i don't own the character or the settings.
sorry this took a while, i couldn't get onto a Beta, so if rachaelshepard is reading this...can you PLEASE check your emails! Well, i proof read this one, sorry folks! i could have waited, but all your reviews commanding me to update made me cave...(so...it's your fault. ha)
Title taken from a song by Ben Kweller.
enjoy.
Chapter ten
Penny on the Train Track
The start of a new day. And with the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. Where all your problems have been left in the day before, last nights sleep making them feel like months have past. Leaving you with nothing to worry about, except how you can start this day. How to make things better. Not fall into the same traps or mistakes. To face your fears, your problems.
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The lift doors opened on Derek Shepard, leaning coolly on the side. A small piece of his hair had fallen out of it usual hold and he hadn't shaved last night, but instead of indicting the stress he was under; Meredith though he looked even more rugged. She couldn't help but have a peak over her shoulder.
"Hi there." Derek laughed
"Hello." Meredith said with slight smile, returning to look at the front of the elevator.
"How are you going?" He asked, leaving the wall and moving to stand next to Meredith.
"Could be worse…" She said, "How about you?"
"I'm…" And he was about to say great, when the lift stopped and pick up another passenger on the first floor: Dr Mark Sloan.
"Derek." He nodded in the surgeon's direction. The nod was not returned. "Meredith?"
"Mark." She said,
"Do you want to grab a coffee?" He asked, glancing quickly over to Derek who had returned to the wall "I want to talk."
"What is there to talk about?" Meredith asked, slowly
"Well…" But he didn't get to finish either as the lift stopped on the second floor ad the doors opened on Dr Addison Shepard, who hesitated before getting into the lift and pressed the fourth floor button, even though it had already been pressed.
"Wow." Mark said, breaking the silence, he leant over a whispered to Meredith "well this is awkward…"
Meredith laughed. The other two had both heard the whisper, and chose to ignore it.
There was a silence again.
"You are going have a coffee with me." Mark said, as the door opened.
Meredith was about to concede when Derek, pushed passed Mark, knocking him to the side as he exited the lift.
"Derek?" Mark called after the neurosurgeon "Watch where you're going…"
Addison shook her head disapprovingly and quickly left the lift without saying anything. Meredith chuckled lightly before collecting her jacket and walking out of the lift, leaving Mark to brush himself off as he left.
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There are better ways to start your day.
0
No intern knew exactly where they were. There were flashes of patients and bright fluorescent lights. Their resident's feverish pace had them all slightly disorientated, and while their legs were keeping up, they had left the brain behind. Well it wasn't just her fast pace:
"Am I interrupting anyone's beauty sleep?" Miranda Bailey looked at her interns, who were in varying states of sleep deprivation, "you are only starting your shift, if I see one of you." She stoped, and pointed at each one of them "slacking off when you are not supposed…so help you god! Understand?"
They nodded numbly
"Okay," she started again, yelling her orders over her shoulder. "Karev…Addison Shepard has some pelvic exams line up for you."
"Kill me now…"
"O'Malley, Yang. There are two car crash victims in the pit…"
"That means blood George…" Cristina whispered excitedly to her fellow intern who just raised his eyebrows
"Grey, Dr Shepard has requested you and uh…Izzie Stevens you can assist me with my tonsillitis patient." She turned around to shout another pearl of wisdom at her suck-ups, but only Izzie was still following her. "Where'd they go?"
"Where…you told them." Izzie said, as if it was obvious
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The down arrow of the elevator seemed to surrounded by its illuminated ring for years before the familiar sound of the elevator reaching its destination fill the neurosurgeon's ears. He was a mess of thoughts, that wasn't help when the harrowed Addison in the lift replaced the warped reflextion of himself in the elevator doors by herself.
She was staring ahead with determination. Her coldness made him feel guilty.
"I didn't go out with Meredith the other night." Derek said softy.
"I know." She replied softly
"I was…enquiring about moving back to New York."
"You were, what?" she turned, suddenly caring
"Our marriage is over Addison, you know that." He replied softly "I can't look at you and then her and him everyday…I just can't do it."
"I know." She replied, and then took a deep breath before saying just as softly "they were only dating to make us jealous, Derek."
"Sorry?"
"She's not dating Mark." Addison whispered "go talk to her."
He just looked at her for a moment before quickly leaving
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Izzie had some time to kill before surgery. She immediately went in search of her intern friends and hopefully the trail of blood that excited Cristina so much. Sure enough she found them attending to the car crash victims, but not in the dramatic fashion that they were used to. Cristina was eyeing the monitor sulkily and George had just returned from the lab, to see if the biopsies were ready…they weren't.
"We have to wait four hours until Shepard comes out of surgery before he can even look at them." George explained
"They don't look great…" Izzie commented, eyeing the blood and head trauma
"Dr Webber says that there wasn't any chance for them…but protocol says that we have to stay." George said, pulling up a chair beside Cristina
"The parents of my patient are freaking out and Bailey through it was best that she dealt with them." Izzie explained, also pulling up a chair, "So I also have time too kill. And means it's time for our vicarious thrill: what's the latest Meredith news?"
"This is great…" Cristina said, with a half laugh "The Shepards are all primed and ready for divorce, Mark has told her that she should go for Derek, who if I remember correctly was the subject of months of whining…and now she decides that she's not sure."
"What, did Mark say that?" Izzie asked
"Ya huh…"
"Maybe she's found someone better…" George suggested hopefully
"Bambi…you can get no better then that Mc Smorgasbord that she has laid in front of her!"
Izzie laughed "I can't believe how…Mark. How did he make her happy?"
"Have you seen him?" Cristina asked
"Yeah…" she replied with a slightly misty smile, "But he's so cocky…and so un-Derek."
"I think he's very like Dr Shepard…" George interjected
"Well, what ever it is," Cristina said, "His sleeping with Dr Montgomery-Shepard …well, actually, it did make him more like Derek"
"He slept with Dr Montgomery-Shepard?"
"Wednesday night."
"Really?"
"Well, Meredith was over, on one of her dinner dates…"
"Is that what they call it these day…" George said sulkily
"And she comes all drunk and orders Mere to leave." Cristina chuckles
"Ouch…" Izzie said
"Well right now all her McMeals come with a side serve of McWife,"
"I almost forgot," George interjected moodily "I saw Burke at the lab and he said that said that he needs a hand with his heart-attack patient. Interested?"
"I'm assisting Dr Bailey." Izzie replied, slightly disappointed
"I'm busy." Cristina said, looking around for something.
"Are you turning down a possible surgery?" George asked, flabbergasted
"You haven't talked to him yet have you?" Izzie asked, laughing at her friend
"I don't know what you're talking about…" Cristina muttered, still trying to find somewhere to disappear to
"You're such a hypocrite!"
"Excuse me?"
"You're happy to criticise Meredith when your relationship is in the same state!" Izzie reasoned
"Does that mean I can go?" George asked, excitedly
"Whatever. Meredith has way more problems then I do!" Cristina said
"Hey, at least she's talking to them." Izzie said, leaning forward as she made her hitting statement, "you could learn something from her."
And with that the two occupied interns left Cristina. She could hear Izzie trying to figure out a way she could do both, and was insanely jealous…but not enough to apologise. There was some feeling welling up inside her that wouldn't even let her think about it: Pride.
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"You requested me?" Meredith asked
"Yeah, I did." Derek replied with a smile. Just standing in the middle of the pit
"…Um." Meredith was confused "What's the case?"
"Oh, there isn't a case." he replied, leaning on a nearby bench and just admiring Meredith.
"I don't think I'm getting this…" Meredith replied, slowly
"I wanted to talk to you." He said simply
"I'm…I'm at work Derek."
"All I want is five minutes." He said slowly, "then I have a patient with Huntington's disease for you."
"Huntington's disease?"
"Yeah." He said with a smile
"Is there really anything you can do for them?"
"After we talk, maybe…"
"Oh right." She said, quickly "sorry."
"That's okay." He said "I was wondering if you'd like to, uh…come out for dinner tonight?"
"What did you say?" Meredith asked
"You, me…Dinner" he explained in Tarzan terms
"A casual dinner between friend? Is that what you're saying?" Meredith tried to pre-empt him, "'cause we don't make good friends Derek."
"If it has to be, as friends, I can cope with that." He shrugged
"How else could it be?"
"Well, I heard you're single and now…so am I"
"What?" Meredith slowly felt the room close in on her
"Addison and I." He sighed, "We're not longer married."
"You divorced her?" she whispered,
"I couldn't live between the both of you." He said with a smile "I chose you."
"And you divorced her…for me?"
"Is there something wrong?"
"Yes," she took a deep breath "you didn't ask me."
"But I though you…and me."
"And when you were signing those papers, did you just write Meredith Grey as you reason?" Meredith was getting frantic
"Meredith calm down!" He said, "I thought you would have been happy for me…for us."
"Just a happy-home-wrecker Meredith?" she asked, a tear slowly rolling down her cheek.
"I know you and Mark aren't dating." He said, loosing his flirting tone
"Where did you get that from?" She asked, shocked, she was even sure that she had been dating the plastic surgeon
"Addison told me." He said, "just then."
"So you divorced her, still thinking that I was with Mark?"
"It's not like that Meredith!"
"And you just thought that you were so great…that I, that I would just come straight back to you?"
"Meredith…"
"It's not like that Derek!" Meredith said, bitterly "You have to work a little hard then that this time!"
0
Running a department came with its perks. For example, you got picks of all the best surgeries or you could take a little time off to sort out your messy love life. Either way, Mark was enjoying the power. What he was not enjoying was the rest of his life's hassles. He didn't want to do what he was setting out to, but Mark was not the kind of man to shy away from a woman. He loved women almost as much as they loved him, and it always broke his heart to break theirs.
"Mark…" Addison said, looking up from her paperwork.
"Addison." He nodded
"It's okay." She said, with a forced smile, as she got up from he desk and went to the filing cabinet "I get why you're here."
"Addison, we need to talk…"
"More like, I need to apologise."
"I didn't say that…"
"You didn't have to Mark." Addison said gently, "it was really, all me."
"Now, Addison…" Mark tried to interrupt
"Look Mark, I don't know how I feel about you." Addison said, pausing in her work to look at him, "I know how I feel about Derek. I know how we felt in New York. I know why I left you in New York…"
"That was a momentary laps in judgement…" He said automatically
"I know why you've come back." She continued, ignoring his protests. She'd heard them before "I know what you've been planning with her"
"I don't have any plans…"
"And I know how you feel about her…Even if you don't"
Mark didn't have anything to interject with, and he had no idea what to do as all the control of the situation had been firmly taken away from him.
"So…I'm not going to be there, so you don't screw this up."
"I don't…screw things up." He replied, slightly hurt
"Yes…yes you do Mark." She started to laugh, cause she didn't know what else to do "You screw everything up."
0
"I need a new case…" Meredith said, awkwardly, following Dr Bailey.
"So I heard." She said, throwing the intern a judgemental stare, "I don't listen to gossip…I actually heard it with my own ears. And that's rare in this hospital."
Meredith didn't say anything, but put on the best grin she could under the current circumstances.
"Look, I'm about to perform a tonsillectomy. I can't watch you." Dr Bailey said slowly "and you need to be watched."
"I need a hand Miranda," a voice called softly from behind the intern's back
"Addison." Dr Bailey took a deep breath "Are you sure?"
"I got a couple of premies." She replied, moving into the conversation with a familiar false smile "They need to be monitored"
"Dr Grey?"
She just took one panicked look at her resident.
"Don't look at me!" Bailey said, smoothly, "I'm going to scrub in…"
And she left the two women by themselves on the busy pit floor. Addison took one quick glance at the intern before starting to move towards the NICU. Meredith followed dutifully
"I didn't really need help on this case." Addison said, scratching her head "I just thought I owed you an explanation."
"Oh, I don't need another one of these."
"And I don't really know why I'm even talking to you, "she sighed, ignoring the intern's protests "but I made a move on Mark."
"Sorry?"
"While I was still with Derek." She said awkwardly, "Not so proud of that…but I asked him to take me back and he didn't."
"But what about…"
"The hotel?" She winced slightly, "He called me a cab."
"Oh." Meredith didn't know what to say
"I know he wouldn't tell you …'cause he's Mark and always thought that he would stay a bachelor forever, in a house full of many…naked women. But it takes a lot for him to turn another woman down. I don't know if he'd say it…or even if he has said it…or what I'm even doing." She stoped and took a deep breath "But he likes you…he likes you a whole lot."
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Neither car crash victims made it. Cristina wasn't happy. No it wasn't for the loss of life. Both didn't even make it to surgery. It was a waste of human surgery. And she had to watch them and make their last minutes as comfortable as she could, all the while watching both of them slip into the delicate balance between life and death…brain damage. She sat beside the husband, Mr Kweller, slowly filling out the details of his death in her blurry scrawl. She soon became aware of the fluorescent glow as the light slowly faded from the outside window. She sighed. Izzie was doing a tonsillectomy, She was:
"Filling out forms, Yang?" A familiar voice caused her to look up.
"Burke…" Cristina said, looking up
"You've been avoiding me." He stated, blankly
"Why would you say that?" Cristina asked as casually as she could
"You left early this morning."
"I had work."
"And you weren't home last night because?" he asked with a sigh
"I can go out, can't I?"
"I'm not saying that." He replied
"Then what are you saying?"
"All I'm saying," He said, slowly getting up "is that you wouldn't have to avoid me if you just apologised."
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Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least. But do we have to listen to it? Do we have to do what we're told? And does the person that you are taking your advice from really know more then you do?
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Derek wasn't sure of what to expect when he returned to trailer. If it wasn't specifically his trailer, he might have contemplated going to a hotel room. But thankfully, when he entered, he was faced with Addison, packing two very large suitcases. He went straight to the liquor cabinet, bypassed a glass, and took a very large swig from the scotch bottle.
"Your day must have been just as good as mine." Addison commented dryly
"Your advice sucks." He replied, sourly, sitting down on what small amount of room he could find on the bed, which was covered in her clothing.
"It's not usually the ex-wife's job to offer advice on dating again." They both silently winced as their divorce was brought up again
"I told her everything." He said with a sigh, "and I just drove her away"
"Well, it seems that we are in the same situation." She replied, sitting next to him and lightly prying the scotch bottle from his fingers and taking a generous sip herself.
"I cant believe how…over this is." He said quietly
"Was it always going to happen?" Addison asked, "Right from the beginning, were we always going to end up like this?"
"I guess we'll never know…"
"No." she said, extending her left hand to look at the wedding ring she hadn't take off yet.
"Wow." Derek said with a sigh. "Ten years of marriage, and that's all we have to show for it."
"You know." Addison said with a sad laugh, "I didn't like it at first. I'm mean; I loved the proposal…and the getting married. But it took a while for the ring to grow on me."
Derek chuckled lightly, taking the bottle for another swig, and trying not to think of the thousands he had spent.
She sighed, and brought her right hand to her left ring finger, gently turning the diamond ring until it came off her finger. She grabbed his hand, and put the ring in his palm before taking the bottle back
"It's heavier then I remembered…"
"In more ways then one." she laughed sadly as they both took a moment to stare at the ring. "I have some more advice…if you want it."
"Alright" he replied, neither could look up
"In many ways you're a better man then Mark…in so many ways" She said sadly "but don't piss off your woman when Mark's in town. Because he's better at helping them pick up the pieces then you are."
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Mark couldn't stop thinking about what Addison had said. Not today, but the day before. He had actually spent most of the day trying to forget when happened in their last conversation. If any one asked, he'd say that they came to a mutual agreement. But he'd be lying, and he knew it. What he wasn't so sure of was the intern. Or what she meant, to him or to Derek. He didn't know if he could watch her go back to him…he didn't know if it was a good idea going to her house either, but he had to do something.
He wished that he lived in a place like this when he was an intern, and he chuckled to himself at the thought of the apartment that he and Derek shared, that never had hot water, and never wanted to bring any ladies home sober, for fear of his image of being a super smooth doctor being replaced by a poor, tired intern. As he climbed the stairs slowly, he suddenly became aware of how he didn't care if his apartment was a tip, as long as he could bring her somewhere.
"Hi." He said as the door opened on George O'Malley
"She's not here." He replied, bluntly
"But her car..."
"She's at the bar." He interrupted
"Right…" he asked, slightly confused "Am I missing something?"
"Meredith only goes out drinking when she's upset" George couldn't help letting his feeling be felt, "and I can't help thinking that you're slightly responsible."
"Right…" he repeated dumbly
"So." George said, with a newfound confidance in the surgeon's discomfort "Is there any thing else I can do for you."
"Yeah, there is." He didn't quite know what he was doing "I want you to tell her that I lo…No look, when she's ready, tell her I need to see her. George, can you do that for me?"
"Sure." He lied
"Thanks." The attending replied, descending the stairs numb with his own emotions
"No problem." But there was a problem.
As George watched Dr Sloan walk out to his car all he could do was think about just how much of a problem that the attending was for Meredith. He was going to hurt her again. As George closed the door, he resolved that he wasn't going to let Meredith get hurt again. If she couldn't realise it now, he would have to make her do so…before it was too late.
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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer…but wish we didn't.
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"I don't need alcohol to have a good time." Meredith said to Joe, as he dried glasses. "And I don't need men to have a good time!"
"Until I start serving non-alcoholic beverages, I'm going to have to disagree." He said with a smile, "I don't serve men yet…but I am biased."
"I don't need it to make me feel better," she tried to convince herself, "in fact, the next day, we all feel worse…"
"So…you want a water?" he asked, slightly confused at the change of character, "you haven't come to the best place to give up the drink."
"I'm not giving up." Meredith said with a smile. "Oh no! I'm happy, I don't need it. I'm not in love with Derek and my fake boyfriend ended it with me."
"A fake boyfriend?" Joe asked raising an eyebrow "how does that work."
"It doesn't." Meredith said, "that's why I…I mean, we. That why we broke up. And why we're never going to get together, ever again and I do not still have feelings for Derek!"
"That wasn't the truth now, was it?" Joe said, seeing though her act
"Nope." Meredith said, dejectedly…she couldn't keep it up for five minutes. "What am I going to do?"
"Well, what do you really want?" Joe asked,
"Tequila." She replied, leaning on the bar.
"I was actually talking about your problems." Joe said, with a chuckle, fetching a shot glass
"Tequila is most definitely, one of my problems…" she replied. Taking a deep breath before putting away her first shot of the night.
I just saw xmen 3, with all the McSteamies running around...can you imagin?!
this is the part when i ask for a little bit of your feedback and thoughts...please?