Darcy settled with an erect posture onto the velvet covered cushions of Bingley's carriage. Despite the late hour he was not tired. The guilt preoccupied him. He should not have said that to the girl. First, she was in fact handsome enough to tempt him. Worse, he had been cruel and ungentlemanlike. Darcy needed to apologize to her.
She had appeared hurt. When he glanced back at her after Bingley left, she sat with a pinched, white face. She was beautiful, and Darcy realized she had glanced his way all evening.
Then she stood and gave him that brave scornful eye.
A selfish part of him liked the idea that at least one woman had been interested enough in him to be hurt by his pique. But she had recovered quickly. When she spoke to her friends, Miss Elizabeth did not stop smiling.
Her smile was exquisite.
Darcy tried to arrange an introduction to Miss Elizabeth, so he could apologize. But, she found a partner for the next dance too quickly and was standing in the line before he found any gentleman whose name he recalled. She remained occupied, moving from one partner to another for what little remained of the night. She laughed and smiled endlessly.
He still needed to apologize.
"Eh, Darcy?" Bingley elbowed him.
Darcy looked up with a confused expression.
Bingley laughed. "It never ceases to amaze the way you lose the conversation when preoccupied. Pray, do you not agree Miss Bennet is the most beautiful creature you've ever laid eyes on? — You need not prevaricate, you already proclaimed her a handsome girl."
Darcy's mind was filled with his Miss Bennet, and he replied without thought, "She smiles too much." Her dimples, the rounded cheeks, her arched lips.
"The deuce she does! She smiles too much? I know you better — you give the best impression I have ever seen of a man determined not to be pleased by anything. For my part, I cannot conceive of an angel more beautiful than Jane Bennet."
Miss Bingley replied from her corner of the carriage, "She was a sweet thing; I would not object to knowing her better."
Mrs. Hurst agreed.
For a minute the carriage was silent. Miss Bingley said, "This is a vulgar, gossiping neighborhood. I was asked three times — three times — if the stories about your sister were true. They wanted to know if I knew Mrs. Wickham. I of course claimed I was not acquainted with any Mrs. Wickham. But, Mr. Darcy, you can see the scandal. Eventually people will talk less — but if you ever associate with Mrs. Wickham, they will remember again."
Mr. Wickham would prevent any future association. It was absurd that Miss Bingley cared so much about how he was seen. No matter how the public perceived him, he was not going to marry her.
Miss Bingley added, "If you were to appear at a few balls during the season with your uncle, people would talk far less. Though you would need to wear a newer fashion. I cannot say for you to dress like Beau Brummel — with your debts you must be prudent, but you could improve appearances economically."
"Miss Bingley, I do not care a whit how I appear. I never have, I never shall. The opinion of persons wholly unconnected to myself has no influence on my happiness."
Miss Bingley sat stiffly, unsatisfied by that answer. Darcy shook his head and smiled.
MDVMDVMDV
The Bennets shouted, laughed, and talked over each other on the boisterous carriage ride home.
Mrs. Bennet exclaimed, "Dear, dear Jane! You were so admired! I was excessively disappointed to see Mr. Bingley dance with Miss Lucas for his first, but then he noticed you. Heavens! Of course he did — you are so very handsome."
Jane blushed and fidgeted as her mother happily praised her for attaching Mr. Bingley's attention. Though she was made uncomfortable by her mother, Elizabeth saw how her sister smiled at each reference to a mark of Bingley's regard.
Elizabeth was mostly silent on the carriage ride home.
She had nearly told the story of Mr. Darcy's rudeness to Charlotte in a mocking, laughing tone. But she could not. His sister had abandoned him, and he was crushed under heavy encumbrances. He was awkward and unhappy.
Elizabeth's anger died and she felt sad instead of hurt. The rudeness of her neighbors provided some excuse for Mr. Darcy's own rudeness.
She could not despise him.
Besides it did not matter. Even if he admired her greatly, he could not afford to marry a penniless — or nearly penniless — lady such as herself.
Also, what was that Latin phrase Papa liked? De gustibus non est disputandum. It was no failing of Darcy's that she was not to his taste. He should not have spoken the insult, but it was no crime to not find her beautiful.
He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen.
She would not cry. She would not.
Elizabeth forced herself to spend the rest of the evening dancing, laughing, and showing the highest spirits she could.
Now, as Elizabeth ignored her mother's inanities on the ten-minute ride home, she saw the humor. She had acted like a silly husband hunting Miss and received the proper fruit of such sly efforts.
After they arrived back at Longbourn, Mrs. Bennet described the ball to her husband at great length. Mr. Bennet's impatience with his wife's detailed report of who danced which dance and the lace on the dresses of Bingley's sisters made him drive them all to bed quickly.
Elizabeth snuck to Jane's room as soon as she was dressed in a nightgown with a blue woolen robe over it. Jane opened her door at Elizabeth's knock. They scooted together under the covers to ward off the late autumn nighttime chill.
"Pray tell, how much did you like Mr. Bingley? For Mama is in love."
Though she could not see Jane's smile or blush, Elizabeth felt them in how her sister shifted her weight and brushed at her hair. "He was most agreeable. Everything a young gentleman should be, open mannered, lively and pleasant."
Elizabeth laughed. "And he liked you as well — which any young gentleman with good sense ought. Why, I daresay he nearly forgot himself near the end of the evening and asked you for a third dance."
Jane giggled. "I am certain he had no such thought in his mind."
"He did — and if he had not, he was a fool. You are not only the prettiest dancer in the county, but the best."
Jane elbowed Elizabeth. "Be reasonable!" Jane turned over in the bed to bring her head closer to Elizabeth's. "Do tell — did someone attract you? For much of the night your eyes were on Mr. Bingley's friend, that very tall and well-formed Mr. Darcy."
She is tolerable I suppose. But not handsome enough to tempt me.
No. She had kept herself from tears and regret so far. She would not let them take her now. It was a meaningless, silly incident.
"Lizzy?" Jane softly touched Elizabeth's arm. "What is it?"
"I confess; I did like him — do like him — at least his appearance. Very much. However, that is of no note. He likes me not at all." Elizabeth forced herself to smile. She put real amusement into her voice. "It was the silliest thing — I sat near him hoping he would notice me and ask for an introduction. Yes, I know it was most silly of me."
Elizabeth gave a small laugh. "Your Mr. Bingley approached Mr. Darcy and said that he should dance, and I would make an excellent partner. So the tall and handsome Mr. Darcy turned his satirical eye to meet that of the hopeful blushing maiden; their eyes met; her heart leapt in hope. Then he returns his eye to his friend" — Elizabeth used a gruff low toned voice — "Bingley, she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me."
Jane saw through Elizabeth's laugh and embraced her sister tightly. She kissed Elizabeth on the forehead. "That was abominably rude. I will find a way to show him my displeasure."
"Pray, do not! It was rude of him, but you heard the stories about him and his sister — to have lost a dear family member so recent. He cannot be himself. And the neighborhood treated him abominably. His sister and his debts were the only topic of conversation at the assembly. I watched us talk about him and point at him where he could easily hear. He was rude, but if a gentleman ever had excuse for rudeness, he did."
"You must not allow his words to make you unhappy. You must have felt dreadfully hurt when you heard that. I care not what his excuse was. It was unpardonable — I should tell Bingley they were overheard when next I see him. I am sure he will force his friend to apologize."
Elizabeth laughed. "Dear, dear Jane. I am pleased you would take on Mr. Darcy in my defense. But if his behavior was unpardonable, I wonder at your insistence Mr. Darcy be made to apologize."
"Now be serious. You are more hurt than you pretend."
The two girls snuggled next to each other. Elizabeth felt the irrationally strong sting of rejection. It was foolish to feel so strongly about being dismissed by a man she had not even met.
Silly, foolish, irrational.
Elizabeth sighed. "I am hurt. But his offense against good breeding is not the source of my unhappiness. I daresay it did me a favor. Charlotte would laugh at what I shall say — and you ought as well — but you are my dear Jane, and in a moment you will embrace me and say, 'oh, Lizzy' in that sympathetic tone of yours."
Jane preemptively embraced Elizabeth. "Oh, Lizzy, is it really so bad?"
Jane laughed self-consciously when Elizabeth giggled. "I admit you know me well."
"My first thought when I saw Mr. Darcy was that he was the best looking man I had ever seen in my life — and I include the Drury Lane actors we saw that summer we stayed with Uncle Gardiner."
"Oh — you thought he was so very handsome, and then he said you were not handsome enough to tempt him." Jane embraced Elizabeth again. "Oh, Lizzy."
Elizabeth laughed, and Jane pulled back in embarrassment and said stiffly, "You did deserve better."
Elizabeth embraced her sister. "I did not. I behaved as a silly country Miss with nothing on her head but a well looking gentleman, and the event was quite what I deserved. I can no more blame Mr. Darcy for not seeing me as handsome enough to tempt him than I can blame myself for not seeing Mr. Goulding as handsome enough to tempt me. We are, none of us, to be blamed for our tastes. I have determined to be as forward and insolent in Mr. Darcy's presence as I please. I am not afraid of him. He may not like me, but he is still excessively handsome. His rudeness liberates me to ogle his person as much as I please."
AN: I have been reading the reviews, and I would like to say to the people who have been speculating about where I take the characters that a lot of you won't be happy with the choices I made when I wrote this, some of which I think were mistakes too. The Amazon reviews for this book were definitely the weakest I have received :p. So do read with a spirit of charity towards the author, please.