N.B. thanks to everyone who's read this, reviews always welcome! And PLEASE check out my Spiderman 3 fanfic, if you're a Spidey fan (or even if you just liked the movies) I think you'll enjoy it.

Act 1, Scene 7

A little earlier that night. Turk and Carla are strolling through the jungle, hand in hand.

TURK: You did good today.

CARLA: So did you.

TURK: I love you, you know that?

CARLA: Mmm I love you too baby.

They kiss.

TURK: Even in this crazy place, I'm glad we can still find somewhere t-

CARLA: Turk, I've been married to you for over a year now. I know what you're gonna say. That tree is too rough, this grass is soaking wet and I am not having sex with you when anyone could sneak up and see us! And that includes you, Todd!

Todd emerges nonchalantly from the nearby bushes.

TODD: (off Turk's look) What's up? Apart from the obvious, mi amigo!

TURK: And just what the hell are you doing?

TODD: Hiding & hoping for humping. Who's with me? Huh?

A roar shakes the ground. In the distance we see a tree, then two trees, ripped from the roots up and flung aside. Immense stomping and growling noises follow. We zoom in on the three terrified faces.

TURK: (faintly) Dr. Cox is on the beach, right?

CARLA: Yes…

TURK: Should we…you know…run?

CARLA: Yeah. Yeah, we should.

TODD: RUN!

They start running full-pelt through the forest, the unseen creature roaring and stomping its way towards them. A tree bark is shattered into splinters, the fragments raining down upon them. A shard of wood buries itself into Carla's ankle.

TURK: Carla!

He stops to tend to her. The Todd, running ahead, never even notices that Turk and Carla have vanished behind him. He disappears into the distance.

CARLA: Go. Just…go. Please.

TURK: You've been married to me for a year. You know what I'm gonna say to that.

She manages a small smile at him. He inspects the wood splinter through her ankle and a frown of concern betrays him. It's too deep to pull out.

The roaring reaches a crescendo. Carla's hand finds Turk's. She squeezes. They both look fearfully toward the forest, awaiting the inevitable emergence of –

TED: Hey. What up.

CARLA / TURK: Ted?

TURK: Ted, there's something behind you! Get down!

Ted glances behind him unconcernedly, just as there's another enormous roar and immense growl. We see Ted's hair (such as it is) being blown back by the force of the bellow from the massive hidden monster. The ground shakes.

TED: Oh that's just Stompy. Bad Stompy. Go home now.

The roaring begins again, but fades with each massive footfall that reverberates through the forest.

Ted turns back to Carla and Turk. They're looking at him open-mouthed.

TED: What? (touches his hair) It's my hair isn't it?

As Turk's about to respond a group of others crashes through into the clearing, spearheaded by JD, Jack, Kate and Locke. Bringing up the rear are Sawyer and last of all, puffing and panting with the exertion, is Kelso's brother.

TED: AIIEEEE!

He runs off again into the forest. Everyone watches him go.

JD: You're…you're all right.

TURK: Carla's leg. Help me get her back to camp.

SAWYER: Now why in hell does that guy keep high-tailin' it every time he claps eyes on you?

KELSO: (confused) What guy?

JD: (voice-over) He really is his brother.

JACK: Help her back to camp. I'm going after him.

LOCKE: I'll come with you. I can track him.

TURK: Trust me both of you, he's fine. God knows how, but he's fine. Let's just get the hell back to camp.

They move off, JD and Turk supporting the limping Carla. With one last puzzled look into the forest, Jack does likewise. Sawyer and Kelso follow.

Locke, however, has other ideas. Waiting until the others are gone, he slips into the trees in the direction where Ted ran and is gone in an instant…

Act 1, Scene 8

Back at the campfire. Carla is sitting with her back resting against a piece of fuselage covered in a blanket whilst Turk examines her ankle.

HURLEY: What was that thing?

JD: (voice-over) It was the question everyone was asking. Me…I had my own thoughts.

Flash to the beach, day. Everyone runs past the camera screaming. As we follow them we pause momentarily to see JD enjoying a romantic candlelit meal with Shannon, complete with table and chairs on the sand.

JD: Didn't I promise you a monstrously good time?

SHANNON: (giggles) Oh you…

We move on past the two to catch up once more with the runners, and in particular Dr. Cox, who's casting horrified glances back. A mighty roar flattens everyone near him and leaves him standing alone. A massive shadow falls upon him. He looks up.

DR. COX: For the last time, I'm sorry about the rubbing-whiskey-on-Jack's-gums thing!

We see that the monster is in fact a seventy-foot tall version of Dr. Cox's ex-wife, Jordan Sullivan. She breathes fire casually through her mouth.

JORDAN: That's OK Perry. In fact I forgive you. But you know me being enormous might hamper our sex life a little.

DR. COX: Hey, it never bothered me when you were pregnant.

JORDAN: Nice. But I suppose I should be used to your size being an issue. Hmm…unless…

Her huge hand comes down and envelops Dr. Cox until he's pointed like a torpedo. He's raised up into the air head first…

DR. COX: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!

End-of-fantasy flash. JD blinks and looks extremely disturbed.

JD: Anyone got any beer?

CHARLIE: First one to find the plane's alcohol supply gets voted King of the Island.

JD: I love you.

CHARLIE: What?

JD: I said good idea.

JACK: Where's Cox?

HURLEY: Haven't seen him since he took off earlier.

Dozing with his hat over his eyes, Sawyer lifts it off his face to respond to this.

SAWYER: Superdoc's over there by the rocks. Brooding.

JD: I'll…

TURK: Dude I need you here for a minute. Until Todd comes back. I have to try and remove this and stop the bleeding.

JACK: It's OK. I'll go.

He gets off and trots down to where Cox is sitting. JD watches him go rather jealously.

JD: (voice-over) It just didn't seem right that someone else was going to talk to Dr. Cox. After all, I was the one seeking the father figure. What would Jack know about something like that?