I remember I promised you to update before the end of the week, so here it is ! This chapter's a bit longer than the previous two, and there's quite a lot going on. If you think things are going pretty fast, be careful to read aaaall the temporal indications.
I hope you'll like it, as always ! And feedback is more than welcome.
"She's gone. I went back to the club after you left yesterday and she wasn't there anymore. The bartender told me that she had already packed her things and that she was planning to leave today anyway."
Satsu doesn't answer. She doesn't even bother to look up. Her face is buried in her pillow and she only wishes her head could stop spinning and hurting.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later."
Buffy closes the door and Satsu hears her going downstairs. She finally raises her head and sits on the edge of her bed. Last night was bad. She might have screwed things up with Buffy. She might have pushed her even further in Faith's arms. Oh, wait. Faith isn't here anymore. And that changes everything.
"I'm sorry."
"For what ?"
"For what happened yesterday at the club. For what I said to you. I had no right."
Buffy sighs and glances at her girlfriend. Satsu knows she's pissed. She has every reason to be. Besides, Satsu doesn't even remember exactly what happened and what her words were. She knows she made a scene, she's been jealous. But her memory is failing her a bit.
"It's fine. The source of all our problems is gone anyway."
"It's my fault. I overreacted."
"That you did."
"It's just… There was something between you on the dance floor and it made me snap."
"Yeah, it's called a slayer connection, you know, the same that made us share a few dreams in the past ?"
"I'm not talking about a slayer connection, Buffy. I'm talking about the connection between two women."
Satsu sees Buffy's hand tighten around her spoon.
"I don't get it, Satsu. Faith's gone, so why don't you just drop it, huh ?"
"I needed to say it. But now I'm going back to normal. I'm just gonna pretend that she never came here, that I still haven't met her."
"Whatever makes you feel happy."
And happy, Buffy's not.
It's been three months since they last saw the brunette slayer. Their relationship has gotten back to normal, and they are now sharing an apartment. But Buffy's not the same. She's often in a bad mood, she refuses sometimes to go to the club, and she was never one to miss an opportunity to dance. There's a part of her missing, and Satsu knows why. She knows that only one person could bring that part back to life. One person that could make Buffy complete. And that person is nowhere to be found.
Satsu watches helpless as Buffy becomes more and more quiet and shuts down everyone around her. Willow, Xander, Dawn and Giles don't recognize her anymore. They don't know why she's acting all strange. Kennedy knows better. Every time she looks at Satsu, it seems like she wants to rip her head off of her body. Satsu understands that she's not the only one who noticed the connection between Buffy and Faith. Her friendship with Kennedy has taken a toll. They don't talk about it, and when the others are around they just pretend that everything's fine.
But Buffy's darker and darker each day that passes. She comes back from patrol a bit later every night and with more bruises and cuts than before. Satsu even found a bottle of tequila under their bed. Almost empty. She didn't try to confront Buffy about it. It would have ended up in a fight.
Satsu does everything she can to cheer up her girlfriend, and sometimes it works and she sees the old Buffy, the one she fell in love with. Those moments are rare and precious, so she enjoys them and makes them last as long as possible. But suddenly something triggers a memory and Buffy falls back into her numbness routine.
One night, Satsu wakes up only to find the other side of the bed empty. Buffy's not back from her patrol. She glances at her alarm-clock and gets up quickly when she sees it's four in the morning. The slayer never comes home so late. Satsu grabs her phone and dials Willow's number in a hurry.
"We found her unconscious in the cemetery. There were two bottles next to her, emptied. And a bunch of pills, the ones she couldn't swallow because she had had too much already."
Kennedy's eyes are fixed on Satsu while she talks. She's the one who found Buffy with the help of Willow. Now they're all sitting in the hospital, waiting for a doctor to tell them what's going on. Satsu wants to cry, she feels so much responsible. She should've known what was going on. She's the one who lives with Buffy, who shares her bed !
They feel each second of the following hour. They sit silently in the waiting room, and Kennedy is the only one who has enough courage to stand up and walk out.
"I need some fresh air."
She disappears for a while after, and not even Willow feels like checking in on her.
"Your friend is stable. We've been able to perform a stomach wash, but she's going to be out for a while. I have to ask… Did she feel depressed lately ?"
Giles looks at everyone and speaks :
"She's having quite a hard time, yes."
"Did she lose someone she loved or cared about ?"
"I guess you could say that." Kennedy answers, much to everyone's surprise.
"We have a very good psychologist here. I'll send him to her when she'll be awake and better."
"Thank you doctor."
He leaves the room and they're silent again. Satsu realizes now the importance of Buffy in this group. She is the knot that links everybody. Without her, they fall apart, they're lost. She's the leader. They need her. But Buffy ?
Buffy needs the only person who's not here.
Giles, Xander, Kennedy and Willow left. Satsu is alone with Dawn, and they're in Buffy's room. The slayer is still asleep and she's so pale that it breaks Satsu's heart. She's never seen her so weak.
Satsu feels a small shiver down her spine and she turns round. In the door frame stands a tall, handsome man she's never seen before. But she knows who he is.
"Angel."
He walks in the room, and she wonders how he managed to come all the way to the hospital, because it's shinning outside.
"Willow made me come here with her magic."
Of course.
"How is she ?"
Dawn walks up to him and he welcomes her by a strong hug.
"She's stable. She just needs to wake up."
"What happened ?"
"We… We don't know."
"You don't know ? What's that supposed to mean ? Aren't you her girlfriend ?"
His tone is cold and harsh, but Satsu doesn't blink. They've got history together. He was Buffy's first love and first heartbreak. She knows about it. The vampire with a soul. The one that'll never stop loving her. At least they've got one common point.
"Buffy was hiding her depression pretty well."
"You should've called me."
"You're not the person she needs."
"I know."
And the look in his eyes can't be misunderstood. Angel knows about Buffy's feelings. God, he's probably the first one who noticed.
"Dawn, why don't you go to the cafeteria and eat something while I talk with Angel ?"
"Do I have a choice ?"
"Dawn, please." The vampire asks gently.
She looks up to Angel and nods. Satsu frowns, because she's always had a little trouble to get along with Dawn, but the young girl seems to really like Angel and Faith.
As soon as the door closes, Satsu whispers :
"You know."
"I've been around longer than you, Satsu. I've always known."
"I couldn't know she would try to kill herself… I thought she was getting better, that she just needed time…"
"It's not your fault. I'm sorry I've been hard on you, it's just… I don't like to see her like this. She's been through so much already."
"What am I supposed to do now ? I can't leave her. I love her."
"Like you said, she needs time. Time to find her way. "
"How did you… How could you live with that ?"
"When I came back from hell, Buffy had moved on already. Or at least she was trying to. And then she arrived in town, and everything was different. Buffy and I still shared this powerful love, but when things went… out of control, she changed. It made me realize that somehow I had already lost her, even though she wasn't aware of that."
"She was consumed by her hate for Faith."
"No, Satsu. She was consumed by her love for Faith."
They remain silent for a while, then Angel speaks again :
"She felt ashamed and awful for loving a murderer with no conscious. Her love turned into hate, because these two emotions are so close to each other that she couldn't make a difference between them anymore. But you should have seen the look on her face when she understood that Faith was turning herself in. We were at the police station, and she was… I don't know. Devastated and proud at the same time."
"Why did she never act on her feelings then ?"
"Without knowing if they were reciprocated ? She was probably thinking that Faith really hated her. I mean, Faith is not an easy kind of girl to understand. It's… complicated. I think they need a big, long talk together."
"Do you think… Do you think I should leave her then ?"
"That's not my decision to take, Satsu."
"I don't want to leave her, Angel. Not now, when she's all alone. Maybe… Maybe we should find her."
Angel is about to answer but it's a female voice that cuts him off.
"Find who ?"
Satsu freezes as she hears the two words. She doesn't need to turn round because she knows who said them. That low, husky voice, she could recognize it anywhere. From the corner of her eyes, she sees Angel greeting the newcomer with a warm smile.
Faith takes one step inside the room and closes the door behind her. Satsu finally stands up and looks at her. She can see all the emotions going through the other slayer just by looking at her. And when the brunette lets her eyes wander on the hospital bed, Satsu immediately notice how they darken.
"What happened ?"
Angel puts one hand on Faith's shoulders in an attempt to calm her down because it's obvious that she's upset. Satsu opens her mouth to answer, but nothing comes out.
"I asked you something, Satsu. What the hell happened to her ?"
"I… We don't really know, she went missing tonight and then Kennedy found her, and she was unconscious…"
"And why is that ?"
"Faith." Angel says tentatively.
"It's okay, Fangs, I'm not gonna snap or anything. I'd like to talk to Satsu alone, if you don't mind."
Satsu takes a look at Angel, and she can tell that he minds, but he doesn't say anything and silently leaves the room. He has enough trust in Faith. Now Faith is firmly standing in front of her, so close that she can actually feel the heat radiating from her body.
"You did this to her."
"Excuse me ?"
"You're responsible. You should've known something was wrong with her. Maybe the others will not say it out lout, but I am. I blame you, Satsu."
It's more than she can take.
"You blame me ? Really ? Then tell me what you think of that : Buffy started to change right after you left town ! She became a stranger to me, she wouldn't talk or express any feeling ! She was a fucking zombie, and you wanna know what I think, Faith ? I think this is your fucking responsibility !"
Next thing she knows, she's pressed against the cold white wall and two hands are gripping her shoulders and neck so tightly that it hurts.
"You wanna know why I left town ? Because she was with you, Satsu, and I didn't want to be the reason of your break-up ! I needed Buffy to realize what she truly felt, to think about what she truly wanted, and for that I couldn't be around ! Now you can blame me, but it'll never change the fact that I wouldn't have had to go away if you hadn't been so freaking insecure !"
"That's not… Not what the bar… Let go of me !"
Faith releases her grasp just enough to let her breathe decently.
"It's not what the bartender told Buffy. He said you were planning to leave."
"Yeah, I was. I wasn't exactly sure when, though. But your little crying scene at the club kind of made up my mind."
"You… You saw us ?"
"Heard ya before I saw ya, but yes. Hell, the whole club must've heard you."
She finally steps back and allows Satsu to regain her composure.
"Then why didn't you say anything ? Why didn't you try to talk to her ?"
"I told you. I couldn't interfere in your relationship."
Satsu scoffs, because it's probably the most hypocritical thing she's ever heard.
"You interfered in our relationship the second you set foot in town."
"It was my town long before it was yours."
"You hate it."
"Doesn't make it any less mine."
They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. Satsu can't understand how things have gone so far. One day she is living happily with Buffy, the next day Faith comes back to town and everything goes to hell. She knew what she was doing when she and Buffy started to date. She knew that Buffy might never love her back, not the way she'd like her to. But it didn't matter, because she loved her. Her love was enough for the both of them. But reality caught up with her. And her bubble of happiness exploded in a heartbeat.
Maybe one of them should say something, because things are getting rather awkward now, with all the standing and the staring. But before she has a chance to speak, a barely audible voice whispers :
"Faith… Faith…"
Tadaaaa ! So, good or bad ? I know it can't be that bad, but be honest in the reviews. Anonymous readers can review too ! Thanks for all the story alerts, etc. It means a lot ! :)
Next chapter in a week (or maybe before if you guys are nice ! lol)
OTH-FOQ