I apologize for this update that took forever to come. Hopefully the next one will be posted soon.

This chapter only contains Satsu/Buffy POV. It's not the best, but you still need to read it because it's important. Aaaaand because if I don't read at least 5 of your awesome reviews, I won't post the next one. Trust me, that would be too bad because it's kinda smokin' hot. (I'm a bit fishing for reviews here, in case someone didn't take the hint ! lol)

You guys know what to do ;)

AN update : Well, next chapter will be delayed, unfortunately. Too many things happen lately in my life and I don't have time to write.

Today's the bid day for Satsu. She wakes up early and doesn't complain when she gets up. Tonight, she'll leave this town, possibly forever. She's not too sure about that, but she took the decision not to think about it yet. She's not even gone, why bother ?

Dawn and Xander are both at home for once, and they greet her happily. It is obvious that they try to act as if today's the same as any other day. They talk a lot during breakfast, which is new since Dawn was never really fond of her. Xander, on the contrary, is the kind of man that everybody loves. He always made her feel welcomed. She'll be forever grateful to him.

Satsu packs her bags and tidies the room she slept in during the week. Then she takes a hot shower and lets the water run onto her until the bathroom's mirror is no longer reflecting her image. When everything's ready for her to leave, she tells her hosts that she's heading to her former apartment. They nod quietly, knowing what it implies. Another big, great talk for Buffy. Hopefully the last one. The blonde Slayer doesn't need to be reminded of how badly she screwed things up with Satsu.

Buffy woke up peacefully on that Saturday morning, the sun shining brightly behind the curtains of her bedroom window. She took her time to get ready, knowing that she didn't have anything to do before the evening. After the awkward moment with Faith a couple of days ago, they hadn't seen each other. The brunette had only called her a few times. But Kennedy insisted to go clubbing tonight, as a goodbye party for Satsu, or something like that, and neither of them could have refused. And internally, Buffy was thrilled to know that she was going to see Faith again.

She took a long, warm shower and got dressed, all the while thinking about the evening and how excited she was to have the opportunity to dance again, with Faith of all people. She remembered exactly how hot and free she had felt back in The Bronze almost nine years ago. And tonight she was going to relive those feelings and reignite a flame everybody thought had long deserted her being.

It's almost noon when Satsu finally takes the direction of Buffy's apartment. She wanted to go there sooner, but somehow she couldn't. But now she's ready to face her ex-girlfriend, and it seems like Buffy's home so everything is fine. She knocks on the door and thinks it's weird, because it was her apartment only a week ago. As she waits for an answer, she quickly tries to remember all the things she wants to say. The door opens, and the blonde Slayer appears, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black camisole. As usual, it takes Satsu's breath away.

"Satsu ?"

"Hi. I, uh… May I come in ?"

"Of course !"

Buffy holds the door open for the Japanese slayer and closes it quietly when they're both inside.

"I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I'm sorry, were you doing something ? Cos I can come back later !" Satsu says nervously.

"No, no, it's okay. Do you… wanna drink something ?"

"Maybe just a glass of water."

"I'll be right back."

The blonde disappears into the kitchen, and it gives Satsu a few seconds to take in the surroundings. She notices that a few things have changed, like the lamp next to the couch, or the place of the television. Nothing too big, though. She remembers that Buffy had been in charge of the decoration of the apartment when they had first moved in together, so it's not surprising that she didn't move everything out of its place. Knowing that it's probably the last time she'll be standing in this living-room, Satsu tries to engrave in her memory all the details of the room. Buffy comes back after a short minute, carrying two glasses of water. She hands one to Satsu.

"Thanks."

"I assume you came here with a purpose."

"Wow. That sounded a lot like Giles."

"I'm getting old."

They share a smile, and it eases the tension. Buffy sits down on the couch and invites Satsu to do the same.

"As you know, I'm leaving tonight. I know I could've waited to see you at the club, but… I wanted to talk to you in private first. And without alcohol."

"I understand. I'm listening."

"Things are still fresh and sore, but I might never return once I leave, Buffy. That's why there are a few points I want to discuss. Things I need to know."

"Ask me. I'll try to answer the best I can."

"How long have you been in love with Faith ?"

Her first question is followed by ten whole seconds of silence. The blonde Slayer is looking at her in the eye, and Satsu knows she has to keep her head up if she wants an answer.

"A very long time, I guess."

"How long ? Before we got together ?"

"Probably. But I wasn't… aware, conscious of those feelings. I swear it, Satsu."

"Do you think that's why you gave me my chance ? Because I was a slayer, like her ?"

"I… I'm not sure, maybe unconsciously."

"Were you thinking about her while we were having sex ?"

Buffy is a bit uncomfortable and Satsu can feel it, but she doesn't really care. She has to be blunt and straightforward even if it hurts her to hear her ex-girlfriend's answers.

"Buffy ?"

"Maybe once."

But the hesitation is visible on her face and Satsu raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe more than once. But never before she came back here for Ken and Will's anniversary."

She was expecting this, but her heart still shatters in a thousand little pieces when Satsu hears Buffy's confession.

"Satsu, maybe we shouldn't…"

"No ! I asked for it. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. And I'm glad you're willing to answer my questions. I know they're very personal."

"It's okay. You deserve to know, it's the least I can do."

"Why didn't you tell her how you felt ? Why didn't you break things up with me when she first got here ?"

"Because… I was lost. I didn't want to acknowledge my feelings for her and… you were being the perfect girlfriend and I didn't want to lose you."

"You should've been honest with me, Buffy."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I've had time to think lately. Plenty of time. And, honestly ? I understand why you fell for her. I mean, everyone she meets has to have at least a crush on her. And it was always kinda obvious that she only had eyes for you."

"How could you see that ?"

Satsu chuckles and shakes her head swiftly. Buffy has a look of total surprise on her face.

"You were the only one who couldn't see it, Buffy. Will, Xander, Dawn, Ken… Hell, even Angel knew."

"Angel ? You… You talked to Angel ?"

"Well… He talked to me."

"Great. Just great. Everybody knew but me."

Satsu empties her glass and puts it on the small table in front of her. Then she turns to look back at Buffy who is still processing the information.

"If she hadn't come back, do you think you could've learnt to love me ?"

She didn't want her voice to sound so vulnerable and desperate, but this time she couldn't control the emotion in it. The golden-haired Slayer sits closer to her and takes both of her hands in hers.

"Satsu, I do love you. I really care about you."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. But I can't answer this one, because I have no idea how things would've evolved if Faith had stayed away. There's one thing I'm sure of, though. You are an amazing person, Satsu. You will have no trouble to find someone who will truly love you, like you deserve to be loved."

A short silence follows her declaration, and the Japanese girl manages to smile.

"Thank you."

Then she gets up and says :

"I should go. I'll see you tonight."

"Uh, okay."

Before she leaves, Satsu thinks of one more thing to say, one thing that she knows since the very beginning.

"For what it's worth, Buffy… You two are soulmates. No matter what happens, you'll always find your way back to each other."

And she closes the door behind her, because there's no way Buffy will see the first tear rolling on her cheek.

Buffy spent an hour sitting on her couch after Satsu's departure. Their conversation was playing over and over again in her head, and despite the other girl's words, she felt incredibly guilty. And she knew why. She had been selfish. She had always known that what she felt for Faith was more than a simple attraction. The feelings triggered by the brunette had so often overwhelmed her that it was impossible for her not to realize what was happening. She knew she loved Faith already way back in Sunnydale. And it had been a very selfish act to deny those feelings because it had hurt Faith, Satsu and herself. She could've spared the young girl a heartbreak. And she could've told the truth four months ago when she had finally realized how in love with Faith she was, how much she needed her. But Satsu had been the secured choice. She was sure that the Japanese Slayer would never leave her, whereas Faith was still wild and unpredictable, although a lot more mature.

It all came back to her fears of being left alone. Satsu loved her so much that she would never have dared to leave her, but Faith ? Faith needed action, adrenaline, and adventure in her life. And Buffy wasn't sure she could give her that. She was afraid of the day when Faith would grow tired of her and disappear into the world without a warning. Angel had left her. Riley had left her. And she could even include her mom in the Let's-leave-Buffy list. That wasn't exactly fair, but Buffy knew she had issues with abandonment. Her father had been the first one to give up on her. And that's how it probably all began.

Her shrink had told her she had to overcome her fears and to stop relying on the people around her. It was the only solution for those fears to go away. And she knew he was totally right. There was no way she would let ghosts from her past get the best of her and take Faith away from her. A war needed to be done ? Well she was a warrior.

Starting tonight, she was going to fight her inner demons.

Please, forgive the mistakes. I don't have a beta reader, and I'm totally not a native speaker. I hope it doesn't bother your reading too much. I'd hate to lose readers just because of that.

OTH-FOQ