Act 1, Scene 3
A little later. Close-up on Jack's face. He winces. We move around to see the Todd behind him with a needle and thread.
TODD: Sorry dude. Doing the best I can.
JACK: Just try to keep the needle steady.
TODD: Sure thing big dog. High-five oath on it?
He raises his hand eagerly. The needle and thread hang from his fingers.
JACK: (doubtfully) Which hospital did you say you were a surgical resident at, again?
Kate emerges from the wilderness. We see the Todd looking at her and see her as he sees her, doing everything in slow motion, flicking her hair out, running her tongue over her lips sensually, beckoning to him.
JACK: Todd, the needle's kinda poking into me.
TODD: That's not…uh, sure…sorry…
He shifts position slightly.
JACK: Are you OK?
KATE: I don't…I guess so. You OK?
JACK: Feel like a work-in-progress quilt, but pretty much.
They stare at each other for a long moment. The Todd pokes his head over Jack's shoulder.
TODD: Um, I'm okay too?
JACK: Do me a favour. Make an inventory of any medicine you find in the stuff washed up on the beach, will you? Try and gather it together.
KATE: I, uh, I think that's being done already.
JACK: By who?
Act 1, Scene 4
Back amongst the wreckage, Dr. Cox is facing down Sawyer whilst JD and Turk watch, concerned. A group of survivors, including Hurley and Charlie, are also present as observers.
SAWYER: And just who came along and gave you the God-given right to claim whatever in hell you please as yours, huh Curly? Larry and Moe here?
JD: (voice-over) I kinda hoped I was Moe.
DR. COX: Listen up, fishcake, and listen good; unless by some miracle you happen to be a senior doctor at a big hospital oooh, I don't know, in Hair Gel County, then you will stand there and you will damn well watch as I stroll by and take whatever I need to. My God man people are dying around us and you're pissed because I stole the stuff you stole?
HURLEY: Yeah dude, it's not like the stuff is yours.
DR. COX: Thank you, StayPuft. Now if – it's – not- too much – trouble for you all, can I get back to trying to save some of your worthless hides?
SAWYER: This ain't over.
DR. COX: I hope so too.
Sawyer stalks off. Charlie is hanging around the pile of drugs they're accumulating. Turk notices this.
TURK: Do you need something? Are you sick?
CHARLIE: Sick? Me? No (swallows) not sick…well, getting the old "oh God we've just crashed on a tropical island and we're all gonna die" flu, but otherwise…fine.
TURK: Man, we're gonna be fine. There'll be a rescue plane, rescue boat or whatever out for us even now.
CHARLIE: You think so?
TURK: (makes an 'are you serious?' noise) You think Charles Turkington vanishes and the world just goes right on? No way. And the same goes for you…
CHARLIE: Charlie. Charlie Pace.
TURK: Nice to meet you.
CHARLIE: You've…my name doesn't seem at all familiar to you?
TURK: Should it?
CHARLIE: I was in a band a few years back.
Turk looks blank.
CHARLIE: Driveshaft?
Turk shrugs.
CHARLIE: (sings) You all everybody…
TURK: Aahhhh…white music. I can help you out here. JD?
JD wanders over and, seeing Turk with another guy, immediately tries to be cool.
JD: Whassup ma playas?
TURK: This here's Charlie Pace. From Driveshaft.
JD: OH MY GOD…
We flash back to a younger JD trying desperately to look like a hard rocker (and failing…he looks like the Fonz with bulimia), standing in the midst of the audience at a Driveshaft concert. He struggles to the front of the crowd and screams up.
JD: CHARLIE! CHARLIE!
End-of-fantasy flash.
JD: CHARLIE!
CHARLIE: (frightened) Yes?
JD: Awesome.
Act 1, Scene 5
Sayid is walking amongst the survivors, trying to comfort those he encounters as best he can. He frowns as he sees Ted, who's sitting facing the beach with a blissful smile on his face.
SAYID: You don't seem too upset at our present situation, Mr…?
TED: I can't remember. Ted something.
SAYID: (gently, kindly) I think you might be in shock.
TED: Shock? No. It came to me. This is heaven. I don't have to go back to that hospital. To my job. To him…
SAYID: We're all feeling a little out of it, Ted. I think you should come over and join the rest of the group. Will you do that?
TED: Sure. Why not? I can do it, or I can decide…not to do it. (giggles) Did you hear that? What I said? And he can't hear me. He won't be able to pop up behind me. Not here. Not ever.
Sayid looks sympathetically at Ted and helps him to his feet.
SAYID: We'll get you some help.
Ted gets to his feet and begins to walk with Sayid.
TED: And God bless us, every one.
SAYID: (soothingly) Easy now…
VOICE: You there!
We see Ted react as if shot. Sayid turns around to face the newcomer, whom we still don't see, while Ted stands there. Sweat begins to pour from his brow.
SAYID: Yes? Can I help you?
VOICE: Help me? Gee let me think sport, what possible help could I want, stranded on this stinking beach? Well for starters how about you tell me what exactly you were doing up there, hmm? Carry any bulky luggage with you?
SAYID: (darkly, dangerously)Just what is that supposed to mean?
SAWYER: Man's got a point.
Ted turns, slowly. He takes in the scene – Sayid, anger emanating from every pore, approaching Sawyer…and beside Sawyer, standing there glaring at him…
TED: OHHHHH GODDDD NOOOOOOOO!
He takes off at a run into the bushes. All three watch him go – Sayid, Sawyer, and Bob Kelso.
Attracted by Ted's scream, Jack, Kate, Charlie, JD, Turk and Carla arrive on the scene. The latter three gasp when they see Kelso.
JD: Dr. Kelso? What are you doing here?
KELSO: You people know my brother?
CARLA: Dr. Kelso has a twin brother?
JD: Dr. Kelso has an identical twin brother?
Flash to Sacred Heart, where Nurse Laverne is sitting behind her desk when she suddenly presses her hand to her temple, as if receiving a transmission. When she speaks, it's in the creepy backward-speak of the kid from 'The Shining'.
LAVERNE: Olsek…Olsek niwt rehtrob!
PATIENT: The what now!
DOCTOR: Don't interrupt her! She's got the gift…
End-of-fantasy flash.
Ted is running through the woods, back to his old miserable self again. He pauses for breath and hears a loud growling and rustling noise from nearby. We hear a thunderous crash of foliage.
TED: Take me! Take me!
He runs off towards the source of the noise, arms outstretched.
Act 1, Scene 5
JD is treating a leg injury.
JD: (voice-over) Ted still hadn't returned from the jungle, and we were all kinda worried. Dr. Kelso's twin brother meanwhile was getting to know everyone.
Dr. Cox turns around to face Kelso.
DR. COX: Dear God. You'd think they would just throw in a few bubbling pits of sulphuric acid and some fiery chasms of eternal pain and torment to make this place easier to recognise. So this is your humble home huh Bob? Love what you've done with it.
KELSO: I'm not Bob. I'm his twin brother. I hate Bob Kelso.
DR. COX: All that means to me is that you've met Bob Kelso.
KELSO: He used to mention you on the rare occasions I could stand to be in the same time zone as him. Described you as a pathetic attention-seeking moron with such an offensive body odour that you never once needed to administer an anaesthetic to your patitents. (sniffs) Seems he exaggerated on that part.
DR. COX: Oh this is just too perfect. Out of something approaching giving a crap but still a ballpark away, why did you hate Bob?
KELSO: He was the favourite son. The goody-goody bigshot doctor who made Mom and Dad proud. He makes me sick.
DR. COX: And you chose what career, exactly? International arms dealer? Tobacco company executive?
KELSO: I teach elementary school.
DR. COX: May God have mercy on us all.
JD: (voice-over) I couldn't work out why people were bickering. This was a time for everyone to pull together, not for us to remember some petty differences.
Michael comes running over.
MICHAEL: There's a guy buried underneath some wreckage! Come quick, he's still alive!
Dr. Cox nods to JD and Turk and they move off to follow. In a pile of fuselage near the trees some people are helping to remove rubble.
DR. COX: Listen up, everyone…we appreciate your efforts but let us have a look.
JD: Yes, step aside good people!
Dr. Cox glares at him. JD wilts.
JD: I was being commanding.
MICHAEL: We're trying to get him an airhole.
Dr. Cox nods and beckons. He JD and Turk scramble up to where Michael points, up to where Sun is sitting holding a hand poking from the wreckage. Jin is beside her lifting bits of rubble. Cox motions for them to stand aside.
DR. COX: Can you hear me in there?
MAN: (muffled) Can you speak up? I'm a little buried.
JD: (voice-over) I never cease to wonder at our capacity for making jokes in the face of death.
Dr. Cox is examining the rubble. Eventually he nods.
DR. COX: Give me a hand. We need to lift and remove, ensure his air supply doesn't run out.
We move to the onlookers. Michael and Hurley are watching.
HURLEY: These guys are everywhere. I hope they know what they're doing, dude.
MICHAEL: They're doing the best they can. I think we're damn lucky to have them here.
JD: (voice-over) I really felt like Dr. Cox was impressed at the way I'd handled myself during this. His girl names for me were a lot less…girly.
DR. COX: Whaddaya say you put some backbone into it, Jamie?
JD: (voice-over, excitedly) That's also a boy's name! YES! I am in the ZONE!
With one last heave the piece of rubble they're pulling on comes loose. They toss it aside and stare down into the hole. Revealed therein, curiously unbloodied and unbruised, is the Janitor.
There is a 'moment'.
JANITOR: You!
JD: Cover him up! Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!
As he panics and screams, we go back to Michael and Hurley.
HURLEY: Yeah, dude. Real lucky…