the outpost lay somewhere in the distance, out of sight.
"Hey, you were the one who trusted my portals again. You would think you would have learned your lesson by now." Varimas muttered, pulling out the map that was hidden in his pouch, just to make sure they were not headed towards Durotar.
"You'd think..." Wrath sighed, burying his face in his hands. "Man Blake is going to kill me if she realizes we don't have enough gold to pay our way back to the Eastern Kingdoms..."
"How tragic." Varimas mused, laying a gloved hand on his metal mask that covered his face in a sad gesture. "Well 'honey' I hope you know how to make kitties purr because-..."
"Varimas one more pussy joke and I'll tear out your throat." Wrath threatened as a rune blade suddenly found itself right in front of Varimas' throat, it's razor sharp blade finding it's way just under the Warlock's chin.
"Fine, no help for you then. You took the quest, you do the quest." Varimas said, pushing the tip of the rune blade away from his face with his finger, careful to not pierce his skin on the dark weapon.
"Oh come on Var!" Wrath loudly exclaimed, throwing his hands up into the air in exasperation. "I promise you, you won't be in any danger of losing an arm, or covered in blood! Just help me with this!"
"This is stupid." Varimas growled as he pushed aside another sign that clearly read 'Beware: Raptor Territory', glaring daggers into Wrath's back all the while as they both treaded through the jagged bushes and bramble thorns that hid the area from sight from the rest of the Barrens.
"You just don't recognize my genius." Wrath replied as he slayer through a particularly large patch of thorns with his rune blade, the withered plant bursting into strange blue flames as they made contact with the enchanted weapon.
"I don't think genius is the word I would use." The Warlock muttered dryly, crossing his arms as the glare he had been directing at his friend only intensified. Sometim he wondered if his transformation into a Death Knight really did make him mindless.
"Just shut up and help me find this lady!"
"Don't you think this is... Dangerous?" Varimas asked, lifting his robe off of the ground as he carefully avoided what he could only assume was a large pile of feces. He was probably going to kill Wrath after this. "Can't raptors run really fast? Do we have an escape route if a few decide that we've outstayed our welcome?"
"Why do you think you're here?" Wrath asked as he glanced back at his friend was a smug grin, his teeth glinting in the sunlight.
Scratch that. He was definitely going to.
"What?!"
"Nothing." Wrath quickly replied before casually tossing Varimas a hunk of raw meat. Meat that had been purchased back at the outpost with the intent of baiting predators for more lean meat should the two have had to resort to hunting. "Hold this."
"I hate you." Varimas growled as he stared as the chunk of whatever sort of animal he was holding in his hand with distain. Why was he not just tossing it away again? Oh right; because it would no doubt attract every Raptor within a mile, and they would go for him without a doubt.
"Aww. I'm flattered." Wrath said as he pretended to hide his blushing face, though a grin was present instead.
Varimas could only growl ashe contemplated just flat out lunging for Wrath, but stopped himself when the Death Knight suddenly halted, his face contorted to one of pure concentration.
"Hey wait..." Wrath muttered, loudly sniffing at the air. After a moment of this, the elven knight slowly approached a clearing and grimaced. He was afraid of this. "Well I think I found her... Right over there."
Varimas was quick to follow where Wrath's finger was pointing to, only to spot a pile of meat visibly rotting in the intense sunlight. The stink lines were practically visible. "Wrath... That's just a pile of meat. I know that mother you spoke to was ugly, but not even trolls look this bad."
"Look closer." Wrath instructed as he strolled over to the corpse, followed closely by Varimas, who nearly gagged at the smell. "You can clearly see what used to be her tusks and the red hair."
"Wrath her hair is covered in blood." Varimas commented flatly, his voice devoid of any humor.
"Yeah well raptors aren't exactly known for their high class dining etiquette." Wrath joked, carelessly poking the corpse of the young troll girl with his boot, chuckling when the meat quivered at the impact.
"They're probably better at the table than you are."
"Oh whatever. Not like it matters." Wrath sighed he before turned back to the road and began to head towards the mounts of both elves, which were gazing at each other as if knowing how insane their masters were. "Well, no use wasting our time here, let's go."
"Wait what? Aren't we going to bring her back?" Varimas asked, causing Wrath to stop in his tracks with a sigh.
"Why would we? Her mother isn't going to pay us for a pile of meat." Wrath explained, giving a small shrug as he sent a careless glance back over to the corpse of the young troll girl.
"Cant you just revive her?"
"Ohhhhh no! No way!" Wrath suddenly seemed to come right back to life, jumping in his armor as he put his hands up in the air, shaking his head vigorously while Varimas stared back at him, unmoving.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I'm not reviving her; remember what happened the last time I tried reviving someone?" Wrath asked, raising his eyebrows as his companions eyes widened in realization.
"Oh... Right..." Varimas muttered shivering at the horrible memory that plagued his mind. That had been a very bad, and very messy, day for everyone in Silvermoon. "I've never seen so many people clear out of a marketplace so quickly..."
"There, then it's settled. Let's just go beat a merchant to death or something for the money." Wrath was about to continue on his way back to the mounts until Varimas spoke up once more.
"Ah, ah, ah! Not yet! You forget Wrath, I happen to posses the ability to revive the dead as well." Varimas stated proudly, his hands on his hips as Wrath stared at him blankly. After a few awkward seconds of silence, Varimas let the air out of his lungs in one massive puff, his shoulders slumping down. "My soulstones ice-for-brains."
"Your soulstones? Yeah, that sounds like it will absolutely work on her." Wrath muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, subconsciously fiddling with the Ebon Blade tabard he wore.
"See? We agree."
"I was being sarcastic. She's a pile of meat. What're you gonna do? Return her soul to the small section of rotting flesh to the right or the one to the left?" Wrath asked, pointing to each chunk of rotting meat as he spoke. Varimas brought a hand up and flicked the Death Knight in the forehead in response.
"Oh just shut up and help me. I have a theory." Varimas said as he kneeled down next to the corpse of the troll, running his gloved finger along the few latches of skin that still remained on the body of the troll.
"Oh fantastic." Wrath groaned, clearly finished with the situation currently at hand. "Listen, I know you like to play necromancer, but I want to get to Ratchet before nightfall."
"Listen. You know how you can raise ghouls?" Varimas glanced up from the corpse of the girl, waiting for a nod from Wrath.
"Mhmm?"
"Well what if you raise her corpse as a ghoul, and just as you do I'll force a soulstone on her!" Varimas explained, his fist impacting his open palm as a smile appeared on his face, hidden by his felfume mask. "She won't look anywhere near as... Er.. Healthy as before, but she'll at least be conscious and able to move around."
"Huh... You know that's actually not a bad idea..." Wrath conceded before kneeling down, bringing himself level with the fresh corpse and his friend, who also turned his attention back to their 'patient'. "Fine, what do I have to do?"
"Just raise her like any other ghoul, and I'll force a soulstone in as you do." Varimas explained as he balled his fist up. When he brought his fingers apart once more, a small purple and black sphere rested in his palm, radiating a shadowy aura as Varimas rolled it around in his hand.
"Alright... Here goes..." Wrath began to channel runic energy into the troll girls body in an attempt to raise her, his hands glowing with the magical energy that danced between his fingertips.
"Ok..." Varimas whispered, bringing the soulstone closer and closer to the corpse of the girl, his breathing ragged. "Carefully..."
The obsidian and purple orb of power touched the troll's skin.
"This stuff's nasty..." Blake gagged, sticking her tongue out as she gazed into the mug that she was holding, a white liquid sloshing around in the wooden container. She was not sure why she thought ordering something like milk would turn out well at a grimy pub, but she chose to be optimistic. Perhaps foolishly so. "I'm pretty sure this isn't really milk..."
"I hear ya." Yang agreed, leaning her chin against her hand as she stared out of the pub window at the bustling port town. "Man I would kill for a Strawberry Sunrise right about now."
"Well if you want one then ask the goblin for the ingredients to make it." The faunus replied, motioning over to the bar.
"That's what that 'thing' is?" Yang asked shooting a glance over at the Goblin bartender who was silently cleaning mugs with an old rag, stopping to stare back at the brawler with back with a glare, causing Yang to recoil and dart her attention back to Blake. "Yeahhh... I think I'll pass. I can get one when we get back to Beacon."
"Suit yourself..." Blake said as she brought the cup back up to her lips, sipping on the milk for a few moments before she slammed the drink back down onto the table, pressing her free hand against her mouth as her eyes widened. "Urk!..."
"Woah! Don't upchuck on me girl!" Yang cried in panic, raising her hands in defense, ready to dodge should Blake end up earning the secondary honorary version of Jaune's nickname.
"I'm fine... I'm fine..." Blake gasped after forcing herself to swallow the liquid in her mouth, secretly spitting onto the floor in order to rid herself of the taste that remained in her mouth.
Suddenly, before Yang could make fun of her friend for her ridiculous mistake, a loud slam echoed throughout the pub as the door was flung open, an infuriated Wrath and Varimas strolling into the pub, completely covered in blood, a moment later.
Blake was on her feet in a moment with a gasp, sprinting over to the Warlock and Death Knight while Yang glanced over at the drink Blake had been forcing down. A moment later she snatched it from the table, taking a small sip from the mug, only to spit it out only a few seconds later. "Eww..."
"Wrath! What happened?! Who's blood is this?" Blake asked as she reached the two elves, stopping a few extra feet away than she normally would from Wrath, not wanting to be covered in blood herself.
"Just... Just don't ask..." Wrath muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose with his hand, leaving behind a bloody mark on his face that made the blood elf look all the more ridiculous.
"Ask about what?" Blake asked, suddenly confused. Was it not their blood? And if not, who's was it?
"We tried to do a quest to get the money to charter a boat. We failed. Leave it at that." Varimas muttered, wiping some of the excess blood from his sleeves, leaving small puddles of blood on the wooden floor.
"Hey! Ya two elves! Ya gettin' blood all over my floor!" The Goblin bartender, who had only just noticed the state that Varimas and Wrath were in, screamed as he threw down the mug that he had been cleaning, stomping over to the two elves baring his teeth.
"What was that?..." Wrath asked the bartender as he drew near, his voice quiet yet deadly serious.
"Whadd'ya think you twos are doin' walkin' around my bar covered in-..." The Goblin was cut off as Wrath's hands shot out towards him, lifting him into the air effortlessly. Not exactly an unusual feat given the average goblins size. "Hey! Hey! What's da big ide-..."
He was silenced a moment later when Wrath chucked the little green man behind his own bar, before leaping over the table to begin beating the Goblin mercilessly, his metal gauntlets easily causing massive damage with each blow. The Goblin tried to scream of course, but was quickly silenced by yet another fist to the jaw, rending his screams for mercy no more than incoherent gurgles.
"Wrath! Woah! Thats not robbing him!" Varimas exclaimed, approaching the bar, only to back peddle when he noticed the scene behind the bar, and the extra blood coating Wrath's armor.
"JUST LET ME HAVE THIS!"
"You know what... Whatever... Stick this in his chest when you're done..." Varimas sighed as he created another soulstone, tossing it on the floor next to Wrath who placed it aside before continuing his assault on the Goblin.
Blake had to sigh at this. These two were the most unique people she had ever met, that was for sure. Knowing Wrath and Varimas, it would be hours before Blake and Yang could tell them that they were able to get passage to the Eastern Kingdoms for free.
Oh well. The Goblin kind of deserved it for that awful milk. At least that's what Blake told herself as she strolled back to her seat, pulling out a small scroll to read while Wrath finished venting his frustrations.
Azerothians were weird.
Thanks for reading!
Preview of next chapter: "They say that only one man has ever survived it's might, leaving as a steadfast knight of the Light, only to return as a gibbering fool who died later in the evening... Some claim that it returned to finish the job... It lurks in the darkness of the island, claiming all those who enter it's lair... It is unrelenting. It is darkness incarnate... It is fear itself... It is... The beast of Darkmoon..."