I don't own any of the character or any of the settings today (yeah, wasn't in a particularly creative mood)
But, the plot...the plot is MINE!!
RachaelShepard is my Beta.
big thanks for all your kind words and reviews...never had so many before. You sure know how to make a girl happy!
The song is by Something for Kate, i love this band. the bass player is my idol!
Chapter nine
Three Dimensions
The baby sat in its little glass cage, breathing out of tubs, surrounded by intermittent beeps and flashes from the various machinery that kept the infant alive. Meredith let him hold her finger as she looked through various charts, marvelling at the fact that there was just one little tube keeping Oliver Peacock alive. The intern was comforted by the darker, warmer environment (she'd never admit to any maternal impulses) and right now, she needed that comfort. She didn't want to think about what Mark and Addison were doing, and in watching the tiny infant she didn't have to. Nothing was contemplated. All that she needed to worry about was the persistent heart monitor.
o
Every need to run sometimes…run away from their problems and find some place comforting to hide and recuperate. But not everyone runs in the right direction. Sometimes we run somewhere, much, much worse.
o
"Oh hi…" a surprised male voice called from behind her, "I didn't know you were on this case."
"I'm not." Meredith said removing her hand from the incubator.
"Well, that's a pity…" Derek said, absently flipping through the baby's chart.
He was wearing his suit jacket over the navy shirt, and Meredith could've mistaken him for a businessman, if she hadn't had know him. She paused and bit her lip, unsure if she was supposed to say something, or pretend he wasn't there.
"Well," Derek sighed, "in that case, you're not the right person to tell about the surgery time."
"No." Meredith said, unsure of his business-like tone.
"I was just checking his stats before I left again…"
"Oh, sure…" Meredith replied, moving out of the way of the heart monitor, so he could glance at it
"Right." Derek said, unsure of what to say
"Right…" she replied into the silence. "Why are you dressed up?"
"I had a meeting." He said, coldly "Make sure they page me if there are any problems."
"Okay…" she said, and watched him leave the NICU without turning around.
o
A nurse had shake the intern awake at around one o'clock and, in assuming that she was a visitor, tried to kick her out of the NICU. Meredith, still in her date clothing didn't protest. She had fallen asleep on the baby incubator. Not professional. Not good. She knew that Bailey was working that night, and didn't need another professional set back. Not tonight…or today. Meredith sighed, as she slowly gathered her things, re-arranged her things and went to find some where to sleep.
o
The door opened to his room opened and a beam of light shone into his eyes, he could make out a black figure, outlined in the light. He didn't have to even see her clearly to know that it was Meredith…he didn't need to have her throw her top at him, either…but he enjoyed it.
"George…" She whispered huskily
"Yes Meredith?" He replied, composed, moving to sit up in his bed, and letting the medical textbook fall to the floor.
"I hear you know how to make a girl happy." She said, standing at the foot of the bed
"Where d'you here that?" He ask, casually
"Your ladies George." She replied with a giggle. "Not one sexy nurse has ever said that you didn't satisfy her!"
"I do my best." He replied cockily
"Do you think that you could…make me happy George?" She said, crawling up the bed and lying on top of him.
"Meredith…I'd do anything for you."
"I've been waiting to hear you say that," she said and kissed him as hard as she could.
"Wow." George said, as they stopped kissing for some air.
"You're a great kisser." Meredith said,
"I am pretty good..." He agreed, with a cocky smile.
She giggled and reached for his shirt. She grabbed firmly and then ripped the t-shirt open, still giggling, and staring directly into the surgeon's eyes.
He couldn't contain his excitement and he rolled over to grab what he need out of the top draw, but when he rolled back, he found himself, not sharing a bed with a sex-crazed Meredith, but a horny, oversized, beeping pager.
"Shut up!" George yelled, not from his bed, where he had anticipated, but the floor. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He groaned, as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and fumbled with his work pants that he had thrown on the floor before having his shower. He wasn't being paged once…but continuously.
He sighed, as he realised just how awake (amongst other sensations) he now was. He glanced over at the clock; 2:06, and he swore. The beeper wouldn't stop, and it began to ring in his ears. George ripped out the back cover and threw the two batteries at the wall. He'd never wanted another person as much as he did right at that moment…and all he had was a faulty pager.
He didn't even need to see that it was the NICU paging him to know that, like every other page he'd received, this one was absolutely fake. He sighed as he returned to his bed, closing his eyes and trying to return to his titillating dream.
He didn't succeed.
O
"Grey! Wake up!"
"wha…" Meredith mumbled,
"I said…wake up!" The piercing voice continued
"what time is it?"
"Doesn't matter what time it is." Dr Bailey's voice echoed inside the on call room. "People will die, no matter what the time is…"
"I'm not on call…" Meredith protested, burying her head into the pillow, hoping that if she didn't open her eyes, she could pretend that her Resident wasn't there.
"No, Dr O'Malley is, except he seems to have disappeared." She explained, her frustration heard clearly in her voice, "If you don't want time in the OR, I'm sure I could find someone else…"
"No, no…" Meredith said, hurriedly, removing the pillow and throwing off the blanket. "I'm up, I'm up." She sat up just a little too quickly, and hit her head on the bunk bed on top.
"Are you alright Dr Grey?" Bailey asked, not really worried for the intern's health, but cocked her head to the side as she contemplated Meredith's clumsy behaviour. "I hope you haven't been drinking."
"I wish…" Meredith mumbled, rubbing her head as she stood up properly this time.
"I am going to pretend…I didn't hear that." The resident said impatiently, and stated to move out the door. "Get some scrubs on and meet me room 304."
Meredith sighed and collected her bag and shoes. She needed some coffee…strong coffee.
o
Mark was always excited to do an emergency surgery. While he practiced a glamorous profession, he rarely got the adrenaline rush that came with the urgency to save a life. He wasn't liking the hours…no matter how exciting the procedure, five o'clock in the morning reminded him of being an intern. And the only way her knew how to deal with being an intern was coffee. A double shot expressio, to be exact. He took his place in the que, and was to busy wondering why another person would be drinking coffee at this hours to notice just exactly who it was in those generic light blue scrubs.
"Long black," Meredith said, slowly,
"And a double shot expressio." Mark added, moving up to share the front of the que with the intern and making sure that the person behind the counter knew that his ten dollar note was to cover both orders.
"Good morning to you too." Meredith said, staring directly at Mark, unsure how to treat him after the hotel incident.
"How are you?" He asked, with a smile that Meredith couldn't read.
"Hows Addison?" She asked as casually as she could.
"I don't know." He replied simply, raising his head to see how their coffee was coming.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked,
"You're very existential today…" He said, still not looking at her.
"What's going on Mark?"
"Well…" he started looking down at the counter, "I'm not in love with Addison."
"You're not?" Meredith asked
"That's what I said." He replied and looked directly into her eyes
"So then…what are we doing?" Meredith didn't know what to think
"What is there left to do…Derek's pretty much yours."
o
George walked into Seattle Grace Hospital in a bad mood. His hair wasn't right. His eyes were too tired and his coffee was too weak. Izzie teased him all morning and Meredith didn't come home last night. He didn't want to work at all. And to top it all off he had to try and find out where to get a new pager from…he changed the list when he saw his resident's face. Miranda Bailey was much worse then finding a new pager.
"Hypothetical question O'Malley." She said curtly "If I page you…and you're on call, what do you do?"
"Answer it…" he winced
"Right…" she said sarcastically "So what were you doing, that was more important?"
"My pager isn't working…" he tried to justify "I just keep getting called to all these places I shouldn't be."
"Did you get my page from the NICU?"
"Yes but I assumed…"
"Did you ring the hospital?
"No…"
"I see we have a problem." The resident said "I will try and explain this as simply as I can. I see an infant under your care with a collapsed lung…"
"Olli's lung collapsed?" he interrupted
"No talking!" she commanded holding her hand up "Now where was I…I see that you're on call. I page you…and you O'Malley? You answer that page if you want to see you're next birthday! Understood?"
"Yes, Dr Bailey" he replied
"And O'Malley?" she called as she began to walk down the corridor
"Yes, Dr Bailey?" he called after her
"Get that pager fixed!"
o
"And then what did you say?" Cristina asked, at the nurse's station, trying to catch up on as much gossip as she could before her next surgery
"Nothing." Meredith said, slightly worried "…he got a page."
"Now wasn't that convenient." Cristina drawled, as attempted to throw her pen into the nearest draw, missed narrowly and took her frustration out on Meredith's hopelessness.
"He's right." Meredith shrugged, looking up from her chart "Their marriage is pretty much over."
"So what's the problem? You can get what you want."
"That is the problem." Meredith said with a sigh "…I don't know if I still want Derek"
"After all that and you're just not interested?" she asked exasperated
"No I'm still interested…." Meredith said slowly "It's more complicated then that."
"You know what your problem is Meredith?" Cristina said, matter of fact, throwing her folder around for another person to pick up. "You want to have your happy meal and eat it too!"
o
Some times you can get just what you want. An answer. A response. But as it turns out, we don't know what's best for us. We don't see the consequence. We don't see who gets hurt. When you watch a television you only see the love or the violence, you only see the screen. But in real life, there's more then that. We live in a three-dimensional world, where nothing can work out a cleanly as the television tells us it should.
o
Meredith was slightly apprehensive about working on the Shepard baby. Nobody wanted to help, no matter how exciting the surgery was, there was always that risk that you would be caught in the middle of a futile marriage counselling session
"How are his stats?" Derek asked, making Meredith jump. She didn't know he was there.
"He's stable." Meredith said slowly, readjusting the infant's chemical levels, not looking at him "and the collapsed lung was ruled to be a reaction to the drugs."
"Right…" he said slowly, not interested in the drugs or his patient, and letting his response just hang in the warm air of the NICU. "Meredith?"
She turned around, leaving the baby and looked, searchingly, into the doctors eyes.
"I like you." He said simply, suddenly letting his softer side show again
"I…like you too Derek." Meredith replied hesitantly
But he just looked at her, hurt "If you like me then why would you do this to me?"
"What am I doing to you?" She asked softly, not understanding him at all.
"Meredith, I don't just like you…" he swallowed awkwardly and then smiled for the first time. "I love you. You can do what you want to me…I love you."
Meredith stopped and suddenly found it harder to breath. She couldn't think. She couldn't take it…so she snapped.
"Derek, this isn't about what I do to you. This is about you being married. And you know what? You don't seem to love me enough to see what you do to me."
What would have been an awkward silence was replaced by the single tone of the heart monitor flat lining. Meredith could see where she'd left the syringe and the drug vial still sitting beside the incubator, and hadn't finished the job. Both stood numbly in the corner as several nurses and the neo-natal specialist come to save the baby.
Addison took one look at the attending and the intern and couldn't help all the possible scenarios running through her head.
"You." Addison said, coldly to the intern without looking at her properly "Off the case."
Meredith didn't protest. She'd never wanted to leave a room more. Addison quickly went over to the infant and expertly inserted the needle to re-inflate the lung. Derek just stood in the corner numbly.
"We have to operate now if Oliver's going to have a chance." Addison said, refusing to look at Derek as he slowly exited the room to scrub in.
o
No one was comfortable in the OR. Nurses shuffled nervously around the floor, preparing for the infants surgery with an unnerving quiet. This was all due to the face that Dr Shepard entered, saying nothing. Not a word. A blank face of determination had replaced his pre-surgery mantra.
o
"Dr Bailey sent me to scrub in…" Meredith said hesitantly. "there really is no one else."
"Dr Grey. You are not coming into this OR." Addison said, not looking at Meredith, but the infant's chest cavity.
"Addison…" Derek warned, uncomfortably aware of the audience
"Don't even try it." She replied placing the scalpel down at looking at her husband. "This." She motioned to Meredith "Is your mess. When are you even going to deal with it?"
"Excuse me?" he asked shocked
"I'm just going to go…" Meredith said, pointing to the door
"No don't." Addison commanded, maliciously. "if you're the only intern…this couldn't get much worse."
Meredith didn't know what to do. She risked a glance at Derek, but he was too busy attempting to access the tumour.
"Dr Grey?" Addison asked
"Right." She replied, walking hesitantly to table.
"Grab a tray for the removed tumour."
Meredith did as she was told. Looking directly at the baby in an attempt to lose the stares of those in the room and the gallery.
"There are slight irregularities…" a surgical nurse said, quickly moving to the heart monitor.
"How bad?" Dr Shepard asked, picking up his pace slightly
"About ten…" she replied
"Alright keep an eye on it" he said, with a sigh, "Meredith…can you?"
The intern did what she was told. But the other attending couldn't continue any more.
"You can't keep this professional for even a moment? Can you?" Addison hissed
"Funny," He commented, not even looking up from the microscope "You seem to be struggling…"
"I don't care that there are people here!" She said, handing her instruments back to the shocked surgical nurse and moving up to stand beside her husband "I could care that she's here! I could care about where you were last night! I could care that you don't care or I could care that I heard…yes, I heard you tell her that you love her! And you know what Derek? You know what's really funny? I don't care anymore…I can't."
She waited to see if he would respond. But he continued to look straight into the microscope. A tear fell softly down her cheek, taking a trickle of black mascara with it. The Neonatal specialist turned away from her husband and in doing so she suddenly became aware of the rest of the room. Every face was staring at her. Every face, wearing the same shocked expression. She took one deep breath and look back for one last time at the neurosurgeon before making a hasty exit out of the OR.
o
Running away solves nothing. It might help you at the time. At the time you might feel like there is no other choice you can make other then to leave your problems behind you…but they catch up. You cannot run forever. Even marathons have to end, and when they do, you have to turn around to where you left off and see just what happened to what you left behind. Of course there is a small chance that you've out run them…but more often, they've just been getting bigger, waiting for you to return. They get stronger, so that when you face them, you just feel like running away again.
o
Meredith had seen what any dirty mistress would have rejoiced in seeing, but she wasn't so sure anymore. What happened in the OR was awful, and she couldn't help feeling responsible. She was still wearing the same clothes from the night before, and while she was pretty sure that she was dirty, she wasn't too sure about the mistress part. What she was sure of though, was returning home to a large tub of ice cream…a very large tub.
o
Mark Sloan had never felt so tired in his life. He had just completed a marathon emergency reconstruction. But while he was tired, he was still riding that natural surgery high. He couldn't wait to get out side, being cooped up all day. He didn't care about the rain, he just wanted to get some food and ignore all the complicated parts in his life. But he couldn't help it when he saw one, still wearing the same clothes from the night before quietly filling out forms at the reception.
"Meredith." he said, sliding along the bench to stand beside her
"Go away." She replied, the effects of the day taking obvious effects on her demeanour, but confusing the plastic surgeon, who had spent the day in a surgery bubble.
"Meredith?"
"What?" she asked, sharply
"Whoa…" he replied taking a step back, "what's going on?"
She just glared at him, before returning to her forms.
"Well, I noticed that you haven't made a move." He said, misinterpreting her silence "on Derek, I mean."
"I've gotta go…" Meredith said, overwhelmed by everything, throwing the pen back on the desk and turning away from the surgeon
"Meredith?" he asked, as she began to walk "Meredith!"
"Let her go." A voice commanded shakily from the nearby chairs of the waiting room. "She's had a big day."
"But I can't just let her walk off like that…" he argued still contemplating going after her
"You're in love with her aren't you?" Addison asked slowly
"I don't know what you're talking about." He said quickly. As finally lost sight of the intern he turned to look at the slightly dishevelled, but composed, Neonatal surgeon. "What happened to you?"
o
Sometimes…everything happens.
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