Chapter 64

"What do you mean visitors?" Sawyer repeated.

Dr. Park took a look at her clipboard. "A Doctor…Shephard."

He exhaled through his nose, gritting his teeth. Of course Jack was here. How could he not be? Which meant, obviously, it was Allison he saw sitting in the waiting room. Fan – freaking – tastic.

"Stay with my daughter," he said in a low voice.

"James," Dr. Park turned quickly. "You're not permitted to see her yet."

"I ain't goin' to see her. I'm goin' to see him," he retorted, and walked out the door.

Dr. Park sighed, accepting the defeat. She turned back to face Clementine and they stared awkwardly at each other.

Kate and Jack were quiet, Kate in his arms. Her crying had finally died down, but she wouldn't say anything. Jack wanted to speak but he couldn't find words. At least, none that would sound right. She finally shifted and sat up straighter, facing him but still not bringing her eyes to his.

"I almost wanted it to happen," she confessed quietly.

He cocked his head, confused. "You wanted to die?"

She nodded hesitantly. "I started to think…what am I going to do with a baby? How would I know how to take care of it?" She finally looked up at him. "I got scared."

"Leaving him alone wouldn't be a good start."

She frowned, wondering whether he met Mason or Sawyer. "I know."

"Kate, listen to me," he put his hands on her arms. "Just because you're scared doesn't mean you're should give up. Everyone gets scared."

"What if he doesn't like me?" she said, tears welling again.

"Why wouldn't he like you?" he smiled.

She forced a weak smile. "All this time I've had to think about what just happened…and all I can think about was what I almost left behind…"

He nodded. "A lot of people would be affected." He smiled sheepishly. "Myself included."

She smiled, a genuine one this time. "It's nice to be loved."

He laughed. "Yeah," he looked at the door. "Yeah it is."

She sighed. "What am I going to do with him?"

"Talk to him," he said. Kate raised her eyebrows, then quickly realized that Jack had mistaken who she was referring to. "He said what he did for a reason."

"How can you be so sure?"

Before he could answer, the door opened. Sawyer slowly walked in and stopped upon seeing Jack. Jack quickly let go of Kate and sat up while Kate wiped her eyes. Sawyer glanced back and forth between the two of them.

"Doc," he nodded.

"Hey Sawyer." After a long awkward silence, he said, "I should get going."

Sawyer didn't say anything but finally sat down in the window seat. Jack stood but leaned back over Kate to say 'goodbye'.

"Take care of yourself," he whispered and kissed her on the cheek. He turned to Sawyer once he reached the door. "Good to see you, Sawyer."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows. "You too, Jack."

This time Kate raised her eyebrows. Was this a new Sawyer? Another long silence filled the room. She stared down at her blanket, searching her mind for what to say. But Sawyer spoke before her.

"Nice of him to stop by," he said, staring out the window.

She could tell just by the repressed sound in his voice that it took a lot for him to say that and she appreciated it. She wanted to say something, but again, she couldn't find the words. Sawyer finally lifted his head and looked at her.

"How you doin' Freckles?"

She thought for a moment. "I'm okay," she finally decided.

"Just okay?" he turned sideways in the chair to face her.

"A lot better now that you're here," she smiled.

He dimpled and was now the one at a loss for words. Maybe he finally was getting over the whole Jack thing.

"How's Mason doing?"

"All right I guess," he said, getting up. He walked over and sat on the bed beside her, and put on a concerned expression. "But there is one thing."

Her face fell instantly. "What's wrong?"

He looked down for a moment, the concern never leaving his face. Kate felt a slight twinge of panic.

"His last name's Ford," he finally looked up at her.

She laughed, relieved. "I'll have to ask the nurses about that mix up."

"The hell you will," he grinned.

"He's good though?"

"Yeah. He's good. Small, but good. Clemmy's there with him now. I gotta tell ya," he leaned forward, "she's a little disappointed you didn't give her a sister."

"Maybe next time," she teased.

Sawyer stared at her stunned, for a moment, before he realized she was joking. Or was she? He didn't want to contemplate that right now.

As her smile faltered, Kate tried to find a way to ask what she wanted to ask next. But she didn't know if there was even a right way of going about it. So she just decided to say it.

"I…need to know if you meant it," she said quietly. But she knew he heard her.

He sighed. He didn't want to contemplate that right now either.

"What does it matter if I meant it or not?"

She looked down, nodding. That was all the answer she needed. "Okay."

Okay? he thought. That was a little too easy. Now he was the one who needed to know.

"I mean…did you really…Is that really what you want?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Look, if that's what you want, then I'll do it. We'll get rings and the big white dress and the likes," he said, even though each of those ideas made his stomach twist inside.

"I don't want you to do it because I do. I want you to want to."

"I mean I thought we talked about this already?" he frowned. "Months ago! Now all of a sudden you're goin' and changin' your mind?"

She looked down, trying to hide her sudden tears but did a poor job of it. Sawyer cocked his head, confused.

"What?"

Before she could say anything the door opened. Sawyer and Kate both looked over.

"See? She's awake," said Clementine.

Standing with her was her mother Cassidy. She wore a small, nervous smile.

"I don't mean to interrupt. I mean, I hope I'm not – "

Kate and Sawyer answered simultaneously,

"It's fine."

"You are."

They shared a quick glance. Kate looked down to wipe her eyes and Sawyer spoke.

"Can we have a minute Cass?"

"Sure," she nodded.

"Why do we have to leave?" Clementine echoed as they walked back into the hallway.

They walked out of the room and closed the door behind them. Sawyer turned back to Kate, his eyes full of concern.

"What's wrong, Freckles?"

She frowned. "I almost lost you," she whispered.

"You almost lost me?" he smirked.

She tried to smile but it was a weak one. "I can't stop thinking about what might have happened. You…and Mason. I don't ever want to lose you," she gazed at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "Either of you."

His mouth curved upward slightly. "Ain't no chance in hell."

"I just thought maybe…if we were married…" She half-laughed, half-sobbed. "Was that stupid of me?"

He grinned. "Nah. But we ain't gotta tie the knot to stay together. You got me, and I got you. And that's just how it is. No ring or priest has to make sure."

She wiped her eyes. "I just thought after you said it…it was what you wanted."

"Freckles, you and I both know that neither of us really wants that," he smiled.

She only smiled slightly. "Then why did you say it?"

He looked down sighing. "I guess…I just thought that was what you're supposed to do. Have a kid…get married."

She laughed. "I always thought it was the other way around."

"Yeah, well," he smiled sheepishly.

After a moment, she asked "You have any idea what we're getting ourselves into?"

"Not a clue," he grinned.

"Me either," she grinned too.

"We oughta write a book."

She chuckled. "How NOT to Raise Your Kid?"

"I was thinkin' more along the lines of How to Raise Your Kid a Con," he teased.

"Some things never change," she laughed.