Quickie:
HotChilliGriffin - It takes a lot of strength for an author to kill their main character. You definitely have that right.
SassyLostie - You died?? Why didn't anyone tell me!? I didn't even get invited to the funeral or anything!
LordXwee - You can send Ben after me! I love that man. He ain't got the looks but he's frickin fantastic anyway. Hehe.
Martebarte - "Fix her" What am I, Jack? Hehehe. Just kidding.
See? I'm getting better at this updating thing!
(Only thing I will say is that I'm a little insecure about this chapter and how real it seems. I'm not sure I did so well with characterization, but I guess you'll all let me know.)
Chapter 61
Sawyer was forced into the room Clementine was sleeping in, with no information on Kate. The doctors had told him they would get him when things had calmed down. But Sawyer could only think if things calmed down…
All of the commotion had stirred Clementine from her sleep. She sat up slightly, looking at her father curiously.
"Daddy?" she asked, groggily.
He didn't answer her. He was still fixated on the closed door.
"Daddy?" she asked again. "What's wrong?"
"Go back to sleep, Clementine," he told her.
"Is Kate okay?"
"Go back to sleep," he said, more firmly.
She stared at him, sadly, and lied back down.
Sawyer sat in the empty chair in the corner of the room, gazing at his sleeping daughter. What had gone wrong? he thought. Did this always happen when babies were born earlier than they were supposed to be? Was that the reason? Did having the baby early put Kate at risk? Was this kid going to be to blame for Kate's death? If she was dead…
Why was there so much blood? Was that normal? Probably not. There looked to be way more than there should have been. But how should he know? It's not like he had seen something like this before. It was all new to him. Just as new as it was to Kate…
She was in so much pain. But pain was part of the procedure. Right? Well of course it was painful, but…maybe she had been in more pain than normal. She was so worried. She even started to refuse. But he couldn't understand why. He knew she wanted it. She was ready for it. Wasn't she? Why was she so worried?
And come to think of it, something about Dr. Park's face even looked worried. They were all worried. Did they know something he didn't? Maybe they knew something was going to happen to her. Hell, maybe they even planned this. Those damn doctors. None of 'em could be trusted. Just like Jack. But who cared about Jack? Forget about Jack, he told himself. Back to the situation at hand.
She couldn't be gone. He would know if she was. He would know. She was stronger than that. He knew she was. She wouldn't give up so easily. No more running, damnit! No more. Why was she doing it again? What was she running from?
A while later, the door opened. Sawyer immediately sprung from his seat. The doctor didn't have a face of sadness. That had to be a good sign.
"Mr. Ford, I was sent to ask if you'd like to see your son," she said.
Son? he thought. Oh right. It was a boy. He'd almost forgotten, what with everything else going on. He nodded.
"Fine."
"Follow me," she said.
And he did. She brought him past the nursery and to a separate room. The door read "Intensive Care." They went inside and he was led to a separate room where only one incubator resided. There was a chair beside it.
"You can't take him out just yet," the doctor warned. "He's still in critical condition. We want to give him a day to make sure that all of his organs will function on their own, and to make sure he will live through the night."
"He could die?" Sawyer stared at her in shock.
"It is possible. I'm sorry, but you do need to be aware of the realities."
He glared at the floor. He could lose both of them…
The doctor closed the door behind him. He walked over to the incubator, and saw the name card. It read "Mason Austin Ford." Stunned, he read it over again. It must have been the doctors' mistake. But as he looked closer, he realized it was Kate's handwriting. And she hadeven managed to sneak in the "Austin" part - even if it was spelled differently, it was a compromise. They must have had her fill it out before the delivery. Why would she have written that, after all of the arguing hours ago?
Dreadfully, he sat down in the chair beside his son. He looked so tiny. But of course he did. He was born early so he wasn't entirely as developed as he should have been. Sawyer slowly stuck his hand in the hole, and took hold of Mason's tiny fingers. Slowly his eyes opened and he looked at Sawyer. He had Kate's eyes, Sawyer realized. He cleared his throat.
"How you doin' buddy?" he said quietly.
Mason stared at Sawyer's fingers now.
"You hangin' in there?" Sawyer nodded. "Yeah…So am I."
After a long pause, Sawyer sighed.
"You know your mother's gonna be fine." He rolled his eyes. "What the hell am I tellin' you for? You can't understand a word I'm sayin'."
He looked at Mason again, and surprisingly he looked as though he could understand every word Sawyer was saying. Encouraged, he went on.
"But I mean…if you were worried you wouldn't get to meet her…don't be. She's gonna pull through. You'll see. You don't know her like I do. But you will. And your mom…she's strong. Stubborn, and strong. She ain't gonna let go that easy."
He sat back against the chair, exhaling long and slow.
"You know, she likes to run. She likes to try and get out of anything or anywhere by runnin'. Thinks she'll never get caught. She thinks she can just run away from this too. From you, and from me." He sat up again and looked at Mason. "That ain't to say she don't wanna be around you. You didn't do nothin' wrong. She loves you. It's just the way she is. When she gets scared, or overwhelmed, she just…runs."
He looked down.
"But see, the thing I can't figure out is why she'd have to run now. What the hell is it that's got her so scared?"
He took a long pause to think. Mason began to whine once Sawyer got quiet, and it eventually grew into a crying fit.
"Hey. Don't you be scared now," Sawyer looked at his son again. "You got nothin' to be scared about. You got me and your mom to make sure of that. And you know, you got a big sister out there too. Clementine. She'll take real good care of you. Matter of fact, she's been waitin' for you. She's gonna be your best friend."
Mason stared at him with a seemingly disgusted expression. Sawyer laughed.
"She's not that bad. Her mother on the other hand…You know what, nevermind. Let's just keep talkin' about your mother. That all right with you?"
Mason blinked.
"Didn't think so." After a long pause, Sawyer sighed. "You know…she's gonna be okay. I've seen her in worse times than this. Trust me. She'll be just fine…"
After a few minutes of silence, Sawyer looked over at Mason once more. He was looking around the room. His eyes fell on Sawyer again, and he grabbed one of Sawyer's fingers.
"Don't worry, bud," Sawyer assured him. "We'll get through this. One way or another. Whatever happens, you got me and I got you."
Sawyer stayed there the rest of that night, without even a wink of sleep. Mason never let go of his finger. Sawyer only pulled away the next morning when the door to the room opened slowly, with a creak…
No one here to guide you
Now you're on your own
Only me beside you
Still, you're not alone
No one is alone
Truly, no one is alone.
People make mistakes
Fathers, Mothers...
People make mistakes
Holding to their own,
Thinking they're alone…
-No one is Alone
(Leslie Henstock)