Chapter 12

Homesick

Kíli and Enda soon joined the others for supper. Everyone smiled when they saw her up and well, even Thorin who gave the faintest of smiles but a smile nonetheless. Soon they were all eating and laughing merrily. Thorin saw how Kíli and Enda smiled at each other. His younger nephew was growing up. He saw so much of his brother in the young prince. Frerin looked a lot like Kíli and their behavior was nearly identical. Thorin's heart ached. The cruel ending Frerin faced and he vowed that he wouldn't let Kíli or Fíli die so young. He couldn't bear the thought of losing the last of his family.

Bofur was in the middle of telling a story when he paused as he grinned at Kíli and Enda but the Dwarf quickly went back to telling his story. Thorin caught the look in the eyes of the youngest two Dwarves and then felt his heart ache even worse. He lost his love and he didn't want Kíli to go through that.

A little while later Kíli and Enda snuck off. Kíli led Enda by the wrist and they sat out in the yard. Kíli plucked a flower from a bush and smiled. He handed it to Enda.

The first part of a courtship was to braid each other's hair in a distinctive identical pattern but Enda's hair was too short and they didn't want to alert everyone else to the fact that they were courting. Kíli took out a knife from his belt and cut off a few strands of his hair and started twisting it into a bracelet. He then put it on Enda's wrist.

"I have nothing-"

"Men start off the courtship, Enda," Kíli said. "I don't have much to give you either but it's a token of my affection. One day I'll be able to be able to give you finer things but-"

Enda kisses him on the cheek. "I have you. And that's enough for me." They then embraced.

"Kíli…" they heard Thorin say. Kíli and Enda quickly separated and stood up and saw Thorin walking towards them.

"Yes, sir?" Kíli hesitated for a moment and the briefest look of fear flashed in his eyes. Kíli then stepped forward to Thorin. Thorin looked at both of them and neither of the younger Dwarves could tell what he was thinking.

"Kíli… Were you going to hide this from me?" Kíli didn't answer. "You remind me more and more of your Uncle Frerin. He tried to court behind our father's back and when he found out he was furious…"

"Uncle please, I meant no disrespect. But I figured if I asked you would have denied-"

"You two cannot keep something like this hidden. I understand that you love her. But if you truly do love each other you could wait until things settle down. Now you will be a liability."

"No sir. I promise that this will not affect how the quest will carry on," Kíli said.

"Kíli, this is not how things work."

"Please don't do anything rash."

"I should leave you two behind. Your actions are stupid and reckless. But I do understand…"

"You do?" Kíli's face betrayed utter shock.

"I was young and in love once Kíli. It's not so hard to believe, is it?" Thorin had a look on his face that was a mix of homesickness and sorrow. "You should have come to me first. That would be proper considering we are about to face what could very well be our doom."

"I'm sorry Uncle-"

"Both of you realize the troubles that may arise from this courtship? You are both now linked together. You are two sides of a coin, two hearts braided together. If one of you were to die, that would be basically an ending of the survivor's spirit." Enda saw a glistening in Thorin's sad eyes. Tears. Unshed, but still there.

"That's what happened to you…" Enda said softly.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I lost more than my home, I have lost my love and my child."

"Child?" Kíli asked, disbelievingly. "I had a cousin?"

"Yes, my heir until the fires of Smaug destroyed our home and left us as wanderers…" Thorin's voice cracked with emotion.

"I had a cousin… Why didn't you ever talk about him?"

"Her… Because it hurts but I believe you should know this…" Thorin then tells us the tale of his wife and daughter. "After the battle for Moria, I found out that some Orcs had ambushed the women and children that were safely away from the battle we were fighting… Your aunt, Líema was always a brave woman so she took up arms to protect the children. The Orcs started to retreat and no one knew why until Líema saw that they had our precious little Mithril… She was screaming for her mother and for me… Líema charged forward like a mother bear, angry that anyone would dare to try and take her child.

"She fought to get to our daughter until she no longer could stand the injuries that were dealt to her. She fell and in scorn the Orcs showed our child her mother's dying form. But to make things worse they slit Mithril's throat as Líema was drawing her final breathes to show how terrible of a failure that happened…" Thorin then started to cry silently.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle…" Kíli said softly and then the older Dwarf did something unexpected, he hugged Kíli and Kíli returned it.

Enda watched awkwardly unsure if she should go or stay but the embrace was soon ended.

"I'm sorry for your losses…" Enda said quietly as she bows her head slightly to Thorin. Thorin smiled at her.

"I will not condemn you two… Just be careful… Don't let the enemies use it against you…" Thorin then starts to walk away.

"Yes sir…"

A few days later we all decide that we should continue with our quest. We left Beorn's home with plenty of provisions. Beorn also supplies us with ponies that we have to return once we get back to the edge of Mirkwood. It's a two days ride and each step closer we get I feel... sad. I know that this was my home. I keep imagining that I will be going back but then I remember the harsh truth.

I have no home.

I have no family.

I have a hard time being happy and youthful although I always try to pretend so, at least when I'm around everyone. But I feel so numb. I miss my family. I never thought missing somebody could cause this sort of pain... I hide it well though because no one confronts me on unusual behavior or any of that. It wasn't until we made camp. I sit down alone by the fire with my journal because Ori had to go help with dishes. I am sketching something, quite unsuccessfully I might add, when Bilbo comes and sits by me.

"Hello master Hobbit!" I say with a grin. He studies me and I can tell he sees that it's forced.

"'Ello..." He looks at me in the eyes. "What's the matter? And don't say nothing is... I can see it. You look sad when you think no one else can see you..."

"I'm fine..."

"It isn't... Please can I help you in any way?"

I take a breath.

"It's just... this was my home... It was..." I press my lips into a thin, straight line. "It no longer is here... My family's gone and... I feel like..." I sigh. "It's hard to accept that I will never see them again..."

"I'm sorry, Enda..."

"It doesn't help!" I snap and the Hobbit looks startled. "I'm sorry... It's just it doesn't fix anything... being sorry." I bite my lip for a few seconds. "I would do anything to see them again. I would... They didn't deserve their fate." I stare into the fire and Bilbo looks unsure of what to say so he just stays by my side and remains quiet. It's not an uncomfortable silence but a comforting one. I then see that Bilbo looks rather sad as well.

"You miss the Shire..." I say softly.

"Yes I do... I've never been far from home. I had never left the Shire before."

I smile a little bit.

"I don't know if I'd ever want to leave such a place if I had grown up there. It's a beautiful country..."

"It is..." Bilbo nods and seems to be back in the Shire. He has a far away look in his eyes and a peaceful smile upon his lips.

I then hear a few of the others talking quietly among themselves but I hear my name mentioned a few times. I don't look up. I learned if I wanted to catch information don't act like you are listening to them. I strain my ears to hear what they are discussing.

"... say we leave her here..."

"The road is too dangerous for a girl..." My brow furls. I am not just a girl.

"She is a proven warrior..." I hear Thorin say. I act like I'm writing in my journal. "It has never been uncommon for Dwarven women to go to battle or on quests. And she is one of the bravest Dwarf women I've ever met. I don't think it would be wise to leave her. You know she would follow us and it is not wise to provoke a warrior... no more of this talk. She is capable as the rest of us in the fight."

I smile to myself. I never expected that Thorin would allow me to continue in our quest.

By the next night we get to the edge of Mirkwood Forest and we make camp. I am pleased when I find out that Gandalf has designated me to lead us through Mirkwood. I will be able to really show my skill and give some pride to my name. Yes it is the Dwarves fault, we do have pride and stubbornness issues and I am no exception. Things are quiet in the camp that night. Everyone seemed put on edge by the darkness of the forest.

I am not though. This was my home and I felt almost at peace here.

Alright I apologize! Please forgive me for not posting in a long time! I am so sorry! Life has been busy and I needed to try and gather some ideas for this story. I am soo sorry! I didn't mean to neglect it for so long! Now that it's summer I plan on writing more so please stick around! Pretty please?

To everyone who have reviewed, followed me, and read this story, thank you soo much! You guys are awesome and I feel like such a prat for not posting more regularly. I hope you guys don't hate me now! Please continue to read.

Reviews are so lovely and I find them encouraging! They truly do motivate me. Feel free to give your honest opinions! PM me if you want too!

This chapter was hard but I am working on the next chapter and I think it'll be better...

Sorry again about the wait and please don't give up on me!

~ Maethorni