Disclaimer: I don't own Spirit Away

Smiles and meetings

Chihiro

It was eight years since I saw him. Eight years spent waiting for him to keep his promise about seeing each other again.

I was always afraid, afraid of my thoughts that swirled inside my head. They always came back every time I tried to push them away.

What if they had forgotten me? What if Haku never intended to keep his promise? What if I was destroying my life for nothing?

Yes, I was destroying my life. I didn't really belong in the human world anymore, not after the journey I had when I was ten.

I couldn't associate myself with the people of the Human world, I felt so different from them. They never understood me, and I never understood them.

In the eight years I had lived in the human world after being in the Spirit World, many things had happened.

My mother died of cancer just a year after the fated encounter. She became sick and never truly recovered. And when I was eleven she died, leaving me and dad alone.

I can still remember the last day I saw her, before the doctors came and told us she was dead.

"Chihiro you know I love you, don't you?" Her voice was small.

"Yes, Mother. Please don't leave us alone!" I cried, burying my head in mothers' bedclothes.

"I am sorry that I will never get to see you grow up, Chihiro. Nor will I be able to meet the man you one day will marry. There are so many things I wanted to experience and see still. But I know now that my time here is over."

I cried even more because of her words. They seemed so final, like there was no tomorrow and maybe for her it wasn't. Mum petted my head, trying to calm me down.

"I will always love you Chihiro, and I will watch over you from heaven. When you look up to the stars, I will wave to you. Remember you will never be alone. I will send someone to you that will protect you and love you like you deserve."

I looked up at her. My tear wouldn't stop falling down and soaked mums' cloths. "I love you Mother, I don't what I will do without you."

"Hush, child, don't cry. I don't want you to cry, please stay happy, for me. And live the life I couldn't."

It was quiet; the only sound was harsh breathing and my sobs. Mum opened her mouth once again. "Take care of your father for me, he has suffered enough. If I could I would have speared him for this pain."

"I will Mother, I will take care of father." I promised her.

"Thank you Chihiro."

And that was the last time I met and talked with mum. Afterwards it was the burial, but it was so depressing, that I can't remember that day clearly.

Because of the feeling I had of not belonging in the Human world, I became obsessed with mythology, especially dragons and spirits. I always carried one book about that particular topic with me.

I was also called the crazy girl, at school, who talks to herself, because that's what I did. Maybe not exactly talking to myself, I talked to a statue of a dragon that resembled Haku so much that I brought it with my spear money. And because of it the student body called me crazy.

I didn't have any problems at school except for being ignored, but that didn't bother me too much. I had very good grades, almost at the top of my class for eight years. (Easy to be when you have nothing better to do than homework.) The teachers liked me, and I often got favors from them. Like: no shouting at me if I was late for class or forgot something.

I had a happy life at school, of course I was a little lonely sometimes, but I wanted to be alone. And I was glad I had scared the potential friends away, because I didn't want to be stuck in their schemes. I just wasn't comfortable with Humans.

The worst part of my life was my home life. Dad was so depressed after mums' death, that I was afraid he would die. He didn't eat, slept rarely, stopped to talk and move altogether. Every morning I needed to wake him up, and shove him out of the door to get to work.

It seemed like he had stopped to live and now just existed. The sparkle he had in his eyes had died long ago. He had loved mum, she was his light. When she died, there was no reason for him to live, except for me.

Therefore he stayed, got to work every morning and tried to smile when I talked to him. It was difficult for me too, I was also depressed. But because of father I never truly got to grieve. I had to grow up and be the responsible, take care of dad and myself.

Every night I used to cry myself to sleep until I was twelve, after that I stopped to cry altogether. I couldn't be weak anymore. But I still dreamed about the Spirit World. Every night I would dream about the people I knew and loved. Especially one person: Haku.

Haku the young dragon boy, who had helped me when I was drowning in his river at age three, and later saved my life again when I entered the Spirit World for the first time.

I wondered how he was and where he was. Had he gotten away from Yubaba when he got his real name back? Was he older than before, would I ever meet him again? Did he remember me?

My life, and my dads' life was quiet depressing, until one day two weeks ago, when he came back from job, smiling!

I was quite shocked to say the least. Dad hadn't smiled in eight years, not even to me. Maybe a little pull in the corners of his mouth sometimes, but it had been forced. This time it wasn't. This time it was a true smile, lightning up his whole face. At that time I was wondering what was going on.

Today I got the surprise thrown in my face, as dad came home and told me he was getting married again…

The first time I met her, I thought she was nice. She was a small woman, 1'6 perhaps, with brown hair and green eyes. The smile on her face was reflected in her eyes and told me she was a good person.

But I didn't like her.

She was nice, yes, but there was something with her that gave me goose bumps on my back.

I was a week ago that dad took her home with him, so that he could present me to her and her to me. They had come inside the house hand in hand, looking lovesick into each others' eyes, hadn't seen me standing in the hallway waiting for them.

When I saw them I felt that dad betrayed mum. He betrayed mums memory with being in love with someone else. I didn't want him to be depressed, I just wanted him to respect mums memory, and felt that he didn't.

Because I felt a little sick of the two lovebirds in the hallway, I left going into the kitchen. I made tea, while waiting, sitting on one of the three chairs around the table.

The kitchen wasn't big, but mum had liked it this way. She had said it gave her a feeling of tight family. And it had, because it was almost too small for all three of them to be there at the same time.

After a little while, but felt like an hour, dad and the woman came in the doorway smiling at me.

"Hello." She said to me with a small smile on her face. "You must be Chihiro, I am so glad I can finally meet you. I have looked forward to this meeting for a long time."

The sound of her voice was light and friendly, but the tone in which she talked to me was like she talked to a child. For heavens' sake I was no child, I was eighteen a month ago. But I didn't comment because of dads' happy face.

"Hello, nice to meet you to. I'm sorry but Father hasn't told me your name yet." I smiled a genuine smile; I was the only one who knew it was false. I had long experienced in acting happy when I wasn't.

She giggled a little, and lightly smacked dad on the arm.

"You haven't told her my name yet, but that you shall marry me. I feel a little hurt, love."

Dad laughed a bit uncomfortable. "I forgot, love, I was so nervous about telling her about our future marriage that I forgot everything else."

"I forgive you, but I don't want it to happen again." She said with a smile, but I could hear the command in her voice, and a small irritation. Dad didn't hear it; he just smiled, and was happy she didn't stay angry at him. I knew then at she would be the controlling part of the marriage, dad would follow her and take everything she said for granted and true.

She turned back to me, still smiling. "I'm Otorine Hana, but you can just call me Hana. I don't expect you to start calling me mum or mother, because I know I can never take the place of your real mother."

When she said the part about not needing to call her mother, I got the feeling she didn't want me to call her mother, ever. But that didn't bother me; I didn't want to call her mother anyway.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Hana?" I asked politely. She smiled again, nodded and took place at the table across from me. I started pulling out cups from the cupboard when dad interrupted me.

"There is no need to get one for me. I need to do some things, and will leave you here for a little while so that you can get acquainted. He smiled, gave Hana a kiss on the cheek and then left.

I shrugged, took two cups and poured hot tea into them. Then I turned back to the table, sat down and gave her the tea. She didn't smile or thank me for the inconvenience, just took it and blew gently to make it colder. I felt a little offended, wasn't it normal curtsey to say "thank you"? But I made sure I didn't show it on my face, taking on a blank mask, and waited.

I was patient, had a lot of training in waiting. I knew that if I asked her what she wanted, I would lose before it had even started, because she could take on the mask of innocence that she wore and make me the rude one. I wondered, absentmindly, what she would talk about. Would she talk to me at all? Actually I didn't care. I just wanted to get it over with, so I didn't have to meet her or talk to her more than necessary. I knew I would move out as fast as I got m enough money and found a suitable place.

"I don't like you." Her comment stopped my inner thought. "I know people like you. Just spoiled brats, gets everything they want, like they want it. But now it will become different. I don't tolerate spoiled persons, especially children. They are nasty when they are spoiled. And I will be glad when you are out of the house. Lucky for me you are so old, because then you can move out as fast as possible."

I listened to her in respectfully silence. Like I was interested in what she said, and that it was important. I understood that she wanted control in her new home and that I could be a hindrance. But she didn't need to talk to me like I was a child, it had been years since I had called myself a child and the people around me respected that and treated me like an adult. Well she had partly treated me as an adult, saying I was old enough to move out.

"So basically you tell me you are throwing me out? I can move out anytime, but to do so I need money. And I don't have enough at the moment." I smiled politely at her, trying to find out which way I should swim. I knew I needed a little time; therefore I tried to find the most polite way to say it.

"You insolent little girl, get yourself a job, maybe you can get some money if you work for it. I can guarantee you that you won't get any money from us."

The mask of a smiling nice woman was gone, and now she scowled at me, irritated and angry. She was trying to get the advantage and the control over the situation. But I knew that now I had won most of the game. I hadn't lost control and showed her the real me, I was still polite and had the "nice" mask on my face. Not showing her my feelings so that she couldn't get the upper hand.

I smiled again at her over the cup of tea, talking calmly. "I need half a year before I can move out. I am soon going to university anyway, and need to find a new place to live closer to that."

She seemed to relax slightly. "Good then you won't be in the way for my children to long. I am afraid you would be bad influence for them." I wanted to shout at her for what she said. It was rude to talk to anybody like that, but I didn't comment, just sipped a little more of my tea. Knowing if I did what I wanted to do, I would lose the upper hand I had right now.

"Of course" I said courteously.

Dad reemerged in the doorway. Hana put on a wide smile and started to laugh like I had said something funny. I smiled a polite smile once more, seeing through her scheme. She wasn't anything more than a woman trying to make herself a higher place in the little society she belonged to. And dad was the perfect weapon to get that place, since he had a fairly high position. She was a woman that survived by all means necessary. I respected her for that even if I didn't like her personally.

"Do you have fun together?" He asked with a smile of his own. She turned to him, smiled wider and answered: "Of course, my dear, we understand each other perfectly, don't we Chihiro?"

It was just me that got the secret threat in her words. I smiled to my dad, hoping he would be happy and wouldn't understand how his future wife truly was. "Yes Father, Hana and I has come to an agreement."