Beca appreciated the fact that her co-workers were genuinely happy for her whenever one of them congratulated her on the baby. She really did. But it was starting to become difficult to give the same answer and show the same amount of appreciation. She wasn't good at small talk let alone be appreciative of their kind words to her.
Beca blew a breath and closed the door behind her after getting inside her of her office, glad she's going to be in her office for a while. She shrugged off her coat. Took a seat in her office chair. Pulled some contracts that she had to go through and sign.
"Here we go," she murmured, cracking her neck, and wore earbuds.
Paperwork was something she hated. But, she had to do it.
Beca was so concentrated on the paper in front of her and had music flowing in her ears, she didn't hear the knock on the door nor did she the person when they walked in. She only looked up when the person that walked in stood in front of her desk.
"Morning," Matt, her co-worker, said as he stepped in juggling a smoothie, a cup of coffee and a bag that had muffins inside it. Beca removed an earbud, seeing him.
"Hi." Beca tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, feeling a little embarrassed that she texted him asking if he could stop by Starbucks and get her a smoothie and muffins because she couldn't do it herself and make it in time for work. Don't get her wrong, she ate at home. But being 4 months pregnant made her hungry all the time and she couldn't not eat.
Beca pushed her seat back and got up, walking up to him. "Thanks," she took the bag and smoothie from him.
"Don't mention it," he waved it off and took a good look at her.
"What?" Beca asked feeling his gaze and not looking up because she was busy unpacking the muffins and placing them on her desk.
"You're wearing Yoga pants. You never wore them to work before," he said. "And you complain about not respecting the dress code."
"I haven't bought any maternity clothes yet, my pants don't fit like they used and it's too cold for a dress," she sighed. She woke up late for work and couldn't exactly spend time picking what to wear. She was using pregnancy as an excuse. "You know how tight my schedule is."
"Beca, you don't have to work full time, you know that?" he reminded her. She ran the A&R department, and ran it well enough she didn't have to be there all the time.
"There are some contracts I forgot to take with me home yesterday and I need to go through them." She shrugged and walked around her office and sat down.
"Get an assistant and you wouldn't have to leave your apartment to get the contracts you forgot to take with you," he suggested and sat down on one of the chairs facing her desk.
"No," she said, grabbing the smoothie.
"Why won't you get a freaking assistant?"
"It's weird," she shrugged as she brought the straw to her lips. "I'm pregnant and I'm getting more pregnant by the day..."
"Oh, I see why," he nodded to himself. "You don't want them to see you 'weak'," he added using air quotation.
"Don't you have a job to do?" she asked in an attempt to change the subject because he was right.
"I'm taking the day off," he brought the cup of coffee to his lips.
"I'd apologize for making you come down here on your day off if I didn't know you," she said after swallowing. Matt rarely ever got any work done, he relied a lot on his team. He claimed he didn't even like the job, he got thanks to his father, but Beca knew he liked bossing people around as a director of their marketing department.
"Thanks," he smiled at her. "Okay, back to assistants," he leaned against his seat and watched Beca roll her eyes and look back at the pile of paper in front of her.
"Beca, just think about it. You're having a baby. You're gonna be busy doing... baby things," he cringed a little at the thought of taking care of babies. "You can't really take a long leave to take care of your kid because if you do your department will fall apart." He rested his legs on the chair facing him.
"Yeah, I know," she ran her fingers through her hair, stopping to scratch her head and look at Matt. "I thought, I'd just work from home and drop by once in a while until Joseph could function without having me around twenty-four/seven." She looked away from Matt's eyes as she spoke because she felt a lump in her throat at the thought of being away from her baby and he wasn't even born yet.
"How early are you planning to go back to work after having the baby?"
"Like a couple of months," she told him.
Matt dropped his legs and sat up. "Beca, even I know that two months is too early. And, I'm like Jon Snow when it comes to babies and childbirth."
"Well, I'm not gonna work full time after two months. I'll just show up like three days a week," she paused to huff. She had to work on getting herself to actually do it. "Jesse will be there to look after Joseph when I'm not around," she said with a shrug. Jesse. Saying his name made her heart ache. They weren't speaking. They haven't been for a couple of weeks. She hated it and hated how far away he was despite being in the same place as her.
Yet, she couldn't blame him for not talking to her. He wasn't really ignoring her or anything, they talked, sometimes. He was just passive and wasn't trying anymore to get her to eat more or drink more water or call when she wouldn't text him that she made it to work.
After she asked him to leave the room and he left the apartment, she waited up to apologize for being a hormonal bitch to him but fell asleep on the couch waiting. The only way she knew he came that night was the fact that she woke up in her bed.
Beca figured they'd talk after she got back from work that day but they never did. She knew that he wasn't a fan of their current situation but also didn't know what to do. She didn't leave much of choice. She physically wanted him but given the fact that they're on a break she had to ignore what she wanted and he had to keep his distance from her. But not talking to him sucked, big time. She wished they could just get back together, but it wasn't going to happen since she hadn't made up her mind yet.
A whistle from Matt snapped her out of her thoughts.
"What's your boyfriend say in all this?" he asked her.
"We still haven't talked about it," —or anything—she answered as she reached for one of the muffins while her eyes were fixated on the paper in front of her.
When Beca got home early, she was surprised to find Jesse sitting in the living area working. He usually stayed in his bedroom when he was home ever since they stopped talking.
He looked very focused as he typed and pretty hot wearing his anti-blue-light computer glasses. Jesse felt her gaze and only looked at her when she walked past the living area and to her bedroom. He rubbed the back oh his neck then rested his head against the couch. He hated how they've become. He wanted to talk to Beca and patched up but didn't know how to start or when. He hated that so much because it wasn't like him not to know how to talk to Beca after a fight. He spent the whole day at home thinking about talking to her and occasionally working.
Jesse closed the laptop lid and got up, deciding to go through with it and make peace with her.
"Sorry," Jesse apologized when Beca walked into him. He didn't even see her walk back to the living area.
"No, it's my bad," she stepped back and avoided eye contact as she walked past him.
"Beca, wait," he called seeing that she was on her to the front door.
"What's up?" she turned on her heels, not hiding her surprise.
She kept watching as he tried to say something then changed his mind. She could tell that he didn't prepare what to say.
"What are you up to this evening?" he finally decided to ask.
"I'm just gonna go get some stuff that I ran out of from the grocery store," she said while playing with her car keys between her fingers. "Want me to get you anything?" she asked, shifting her weight on her left leg.
He shook his head and scratched his stubble.
"Okay," Beca tightened her hold on her keys and turned on her heels.
"Can I come?" he nervously asked watching her unlock the door.
"Um, yeah.. sure," she shrugged.
"Cool," he rubbed his hands together. "Lemme just grab a jacket or something," he told her then raced to his bedroom aka the guest room when she nodded.
"Jesse, it's too cold for a jacket: grab a coat," she called after him in a loud enough voice he'd hear.
"Okay," Jesse chuckled to himself, glad that not being on speaking terms didn't keep Beca from saying that to him. It was one of the things they sometimes argued over and ended up in her getting pissed off when he'd take wearing clothes appropriate for the weather lightly. I won't take care of your sick ass! was what she always told him. The thought of that kind of arguments brought a smile to his face.
"I'm sorry." Jesse rubbed his eye after taking off the glasses he forgot to leave at home. "I'm sorry I haven't been talkin' to you," he apologized while watching Beca push the button for the ground floor as they stood in the elevator.
"I'm sorry for everything I've done and said that night," she apologized while looking at her feet.
"I'm sorry I overreacted when I saw that you're looking up apartments," he sighed.
"It's fine," she shrugged. She expected that reaction from him. "And, I was going to tell you, it's just that I had just started looking up."
"I know you were." He kept eyeing her and debating whether or not it would be okay if he reached over and hugged her and kissed her on the head then decided not to.
"We should have done this sooner," Jesse wore back the glasses and leaned against the wall.
"Yeah," she let out a humorless chuckle and went quiet as she stuffed her hands in her pockets and leaned against the wall as well, still avoiding eye contact.
Jesse leaned against her and smiled when she rested her head against his arm; that was as close as he's going to get to her: it warmed his heart and hurt at the same time.
"Found any interesting apartments?" he asked as they walked out of the elevator.
"I haven't been looking much," she paused. "I would have if I wasn't busy with work," she elaborated not wanting him to think that she changed her mind.
"I understand," he nodded. He really did. He had a lot of time on his hands to think about it. He understood what she wanted and wasn't going to be a dick about it because he had no right. And for the time they co-existed in the apartment he saw for himself that she could do without him. She didn't need him. It hurt to admit it but it was true.
"Well, what do you have in mind?" he asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets, feeling cold, once they were on the street.
"I know I want a place with at least three bedrooms 'cause I'm gonna need one for the nursery."
"Of course." He waited until she unlocked the door before he got inside the car that she parked by the sidewalk.
"And, I wanna actually own it. I don't want to rent. I'm not planning on leaving New York anytime soon so why shouldn't I just buy a house or something." Beca shrugged starting the car.
Jesse sighed because he wanted to take part in buying the house as a family then nodded when she looked at him.
"I don't suppose you want a house in the suburbs?" he asked as she began to drive.
"Ugh, no, I'll probably just buy some apartment here in Manhattan." She paused. "Matt's been trying to get me to buy his friend's penthouse."
"Penthouse!"
"Yeah," she glanced at him. "His friend is going to divorce his wife and wants to sell the house 'cause it's under his name and he doesn't want her to take it in the divorce settlement," she told him what Matt told. "I've been told he'd accept whatever offer I make," she added.
"Well, have you seen it?" he wondered.
"I've seen pictures of it, I haven't been to the place yet. I don't want to go unless I'm seriously considering it." She paused then looked at him after stopping at a red light. "And, I have been recently thinking about it. Wanna tag along?" she asked. He got what she was asking from her tone: she wanted his opinion, not just his company.
"Yeah, sure, I'd love to," he immediately said.
"Cool," she looked back at the road.
"How's the movie coming?" Beca asked as she and Jesse made a stop at the Dried and Packaged goods aisle.
"Still in the early stages," he told her while reaching to grab ground coffee. "Really early," he added as he tossed the coffee in the shopping cart. "I ran into Christina, remember her?" He paused. Beca nodded. "We've been... hanging out, so that's been helping me in a way," he continued.
"You managed to get her to want help sober up?" Beca asked in surprise, remembering what he told her that he wanted to help Christina kick off her drinking habit because the idea for his movie is about the emotional journey to getting better.
"Not really," he chuckled humorlessly as he scratched his head and looked down at his feet. All the times he hung out with her at the bar, they just sit around and talk about movies, sports games, and all sort of random things while she got wasted. He then would make sure she got home safe then head home.
"Oh, okay," Beca looking away from him when he lifted his head, assuming from his reaction that they were hooking up. "Anything else you gonna get from this aisle?" Beca asked.
Jesse glanced at the shopping cart then shook his head then watched Beca push it and followed her to the feminine care aisle.
"That's excessive, don't you think?" Jesse arched an eyebrow when Beca grabbed 6 pantyliners packs and dropped them in the cart.
"Nah, this is about right," she told him with a sigh then looked up to find him frowning.
"Are you, like, leaking or something?" he wondered in confusion.
"You mean, leaking the water?" she asked. He nodded. "No, too early for that," she told him.
"Then what is it? If you need this much." He gestured at the cart. "It means there's a lot of... discharge?" He paused. "It can't be nothing," he said in worry. "Did you talk to your doctor?"
"Jesse, it's nothing unusual." She shrugged.
"Yeah, but what did your doctor say?"
"I didn't bring it up," she said and began pushing the cart. "I asked mom."
"You oughtta ask him, Bec," he followed her. "Why didn't you ask him?"
"Because. I. Asked. Mom." She glanced at him. "Dude, you're the one who said I should talk to mom," she reminded him. "And, I haven't asked my OB/GYN yet 'cause it's not a big deal."
"You said yet. Does that mean you're going to ask him?"
"Yeah. Mom told me vaginal discharge is normal but she said I should check with my doctor because you know her. She worries about everything," she said in boredom.
"When are you going to see him?"
"I made an appointment for next Tuesday," she informed him and watched him rub his forehead and swear under his breath.
"I have a meeting next Tuesday and I'm supposed to spend the day with interns," he told her. "I can get out of it but—"
"—Jesse, don't worry about it. I'll be fine."
"You don't like going alone," he told her. She never said it but he could tell that she wanted him around whenever she went to see her doctor after getting pregnant.
"I'll be fine," she repeated and held his gaze until he sighed giving in.
"So, what do you wanna paint the nursery?" Jesse asked, moving on. Beca chuckled at his question. "What?" he wondered.
"Nothing." She paused. "It's just that I haven't even bought clothes for Joseph yet."
"You haven't?" he rhetorically asked in surprise.
"I've been busy. And when I'm not busy with work I'm too tired to do it." She shrugged. "I'll just shop online."
"What? No!" he shook his head. "You have to buy them from a store. Shopping for babies is so awesome, Bec! And you have to experience that." He paused. "You done with grocery?" he asked.
"Um, yeah," she nodded.
"C'mon, let pay for these then head to some baby store," he said. "Unless you're tired," he quickly added.
"No, I'm good," she fought back a smile because she was legit excited about shopping for their baby.
Tuesday.
Beca was on her phone, waiting to get called into the doctor's office, opening a work e-mail when she heard the person who sat next to her say, "Hi." She looked up and kept a stoic expression when she recognized the man that sat down as the nurse that straight up asked her out last time she was at the doctor's office.
She settled for simply smiling tightly and looking back at the e-mail that she had yet to read.
"Your boyfriend late again?" he wondered.
Beca was taken aback with his question that a stranger shouldn't ask. "Okay, what's going on here?" she asked, locking her phone.
He had a confused look on his face when she looked at him. "What?"
"Cut the crap and just tell me what do you want from me?" she sighed.
"I did tell you what I want from you," he said after a beat.
"Yeah, I'm not buying that one," she said, referring to when he asked her out when she first met him.
"Why is it hard to believe that I want to go on a date with you?" he wondered.
"Jee, I don't know? Maybe 'cause I'm pregnant?" Beca had enough of him and just wanted to get it over with because she liked her OB/GYN and didn't want to change him because of a nurse.
"So?" he shook his head curtly in wonder. "I saw you. I thought you're attractive and wanted get to know you better. Pregnancy isn't a dealbreaker," he said with a shrug.
His words made it hard for her not to smile because hearing someone other than Jesse tell her she's attractive—Jesse wouldn't dare tell her otherwise—when she didn't think she is felt great. She couldn't let him see that she liked what he said so she rolled her eyes at him.
"Look, you seem nice." She paused. "But I'm not interested." She held his gaze as she spoke.
"'Cause you're having a baby?" he said in disbelief.
Oh, yeah, being pregnant was a factor. But she hadn't considered seeing anyone during her break from Jesse.
"The baby's dad?" he added when she didn't reply.
"It's none of your business, that's what it is," she deadpanned.
"Sorry, that was out of line," he apologized, rubbing his forehead. "I don't know if you could relate, but sometimes you're just drawn to someone so much it's frustrating to get turned down." He shrugged.
Beca didn't know what to say to him and was thankful that it was her name the nurse at reception called.
Beca awkwardly told her doctor about the reason she was there. He asked some questions. Checked up on her and her baby. And as she expected, nothing was wrong with her.
"Have you been experiencing anything else?" her doctor wondered.
"You know, back pain, my ankles and feet hate me, persistent headaches but they're probably unrelated," she shrugged then arched an eyebrow when he looked up from his notes.
"How persistent are they and when did they start?" he asked as he put his notepad and pen aside.
"Like a week ago and they're pretty persistent. I've been doing a lot of reading at work, my eyes aren't taking it well," she told him.
"Have you experienced trouble seeing?"
"It gets blurry sometimes," she told him.
"Any abdominal pain?"
She nodded again.
"What's wrong?" she asked when he reached for a blood pressure monitor.
"Bad headaches, blurry vision, and abdominal pain are symptoms of a condition called Preeclampsia," he calmly said as he held her gaze. Beca frowned and waited for elaboration from him as she took off the sweatshirt she was wearing over her t-shirt so that he could place BP cuff on her arm. "Preeclampsia is a complication that causes high blood pressure and damages the kidney. And, it's usually developed late in the pregnancy." He paused. "Beca, I need you to relax in order to get an accurate measurement. I'll tell you more about it after we run some tests, okay?"
"Okay," Beca nodded and took a deep breath. As soon as she was relaxed enough he measured her blood pressure.
"Have you been eating salty food?" he asked in his way too gentle voice as he removed the cuff from around her arm.
She shook her head. She wasn't really keeping track of what she ate but always kept in mind what was bad for her and her baby and avoided it.
"Your blood pressure is 172, which is very high. You're barely 16 weeks pregnant and there are many possible causes," he was saying to her and she nodded.
"But you think it's the pre-something," she guessed and it was his turn to nod.
"It's rare to develop it as early as 16 weeks but very possible." He watched her wear back her sweatshirt. "We need to check for protein in urine to give you a conclusive diagnosis."
"Okay," Beca said.
The drive back home gave Beca time to think about what her doctor told her regarding the complication she might have developed and what it could do. He asked her to collect urine for 24 hours to test over time because it was the most accurate test. She thought about googling the thing but decided against it because she knew the internet often gave a deadly diagnosis. She was trying not let it get to her because her blood pressure was high and she really didn't want it go any higher.
She thought hard and decided not to tell Jesse about what she could have possibly developed. There was no need to freak him out yet.
Beca was lounging on the couch with Bender at her feet, her laptop on her lap and a jar of fluff to her side when Jesse walked into the apartment.
"You look like you had fun at work," she said when he dropped on the couch and sighed throwing his head back.
"I am never going to show new interns around ever again," he told her as he closed his eyes. "I felt like a tourist guide," he added as he sat up briefly to take off his jacket.
"Jesse, you could just quit working there, you know? You make more money from the freelance jobs you get anyway," she shrugged. He did more than composing at the company he worked at. And most the services he did were pro-Bono.
"I like mentoring newbies." He rested his elbow on the couch as he looked at Beca. "It's fun and reminds me of my teaching days." He smiled thinking back at the years he spent teaching music at a high school until he punched a perverted teacher in the face and got fired.
"Then get your masters degree and teach music at college," she suggested lowering the laptop's lid to look at him.
"That sounds like fun too but going back to school is gonna wait." He paused. "How's Joseph doing?" Jesse asked.
"He's doing fine." She subconsciously placed her hand on her belly.
"And how are you?" he smiled at her.
"I'm good." She smiled back. He was in a really good mood and seeing him happy made her feel better.
Beca watched him pull his phone when it chimed and saw how his smile turned into a grin as he read a text he received. He felt Beca's gaze on him so he said, "Christina is ridiculous," he shook his head.
"What d'she say?" Beca asked keeping her tone as casual as she could despite the annoyance she was feeling.
It wasn't that she didn't know why hearing Christina's name pissed her off, kinda. Yeah, she was jealous and she was trying to keep Jesse from seeing it because she cared enough about him and his happiness to not be a bitch. She's the one who asked for a break: He deserved to see other people.
Of course, he never said he was seeing Christina and she assumed he was keeping it from her because he promised to wait for her.
"She took a homeless man out on a date," he chuckled as he typed on his phone. "I told how rich she actually is right?" he looked up. Beca nodded. "Well, she decided to play Santa and asked a homeless guy what he wanted and he asked for a date with her."
"That's interesting," Beca said as she closed her laptop and put it aside. What was really interesting, to Beca, was the fact that Jesse didn't react the way a guy would when someone he's seeing tells him they're going out on a date with someone else. So, she assumed that either their hooks-up were casual or they were just friends. And, instead of asking him about the nature of his relationship with the woman, she kept it to herself.
"She's insane," Jesse said and put his phone on the coffee table. Looking back at Beca he frowned when he saw the way she was rubbing her temples.
"Bec, you should get your sight checked," he told her as he reached for his blue-light glasses and held them her way. "Here, wear these in the meantime," Jesse added.
"I'm just tired, Jesse." Beca took the glasses from him and wore them. They weren't going to fix her headaches but they would give Jesse some peace of mind. "Haven't been sleeping well," she lied. She had been sleeping. Quite a lot, actually. But it never seemed enough.
Jesse scooted closer to her then carefully placed his hand on her belly. "Hey there, buddy," he softly said as he gently rubbed his hand. "We get that you're just stretching but sometimes you stir mommy from sleep, tough guy. So, just take it easy and let her sleep." He rubbed his hand then looked up to meet Beca's gaze when he felt a kick, it felt less of a kick and more of a tender bump.
"He's not even here yet and he's already taking after his badass mom. Such a rebel," he said as he grinned at her. Beca lightly slapped him and couldn't help but smile at him.
"Well, well, well, little guy," Jesse said as he rested his arm on the couch. "Looks like both you and mommy are teaming up against me," he pouted.
"You're an idiot," Beca said.
"I'm communicating with my son so that he'd recognize me once he's born," he shrugged and looked up. He watched Beca rub her eyes and sat up. He rubbed his hand against her belly and said, "You should go catch some sleep, Bec, while I make dinner."
She nodded.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Chef's choice," she said and put the fluff jar on the coffee table then took off the glasses and curled up on the couch. She heard Jesse get up and less than a minute later she felt Jesse put a duvet over her. "I'll wake you up when dinner's ready," he told her. "Sleep well."
"Thanks," she mumbled her thanks.
AN: As always, I wanna thank you all for dropping by. I'd update more often but I'm kinda busy. What do you guys think of the latest developments? Hit me up with your thoughts.