Hellooooow ! So, this chapter's basically the beginning of the explanation of Buffy's desperate action. It is vague, maybe confusing, but hey, it's all a dream. Don't be pissed, you'll have a real and complete explanation later.

Don't be confused by the change of time. Satsu's POV is always in present time/tense. The rest, not so much.

Enjoy your reading, and make sure you make me happy ! (that's a code for "don't forget to review")

"You came."

"Told ya I would, didn't I ?"

"Yeah, you did. But I wasn't sure you'd stick to your word."

"You've got to come back, Buffy. They're worried sick. Dawn was crying."

"But I feel good, here, why should I go back ?"

Faith took a step towards Buffy and put her right hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Because there are people who love you and want you back, B. They need you."

"I can't…"

"Well, you can't keep dreaming for the rest of your life either. Things will get better soon, Buffy. I promise."

Buffy sat down and Faith imitated her. The sand was damp, but it didn't matter, they couldn't feel it anyway. Small waves kept crashing at their feet as they stared at the ocean in silence.

"Why did you do this ?" Faith whispered.

She felt a hand being placed on hers, at her side.

"What happened to us, Faith ? How did we get here ?"

"You tell me. I know exactly why I'm here, but you, Buffy… You don't. Or you don't wanna tell me."

"Do you remember what you said, that day in L.A, on the roof ? You said that I had to control everything to feel fine. Well maybe you were right."

"I was right."

"When I tried to let go, I did something stupid."

"With Spike ?"

"Yes."

"Oh, you know, he wasn't so bad-looking."

Buffy playfully slapped her shoulder and her hand came back to its previous position.

"I'm not saying that. But… It made me realize things I'm not sure I wanted to acknowledge."

"Like what ?"

"Like you."

Faith took a deep breath before turning her gaze to Buffy. She could see the green eyes sparkling in the sunset. The brunette was sure she'd never seen something so beautiful. And when Buffy finally tore her look away from the ocean and met her hazel eyes, Faith shivered. There was something different. A spark, a different shade of green, she didn't know, but it was definitely different.

"Me ?"

"I didn't know why, and I still don't understand why, but now I know."

"You're being cryptic."

"Don't you get it ? All this time I spent, trying to hate you, to hurt you, even to kill you… I was in denial, Faith."

When Faith remained silent, Buffy continued to speak.

"There was always this wall between us, no matter how hard we tried to take it down, to destroy it. I could never fully understand you and your lifestyle. I was looking for a way to see past this wall, and it took me years to succeed. I tried to bring it down with my anger, my hatred, my jealousy, all the murderous feelings, everything. And you know the only thing that worked ?"

"No, but you're gonna tell me."

"Love. Love, Faith. When I realized that hating you would not get me anywhere, I just… stopped. And it took me one night to finally see things clearly. I… went to Spike's that night and we…"

"Spare me the details; I think I have a pretty good idea of what you two did. Still, I don't see why you'd do something like that just because you fucked a vampire while you had feelings for me."

"I was thinking about you. All the time. I had my eyes closed and I imagined it was you. I'm a screw-up, Faith."

"Wow, wait, wait… You thought about me while fucking Spike ?"

"Yes."

"And… You tried to kill yourself over that ?"

Buffy sighed and stood up. Faith blinked, and the next second, the older slayer was already far away on the beach. She got up and ran after her.

"Buffy, wait !"

"You wouldn't understand, Faith. Of course not, I didn't try to… Not because of that."

"Then why ? Tell me."

"My life, Faith. I just want a break from all of it. I need to be alone, to find myself."

"You won't be able to do that here, Buffy. This place's not real."

"They'll never let me go if I choose to wake up."

They stopped walking, their faces merely inches from each other.

"Just tell them how you feel, what you need. They'll understand. I'll back you up. I'll do anything for you to get better, Buffy. I'll stay in town to help you."

"Satsu is a nice girl."

"I know, and she loves you."

"Then why am I not able to love her back ?"

"You can't choose who you love, Buffy."

"Will you stay if I ask you to ?"

"I'm not going anywhere at least until you're out of this depression. I am your friend, okay ?"

"I don't want your friendship. I want to hate you."

"Then hate me, but I'm sticking with you. Buffy, come on, wake up."

"Will you be here if I wake up ?"

"Yes."

The blonde slayer smiled and gently rubbed Faith's left cheek with the back of her hand. The brunette closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again.

"I'll never understand why this has been so hard."

"What do you mean ?"

"I've been weak, Faith. I shouldn't have done what I did. It's just… Every person that I love ends up leaving me, or dies, and I can't stand that anymore. Angel, Scott, Parker, Riley…"

"Me ?"

Buffy didn't answer but she looked away and Faith closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to lose control of her emotions.

"I didn't know, B. You're in a nice and stable relationship with Satsu, and I thought you were happy with her. I didn't think I'd stand a chance against her. I mean, yeah, I've kind of always known you had a thing for me, who hasn't ? But… I'm fucked-up. I did a lot of shitty things in my life, why would you want me when you already have so much better ?"

"You can't choose who you love. And I don't know why, or how, but you managed to get under my skin, to make me feel vulnerable and strong, scared and bold, shy and audacious, ugly and beautiful, sad and happy, and I can go on and on with the adjectives."

Faith's heart was racing now. No one had ever told her things so sweet and heart-shattering.

"So when I left, you thought I had abandoned you ? That I wouldn't come back ?"

"I was with Satsu, and I thought that you'd believe I didn't pay attention to you, that I didn't care…"

"Buffy, even if you were married to the girl, I'd come back, because it's you ! Screw Satsu, I told her I wouldn't interfere, but I can't keep my damn mouth shut when I hear things like that. I want you, Buffy. And you need to wake up because if you don't, then I'll go back to killing people, okay ?"

"Don't you dare."

"Watch me."

Faith's forehand was now pressed against Buffy's and their lips were centimeters apart.

"Is it wrong that I really want to kiss you ?" The blonde asked.

"Is it wrong if I say no ?"

Buffy's smile was quickly covered by a warm pair of lips and she instantly threw her arms around Faith's neck. She had never felt more alive. In the back of her mind, she was vaguely aware that this was a dream, that in the real world she had a girlfriend waiting for her to wake up, but she couldn't shake herself out of it. The kiss ended way too quickly for her. Faith stepped back a little.

"You can have me, Buffy. We could have all that. You just have to wake up. I'll wait for you. Take the time that you need. But I won't be back here. I'm waiting for you in the real world. Things will be tough and you'll have a lot to deal with. Starting with Satsu. The girl needs to know, okay ? She deserves to be treated right. You can't do that behind her back. I hate people like this. Remember, I'll be by your side."

"You're leaving me ?"

"I'm waking up."

Her voice sounded distant to her own ears, and soon Buffy was only a blurred silhouette.

"Hey Faith, do you realize that this is the most normal dream we've ever shared ?"

"Normal ? We kissed, Buffy. I don't think it makes this dream normal. Wake up soon."

And Faith opened her eyes.

Satsu doesn't remember when she fell asleep, and she couldn't tell whether it's been a minute or an hour. But when she opens her eyes, Faith is here. She's watching her, but she's holding Buffy's hand. Satsu stretches herself and gets up. She's been sleeping in the chair next to Buffy's bed and it was horribly uncomfortable. Then she turns to Faith and asks :

"So, how is she ?"

"She seems fine, her cheeks have redden a little."

"And how is she really ?"

Faith looks at her and frowns.

"I know about the dreams."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So ?"

"Well… She needs a break from everything. Like a big vacation, you know ? She's tired. I don't think she's told me everything yet, but I'll make her spill her guts as soon as she wakes up."

"Did she mention me ?"

"Not really. She talked about her, mostly."

Satsu can sense that Faith is not being completely honest, but she doesn't push further. She will have answers soon, because she's sure that Buffy's going to wake up now. She trusts Faith on this.

"You know I'd do anything for Buffy, right ?"

Faith's eyes widen a little. She obviously wasn't expecting the question.

"Hmm, if you say so."

"I'm sure you'd do the same."

"Look, Satsu, I don't know what you're getting at, but let it go, okay ? Yes, I'd die for B, satisfied ?"

Satsu nods and smiles brightly. She's changed her mind. Faith is obviously in love with Buffy, and it comforts her somehow. At least she won't be dumped for some stupid ass. She's leaving Buffy into good care.

"I think I'll go home. I need a shower and a good sleep. I'll take Dawn with me. Is Angel still here ?"

"He left a few minutes before you woke up."

"Oh, okay. Well I'll see you around, I guess."

She takes one last glance at Buffy, kisses her forehead lightly, and leaves the room silently. It's weird, she thinks, to feel like everything will be alright even if she ends up heartbroken. It's weird but not unpleasant.

I hope I didn't disappoint. If I did, feel free to yell at me. If I didn't, well, feel free to tell me how much you love me. (Haha, okay, joke.)

Next chapter's not fully written yet, but it'll be posted next week as usual. Stay tuned.

OTH-FOQ