I don't own the characters or most of the obivious settings...but i do own Mark's hotel room...mmm, bet you're jealous!
RachaelShepard is my beta!
Stole the title from a Snow Patrol song! (and i liked them WAY before they were were on Grey's Anatomy!)
Chapter 8
It's Beginning to Get to Me
Everyone has problems. Life stopping, all consuming problems. But show me a person; give them a coffee, a group of friends and everything will come pouring out.
o
Meredith stumbled into the kitchen at eight o'clock in the morning, her Dartmouth top still warm from sleeping and her hair erratically stuffed into a bun. She clumsily wiped the sleep from her eyes, and noticed three of her co-workers drinking coffee at the table.
"There's some left," George said, picking up his coffee cup, and taking a sip. "I put on a larger pot."
"Oh…thanks." Meredith replied, and shuffled slowly over to the bench.
"I had to ask him to come to dinner." Izzie resumed her conversation "And he went straight back to his stupid video straight after."
"Is this Alex, we're talking about?" Meredith asked, pouring herself out a cup.
"Is it really that much of a problem to just come to dinner?" Izzie had much more energy compared to the rest of the table. "I invited him to dinner, and he said that he didn't feel included!"
"He's a grown man…" Cristina said, laying her head on the table.
"What's up with you?" Meredith asked, as she sat down. "And why are you wearing the same clothes?"
"I was talking about Alex…" Izzie said, slightly frustrated
o
Everyone has problems. But some times you just have to suck it up and take a number in the que. My mother always tried to remind me of the starving children in Ethiopia when I complained about my life. Thus giving me the opinion that she had never been a young woman trying to work out her work and men at the same time…
o
"She…doesn't recall the exact reasons." George said answering Meredith's question with a smile, and ignoring Izzie
"He didn't take me home." Cristina moaned, "…That's bad isn't it."
"You were pretty out of it." Meredith said with a shrug
"He worked so hard to be my boyfriend." Cristina whinged "he could at least act like it and take me home!"
"Cristina, you were throwing up in the bathroom..."
"I was?" She asked slowly sitting up. Meredith shrugged and nodded, "crap…"
"Burke was a little pissed off."
"A little?" George chuckled.
"What?" Cristina was starting to stress, "He was mad…oh that's just great!"
George's pager went off.
"You're not on call." Izzie said
"It says it's a 911…" George said, fiddling with his belt "Why didn't you guys get it?"
"Don't look at me." Izzie shrugged, and the other two shared the same slightly puzzled expression. All three were happy with coffee rather then sutures.
"But I'm not on call…" George said as he left the table to go to the hospital
"Right." Cristina said. "Burke'll forgive me."
"Sure he will." Meredith said sarcastically
"Don't pretend you're better then me." Cristina warned with a laugh "you can't cuddle with McSteamy and then lecture me…"
"What's going on with you two?" Izzie asked, "Are you finally over McDreamy?"
"It's a little more complicated then that."
"Well, care to explain?" Cristina asked, causally stirring her coffee,
"…Mark and I are pretending to go out to make Derek and Addison jealous."
"What?" Izzie asked, shocked
"You weren't pretending…" Cristina said, accusingly "you were cuddling!"
"Just 'cause we were cuddling doesn't mean that we're together." Meredith fiddled with her coffee cup. The other woman just raised their eyebrows. "Seriously."
"So you're not together…but your pretending that you are in front of Mr and Mrs McDreamy."
"Who weren't here last night."
"Or when you went out to dinner."
"Or when you had what sounded like very steamy sex…"
"…No." Meredith said pausing.
"Oh you so didn't realise that you guys were a couple!" Cristina said laughing. "Do they…I'm mean does Derek think you're going out?"
"That's just the problem." Meredith said, resting her head dejectedly in her hands. "We really are a couple. And Derek really hates him…and now he hates me. And I don't like him when he hates me…"
"Well," Izzie tried to console Meredith, "that's understandable."
"But I'm in love with Derek."
"Are you telling me you're dating McSteamy, but thinking of McDreamy?" Cristina asked, flabbergasted.
"No." Meredith said, with a sigh "and…that's a problem too."
"Well you are technically dating Mark." Cristina stated
"The agreement was: I love Derek, he loves Addison…no one gets hurt."
Cristina laughed, "You didn't think this through, did you?"
"Nope." Meredith said meekly, sipping her coffee
"So hang on," Izzie said, trying to follow. "You like Mark, who loves Addison, who loves Derek, who hates you and you're not too sure if you like him."
"How can you summarise my life into a flow chart." Meredith groaned
"Derek is Married to Addison and Mark thinks he loves her…just do away with her and keep the two of them to yourself." Cristina suggested sarcastically.
"What am I going to do?" Meredith moaned
"What ever make you happy Mere," Izzie said. Meredith didn't say anything, she just stared at her coffee.
Cristina caught Izzie's glance before saying accusingly: "You know who makes you happy…"
"I don't want him to!" Meredith said with a sad chuckle
o
Mark decided to have an early lunch. Well, he actually planned on waiting until he saw Meredith, and didn't want to miss her if she ate early. He took a deep breath and took in the surrounding of the hospital as he had his coffee, which was surprisingly good compared to what was on offer at his previous practice.
Mark was just finishing his drink when Addison brought her tray over to the table.
"Do you mind…" she asked, pointing to the seat
"Not at all."
o
At school we spent our days leaning all the mathematical equations that we need to solve our problems. In real life there are still problems to be solved, except this time Calculous has been replaced by avoidance and trigonometry replace by procrastination.
o
There was nothing interesting about Meredith's lunch. She wished that there was. She needed a distraction. She wished that she wasn't pretending to stare at a hospital sandwich, and that her friends would show up soon. She should never have gone for an early lunch…And neither should he. She tried to glance casually at the table in the far corner, but hesitated; she didn't want to be obvious. Why a lunch date? Why now? And why did she care?
o
Addison's laugh filled the empty cafeteria, jarring inside Meredith's head. The intern winced, both at the obvious flirting (she could hear Mark's joke: it wasn't that funny) and at her reaction. She took a deep breath and focused on her salad sandwich…her very interesting salad sandwich.
"Hey." George said, sliding his lunch tray onto the table and sitting across from Meredith.
"Hi." Meredith said, giving him the best smile she could muster…it wasn't great.
"Are you ok?" He asked, as he shook his pineapple juice
"I have a great salad sandwich." Meredith nodded, unconvincingly
"That's not even how you answer that question."
"Just thinking about the future." Meredith sighed, still absently nodding,
"That can't be good for you." George said, and tried to find the right words to say: "I like to think that, you shouldn't think about the future…I mean…I mean, what's that really going to do for you? You know…you can't change it…well, that depends on if you believe in determinism…but I don't, 'cause I'd like to think that I can make choices…about my life. You can't prove it, of course, but do you think that illusion of choice is just there to make us feel better or…or do you think it's something more?"
"I'm going to end up alone, George." She said, said absently
"Oh don't say…"
"And I can't do anything about it." She said, looking deeply into the distance "I'm always going to come second to her."
"Not with m…" But George didn't get to finish. His pager went off again, "damn it! I don't understand…I'm continually being paged to places where I shouldn't be."
"Who's paging you?" Meredith asked, returning to the proper conversation,
"Oncology…" he sighed, standing up and mumbling good-bye to Meredith. Leaving her to listen to her very interesting salad sandwich.
o
Mark had finished his drink, and was politely rearranging his lunch rubbish, suggesting that he was preparing to leave. Addison knew that she had to say something.
"So, Mark, ah…" Addison started, "You know this hospital food isn't great…but uh, I know this really great café that does great chocolate…stuff. And I was wondering if you had some free time today that you would like to come and grab some real food."
"Real food, huh?" Mark said with a sly grin,
"Yeah, food." Addison said. Instantly regretting her dumb response.
"I'd love to."
"Really? Cause that would be…"
"But I can't" Mark interrupted, standing up with his empty tray "I have surgery this afternoon."
"Ok" Addison said slowly "that's ok."
"Next time." He said with a smile, as he left the cafeteria
o
Addison had brought a small packet of sultanas with her to make it look as casual as possible as she checked the board. Sure enough there was a skin graft booked for the afternoon with Dr Sloan. She was happy he didn't lie, but could have been happier if the intern scrubbing in hadn't been Meredith Grey. She wasn't the only one:
"He's only done two surgeries and he picks Meredith for both!" Alex said to Cristina and George, who had come to see which doctors they had to butter up today and were staring intently at the board. Not noticing any of the other board spectators.
"Aren't they taking it a bit far?" George asked
"This is hilarious," Cristina said, still staring at the board "She doesn't want to do plastics…Oh and get this: they're only pretending to date."
"They're pretending to date?" Alex laughed, "What is this? Third gra…"
but he was interrupted by the sounds of Addison Sheppard, who had just swallowed a sultana down the wrong pipe out of surprise.
"Oh shit." Cristina said, staring at the choking surgeon, realising the huge mistake she'd made.
"Wow." Alex said, nodding his head and holding back laughter, "you really put your foot in it."
o
Mark was getting changed for surgery when Derek entered the locker room. Derek glanced quickly at Mark and then looked away. He half contemplated leaving and waiting until Mark had finished, but through better of it. In ignoring him, Derek didn't see the amused look on Mark's face, who could instantly sense the awkwardness and chuckled softly to himself. Derek had obviously chosen to ignore his ex-best friend…but Mark was not going to let him off that easy. Both were facing into their lockers, which were on opposite sides of the bay, leaving their back to talk to each other.
"How's your eye?"
"…it's great." Derek said uncomfortably "Thanks."
"Well," Mark said, putting on his scrub cap, "You'd do the same for me, right?"
Derek paused, and breathed in deeply before replying hesitantly: "well, sure."
"I'm not planning on any head injuries any time soon, Dr Shepard." Mark said closing his locker door, but still facing away, "you don't have to worry about any moral dilemmas in the near future."
"Mark…" Derek said, running his finger through his hair
"Derek, I don't want you to thank me." Mark turned around
"Then what do you want…you want me to forgive you?" Derek laughed bitterly "you lost your chance when you slept with Addison."
"I may have hurt you." He said slowly, moving over to Derek, to make his point heard. "But you hurt her…and that puts you right here with me."
As soon as Mark disappeared, Derek slammed the locker shut, letting the bang echo around the empty locker room. He was frustrated with him for suggesting that Addison was guiltless…but that was not the person that the Plastic Surgeon was talking about.
o
Addison waited as inconspicuously as she could outside the gallery. She nervously played with the press studs on her coat, as she waited for him to arrive. Meredith passed her, and offered a small smile as she entered the scrub room. Addison tried her best, but didn't quite know what to make of the intern. She didn't have to, as she spotted Mark, strolling confidently towards the OR.
"Addison." He said as he neared her
"Mark." She said "just quickly, I know you have surgery…"
"I have some time," he said placing a friendly hand on her shoulder
"I just had some surgeries rescheduled." She put on her best calm voice "and was wondering if you wanted to have a coffee when you've finished."
"I'm not going to be finished for a while Addison," He said with a sigh.
"Oh really?" she said though a fake smile
"And running this department…" he smiled back at her "it's taking a little longer to set up then I anticipated.
"Oh sure." She said and pointed towards the NICU "I gotta go…and do some stuff"
"Alrightly." He said, with a chuckle and let the Neonatal specialist pass by him.
o
Cristina, ignoring all instructions from Bailey, was desperately running around the hospital, trying to find Meredith. It wasn't that much of a problem, if Baily saw her running around. She'd just appeared to be answering important pages, not admitting that she was a horrible friend. But it was even too late for that. As she came to the corridor outside the OR she could see Addison had already gotten to Mark. But instead of accusation flying, Cristina just saw the two surgeons chat briefly, and then one entered the scrub room, ready for surgery and the other quickly walking off, rubbing her forehead slightly and fixing her hair. She could see Mark and Meredith in the scrub room, chatting casually, but there was no amount of friendship that would have Cristina admit her indiscretion in front of Dr Sloan. She was pretty sure that Addison wouldn't confront either of them. Not while they were in surgery. She took a deep breath, convinced her self that everyone was going to find out eventually and walked away.
o
Both Dr Sheppards were meeting Mrs Peacock in the NICU, to get permission for the impending surgery. It was bad news, something that the married couple though they'd heard too much of recently.
"I'm sorry Mrs Peacock." Addison said solemnly, "But depending on the success of the surgery, there is a chance that Oliver will only have about five good years."
"You mean…" She looked up slowly, emotion swelling in her face "You mean Ollie's could to die?"
"A large part of his brain has to be removed." Derek explained gently, "he may live ten years with the mental capabilities of a five year old or five years with no symptoms at all."
"And there is a small chance that there will be no repercussions at all." Addison reminded
"We won't know until we've performed the surgery."
"I'm not so sure." The woman said quietly, "I don't want to lose him."
"We never do," Addison said quietly, "Think about it…we have some time
"So," Addison turned to Derek as they exited the NICU and entered the lift. "How many years do you think we have?"
"I…don't know." He said, just as solemnly as before,
"Are we ever going to know?" Addison asked tentatively.
He just turned and looked at her with his slightly puffy eye.
"Derek…" She said slowly biting her lip, "I need to know. We all need to know. We tell Mrs Peacock that her child will die early, even though we are saving him, so that she can prepare her self. And I need to know…if I need to do the same."
o
Addison took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. Derek had just walked off. He didn't answer her, she didn't want to know what that meant. She wasn't going to have a mental breakdown in the hospital. She wasn't going to think. She caught her reflection in a glass door and put on a determined face, straightened her dress and went to find a distraction.
o
Mark sat at his desk, surrounded by paperwork. This was not his idea of a good time. He resolved to find himself an assistant. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, it was getting late.
"Hi." Addison said, standing in the doorway
"Why hello." He said.
"It's seven o'clock." She said, sitting on the corner of his desk "I've finished for the day, you don't have any surgeries. Just wondering if you'd like some dinner?"
"Dinner huh?" Mark asked, scratching the back of his head.
"If you're busy, that's ok." She said, flustered "you know, its fine. it's just dinner."
"You don't mind do you?" he asked, not noticing her reaction, "I'd love to go now, but I'm afraid that this mountain." He gestured to the piles of papers "isn't going to go away in a hurry."
"No." she said, taking a breath, and putting on her smile again. "I don't mind at all."
"Addy?" Mark asked softly, "Are you alright?"
"Who me?" she asked with the same smile "I'm great."
"Good." He replied and disappeared under the piles.
O
"Addison!" Derek called out in the corridor
"Yes Derek," she replied with a sigh, stopping and facing him, seeing that he was wearing suit pants and a nice shirt, which she bought him
"The surgery's scheduled for Tuesday." He said as he turned and began to walk away, before she could question his attire.
"Is that it?" she asked desperatly, following him
"There's nothing to talk about Addison!" he said, continuing to walk
"Derek you can't just walk away!" she cried
He stopped as he got to the elevator and pressed the button. "I can." he said "I can't talk here"
"When are you ever going to talk?" she asked as the elevator doors opened, revealing Meredith Grey, who had also changed out of her scrubs and was wearing a skirt that Addison has purchased on a whim last week and a pair of blue ballet flats.
He didn't say anything to Addison, but answered her question as he greeted Meredith. She didn't want to know why they were both dressed up. Addison didn't care anymore.
o
Addison didn't need time to decide that her marriage was on the edge of destruction. She couldn't handle it. Not with Mark here. Especially when Derek wasn't even trying. Addison couldn't help it. She was a normal law abiding citizen. She'd never even received a detention while she was at school…ever. But she didn't want the scotch to get in the way of getting to Mark's. Scotch was the only think that Derek had in the trailer and it was foul and went straight to her head. She was lucky that the hotel was close, and made it with no accidents. She let the valet park her car.
o
Sometime we'll find ourselves on the edge. You'll know when you're there, Because all your feelings are so mixed up and confused you don't know what anything is anymore. Or because you're unsure about love, or because you just can't face your problems or your indecisions…something will come along and try and help up make our minds…and either save us, or push us right over.
o
Mark answered the door with a bowl of pasta in his hands. The sound of the late news came into the corridors and his after-shave could be smelt clearly.
"Addison…" he asked slowly "What are you doing here?"
"Don't turn me away Mark." She said fiddling with her earring and not looking directly at him,
"Um…okay." He replied, and moved away from the door "but…"
"I can't live with him any more Mark. I just can't." she said sitting down on the couch, holding back tears "He can't talk to me. He can't even say hello. He doesn't think about me!"
"Are you drunk?" he asked, still standing up
"Of course I'm drunk!" she said, turning around, letting Mark see her eyes framed by running mascara "how am I supposed to remain sober when my husband won't look at me?"
"Addison…"
"Mark, he doesn't love me! I love him, and he is never going to see me in the same way again. Because his is too busy looking at…"
But she never got to finish. She'd suddenly spotted that she was sitting on a blue ballet flat. She pulled it out on to her lap and looked at Mark. She could hear a toilet flushing.
"I tried to tell you," he said, sympathetically
Addison turned around just in time to see Meredith Grey step out of the Bathroom.
"Your pasta's on the table." Mark said to Meredith, scratching the back of his head
"You know what…" Meredith said, with a forced smile, looking directly at Addison "I'm suddenly not hungry any more."
"Meredith…" Mark started
"This is what you want right?" she asked, as she quickly fetched her bag
"Meredith…" Mark tried again
"I can't find my other shoe." She said, and started walking around frantically with one ballet flat on, lifting up cushions.
"This it?" Addison asked, waving the shoe drunkenly in the air
"Yeah." Meredith said, and went to take the shoe, only to have Addison continue to hold onto the other end.
"You're everywhere…" She slurred, looking directly into Meredith's eyes then letting the shoe go.
"Not my intention." Meredith replied sulkily, jamming her foot into the slipper and quickly walking over to the door.
"Meredith don't." Mark said getting up and following her to the door.
"Just go already…"Addison moaned from the couch
"See you later, Mark," she said with the best smile she could, opening the door
"Meredith…" but the door was slammed before he could finish. He lent upon it and ran his fingers slow thought his hair.
"This pasta is delicious!" Addison said, to the worried Mark with her mouthful "your cooking's improved..."
Ok, so my computer just got wiped with all my music on it and, as a musician, I'm pretty sure that my life is completly over. i'm super angry and upset (i won't admit that i may have shed a few tears over computer files)...but with all this pent up emotion i'm going to write the next chapter! (watch out!...it promises to be INTENSE!)
Nothing makes my day brighter then when i see reviews in my inbox! hint hint!