Sorry for not updating on Saturday as usual. Been busy with all the Christmas stuff, and inspiration went on winter holidays and I have no idea when it'll be back. So this chapter might be the last one for a while. The story's taking an interesting turn and Satsu might be out of the picture very soon.

Last chapter got only 2 reviews (which is way better than 0), but I can't help thinking that maybe it was because you guys didn't like it. It doesn't really help with the writer's block, but I'll manage.

Thanks for all the story alerts/favorites. It kinda amazes me to see that there are so many BTVS fans out there, still faithful to the show after all these years !

Anyway, hopefully you'll like this chapter and tell me what you think of it !

Hope you had a merry Christmas for those who celebrated it, and I wish you all the best for the upcoming year ! :)

"Satsu ?"

A raspy voice calls her. Her head turns to the right, and she's on her feet within a second.

"I'm here. I'm here, Buffy ! Oh God…"

Satsu takes Buffy's hand in hers and squeezes it lightly.

"I'm gonna call a doctor, okay ? I'll be right back !"

She smiles at her girlfriend and quickly exits the room to find a nurse and a doctor. When she comes back a minute later, Buffy is staring at the ceiling, silently waiting. The doctor asks her to stay out of the room while he checks on Buffy, and Satsu gladly complies.

"Satsu ?"

"Oh, hey Dawn ! Your sister just woke up !"

"What ? Oh my God, can I see her ?"

"The doctor's with her, but it'll be good in a minute."

For the first time, Dawn smiles at her. It's a genuine smile, and it warms her heart a little. Everything will be okay, she thinks. She has to believe it.

Surprisingly enough, once the doctor is gone, Buffy asks for her and not for Faith. Speaking of Faith, Satsu has no idea where she is. It's been two days since she last saw her, but it seems to be a habit for the brunette to disappear once in a while. Now that Buffy's awake, she won't be away for long.

Satsu takes a deep breath before entering Buffy's room. The blonde has closed her eyes, but she knows that she's not sleeping. Quietly, she sits on the edge of the bed and takes her hand in hers.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. How do you feel ?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck or something."

"Well you've been out for a while."

"How long ?"

"Four days."

Buffy winces slightly and turns her head on the right, and Satsu is expecting her tears.

"Don't cry, Buffy. Nobody's mad at you. We're just… surprised and worried."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

There's nothing more to say. Satsu squeezes her hand and kisses it lightly.

"You should rest; I'm going to send Dawn to you"

"She's here ?"

"Where else would she be ?"

They share a small smile and Satsu reaches the door and is about to leave when Buffy's voice stops her.

"Satsu ?"

"Yeah ?"

"Thank you. For everything."

The air is charged with unspoken words. She knows it. They have a lot to talk about, but now is not the right moment. And this time, it's with a sad smile that Satsu answers :

"Anything for you."

When Buffy is allowed to leave the hospital at the end of the day, Faith still hasn't showed up. Satsu wonders why. And so does Buffy, it's obvious. She's putting on a brave face, but Satsu knows better. She's afraid that Faith took off again.

"She'll come, you know."

"What ?"

"Faith. She came to the hospital, and she's somewhere in town. I think she wants you to recover, to feel better before you see her."

Buffy doesn't answer, but it's not like Satsu was expecting her to. She opens the door of their apartment and lets Buffy walk in first. She almost bumps into her as the blonde suddenly stops, frozen in her tracks.

"Sa… Satsu ? Did you change anything here ? It looks different."

"Oh, hum, yes… I, uh, I gathered my things in the kitchen."

"But… Why ?"

Buffy turns to face her, an incredulous look on her beautiful features. Satsu shifts uncomfortably on her feet. She wasn't expecting the big talk so soon, but obviously she owes Buffy an explanation.

"I'm… I'm leaving."

"You what ?"

"I think it's better for you if I'm not around all the time."

"Okay, you're gonna have to give me a bigger explanation, because I don't understand."

Satsu sighs and takes Buffy's hand in her. She leads them to the couch and they both sit down.

"I love you, Buffy. And a part of me will probably always do. But our relationship is over, and you know it. It was over the moment Faith came back here. And it makes us very selfish and stupid persons to keep pretending. Because you're not happy with me, and I'm not happy with you anymore."

"But…"

"Listen to me. I can't stand the disappointment I see in your eyes every time you look at me and realize I'm not her. I can't stand the way you close your eyes and kisses me when I know that you only think about her. We can't be together, Buffy, because the love in our relationship is one-sided. We both deserve more. And I may be heartbroken, but I know this is the right thing to do, and you know it too."

Buffy just stares at the ground silently.

"I'll always be here for you, Buffy. I'll always be only a phone-call away."

"Where are you going ?"

"To Dawn and Xander's for a week. Then I'm leaving."

"You're not staying in town ?"

Again, Satsu feels bad because she knows she's about to drop a bomb on Buffy. She takes a deep breath and whispers :

"No. I asked Giles if he needed a slayer somewhere in the world, and he said Japan."

"He said what ?"

"Japan."

"I heard you, I'm not deaf ! But why do you have to leave ? And why so far away ?"

"It's not that far, Buffy. It's not France or Italy."

The blonde slayer stands up and turns her back to her. Things are getting a little frustrating. Why does she have to behave like this when it's breaking Satsu's heart, not hers ?

"Buffy, look… It's not like I don't want to see you again, and I don't leave you alone. I just need time, and space."

"You're giving up without even fighting. If you loved me as much as you claim to do, then you'd fight."

"Why would I fight ? Tell me why, when we already know that I'm no match for Faith ? That she beats me hands down, without even trying ? I'm not a masochist, Buffy. I can't stay around. I do love you, but I don't want to feel this emptiness in my heart that I feel right now. Don't be selfish. You have to let me go."

"I'm sorry."

Buffy looks at her now, and there's pain in her eyes.

"I understand. It hurts, a lot, but I understand that love is something you have no control over."

"God, Satsu, I'm so sorry…"

She bursts into tears and Satsu reacts immediately by wrapping her arms around her.

"Don't cry, Buffy. I'm not mad. I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me, but I'm still young. Life isn't over. We'll be friends, I'm sure. Don't feel guilty."

"You deserve so much better, Satsu. Why are you being so nice ?"

"Because I can't stand to see you in such a state."

She strokes her hair gently and pulls back a little to look her in the eye.

"I'm gonna miss you like crazy."

"Don't go. I know I'm being a selfish bitch, but I need you here, Satsu. You have no idea of how much I need you."

Satsu doesn't answer. What is she supposed to say ? It kills her to hear these words coming from Buffy because she knows that the blonde doesn't need her the way she'd like her to.

"You are such an amazing person, I can't lose you. Not you too."

"Buffy…"

"I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry I can't love you back, but don't leave…"

It's time to be strong, Satsu reminds herself. So she lets go of Buffy and steps back, and with a voice that shows more determination than what she feels, she says :

"I have to. I'll come back, Buffy. Whenever you need a hand with all the slayer stuff, or if things go to hell here, you'll just have to call. But it's time for me to put an end to this charade. I'm no longer at your feet. I love you, but you can't ask me to stay if you don't love me back, and you don't. We'll probably see each other during the week, but don't try to call me now. It wouldn't change anything."

She turns around and walks up to the door.

"Satsu."

The Japanese stops but doesn't look back.

"I'm sorry it has to end like this. I wish things would've been different."

"No you don't."

And the door closes behind her.

"So, are you gonna tell me how you knew for Buffy's hospitalization before I even called you ?"

Faith looked at Kennedy and shook her head slightly.

"Don't you guess ?"

"Nope."

"I was asleep, when it happened. Was dreaming of dear ol' Boston and then poof, there's Buffy. She hadn't appeared in my dreams for a while, so I was surprised. And I freaked out. Then I asked her what she was doing here, and she didn't answer. She just…"

"What ?"

"She started to cry."

"Just like that ?"

"Just like that."

Kennedy let out a small whistle and Faith raised an eyebrow.

"What's so funny ?"

"Well, you two were like the biggest enemies ever, and then she just cries in front of you."

"T'wasn't the first time."

Now it was Kennedy's turn to be curious.

"Wasn't it ?"

"I've seen her cry back in SunnyD, when you guys went up against her and tried to fire her or something."

"Wow. I didn't know she'd taken this so badly."

"Well, I would've done the same. I mean, not crying, but I would've been mad enough to kick all of your asses."

"Lucky us you were not the psycho slayer anymore."

Faith gently slapped her on the head and said :

"Well, I should probably go and see her. I think she's home now. Dawn called me."

"Maybe I'll stop by tomorrow with Willow."

"Sure, that'd be cool."

"See you, then."

"Yeah, see you."

They went separate ways.

Next chapter, next week, but I can't promise you anything. It should be online on Saturday, 7th. I miss reading your reviews, guys, so think about leaving a few words here as my Christmas gift ! )

OTH-FOQ