"Where are you going ?" I cried out. "RYAN!"
My heart hammered in my chest and I thought I was going to choke on my anger.
"Dammit," I muttered.
I paced around the room, pausing every now and then, just to start walking again.
I ran to the door, pausing to grab my purse, opened the door and leapt down the hallway. Ignoring the elevators, I opened the door to the stairway and dashed down the stairs.
By the time I got to groundlevel, I was gasping and panting. I wasn't used to running this long.
I stood there for a moment, my hands grasping at my sides, regaining my breath.
I opened the door and ran outside.
Looking around, I entered the streets. There was no sign of him.
I cursed and ran off, leaping aimlessly through the streets until I could no more.
I stood in place once again, panting and gasping for air.
I then sat against the nearest wall that surrounded someone's garden, closing my eyes and leaning heavily against the wall.
I sat there, like that, for what felt an eternity, but couldn't have been more than a few minutes, my mind trying to process that which had just transpired between the two of us.
"I have to go now, the army needs all men available," He'd said.
"But, you can't. I-I need you here. What am I to do without you?" I said, my voice breaking from despair, my eyes filling with tears.
"I have to," he had stopped, thought for a moment, then resumed speaking: "I can't promise I'll be back- you know how war is –but I will do all I can come back here. I will fight for you, so that you and your children will be able to live in peace, in a nice, safe world. I can promise you that. I love you."
I didn't know why it had angered my so much. But when the door shut closed, it had risen and stripped me of any reason.
Thus, why I sat here.
I rose and returned to the apartment, as slow as I could, lingering everywhere.
When, at last, I returned to my home, it felt alien. I sat down again and stared at the world outside through the window.
It just didn't seem worth it. A world ruled by technology and pollution. It was hardly worth anything to me.
My thoughts went back to before and my hands automatically moved towards my stomach, protectively.
He wouldn't be here at the birth of his baby. He didn't even know of its existence. I'd planned to tell him today, but…
Days passed and I did little except for staring out the window, thinking, wasting both time and tears.
Then, a call came.
"Miss? We have news for you. Ryan, your fiancé, was killed in action. He died a hero's death and we appreciate everything he did for us. He will be honored..."
The phone clattered as it fell to the ground and the man's voice faded to the background.
Tears I had long thought were gone, appeared in my eyes again, before my brain could even process the man's words.
Dead.
I was alone in this cruel world.
Dead.
And I hated myself, for not even saying goodbye, for having made it even harder on him.
Dead.
I would never see him again.
Dead.
"I can't promise I'll be back- you know how war is –but I will do all I can come back here."
His words whirled around in my head.
"I will fight for you, so that you and your children will be able to live in peace, in a nice, safe world."
I could see him standing there, right in front of me. Knowing it was only an illusion made it even worse.
"I love you."
"Why?" I whispered. "Why you?"
He was dead. My Ryan was dead. Forever.
"I love you."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I will always love you,
Just as 1+1 always equals 2.