A/N: Okay, so there's a bit of a time skip between the last previous chapter and this one. In the last one, Shinya was sixteen, and timeline-wise Chapter 4 took place sometime during the first light novel. This time, Shinya's an adult of nineteen, so it's been a few years after the end of the world and all of that stuff.

Despite their relatively young ages here, Shinya is a Major General and Guren is a Lt. Colonel, just like in the manga and anime; I headcanon that this is because a) most of the Order of the Imperial Demons almost certainly died when the virus was released, because canon states that the only ones over fourteen who survived were the ones who had demon contracts, so when JIDA was formed, there was a shortage of other warriors capable of holding such high-ranking positions and b) they are, in fact, just that badass. (Also Shinya's Hīragi status probably helped, too).

Anyway, this chapter involves Shinya having a freak out when Guren doesn't come back on time from a mission. Because I am GureShin trash (I say that with immense pride, by the way), this chapter consequently had a fair amount of Shinya thinking about Guren, worrying about Guren, reflecting on how his life has re-oriented itself from "I must survive at any cost" to "nothing matters but Guren" and so on. You have been warned! ;D

This chapter ends on a slightly less depressing note when compared to the others as well. Because I can't stand writing constant heartbreak. XD Also, this is the longest chapter so far! Yay!

五番目の出現/The Fifth Occurrence

The fifth time Shinya has a major panic attack, he's nineteen and a Major General in the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, which had been born from the Order of the Imperials Demons and risen to power after the world had ended (and hadn't that been something out of a horror movie, a deadly virus sweeping across the world and killing any human adult that wasn't bound to a demon).

Strangely, Shinya hadn't panicked over the Apocalypse itself too terribly much; perhaps it was the life he'd led up til that point, or perhaps it was just because he didn't care as long as his friends were safe (and wasn't that bizarre in and of itself, the very thought that someone like him could have friends).

In any case, when the Apocalypse had struck on that fateful Christmas Day three years ago, Shinya hadn't been overly alarmed. He, for whatever reason, couldn't actually remember a good chunk of what had happened that day, but he did know that he hadn't broken down and succumbed to a panic attack. There was a feeling of unease and trepidation whenever he poked at that blank spot in his memory too hard, but no real fear attached to it, at least not the heart-stopping, mind-shattering terror that accompanied his panic attacks.

So why, years later, when he was an officer in the military with an immeasurable amount of live combat experience behind him, was he on the verge of a nervous breakdown just because stupid, infuriating, stubborn Guren hadn't returned from his most recent mission yet?

Seriously. It made no sense. If he could handle the trauma of the world ending, a comrade being late should not even register on his scale of concern. Sure, they were friends, had become fairly close after the hellish events of their earlier teenage years, but to be experiencing this amount of terror just because Guren had missed his check-in time? It was downright absurd.

Then again, there was a lot that didn't make sense when Guren was involved. Shinya had given up on trying to understand why he was so drawn to the Lieutenant Colonel, because he already knew, deep in his heart, why he followed Guren, and it wasn't something he wanted to trouble Guren with, not when the other man was already dealing with so much.

But for Shinya...well, his fate had been sealed from the moment he'd decided to steal a motorcycle at the age of sixteen and go with Guren to investigate the suspicious activities of the Brotherhood of a Thousand Nights. He'd known even as he'd done it that it was a stupid, reckless, and borderline suicidal thing to do.

He was already being monitored by Kureto and the rest of his adoptive family; one wrong move would have him strung up on treason charges faster than he could blink. And it wasn't like he owed Guren anything; Guren's attitude toward Shinya had been one of annoyance and resignation from the start, and he'd displayed only more of the same when Shinya had more or less invited himself along.

But still he'd gone. And when a vampire had shown up and tried to kill them, he'd grabbed Guren and hauled him onto his own bike instead of leaving him behind. It had flown in the face of every single instinct of self-preservation that he'd possessed, had offended that dark side of himself that insisted on looking out for himself and to hell with everyone else, but he'd done it anyway.

Even knowing that helping Guren could result in his death, end the life he'd fought so hard to keep...

Even that hadn't stopped him. Hadn't even slowed him down, really.

And if he had enjoyed that wild and insane motorcycle ride through the city a little more than he probably should have, even with a homicidal vampire chasing them? Well, no one but Shinya had to know that.

In any case, something had fundamentally changed that night. It was like something inside of him had clicked, sliding into focus after years of drifting aimlessly, his only goal before then being simply to survive.

Being with Guren that night...it had been different from what he was used to. It hadn't been the fight with the vampire, or even the possibility of getting killed (the latter was something he was intimately familiar with on a visceral level).

No, it was something different from all of that. It was like he'd been stuck in a dark fog his entire life, and that fog had been burned away under the light of a strong golden sun.

He had felt alive, for the first time since the age of five.

Guren had somehow, somewhere along the way, become the focal point of Shinya's life. His life, which had been so meaningless before, had transformed into something infinitely more meaningful...just because of Guren. Because Guren was there, at Shinya's side and in his heart.

Except right now. Right now...Guren was nowhere to be found, even though he was supposed to have returned over twelve hours ago.

The first hour had passed by without a lot of concern from anyone, Shinya included; delays were just something that happened sometimes, since missions could have unpredictable things crop up.

Guren's most recent assignment was a basic recon patrol, though, so when another hour had passed by without him returning, and then another hour after that and another hour after that...then Shinya had begun to grow worried.

Because while Guren might have had no real care for his own life (Shinya occasionally entertained the notion that there was some sort of martyr complex or self-defeating personality disorder at play there, or perhaps Guren was punishing himself for something Shinya wasn't aware of), he fought hard to stay alive, if for no other reason than to avoid causing trouble and grief for his comrades.

But now, hour after hour has ticked by with nothing to show for it. No Guren. No sign of Guren. No word from Guren.

Nothing.

It occurs to Shinya that maybe this time...maybe this time Guren isn't coming back. Maybe this time he's gone for good, killed by the vampires or by a Horseman. Shinya doesn't want to believe it, because Guren is strong, the strongest person he knows, the strongest person he's ever met.

But what other explanation could there be? What other reason could there be for a delay of over half a damn day?

Shinya's pretty sure he breaks a land-speed record of some sort sprinting back to his office. He gets more than a few strange looks, because the sense of urgency radiating off of him is, to them, uncharacteristic and bizarre.

He doesn't care. Really, genuinely could not care less what any of them thought of him. The only person whose opinion has ever mattered to him is Guren, and Guren isn't here. (And Guren probably doesn't think much of Shinya anyway, because Shinya goes out of his way to be overly chipper and obnoxious and hide the darkness lurking inside of him, but Shinya doesn't like to dwell on that).

Guren isn't here, the others in their squad are on missions of their own (they'd been temporarily separated from each other for some bullshit reason Kureto had handed down, something that Shinya would find a way to reverse as soon as possible because breaking up a team as effective as theirs was blatantly idiotic in the extreme), and Shinya is alone.

There are at least a hundred other people in this same building, yet Shinya is still alone.

Story of my life, he thinks to himself, letting out a dark chuckle as he finally reaches his office and locks the door behind him.

The panic attack hits him like a charging rhinoceros, and he crumples to the ground so quickly that it's like he's a marionette whose strings have been cut.

The collar of his uniform feels even more constrictive than usual, and he claws at it, trying desperately to suck air into his burning lungs. His vision starts to swim as his heart thumps erratically in his chest, all the horrifying possibilities of what might have happened to Guren playing over and over and over again in his mind.

It's enough to make Shinya want to scream, but he holds it in, forces himself to not let out anything more than a low whimper, because drawing attention to himself will only make things worse. He knows that, knows the sorts of reactions he'll get if anyone finds him like this.

His adoptive siblings had seen him in the aftermath of a panic attack once. It had been a mild one, not one the awful crushing attacks like the one he was having now. But even at a lesser intensity, the attack had still shaken him, and it was like that Seishirō had found him. The asshole had, of course, wasted no time in summoning Kureto, and the thinly veiled disgust they'd both exhibited over his "weakness" had nearly sent Shinya spiraling into another, more severe, panic attack. Because what if they reported his vulnerability to their father? Tenri Hīragi had neither the time nor patience to tolerate a warrior with what he would view as a terrible liability. He would give the order for Shinya to be eliminated, and that would be that.

He'd lucked out, that time. Shinoa, still young but no longer so innocent, had intervened on his behalf, cooking up some half-baked excuse about how she'd cooked Shinya a small meal earlier in the day that had caused him to get sick.

In a mind-boggling turn of events, their brothers had bought Shinoa's story because, as it turned out, Shinoa truly was a terrible cook. Shinya had figured it was just because she was young and inexperienced in the kitchen (Hīragi's weren't meant for menial tasks such as cooking, after all), but Shinoa had assured him quite cheerfully that dealing with food was something she was just genuinely awful at. Then she'd given him a sisterly kiss on the cheek and flounced away to wherever it was she spent her free time.

It was thanks to that little incident, though, that Shinya knew better than to let anyone else near him when he got like this. There wasn't anyone he would trust to be around him when he was completely vulnerable like this, so he didn't dare make a sound that might alert someone to his freak out.

Instead, he clenched his jaw so tightly that he vaguely wondered if he'd crack a tooth, and rode out the attack by himself, like always. It lasts a full fifteen minutes, the longest he'd ever had, and even once the worst of it had passed, it still takes him another forty minutes to pull himself together completely and begin to function on a level moderately close to normal.

Once he's recovered, though, he springs into action. He does a quick mental check-in with Byakkomaru to confirm that his demon is on-board with his latest idea (Byakko is, of course; he and his demon have always gotten along well, a rarity in JIDA), changes into a combat uniform (he'd been stuck in formal meetings all day and had been required to wear a fancier version of his standard uniform that was hell to move in), and sneaks away from Shibuya.

Guren's mission had been to scout for vampire activity in the Oyaguchi area; the protected human settlement in Ikebukuro wasn't far away from Oyaguchi, and some possible vampire sightings had prompted JIDA leadership to send someone to investigate.

That Guren had been sent along with no back-up was something Shinya was still angry about, and he'd first heard about the assignment two weeks ago. He knew that his adoptive family disliked Guren, but there was no denying that his friend was a strong warrior and an asset to their military regime. Sending him on what would be a suicide mission for any other lone operative...it was a level of callousness that disgusted Shinya to the core.

So he had, once his panic attack had passed, decided to remedy that situation himself, by going to join Guren. Guren probably wouldn't need his help, and would almost certainly whine and bitch and complain endlessly about Shinya's annoying interference...but that was fine. Because an irritable Guren was preferable to a dead Guren. As long as Shinya could be with Guren and watch his back...as long as he could help keep Guren alive, nothing else mattered.

As long as Guren was okay, Shinya could pretend that he was okay, too.

He found Guren two hours, forty-seven minutes, and thirty-nine seconds later. True to his predictions, Guren reacted with irritation to his arrival. But his complaints had subsided after a little while, and Guren had, very begrudgingly and without looking at Shinya, thanked him for coming.

Shinya felt a flare of true warmth in his chest, but couldn't seem to find words to say in response that wouldn't sound fake (and even if he did try to be serious, would Guren realize it? Or would he just dismiss it as Shinya's usual jesting?).

So Shinya pasted a smile on his face, said something teasing about how of course he came to find Guren, who else would he come harass when meetings got too boring, and that was that.

Guren, for his part, had hesitated briefly at Shinya's response, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked intently at Shinya, and he'd opened his mouth a bit as if about to say something, only to shake his head and change the topic over to the mission at hand, making a comment about spotting a pair of vampires two blocks over from the abandoned junior high school Shinya had found Guren in.

Shinya wondered briefly what else Guren had been about to say, but dismissed it from his mind; Guren was safe and uninjured, and that was all that mattered. Shinya hadn't been too late. And now he could watch Guren's back, make sure that nothing touched him.

It was a duty he took extremely seriously, more seriously than he took even his own survival at this point.

And when they finally located and cornered the two vampires and brought them down, Shinya felt the lingering tension coiled inside of his chest loosen and fade. The threat was gone (this mission's threat, at least), and now they could return back to Shibuya.

Guren was alive, Shinya was by his side, and they were going home.