Disclaimer: I don't own Spirited Away

Chihiro

I sat on my bed in my room and stared on the big picture I had painted of a dragon. It resembled my memory of Haku flying away from me after the talk we had in the gardens, where he gave me my name back and comforted me while I cried. The memory of that day made it stung in my eyes.

It was a beautiful picture, of blue sky and a few clouds drifting around, the dragon flew in the sky seeming to disappear in the distance. Under the sky you could see a bit of land, blooming flowers encircling a green-bluish river that curled in the landscape.

It was definitely my favorite picture. It represented Haku well, both as a dragon and as a river. It had been difficult to paint it. I had used many years, experimenting with colors, sceneries, prepositions and movements before I was satisfied with the picture. And the room bore witness to all my training since I had hanged all of the pictures I had painted on the walls. To tell the truth, all my four walls were totally decorated by paintings. I wondered briefly how my new stepmother would react when she saw my room.

I couldn't help but smile a little at the thought. It was little chance she would think of coming into my room. She had made it perfectly clear she wanted nothing to do with me. Before I got the time to get the small smirk off my face, the door opens with a loud bang and in the doorway stands one of my new stepsiblings, Sakure.

She is the one I dislike the most. She is obvious the leader of the siblings and have a totally evil mind. She has a perfect innocent appearance and most people like her because of it. She has a group of loyal followers that follows her blindly wherever she goes or do whatever she tells them to do. Nobody sees her like the bully she is, but thinks of her as a princess. And I can understand that, she has looks like a fairy elf, with long blond hair, not too small or too tall and a slim frame. The green eyes looking innocent and naive made her the prefect picture of beauty.

"Mum says I get this room, you will be sleeping in the big cupboard in the living room." I quietly sighed at this. They married yesterday and decided to skip the honeymoon going straight to the home life. Why couldn't they go on a honeymoon before moving in to the house, like a normal newlywed couple? Then I would get time to settle a little before Hana came to the house, and time to make some preparations like; cleaning, moving different things and prepare myself mentally for a new and unfamiliar family moving into my house. But alas no.

The marriage had been a quiet affaire, not many people had been there, like it was some sort of secret. But I didn't care. I wasn't interested in huge parties or such. After my mothers' death I felt that parties was against her memory and therefore refrained myself from going to social get-togethers like the others of my year group.

I had been one of the bridesmaids together with Hanas' two daughters: Sakure and Sayori. While Hanas' son Sakaki had been the ring bearer. He had just stood there, obvious bored to death because of the formalities took so long time.

"Wow you have many paintings of dragons!"

The excited scream of Sakure pulled me back to the room and the still coming doom of moving from my room to a cupboard. Why should she have room in a cupboard? Why couldn't she have this room, that where hers already? But I already knew why. Because Hanas' children wanted one room each and it wasn't enough rooms if Chihiro was there. And Hana gave the children everything they wanted, at Chihiros' expense.

"When you move to the cupboard you can leave the paintings here, because you won't have place to them and I want them!" Sakure walked into the room, tossed herself on the bed and looked hungry at the pictures. I felt a little sad at the thought of parting with the pictures.

"I take one of the pictures with me." I said and moved to get the painted picture that was my favorite. The dragon and the river, I could never part form this picture as long as I lived.

"No! You can't take that! That was the prettiest one, too!" Sakure started to whine, but I just took the picture with me, grabbed the bag I had packed while she stared at my pictures and left the room to move to the cupboard.

The first week wasn't that bad, I found out I actually liked the cupboard. It was nice, stuffy and small and gave me the perfect excuse to not be at home at all time.

I spent as much of my time possible at school and at the local library. Because of my oncoming tests I had to study a lot and was in need of a desk and a chair, something I couldn't get at home. I also got tranquility at the library, something I never got at home now.

Hana ignored me, roughly speaking; she only talked to me when she was absolutely had to or wanted me to do something. I did the laundry, washed the dishes after dinner, made dinner when I had time (also when I didn't have time) and took care of the house, I started to feel like a living in house maid. But I didn't say anything.

To not explode and show my true emotions, I kept saying a mantra in my head: You will move out soon and then you don't need to see them again. You will move out soon and then you don't need to see them again. You will move out soon…

The worst of them wasn't Hana. I was okay being ignored, but my new stepsiblings wouldn't leave me alone. Every time they did something they shouldn't or broke something it was my fault. If they said something rude, it was because of my influence.

And when I tried to study at home my stepsiblings would stand behind me or around me, asking questions or taking my book or papers. It was quite annoying, but I did nothing with it. Although if they had listened when I answered their questions maybe they would have gotten better marks.

One time at the start of the marriage, I had talked to dad about how it was for me, but he didn't do anything with it. He just told it to Hana and asked her to put things straight again. He left everything up to Hana. Did everything Hana said. He was being totally controlled by her.

Flashback

"Your Father told me you where unsatisfied with something?" She said in a silky voice, standing in the opening of the cupboard. She had opened while I was sleeping and had wakened me up with the sudden light.

"I thought we understood each other Chihiro. Didn't we have a deal? You get a job, gets money and move out within six months."

"I know already", I said.

"So why are you unsatisfied? No don't answer that! You know Chihiro, if you just stop complaining and do the things asked of you; you get more money faster and can move out earlier. And I want to ignore your presence here until you are out, so just shout up about the unfairness you think you feel right now, and work more with moving out. Have I made myself clear this time?"

I had nodded, and stopped complaining. I didn't talk with anyone much at all anymore. But I didn't care; I just wanted to get away. Away from the pain, the loneliness, and the fear of not being good enough. I wanted to get away to somewhere where I could find someone to hold me, someone to sot me and make me feel protected. But I knew I would never get that, not even when I finally could get away from my family. And why not? Because I didn't deserve it, I was a freak believing in Spirits and other Worlds wasn't I?

I was lying on my improvised bed inside the cupboard and thought again about the Spirit World. Why didn't Haku come to visit me like he promised? I missed him and the others. They had been my friends, and now I knew they were my only friends.

I had tried a few times to find the entrance to the Spirit World. And I had found it; it just didn't lead to the Spirit World but to an old rusty railway overgrown with weed and wild flowers. The first time I came across the entrance I had been so hopeful, finally I would get away from this horrible place. But when I came to the other side and found nothing, I had cried. It wasn't often I permitted myself to show such weakness, but this one time I let myself cry until I had no more tear left. After that my hope of getting to the Spirit World was broken, and each time I got to the rusty railway I felt that I died a little until my life had no longer any meaning.

I took out the picture I had taken with me and looked at it. Feeling an emotional outburst coming my way, silent tears flowing down my cheek, I didn't make a sound. But there was a sound, not coming from me but from the room outside of the cupboard. It was a faint sound, like someone light crossed the floor. I listened, trying to find out if it was a burglar or one of the residencies of the house.

The sound came closer and closer to the cupboard and I started to think it was either Hana or one of my stepsiblings coming to tease me again. Last time Sakure had thought it was funny to drown me with a bucket of ice cold water. I had been drenched, but all my clothes had also gotten wet, therefore I had been forced to walk around in wet clothes or none at all. I also had to clean up all the water and wash the contents of the cupboard.

Luckily I also got a cold. Sneezing and coughing for two weeks. Sakure had called me a living virus and Hana had denied me from doing anything or touch anything in the house, which I wasn't too depressed with since I got away from most of my chores, Hana was afraid I would infect her children with my germs.

Someone stood outside the cupboard, I embraced myself for whatever pranks coming this time, though I hoped it wasn't to awful and that it wouldn't give me too much work afterwards. Though I knew my hopes where in vain. Slowly the sliding door got opened and revealed a dark contour I wasn't familiar with.

Haku

It was eight years since I last saw her. I missed her terribly, but tried to hide it from the people around me, especially my friends. I felt lonely. Even when I was standing in the middle of a crowd or was surrounded by people talking or asking me to help or do things, I felt isolated.

I often took myself in thinking of her. Her smile, her cleverness, her eyes… I could still remember her hand in mine, the warmth from her flesh. Why had I let go of that hand? I still regretted what had happened that day. I should have told her my feelings, asked her to stay with me. She was mine that time, we had a bond. I wasn't sure about what kind of bond, but I knew it had been powerful.

But I knew I wouldn't have done it. I would never ask her to stay, because that would have been selfish and she needed her parents. If I had another chance I would have done exactly the same, because she had a happy life now. Something else I wouldn't believe. She was happy. And because I thought she was happy, I was happy. Or so I tried to make myself think.

In the eight years since our parting I had become a really powerful spirit. So powerful that I now had a position in the Spirit World no one could take from me, not even if I wanted them to. I was my own master, and master of others. And they followed me, not because I controlled them, but out of mutual respect. I used my time to make things better for the people that worked for me, and to the guest coming to my place.

I took myself in again, this wasn't the right time to pounder about things that couldn't be. I should be doing some paperwork right now, but I couldn't find the right mood to do them. Instead of sitting behind the desk, reading and scribbling, I was gazing out of the window in my office.

It was a clear night outside. The moon shone brightly in the sky. The stars twinkled happily. Not one clouds dared to show themselves in the sky. The only light in the dark night came from the moon and the stars. The streetlight wasn't lighted because of the particular night. It was a beautiful night, but I couldn't delight myself with the sight.

I started to think how she would have loved to stare up at the stars. She would have pointed at some of them, telling about how they seemed like a bunny or something, just like she did with the clouds. And if she saw a falling star, she would have closed her eyes, wrinkled her forehead in concentration, and made a silent wish. I would have asked her afterwards, and she would have blushed and refused to answer me.

I chuckled slightly. Yes she would be just like that. Innocent and gentle. A light in the darkest of places. Always smiling, radiating warmth and friendliness. That was her charm and personality. A person, either being spirit or human, would be drawn towards her, a natural leader and friend.

She was the reason for my entire existence. I knew the bonds we had shared when she had been here in the Spirit World, where cut when she returned to the Human world, but there was one Bond that would never go away. And that bond made me wonder how she looked now. Had she grown higher? Maybe gotten a few curves on her body? Was her eyes still captivating?

I didn't know. But I wished I knew. Did she have a mate yet? I knew the Humans didn't call it mates. But for me, if she was together with another male, she had a mate. I felt a little jealous at the thought of a male that wasn't me, close enough to touch her, but pushed it away. She was happy in the Human world where she belonged. Even if the mate she had wasn't the true one. As she was a human, she would not be able to sense it like I could, being a magical creature.

I knew she didn't remember me. The Boarder wouldn't let a Human leave with knowledge of the Spirit World, because the humans would misused it. That thought hurt the most. I wanted her to remember me. Remember me and wait for me to hold my promise to her. The promise I had given to her when we parted. But because I knew she couldn't remember, I always wondered. If she had remembered me, would she love me like she did when she was ten years old? Or maybe the love she had felt for me had become stronger. Maybe she had loved me so much that she would leave the Human World and stay with me of her own free will?

I shook my head, trying to stop myself from thinking. I needed to stop thinking about her. I knew I would just make myself miserable. And then it would be harder to put up a happy face in front of other people that expected me to be glad. I knew I didn't smile enough to reassure the people about my cheerfulness. But I wasn't cheerful and would never be as long as I was alone.

I knew my little sister saw it sometimes, the lonely look in my eyes. And she had asked me about it, I hadn't answered her, just left her standing there. It hadn't been nice to do it. But I didn't want her to worry about me, she had other things to think and worry about. After that I became better at hiding the loneliness, and she hadn't asked again.

I liked my sister. I was quite fond of her. When she first came to me, I wasn't sure what to do or believe. Because up to that moment I had thought I was the only offspring in my "family". I had been quite shocked the first time.

Flashback

"Master Haku. Master Haku!" One of the spirits came running towards him shouting. He had started to get angry, both because the spirit wouldn't stop shouting and that he looked terrified.

"Yes."

"Master Haku, there is a girl in the entrance hall saying she is your sister. I didn't know you had a sister, Master."

I had looked at the spirit, seen the honesty in his eyes, telling me this wasn't some kind of trick that I didn't need to use my time on.

"Show me the way." I said courtly. I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible.

"Of course Master. Right away, Master."

When we arrived at the entrance, there was a young looking girl standing a little inside the door, discussing heatedly with one of the guards.

"I tell you he is my Brother. We were separated when he started his apprenticeship with the witch Yubaba."

"I can't remember it. I can't remember we have ever met before, young one."

The girl had turned around sharply, looking at him. Then Haku suddenly found himself holding the young woman in his hands, while she hugged him firmly and crying, making his clothes wet.

"Please let me stay here, Brother. I won't stay in the way, I will even help you if you want, but please don't make me go back to our parents. They don't want me…"

I agreed to her staying. Feeling that I had to, I knew how my parents where first handily and didn't want anyone to live in that mess. After some time I grew used to her. She was one of the only ones that could make me laugh.

Sometimes she came to me and asked me to tell her stories. And I told her stories. I wasn't good to make up stories or remember stories that were told to me, so I told her stories about Chihiro.

My sister had been quite fond of the stories about Chihiro. And asked me to tell her them all the time. I had sometimes told too many details, so if she thought about it really hard, she would have understood it was about a real person not just someone I made up.

But she was too young to understand. Too innocent and naïve. She had never asked me if the lady from the stories was real. And I was happy for that.

I sighed. Turned away from the window and stared at the papers lying on my desk. I could do them tomorrow. Today I was tired and didn't want to do them. Therefore I decided to go looking for my little sister.

Usually she would have been in the office at this hour, telling me she was bored and ask me to do something with her. Anything would be fine, even helping with the paperwork.

I wrinkled my forehead. Where could she be since she wasn't bored? Who had she disturbed in their work? Maybe Rin, she liked Rin to much for her own good.

I found Rin at the entrance, greeting guests.

"Have you seen my sister tonight?"

She shaked her head to answer me, still smiling to the oncoming guests. I left her, didn't want to distract her. I walked down to the boiling room. And put my head inside to ask Kamaji if he had seen her.

"Your sister, Master Haku? No, I haven't seen her tonight and that's a bit weird since I see her every night." He scratched his head with one of his many arms, before shouting at the soot balls to keep on working.

I shaked my head and started to be a little worried. Where could she be? I searched the whole place, even the many gardens. But she was nowhere to be found.

Now I was worried and angry. She knew she had to tell me if she left, when she came back she had a lot to explain and needed a lot of time, because I would shout at her for a few hours to make her guilty and to relive myself from the horror of losing her.

But the main question was still: Where was she?