Chapter Fourteen: Out of Time and Space

VWOORMP! VWOORMP! VWOORMP!

The TARDIS rematerialized near an area in a forest that was reserved for what appeared to be a golden statue; as soon as the Doctor stepped out, it was the first thing he had seen. Upon seeing the statue, the Doctor's head lowered in disappointment, since he took it as another sign that he was still stuck in the fairy tale land. Slightly smacking his head against the door frame, he wondered where he was going wrong with his attempts in escaping from the land of fantasy. He planned on going back inside to find out until he heard the sound of swords clashing loudly and a woman grunting fiercely.

Curiously, the Doctor dashed away from the TARDIS and through the Enchanted Forest, following the sounds of the battle. He finally arrived nearby a clearing where a woman with a tan-colored hooded cloak was doing single-handed battle with two ogres, brandishing a long, shimmering sword. From her excellent combat skills, it appeared to the Doctor that the woman could handle herself well, especially with the likes of such hideous characters. However, matters looked to be on the verge of becoming worse when three more ogres charged out from behind the trees, looking to assist their brethren.

The Doctor saw how these ogres were brandishing swords of their own, much to his surprise. "I thought these lummoxes only carried clubs." Ignoring the stereotype, the Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out from his jacket and aimed it toward the attacking ogres. With one press of a button, the Doctor sent a static charge between the ogres' hands and the hilts of their swords, forcing the brutes to drop them while screaming out in pain. Before they could attempt at picking the swords up again, the Doctor stepped out into the clearing and yelled, "Hold it right there!"

The battle ceased just as the Doctor made his presence known, all eyes focused directly on him. "Now, unless any of you wants to see what happens when I can reverse the polarity between your exoskeletons and endoskeletons, I'd suggest you retreat immediately." Of course, none of the Doctor's words appeared to be clicking with the ogres; he assumed that he lost them on the "exoskeletons/endoskeletons" part. So, he decided to go with an alternative: "Boo."

That one word was all it took for the ogres to depart from the clearing and disappearing into the trees, leaving behind their hooded female opponent. Lowering his arm after the danger was averted, the Doctor approached the woman. "I couldn't imagine how useless this thing would be if they were carrying clubs. The only time I've ever had to use the sonic in this place, which proves to be a challenge since everything is made of wood, and the sonic…"

"…obviously can't work against wood."

The Doctor smiled and chuckled, feeling glad to see this woman understood his dilemma. "Precisely. I wish…" He stopped as soon as he found two things wrong with what the woman said: one – she knew the sonic screwdriver's invulnerability against wood; and two – she sounded very familiar to the Doctor. Shaking his head disbelievingly, the Doctor slowly backed away from the hooded woman. "No, no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. It just cannot be! Not here! Anywhere but here!"

In response to the Doctor's distrusting attitude, the woman removed her hood and revealed her gorgeous (and familiar) face to him. With a smile, she sultrily said, "Hello, sweetie."

The Doctor did not seem too pleased to see her. "You're not River Song. You're just a projection…a doppelganger…something created by the elements of this world to fool with my mind." In his anger, he shouted to the heavens, "I AM A TIME LORD! MY MIND CANNOT BE TAMPERED WITH!"

River quickly shushed him. "Keep your voice down. Bloody hell, are you ever the drama queen!"

"If you are River, then where's your diary? Where's the records you keep of whatever timeline you've been, hmm?"

"Oh, you mean this?" From beneath her cloak, she pulled out a small blue book with a cover that resembled the exterior of the Doctor's TARDIS – the very same book that the real River Song always kept with her. The Doctor reached out to grab the book, but River held it back from him with a sly grin. "Ah-ah, my love. Spoilers!"

There was so much about this woman that convinced the Doctor that she was in fact the River Song he knew from his own dimension; her voice, her attitude, her appearance, and even her scent all resembled the actual woman. Of course, as a precautionary measure, he scanned her with the sonic screwdriver and glanced over the readings he received from the device. The results made the Doctor's face grow pale.

"It is you," he said before shaking his head. "But how? How are you here?"

"Still figuring that part out, but my guess would be interference with the vortex manipulator." River answered just as she glanced over the said device that was strapped to her wrist. "I believe I've wound up in the medieval times, but I don't remember reading about ogres in the history books. Aliens, perhaps?"

The Doctor shook his head in reply. "No…they were real ogres."

River chuckled. "Well, that can't be so." She saw the seriousness in the Doctor's face, and her smile disappeared. "You're not joking." She gazed around the forest that surrounded her, many thoughts racing through her mind. "What is this place then? Some…Some type of fantasy planet?"

"Possibly." The Doctor stated. "Or possibly not."

"Well, which is it?" River impatiently asked.

"I'm still trying to figure it out. Like you, I came here by accident, and I'm trying to get out. Now that you're here as well, I've got double duty on my hands. And you know how much I hate double duty."

The Doctor began moving out of the clearing, heading back in the direction of the TARDIS with River following him close behind. "What're the odds of you and I both coming to this strange place by accident?"

"I'd tell you, but you'd be insulted if I did."

"I'd be insulted if you didn't."

"Too late. You're already insulted."

"How would you know? You haven't…"

The bickering between the two came to an abrupt stop as soon as they found themselves suddenly facing the ends of several swords, all wielded by knights dressed differently from the ones that the Doctor had faced before. The Doctor and River held up their hands in reaction to the knights' arrest, neither of them amused from it.

"Should've kept your voice down, love." River whispered to the Doctor.