A/N: Ugh, guys… I think I'm going to die… as soon as I let my dog out about 10 minutes ago I saw him sniffing at something… my first clue should have been the HORRIFYING smell… So naturally (holding my breath) I walked over and lo and behold a severed chipmunk head O . o I immediately screamed my head off but STILL! WFT WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ANIMAL DOES THAT BS! It wasn't my dog; he would have taken the head too… so what! Dear lord I'm going to puke… (sorry any unwanted mental images this paragraph may have caused you BUT DAMN IT YOU'RE ALL PUKING WITH ME! TT . TT) Anyway we got a Canada~… yay~~….

Dear Niece,

Is it true that you and Papa are going on a date, eh? I cannot believe it, eh. Papa has been bragging about his petit amore finally giving in to his l'amore, eh. I always believed you to be stronger than that, eh. YOUNG LADY! Alfred! Please no! *America shoves himself into the desk that Canada is writing at* You will not go to that frog's place and you will stop with the Russia business! I will not stand for it because I am the hero! Oh shit here comes France! Bye sweetie, I love you! SHIT! NO FRANCE THAT'S MY- *CENSORED* Well, Papa got Alfred to go away *glances uneasily at France* although he is making me nervous, eh. PAPA NO! NO! NOT THERE! PAPAAAAAA! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP TOUCHING ME THERE, EH! NO, EH! DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE, EH! Crap, he got me pregnant, eh. Well you're gonna have a new cousin, eh. Escuze moi, but I need to go barf as Papa put things in my mouth that do not belong there, eh.

Your loving uncle,

Matthew 'Canada' Williams

Uncle Mattie~

… I didn't give in to anything…! Kentucky stole my precious pocket knife, Francesca and is now threatening to toss her into the Mississippi River… TT . TT

Oh, hello dad~ = )

But daddy~ the French Bastard is a separate matter, but Russia is a nice person~! I wish you two would get along... I love you too~ 3

...

…

O . o…. u-U-U- UNCLE MATTIE! DAD! GAH~ WHY THAT CHEATING –I-I mean h-horney… BASTARD! AHHH! Hang in there Uncle Mattie! He got you pregnant… WTF, how is that even possible? What 'things'? *blinks curiously*

Anyway, not to worry, I'll make sure that wine sucking bastard takes responsibility… ah~ what are you going to name the baby~ ^ ^?

With a (twitchy) Smile,

Misty "Missouri" Jones

A/N: … Leave a letter please… and pay your respects to the dead chipmunk…