"Look, Akira, I know you're just getting used to things around here, but there are things you should and shouldn't do." his new father reprimanded, wrapping bandages around his forearm, "What about playing nice for once?"
Akira turned away, tutting.
The father sighed. "Hopeless."
"Old fart."
"Hey!"
It had been less than a week since Fourteen-year-old Akira was named a Tsukimiya. At first he was sent to a normal school. A commoner's school, they liked to say. But three days in and he's caused three major incidents, including broken tables, mirrors and bones, in that order. And all Akira wanted was to go back to the orphanage.
He hated the kids his age. They were all snobby, selfish, smartasses. They were judgemental and noisy and just about everything Akira hated. Worst of all, they were weak and wimpy and quick to lie to adults. When they gave a punch, he was the only one scolded for giving one back.
"Now, now, dear." Akira's new mother soothed the older man, "I have an idea."
The father turned to his wife, his hand still holding a hard grip on his adopted son's skull. "What?" he inquired.
The mother smiled a mischievous, planning grin as the two males 'huh?'ed in confusion.
"Akira-kun," I heard someone call, "Akira-kunn," the man knocked his clipboard on my head lightly, "Rise and shine?"
I groaned. Dream. At least it wasn't one of those annoying nightmares again- actually my parents are living nightmares themselves but that's out of the point -so I pulled my head up and above the table, looking at the intruder.
A teacher. The raggedly dressed infirmary teacher that had messy hair, thick glasses, always wore a fake doctor's coat and sucked on lollipop.
"Kuma-sensei," I mumble. I've met this guy various times, him being a former worker in the Tsukimiya estate. He was now one of many doctors working for the Ootoris and in this school's infirmaries.
"My name's Kunomasu." he corrects, "Could you get your parents a letter or something if you're not taking the physical examinations? It's kinda important."
"Physical examinations?" I inquired.
"Physical examinations." he repeated, "Would you be willing to get hold naked in front of the whole school or would you rather stick around the moldly corners of my Office?"
His words caught the attention of a few people around. Rumours of what are they talking about already spreading like wildfire.
"No, if anything that sounds horribly dangerous." I mumble, "In a lot of different ways."
"Whatever."
"I'll ask."
"Welcome."
Today, everyone wore their school uniform, except for one fact. Animal Ears. Freaking animal ears.
I would call this a commoner object, but the host club members said something about saving costs (Glasses), that animal ears are universal and don't belong in nobility ranks (Ribbon Loudspeaker), or that they would be a hit because the host club is full of beastly hotties (Tamaki)... something among those lines.
Bunnyioka
"A rabbit?" a girl repeated in delighted surprise, "that's adorable!"
Fujioka Haruhi smiled bashfully, the small bunny ears on her head and a round, fluffy tail at her back.
"Well, I wasn't expecting anything other than this..." she chuckled a little, "Tamaki-senpai had wanted to do this since forever, after all."
Blond Cheetah and Titan Pather
"Rawr!" Honey-I mean, the Blond Brat imitated an adorable cheetah. He held his hands imitating paws and his fingers imitating claws. His stuffed bunny not forgotten at his lap, he beamed cheekily, his tiny fangs standing out at each smile.
The girls went nuts. They were literally squealing indecipherable screaming that they themselves probably couldn't understand.
"Mitsukuni, that's bad table manners." Titan, seeming a black Panther, reprimanded in a monotone.
"Kaay~" said the Blond Cheetah as he resumed with his cake.
The girls swooned. Titan and Blond Brat seemed to make them imagine an abandoned cheetah cub taken in by a fatherly black Panther, and that made them melt in moeee. Imagination was interesting.
Lion Prince
"Come, my little lamb," called the drama prince, speaking in a majestic tone, holding the girl in a bridal carry, "I shall devour you tonight."
The Wannabe Prince wore Lion ears and a ruffled, lion-mane-like scarf on his neck. His usualy princely expression was on his face as he acted more seductively than usual.
Wow, what's got him so fired up?
The girl blushed madly, "Ah, Tamaki-sama!" she swooned, faking faint and acting dramatically to play along as she slacked at his arms, the back of her palm at her forehead, dying of the amount of red she was blushing. "Please, do as you wish..."
"I will, my princess."
I turned away immediately.
Shape-shifting Tanukis
"Hey, Hikaru-kun and Kaoru-kun, why are you two tanuki?" a girl asked the twins, who were dressed up as raccoon dogs, with ears and a big, fluffy-looking tail.
It looked really fluffy. Like, really fluffy, just wanted to say.
I wonder if they'll let me touch it later...
"The legendary folklore tanuki is reputed to be mischievous and jolly, a master of disguise and shape-shifting." one of them explained, "As the famous phrase dictates, 'be careful, or you'll be tricked by a tanuki'."
"Although," instantly arms were wrapped around his back, he younger twin blushing slightly as he mutters shyly, "What I really want is for you to play a trick on me, Hikaru..."
"Kaoru..." the other twin acted touched, turning around and returning the hug, "Once we get home, I'll play all the tricks you want, okay?"
...and I turned away again. Seriously, half of this stupid club gives me cancer!
Devil's Spawn with Glasses
Glasses, on the other hand sported little horns that were supposed to be a ram or something. It looked more like devil horns on him, to be honest. I guess he isn't called the spawn of the devil for nothing.
And when I mentioned that while we were changing, Tamaki told me to refrain from remind him of the terrifying ordeals he had faced in his past.
Oh, so that's why he had ram horns. Glasses is a devil's incarnate.
Gao?
"Akira-senpai!" one girl called, "You're so cute!" she swooned.
"What part of a bear is cute?" I mumble.
Sure enough I wore bear ears, in a certain shade of brown that magically fit and accommodated my red hair, and a tail that looked like a brown, less fluffy (dammit) version of Fujioka's.
"Akira-senpai, I have a request!" Chika raised her hand, "Please say 'Gao'!"
Huh, why? I thought. I rested my chin on my palms, my elbows on the table as I turned to look at my guests. Unconsciously tilting my head to the side slightly, I asked, "Gao?"
One girl erupted into a water geyser of nosebleeding. The other two screamed out 'Kyaa', blushing in ecstacy and pure joy.
"Eh-?" I was just surprised, "Wait, what did I do? Is she okay?" I got up quickly, worried about my guest that was slowly holding up a thumbs up in her half-dead state.
"How terrifying, Akira-senpai." one twin said, holding a handkerchief at his slight nosebleed. Why you too?!
"I think that shot can go for a few hundred thousand yen." was Glasses' distinct mumbling I pretended not to hear.
"That was adorable, Aki-chan!" Blond kid yelled in the distance.
"I'm so proud of you," Wannabe Prince fake cried, sniffling into a handkerchief.
"Do you morons look at me or at your guests?" I snapped.
"Nothing against bears, but why am I a bear?" I decided to ask. "Everyone else had a reason." I played with the straw in my iced honey lemon tea, taking a few sips occasionally.
"Because it's cute?" Julie suggested, "Oh, wait, everyone else is cute too."
"I would've imagined Akira-senpai as a cat." Mary giggled. "Maybe because cats are too stereotypical?"
"Why cats?" I had to ask this time. Why a cat, oh god, of all animals? I mean, I love cats-I like all animals equally, but aren't cats a little too cutesy... I mean, I would rather not be recognized as something like that, wouldn't something cooler like a tiger would've been better?
"Maybe because bears can be scary," Chika chimed in, "But can be adorable too?" she suggested, "Just like Akira-senpai?"
I choked on my iced tea. I covered my face-oh shit I'm blushing. I'm blushing way too easily once I got in this stupid club. "Don't call me that, I can be scary when I want to." I mumble softly. "I mean, I'm only being nice because I'm currently not angry-"
Julie had on a face of pure elation. "So precious."
Mary had her hands on her cheeks as if she'd just eaten something unbearably sweet, "Can I hug you~?"
"That's what great about you, Akira-senpai!" Chika smiled.
I pouted. "Anyways," I interrupted, "I absolutely don't like being called cute, okay!"
Julie and Mary's smiles grew the widest I've ever seen- "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODD-!?" they went, holding each other's hands in anticipation.
Chika held up a thumbs up, "Nice cliche Tsundere line!"
"THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL!"
"Physical Examination?" Fujioka repeated. "Oh, I guess it's about that time of the year again."
"Again?" I questioned.
"They probably do it more than once a year?" she said inquiringly, "Not sure, I'm at my first year here. But it's like a really grandiose, crazy-rich-kid oriented test. They're just a formality, apparently, because most of these rich kids already have private doctors."
"A formality...Why on earth do rich people have so much free time-"
"The host club is really popular at this time." she continued, putting on a crooked smile, "After all, the girls get to see more skin."
I groaned. Don't they separate the genders or something-
"Wait, what about you, Fujioka?" I asked. It was a secret, right? Her gender, I mean.
"I think I'll get a private room again." she explained, "Last time was really arduous. All kinds of stuff happened."