It's nothing if not awkward, the morning after Dakota's birthday. Madge had been barely asleep the whole night, falling in and out of her dreams for long enough to stare at the ceiling. She didn't know how anyone expected her to get any rest when Gale kissed her, and she could hear him deep breathing just outside her door.
The only consolation amongst her anxiety is that Kota had a good time. Madge knows that all her daughter wants sometimes is to spend time with both her parents. But it seems cruel to tease her, to pretend that everything is okay when the truth is that Gale and Madge aren't together. Madge is torn between making her daughter happy and being honest with herself.
By around six, she already knows there isn't a chance of falling back asleep. She can't go outside though because Gale is there, and if she has the option not to face him so soon she'll take it. So she waits in her room and remains in her head until Kota stirs.
It's almost like torture, when she hears Gale's footsteps outside and the water running. When KoKo finally awakens, Madge shrugs on a sweater and permits herself to exit the room with her daughter.
"Morning," she mumbles. He's sitting on the couch and staring idly at his phone, but he puts it down to smile at her.
"Good morning. Sleep well?"
"Yes," Madge lies.
"Good morning, Daddy," Kota says sweetly, still in her little powder purple pyjamas.
"Hey baby," he chuckles, picking up his daughter and placing her in his lap. "Are you ready for some yummy breakfast?"
They're acting more normal than she thought they were capable of acting. It's almost as if last night never happened.
"Can Mommy come with us?" she asks innocently. Honestly, if last night had been any different Madge would've considered it. But she doesn't think she can handle that as of right now.
"I can't, baby. You and Dad have fun though."
She's ready to leave it at that before Gale steps in. "You can come if you want to," he nods, and Madge can't believe him.
"I really can not."
"I mean, it's what Kota wants. But if you're really busy I understand," Gale adds, and she's just about ready to implode. She put it past him to use their child against her, but apparently he has no boundaries or limits. And he's acting like nothing happened, as if that's going to give him the upper hand. Enough is enough.
Madge grabs the remote and turns on the TV, which is tuned to the Sunday morning cartoons. Then, she turns up the volume just a bit. "KoKo, I'm just going to talk to your dad for a second, can you watch TV for a couple of minutes?"
Dakota nods obediently and turns to the screen, hugging Johanna's stuffed elephant. Madge urges Gale to move towards the kitchen and then she starts to hiss at him.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"If KoKo wants breakfast with the two of us, I don't think that should be a problem."
"Are you forgetting what happened last night? I can't just pretend to be oblivious like you can, Gale, I'm confused and I'm angry at you."
"I'm confused too."
"You don't get to be confused, you're the one who did this."
"I'm not just talking about me kissing you," he elaborates, and Madge holds her breath when he just flat out says it. Before she was able to dance around the reality, but now she has to come to terms with the fact that it really happened. "The whole night, we worked, as parents, together. And I don't think we ever genuinely tried that."
"Yeah, because that wasn't part of the arrangement. What, do you want to confuse her more and pretend we're together in front of her too?"
"No, that's obviously not what I meant," Gale dismisses. He runs a hand through his hair and adjusts his glasses. He only wears them in the morning and at night, when he doesn't have his contacts on. Madge forgets about that sometimes, it makes her nostalgic. "Whatever. I just think that Kota had a lot of fun. And I think we should put whatever shit I started up aside if it means she gets a fun meal with her parents the day after her birthday."
"It's just a breakfast, Gale. Don't turn this into me being a bad parent."
"That's also not what I meant. You know I don't think that, I told you so last night."
"I don't want to talk about last night right now," Madge blurts out, louder than their previous tone, just to get her point across. It hurts because she knows that he's not just trying to irk her, he's really trying to talk to her. She doesn't remember the last time they had a real conversation like this, and she doesn't know how to compute that. "I need space. Can we respect that."
Gale sighs and nods. "Sure. But we don't have to make a big deal out of it if you don't want to."
"I don't know how to do that," Madge admits. "It's already a big deal to me."
The air hangs dead between them and weighs heavily on her heart. Gale gulps and then nods. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," she dismisses politely. But she doesn't know what he's apologizing about, not specifically. Clearly he has an opinion about last night, one that he's not willing to talk about either. All Madge can think about is his compliments and his kisses, how he admitted to wondering if they could've worked out. She's sure that he'll confront her at some point because that's just who he is, and that he sees what's going on between them and what Kota wants for breakfast as two totally separate issues.
"Alright KoKo, let's get you dressed and we can go get some breakfast," Gale calls, and their daughter spins her attention away from the television and frowns.
"Mommy?"
"Mommy can't."
"I have to wait for Auntie JoJo," Madge explains, only half lying. "And then I have some work to catch up on."
"When will I see you again?" Kota pouts. She's standing on the couch, arms propped on its back.
"Friday, I guess. It's back to our normal schedule."
"How many days is that?"
"Five? Six?" she shrugs, but she doesn't anticipate the exasperated little sigh that comes out of her daughter's mouth.
"Six days is too many!" KoKo insists angrily, throwing herself onto the couch and crossing her arms in resistance. "Why can't you send me to school tomorrow?"
"Dakota, please don't whine," Madge reprimands. Kota isn't cranky often, but today her cranky side is out in full force.
"But you need to come with us! You need to come with me and Daddy and Tusky and you need to teach me piano!" she continues to complain, thrashing that poor stuffed elephant in her embrace. "Why do I have to wait six days? It isn't fair."
Madge glances for a second at Gale, who also shares a pained expression on his face, not really knowing what to say to make things better. If it was just about breakfast she would go, she really would because she hates to see her child so miserable. But it's more than that, Kota wants her parents to both be alongside her all the time, she wants them under the same roof and doing all the things normal families do. She hears about perfect parents at school from her friends, and she sees them in books and movies. If Madge were to play along that would only make her a bad parent, because it isn't the truth. It's why she's so hesitant to spend time with Gale like they did yesterday, because Dakota will think that it's the norm when really, it's completely unsustainable.
Kota continues to whimper and scrunch her eyebrows when Madge sees tears welling up in eyes.
"Hey now," she coaxes, rushing over to the sofa and sitting down to hug her daughter. Her little body can't handle the emotions, and sometimes little ones just need to cry out whatever they're feeling and then get some good rest. Kota cries softly without abandon, and as Madge strokes her back and holds her tight in her arms, she senses Gale start to gather her things and put on his coat.
He signals to Madge that their going to go, so she picks Kota up and bounces her lightly as if she were still an infant, a baby like they still sometimes call her. She decides to carry her daughter down to Gale's car since she's still weeping with irrational sadness. Gale already has all the stuff they brought over, Tusky tucked under his arm and KoKo's little rain boots dangling in his fingers.
"I think we're just going to go straight home," he tells her as they make is out of her apartment door. Madge nods, agreeing with that course of action for them. They make their way down the stairs with KoKo, still wearing her purple PJ's and hugging her mother's neck while she begins to calm down.
Often she and Gale treat her like a little lady, they try to speak to her like she's independent and always use logic to compel her to do things. But in moments like these Madge recognizes that KoKo is still only five, she's still really a baby in more ways than one, yet she deals with and withstands so many things everyday.
It's the reason why to her, reconciling with Gale was never an option to consider. Her priority is being a responsible parent, and giving Kota the facade of a perfect household is an irresponsible thing to do.
When they get outside it's colder than Madge anticipated. She supposes that autumn is here after all, her pyjamas and a pair of flip flops is barely enough for the morning air.
After she straps Kota into the car seat securely like she's done so many times, she presses a tender kiss to her daughter's temple. Now, Dakota is mostly calm, staring at her mother expectantly with wide eyes and still a pout of defiance.
"I love you," Madge whispers. "Okay? I'll see you very, very soon."
Gale closes the trunk and comes up behind her. "Thank you for bringing her down."
"Of course." She couldn't have not, she hopes Gale knows that.
There's an unspoken air between them, that tension that Madge wants so desperately to dissipate. And even though they haven't spoken about what he did last night directly, she feels like saying "I told you so" would be an appropriate response to KoKo's tantrum. It's selfish to think that any unresolved feelings can be openly dealt with, this was the best reality check they could find.
"Okay. I'll… I'll talk to you soon, I think. I mean, if you want to talk about it," Gale offers, and she nods back lightly.
"Sure, I think we have to."
"I'm sorry it was bad timing," he says, and Madge holds back the audible sigh. Oh, ever hopeful Gale Hawthorne, he's too optimistic to think that it's anything more than just bad timing.
She bites her tongue for that retort. "I forgive you."
Madge gently shuts the backseat door on Kota, and she gives them a half hearted wave as they drive away from the parking lot. For a second after they leave, she leans on the brick wall of the building and tries to fathom the last twenty hours she just had. It's impossible, and she already knows that whatever discussion she and Gale are going to have will result in an impasse.
"You look… pensive," she hears from beside her, and when she turns her head it's Johanna, wearing last night's clothes and raising an eyebrow. "How was the rest of your night?"
"Crazy," Madge admits, laughing humorlessly at her situation.
"Let's go upstairs and talk about it," Jo nods, apparently still amused by her pajama and flip flop combination. "I'm sure we can work it out if you talk to me about it."
"But…" she hesitates. "I don't even know where to begin."
A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter, I'm getting back into the flow of weekly updates because the flashbacks were heavily pre-written.
I hope this starts to explain why Madge is so hesitant and why it was so hard for them to reconcile though, sometime some people have been asking me about. We're close to them getting together, but there's a couple more arguments and internal deliberations to be had before Madge decides to change her mindset, Gale too.