I was supposed to upload this chapter yesterday but I couldn't.

If you need more info about Buffy's explanation in this chapter, check "I'll be reminded", in the story 'Oil & Water'. The two chapters are related.

Honestly, my inspiration for this story is totally fading. I have to find the motivation to write, and I don't like the result. Next chapter isn't written at all. I'm trying to start now. I have a few ideas for a new story though.

Anyway, I know that you probably read this everywhere, but I think it's true : reviews keep me motivated and put me in a good mood. Good mood = good writing. Imagine if every person that read the chapter left a review behind... That'd be amazing. So I think you know what to do. :)

Thanks for the story alerts/favorites and the reviews. I might repeat myself, but it really matters to me. I write because I enjoy it, so if people enjoy reading any of my stories, it's their duty to tell me ;)

Things were rather awkward at first. They had never been good at sharing their emotions, let alone with each other. It was always easier in the dreams, because no matter how real it felt, it was not. So they allowed themselves to be bolder, more honest.

Now, in the living-room of Buffy and Satsu's apartment –well, Buffy's apartment now- Faith didn't really know where to start. They were standing in front of each other and obviously things were not going to be easy.

"So… How do you feel ?"

"You weren't here when I woke up. I was expecting to see you."

"Yeah… About that… I didn't want to invade your space, you know ? Hum… I thought you might need time. And some time alone with Satsu, you know, to figure out what you really wanted…"

"Satsu left me."

That was one thing that Faith didn't expect.

"She did what ? I… I mean, why ? She… Well she loves you !"

"She said we shouldn't be selfish and that ending things now was better for both of us."

"But… Don't hit me, but you're not at your best, so why now ? I thought she'd like to play the nurse or…"

"Satsu's a good girl. She's mature and responsible, and humble."

"Okay… So, I'm not gonna lie, her being gone makes it easier for me to be around you. But still, I didn't think she'd leave so soon and so…"

"Easily ?"

"Yeah."

"Well me neither."

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them, and Faith looked away. There were so many things she wished she could say, and yet nothing came to her mind.

"I don't know what's happening, Faith. I feel lost. I mean, one day everything's fine, and the next I'm in the hospital and my girlfriend dumps me."

"I think you have to look further back to understand how you got here, Buffy."

"But us, Faith ? Really ? I know what I said in the dream, I remember. But it feels completely surreal."

"That's why I chose not to be here when you woke up. You need to be alone for a while, B. Just know that I'm waiting, I'm not going anywhere."

"You left before. What's different now ?"

"Well, first, I was just next town. Second… We are different now. But you need time to realize that."

"What about… your feelings ? How long have you been…"

"My watcher Diana used to tell me about you. How you had died and how you came back to life thanks to Xander. I was in awe. You were a hero, a legend for me even before I met you. I guess I was already a bit in love with you before coming to Sunnydale."

Buffy smiled sadly. If only she had known.

"You didn't say anything about it. Never."

"Well… I knew you were straight. And you were totally in love with Angel, which probably ended any hope I could've had about us being… you know."

"Yeah."

"Look, Buffy, I don't want to put any pressure on you, okay ? I'm staying at Kennedy's for the moment, so if you need to call me and that I don't answer my cellphone, try there. We need to talk, but I want you to be ready for that. That's why you should rest and clear your head."

"I will."

Faith nodded and looked around her.

"So… Satsu really left ?"

"Well she took her stuff and yeah, she's gone. I mean, she'll be in town until next week and then…"

"Then what ?"

"Giles sends her to Japan."

The brunette raised an eyebrow in surprise and Buffy sighed.

"She asked him if a Slayer was needed somewhere else and he decided to send her back to her native country."

"I'm sorry."

"Why ? It's not like you two were friends anyway."

"No, but she's important to you."

"She doesn't seem to think so."

"Maybe you should talk to her too. Before she leaves."

"I will. But right now she needs to be alone and I'm the last person she wants to see."

"No, that would be me."

Buffy smiled at her and took a step closer.

"About the dream…"

"Don't, Buffy. Not now. It's too soon."

"But we need to talk about it !"

"I know, but honestly ? You said some things that are still… I'm still trying to process the information."

"About… my feelings ?"

"Well, yeah, mostly. But I want you to open up to me, to be completely honest. I need you to tell me exactly what pushed you over the edge."

"… I don't understand."

"You tried to kill yourself. There has to be numerous reasons behind this attempt. I want to know all of them. And you have to think about it, seriously. I can't be with you if I fear that every time I'll have to leave town you're gonna freak out and do something stupid."

Buffy didn't answer and her eyes travelled all around the room. She couldn't look at Faith right now, because her words were ringing too much true.

"You're tired. You should rest."

"I've been resting for four days, I'm fine."

"Okay, then. Buffy… Why don't you tell me just a bit more about…"

"What I feel for you ?"

"I'd like to know. If that's not too much pressure, of course."

"It's… complicated. I know I told you it took me one night to realize I loved you, but there was a process before all that."

"We've got plenty of times for the details later. Long story short ?"

"Long story short, I died, was pulled out of Heaven by my friends, felt numb and depressed, screwed Spike, and then… I wasn't really thinking about you, you know ? But this night… The Trio of losers was messing up with me and they made me believe I had killed a girl. I was fighting some demons and I hit her, and then she was dead. A death by accident. It immediately reminded me of…"

"Allan."

"Yeah… Then I started thinking about you, and how you were holding on in L.A. and what you must've felt when you realized you'd killed a human being… Then, well, I learned the truth about the girl's death. But you never left my thoughts after that. I couldn't get you out of my head. I wanted to see you, to talk to you."

"I'm glad you didn't come to see me when I was in jail. It would've been too hard for me. Buffy, I'm sorry. For everything that I put you through. I mean it."

The blonde Slayer smiled and she took Faith's hands in hers.

"I'm sorry too. I've been a crappy friend."

Her words earned a laugh from Faith.

"Yeah, maybe, but you didn't turn evil."

"Enough talking about the past."

"I should leave now."

"Yeah…"

But neither of them was willing to let the other go, so they just remained still, looking into each other's eyes for a few more seconds.

"I should really go. Ken told me that she'll come to see you tomorrow with Willow."

"Will you come too ?"

"I… I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around you so often. It makes me… You know."

"Wanna do things ?"Buffy said with a playful grin.

"Exactly."

"Okay then. But call me."

"I will. Take care of yourself."

"Don't worry."

Faith finally dropped Buffy's hands and she placed a soft kiss on her right cheek. Then she started to step back but she felt a hand on her neck, pulling her closer to the blonde, whose lips immediately met hers in a hungry kiss. It took Faith a lot of her willpower to break out of it and she sighed, her eyes closed.

"What was that for ?"

"I needed to know. What it feels like."

"What it feels like ?"

She closed the gap between Buffy and her, and whispered huskily in her ear :

"You haven't seen anything yet."

Next thing Buffy knew, she was alone in the apartment.

Satsu sits down on the bed of her guest room in Xander's house. It's a nice, cozy house, the kind that she has always wanted for herself. Maybe one day she'll be able to buy one like this, in a beautiful place. Near the ocean would be perfect. She's leaving in a week for Japan. There's a mix of emotions invading her : sadness, nostalgia, fear, and… well, happiness. Because after all, Japan is home to her. She's got family there, she won't be alone. But this thought is not totally comforting. She's not going back home, she'll have to lead a team, to fight to survive. It's not gonna be easy. But Satsu believes she's been trained for it.

As she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep, Satsu tries to remember happier days. She gives up when she realizes that most of them include Buffy. Buffy's not hers anymore. She's never been hers.

I hope you liked it, really. Let me know.

Even if it takes time for me to update from now on, I want you to know that I am NOT giving up this story. It'll have a proper ending.

OTH-FOQ