Act 1, Scene 6
That night. Everyone is sitting around a central campfire, trying to stay warm as the temperature drops on the beach.
JD: (voice-over) It seemed like we had all just been so glad to survive the crash. It was only when night fell that people began to get a little scared. It was up to us to lead by example…
We see JD approaching the prostrate figure of the Janitor, stretched out on towels on the beach.
JD: Hey. How you feelin?
JANITOR: Interesting question. Kinda like I fell out of a plane and landed in a tree, then fell out of the tree and had the plane land on me.
JD: Life, huh? Full of surprises.
The Janitor raises an ominous eyebrow.
JD: I'd like to add at this point that I don't think what happened here can in any possible way be my fault.
JANITOR: …yeah. We need to talk about that.
JD: What's to talk about! Our plane went down! How could this poss…hey wait a minute, what were you doing on that plane anyway?
JANITOR: What, I can't fly because I'm a janitor, is that it? Oh I'm sorry sir, should I have tunnelled underground with the rest of the rodents?
JD: That's not what I…you know I meant…why do you always do this to me?
JANITOR: Oh I'm so sorry Mr I've-Got-The-Use-Of-My-Legs-And-Arms. Is the grumpy Janitor man being nasty to you? No good parking space for him.
JD sighs, gives up and walks away. As we follow him we clearly see behind his back the supposedly paralyzed Janitor getting up, stretching himself luxuriously and then wandering off.
Panning across the beach, we pause at Dr. Cox. He's putting the final touches to categorising and storing the medicine supplies. Jack is sitting nearby and assisting him in the task. A group of the other survivors sits close to the two men; the group includes Charlie, Hurley, Michael and Walt, Boone and Shannon. Locke sits somewhat apart, facing the beach in silence. Sun and Jin are likewise a little removed from the main group.
HURLEY: So what happens now?
Everyone turns to look at Dr. Cox. He feels their gazes settle upon him and stares back.
DR. COX: It's called night. It usually lasts for about ooh, eight or nine hours. It happens when the Sun, which I'll indicate here on the sand with an X –
Despite himself, Jack can't help but grin.
HURLEY: Dude you know what I mean.
SHANNON: Yeah. Just how long do we have to sit here on this stupid beach? What are we supposed to do?
DR. COX: Weeeelllll we could put on a rousing music-hall production of West Side Story but then I'm afraid I'd have to begin the killings and well my psychiatrist is kinda newfangled in that he believes – silly really – that a balanced psyche cannot repeat cannot be made to accommodate the occasional murder spree.
CHARLIE: Your beside manner is excellent, you know that?
HURLEY: Yeah, man. Can you ever answer a question with anything but a rant?
JD: (just arriving) Well actually-
DR. COX: Sit down, Newbie.
JD sits.
DR. COX: Now listen up, everyone. I took charge today because people were dying and gosh darn it but it happens to be my job to do that but if you're looking for someone to step up to the bat and field your inane questions every second of every minute then you'd better look for some other sap because this doctor, ladies and gentlemen, is out.
He rubs his hands together as if washing them, gets up and stalks down the beach.
CHARLIE: Is he always like that? Is that why you're so afraid of him?
JD waits with his mouth half-open, staring after Dr. Cox's retreating shadow, until he's judged that there's a safe enough distance between them.
JD: Afraid of him? Pshaw…
SHANNON: So you're a doctor too?
JD's demeanour immediately changes. He quirks his eyebrow and does the patented 'Mr Smooth' look.
JD: Twenty-four seven.
JACK: Wow, they pull long hours at your hospital.
JD: (deflated somewhat by having to explain it)Well, no, see I was being metaphorical. We…we use shift patterns.
JACK: I know.
JD: I knew you knew.
JACK: I'm a doctor too. We kinda met head-on earlier but I didn't get your name. Mine's Jack.
JD: John Dorian. JD.
Everyone does introductions.
HURLEY: So…you two are doctors…the Honey Monster's a doctor…and there are two surgeons and one nurse?
JACK: Three surgeons. I'm a neurosurgeon.
HURLEY: Is that, like, normal for one plane to have so many doctors?
CHARLIE: What were you all doing in Australia?
JD stares into the distance and we hear the familiar whooshing pre-flashback noise used so often on 'Lost'. The screen whites out.
We fade back almost right away. We're still on JD on the beach.
JD: Conference.
EVERYONE: Oh.
JACK: Well I was…I was just there. Visting family.
He casts his eyes down, avoiding further questioning on the issue.
WALT: I'm bored. This place is weird.
JD: Oh c'mon, are you kidding…we got our own beach, and a whole island to explore before we get rescued. I bet we find like pirate treasure and pyramids and there'll be little monkeys that we can tame and use as our servants-
He stares into the distance again and we hear the flashback whoosh again. This time however when it hits we ARE transported – to JD lying in a hammock between two palm trees. He opens his mouth and a monkey tosses a peeled grape with perfect accuracy into it. JD looks satisfied and chews, before frowning.
JD: Seeds…?
The monkey that threw the grape begins chittering wildly, but it's too late. Two other monkeys, bigger and burlier specimens, pick him up by the arms and lead him away as he chitters and gabbles for mercy. JD turns his head to watch him go, shaking it sadly in regret.
JD: How's the project coming along, fellas?
We pan down to see ten monkeys typing feverishly at typewriters. One of them tears off the sheet it's working again and scrambles up to JD, holding it before him.
JD: (reading) 'Stop stealing fantasies from old Simpsons reruns'
End-of-fantasy flash.
JD: Spelled 'episodes' wrong…hey, did anyone see Turk and Carla?
BOONE: The surgeon and the nurse? They went for a walk I think, a little into the forest.
JD: (voice-over) Ahhh those romantic fools.
It's then that the forest comes alive…the roaring and stomping begins, and we see treetops bending and the sound of entire trees being forcefully uprooted. Everyone around the campfire scrambles to watch.
JD: (voice-over) Oh no.