Trigger warning. Self-harm
"Fly over me, evil angel. Why can't I breathe, evil angel?"
He had found it by complete and total accident. He needed an empty room, somewhere to breathe, somewhere to act like Jarred hadn't hurt him again. The first time had been an accident, the Gryffindor had said. He was drunk. He couldn't control himself, and honesty he didn't understand why Teddy was so upset about it. After all, Teddy had been drunk too... The second time, they were sober, and Teddy had been scared, and he had tried to get Jarred to just stop, but he wouldn't. And he wanted to leave Jarred, to get far, far away. But he couldn't, not unless he wanted Jarred to out him to everyone... And besides, Jarred's words echoed in Teddy's head. 'I'm the only one who is ever going to love you.'
He ran into the first empty room he found, not caring what it was used for, not even caring if he should be there or not. And why would it matter? He'd already gotten in trouble with too many professors to count. His grades were slipping. Hell, his mind was slipping. And when he saw that mirror, that damned mirror that showed him his parents, that damned mirror he spent hours wasting away in front of, it was like he could breathe again, like everything would be okay, like he still had something that belonged to him that Jarred couldn't touch, couldn't destroy at the drop of a hat.
He had missed days of class when McGonagall had found him. She hadn't yelled, hadn't even been disappointed. She had just put a pitying hand on his shoulder and escorted him back to his dormitory. And the next day, the mirror was gone.
"No, no, no," Teddy shook his head furiously. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. His hands were shaking. He needed the mirror. He needed something that was his. He needed something that would make everything in his head stop for a minute, just a minute, something to make the pain go away. And so when some Ravenclaw kid slipped him something to 'calm his nerves,' Teddy hadn't thought anything of it. It wasn't like he was going to make a habit out of taking things, or anything. He just needed something to get through the night, so that he could make it to the next day, and another night after that...
"You have to tell someone," Victoire crossed her arms. Teddy had gone to her after another nasty fight with Jarred, one that had left him with several nasty bruises. He'd tried changing his appearance to hide them, but he couldn't. He winced when she ghosted a finger across one of the bruises.
"It's fine, Vic," he tried to argue. She just shook her head and went back to covering him up. "He doesn't mean to do it..."
"And that's what you keep saying!" Vic shouted, more in exasperation and anger at Jarred than at Teddy. "But he keeps doing it, Teddy. And he's going to keep doing it!"
"Only when I deserve it," Teddy defended. He'd made Jarred mad...
"What could you have possibly done to deserve this?" Vic asked desperately. Teddy just shook his head and left.
He used to care about his grades. But when Flitwick passed back a Charms assignment he had done poorly on, it didn't even phase him. After all, he didn't have time to study as much anymore. Time studying wasn't time spent with Jarred, and he had to spend more time with Jarred so Jarred would be happier with him. It was one of the few things he had control over.
"Dammit," Teddy swore when he accidentally cut his finger on his roll of parchment, though the pain slowly shifted to wonder, watching the crimson blood bead and pool along his fair skin. 'What's one more little secret?' he asked himself.