A/N: Eff. I had friends over on Wednesday and totally forgot about updating. Expect another chapter in like five minutes.

Now back on topic: Torment. It is fun. I swear I'm not a sadist. It's all Roy.

54. Quick mouth

"Sir, I can explain."

"Explain what, Fullmetal- your position or your sudden respect for the ranking system?" drawled Mustang, still in the doorway of his office watching the scramble.

"Shut up!"

"That's more like it, at least for you," said the colonel. "Do continue, though; I have a feeling this story's going to make my morning, maybe even my week," he added as he crossed the room and took a seat at his desk.

"You see," Ed began, "I was here, dutifully waiting for you to get here for our meeting-"

"More like I dragged you here after you overslept," Winry shot in. Ed glared at her and went on.

"And Winry was trying to talk me into cannons on my automail again-"

"You cannot tell me you wouldn't use them."

"She's probably right, Fullmetal."

"No way, you'd probably pull all your damned strings and rename me the 'Loose Cannon' Alchemist."

"Not a bad idea…"

"My cannons would not be loose!"

"Anyway," said Ed, leaning heavily on the word, "Winry was showing me where the canons would fit, and she lost her footing and knocked me onto the couch."

"And you ended up devouring her face how, exactly?" asked Mustang, his arms crossed and a small, knowing smirk on his face. It really was too much fun watching the kid squirm.

"I wasn't! She was bending my leg a weird way and I fell forward and-"

Mustang couldn't hold the stoic, superior-officer face any longer, and he burst out laughing. "Nice try, Ed, but that quick mouth is gonna get you killed one of these days. I've seen you fight, and you balance like a monkey," he said. Ed scowled and huffed as he crossed his arms. "Then again," said Mustang, "anything that gets you to show a little respect can't be all bad. Maybe you should get caught making out with Miss Rockbell more often."

Winry made a shrill sound of protest, then she noticed Ed about to clap his hands and set about keeping his palms apart.