The ED was relatively quiet, and her shift had finished an hour ago, but Connie was lingering over some paperwork. Her eyes kept skipping a line and she realised it was futile. She leant back in the office chair and twirled the ballpoint pen between her fingers.
Her mind wandered back a few years and again she began to torture herself with memories. She had been at the top of her game in cardiothoracics; the excitement, the cutting edge technology, putting new hearts in desperate bodies. The money, the politics, the dinners and the champagne, she had relished every minute of it. There had been pitfalls of course, and problems along the way, but there had always been someone to go home with, people around her who respected her and what she was capable of.
Something had changed. She didn't think it was Grace, although becoming a mother had certainly changed her. It had made her less patient with the outside world and more patient with those she loved. But something of herself had been lost along the way.
She wondered where Michael was now. Did he have children too? He'd probably fathered a couple, even if he didn't know about it, but she doubted he'd be lonely. Sam certainly wasn't. Two children, a queue of attractive young women lining up to keep his bed warm, and a higher salary than he'd even known. Sam was doing just fine.
She sighed. Jacob had been a mistake. She had allowed his infatuation with her to suck her in to something childish. All that flirting and silliness, she had let go of her control and her emotions, and it hadn't ended well. He just didn't understand her. The sex had been incredible, of course, but it wasn't right for either of them. He'd proved that by moving on so quickly.
Now here she was again, alone, with nothing to go back to but an empty house.
She placed the pen on top of a stack of notes and picked up her coat and bag. As she walked past the stairs on the way to the exit, she paused, suddenly feeling the urge to see her old office, to re-live some good memories just one more time.
The wards were quiet as evening fell, and the sky had darkened outside, lit only by the orange glow of the carpark lights. She walked carefully and quietly towards Darwin, afraid that her heels would give her away if Naylor or Valentine were about. As she reached the door to her old office, she could see that the lights were off and it was empty. She punched in the only code she remembered, and unsurprisingly the lock released.
She felt a hint of adrenalin, knowing that she shouldn't be here, but she needed it. She slipped inside and walked slowly to Jac's desk. There was almost nothing left of the décor that she had insisted on. The walls had been repainted, and Elliot's beloved cabinet of artefacts was long gone. Her desk and chair were the same though, and as sat down and closed her eyes she could almost imagine she had gone back 10 years.
"Connie?"
The familiarity of the voice startled her, and for a second she was back there, being interrupted from writing up patient notes by a needy colleague.
Her eyes shot open and she tried to suppress her clearly startled expression.
"I was just… looking for Jac."
Ric smiled at her, but there was concern in his eyes. "I don't think she works this late." He said diplomatically.
"No. Of course."
She stood abruptly and walked towards him, suddenly embarrassed and wanting to escape, but he held up a hand and lightly touched her shoulder.
"How about we go to my office and have that drink." He said quietly.
She examined his expression suspiciously, but he wasn't giving anything away. She could do with a whisky. She nodded silently and moved past him as he held open the door.