Extra note:
A little guide for this chapter as follows, valid only for this one…
Blah blah – Clow's telling a story.
Blah Blah – Violet's reactions/feelings/conversations
Everything between '…' in italics is a flashback.
The Crow
(Third Arc: Another World)
(Part 24)
XxxxXxxxX
…
Mother's name was Ying-Huá and born to the Li clan several hundred years ago. She liked to travel and learn, and had a passion for the arts that went beyond magic – When growing up, she'd tell me stories about aborigine tribes living in the new continent, living in harmony with nature… about nomads roaming the deserts from Africa to Middle East, selling their magnificent wares in big open markets throughout Mesopotamia.
During one of her travels through Europe, she met a man who was also interested in travel, and befriended him, learning that the man she met by chance on the road possessed a great deal of untapped magical potential.
Clow smiled, a secretive smile that made his eyes lit up. Violet leaned forward, nervousness and eagerness mixing with equal measure inside of her.
Father's name was Simon Reed, and he was a simple man born during the early renaissance period. He was a fish merchant's son, though too young to venture out with his father he stayed at home with his mother. One day strolling down the markets, he helped a hapless foreign woman and befriended her – thus learning how to access his full potential.
Ying-Huá taught Simon magic, though there was only so much she could teach without officially adopting him into the Li clan – something she hesitated to do.
Should her clan learn of her new friend, they would try to absorb him… New blood in old magical lines is always coveted. Stagnation makes the blood weak, so Ying-Huá feared for her friend's freedom through associating with her family.
She still had her pride as a member of the Li clan though, so divulging secrets was out of question.
To teach her friend, Ying-Huá took him on her journey, and decided they should learn together despite their very different styles.
The sorceress favored the sword arts, mixing the mythical with the steel. Simon found himself a scholar once he learned to read, and was an avid collector of knowledge as well as a skilled spell crafter.
Seeing her surprised look, Clow elaborated "At that time, it wasn't necessary that a low merchant's son be learned beside basic maths and how to write his name in legible cursive. Writing and reading skills were not necessary for the common folk survival" At the witch's nod, he continued his narrative.
Both magicians worked well together, and after five years of partnership, they finally decided to make their union an official one.
The Li clan was against it – Ying-Huá was the daughter of the clan head, she could do better than a no-name magician – if she wanted to include her lover in the clan, let him, but she would not wed him. So Ying-Huá forgot her pride as a Li and ran cut ties with her family, choosing to stay with her husband insetad.
They lived to half a century together… and although Ying-Huá's decision seemed right at the time, it changed not the fact that she was an heiress to the Li clan – a large and powerful magical family in Asia – which meant that enemies of the clan would then target the estranged Li.
I was born in winter of 1559 during the longest night of the year. Named Kû-lou Reed originally, though my Englishman father would only call me Clow despite mother's protests…
"Kû-lou?" Violet's lips twitched up despite her feelings of conflict. The sorcerer let out his amusement at her reaction in the form of a chuckle, though a vast sense of seriousness followed after.
"That's the name written in my birth records, though Anglicanism has turned my name into something else over the years… you are the first person I've met that knows that name" Clow told her, clearing his throat to continue.
The waning moon watched over my birth and gifted me with a keen gift for the darkness as well as my ascendant – Mother was ecstatic, we shared the same element and she'd be able to teach me without restraint of a different affinity… and since I was of her blood, she'd be able to pass on the clan's teachings freely, though it required for my existence to be registered with the Head.
Twenty years later and I was a young magician, confident and powerful and possessed by hubris. I was spoiled by my parents, receiving from them knowledge without experience, and thought myself above others – And truly, very few magicians could match me then, making me a very valuable and uncontrollable asset.
It drove our enemies into action, and one night our home was sieged.
We managed to drive the assassins off, curbing the attack and even turning things on them – father, however, was not a warrior. He was mortally wounded during the confusion… we did everything we could, but the healing arts was not something we paid much attention…
Violet doesn't understand losing one's parents after having them for years, but she did offer her sorcerer a compassionate hand squeeze. She could relate with that kind of pain after losing Sirius, though they shared nowhere near the same level of intimacy a parent and their child did.
Before dying, father beckoned me.
Desperate and fearing for mother's sanity, he wanted to leave something of his behind… so driven by his unavoidable death; father gave me his magic – all of it, from his element that was swallowed by mine to the Sun, which now belongs to me.
To take upon another magician's magic as your own is a very grave sin against it. There are always risks, and the worse of all is the loss of your very soul. Luckily, in my case, the magic came willingly from kin and was thrust on me not the other way around.
It was forceful and painful, and I was helpless in the face of such act because I was also taken by grief. As father lay dying in my arms and mother taken by inconsolable sadness, I felt obliged to accept his last request.
After a few days mother changed… she was taken by rage and hatred at father's assassin, and decided to extract her own vengeance upon the ones that took him from her – in the end, she burned herself out instead – I once more felt helpless.
Mostly since I also thirsted for revenge as much as she did, and would encourage her, even join her in madness. I remember the words she said to me that day. They have been burned into me by the misery that followed in their wake.
"Clow… my little baby… I cannot go on much longer, not without my Simon… we belonged together son, halves of a whole, and without him I will be forever incomplete… That's why I wish for you to bear my magic alongside Simon's… we will stay forever inside of you, our son, empowering you from within"
Mother's selfishness perfectly reflected mine.
I didn't understand at the time, young and impulsive… so I accepted what she said, accepted the burden of her powers – which only added to mine – and thought I could use my parents' magic to hunt and finish their murderers – for mother died along with father that night.
Assimilating her powers felt nothing like when I took on father's… I already had the Sun and the Moon watching over me… the increase of my personal magic however changed that sacred relationship.
Instead of watching over me, I gained their very eyes.
The sun bears witness to everything during the day, while the moon guards the night – I could then easily reach them. Touch the very stars…
True prescience…
The power to know things before they happen…
I saw it as a gift when it helped me find the assassins and annihilate them. When it helped me find the family which contracted them and also make them pay… I left a trail of destruction behind me that terrified the clans… Relished in their fear and wariness. They should regret what they did to my family, that's what I thought.
I saw it as a gift when nothing was able to surprise me anymore, when I knew for sure that I was the most powerful magician in the world, that nothing could stop me.
And then it wasn't a gift anymore.
I became bored, listless. Everything seemed so mundane and repetitive… I was the most powerful, yes, so what? What could I do with such title? A meaningless existence fated to just… be there…? Seeing through the eyes of the stars is a terrible, terrible gift, and when I realized that, I fell into a deep and self-destructive depression.
Comprehension filled Violet with a disastrous sort of awe.
Anxiousness took instantly over though. Mostly because he can't see her, as well as is that why he wants her? It hurt, immeasurably so. And at the same time she found herself empathically connected to his plight. She thinks she loves her sorcerer, so she doesn't want him to hurt – but is it alright to be used like this?
"I felt into insanity" Her sorcerer told her, as if his words hadn't had that big of an impact on Violet. A tired resignation clung to him tightly, like an ashen colored shroud where there should have been only bright colors. "I-
-Couldn't distinguish what was right and wrong. Humans became nothing more than walking, talking animals in my eyes, and I realized I could truly ascend as a god amongst sheep – such was the extent of my descent.
Should I walk down that path, I could paint the world with my colors and none would be able to oppose me. But there was still hope buried inside by young bitter self. The powers I started to despise so very much gave me a silver lining, one I only had to grasp to truly see.
So I decided it was better to run, to hide. I sealed myself for nearly a hundred years, settling myself to just dream. Drift the ether by following after the stars, seeing what they saw and acting like they did – just watching, no touching and no interacting.
Trough those dreams I was able to extend my sight beyond what even I thought possible… and even further than what I expected, it also gave me a new hope…
It came in the form of a ten years old girl. Sakura – the girl I saw - was a bright and smart girl, full of love and determination, and through her I was able to realize that I could do good, for the both of us. She was an outlet, an escape goat and a light, all in one.
Little Sakura would become the key to becoming human again – she'd be able to handle my powers and turn then to her own. So I chose to lay myself down on the path that would lead to her, manipulating events as I saw them coming and molding the future so that it would fit what I wanted.
"The cards are a way to pass your powers over to this girl" Violet interrupted his tale with only a single guilty glance in his direction. Doubt welled in her heart, feeling as if she only had half of the story but already knew the end. "You'd have sacrificed your very life to that end… is your magic really so terrible?" Pain erupted behind the doubt. Would he still want to cease to exist?
"Yes" Clow admitted. "Though originally it wasn't so… had my parents never been so selfish, perhaps I'd have been just another unusually powerful mage" he answered carefully "But then I met you… be patient my dear, we will be getting there soon…"
Chest clenching painfully, Violet resigned herself to listen, ignoring the burning ache behind her eyes.
I tiptoed on the lines of morality for a while.
Selfishly chasing after my visions, like a starved man met with water at the reach of his fingers… Determination spurred me I knew what I had to do, but I lacked the knowledge to do so – I can watch the future unfold, and while I gain wisdom and insight from such dreams, I gain no real knowledge or experience.
So I decided that to pursue that dream, I'd have to learn everything I could about magic. I felt weary about it, even slightly scared – what would I find outside the bubble I built around me? Would the world still whisper in fear about me? Was I still remembered?
The answer was Yes.
Not wanting to face the reputation I built over the fear I inspired – I had more power than anything on this Earth and that wasn't a secret anymore… So I dressed myself as a scholar, a teacher and a theorist.
Donned the mask of inoffensiveness and started to wander the lands, gaining knowledge and experience that I needed to put my plans into action. I learned how to draw and paint from mother, and learned how to spell craft from father – building on their teachings, I wrote this book and drew the cards, thinking about how once I gave my life for theirs, I'd be one step closer of being free.
Another life was in store for me – Yes, I could see that much ahead – my soul would have been split in two as souls do in the fountain of life. One half goes to a lonely Japanese boy who grows up in London, raised by servants due to his parents neglect… I thought to leave him part of my memories and magic, as to guide him into helping Sakura.
…
Ten years old Eriol Hiragisawa finds a queer looking book inside his father's office – they bought this old house very recently, so a lot of the things inside belonged to the old owner – an eccentric man who liked to tell stories.
"My great grandfather used to work for the old Lord who lived here. After the Lord married a foreign Lady and moved back to her homeland, he left the house to the Evington's family" The old man told Eriol during a break between his and father's negotiations. They'd come to visit the Victorian manor to see it's state of conservation – and Eriol strayed from the adults as conversations grew boring.
"What was the lord's name?" The little boy asked, full of intrigue and wondering about all the secret rooms he might be able to find should father decide to keep the house.
The old man smiled "Clow Reed… nan's stories say he was actually a magician. She was but a little girl when she met him, but she still told the most absurd stories, at least until Lord Reed was gone… The library is still filled with books, you know, there are books in there that no one has been able to touch before. Maybe you have what it takes to read them, eh boy?"
Feeling as if he was being dismissed – the old man must have tired of humoring him – Eriol, used with such things did what Mr. Evington suggested and left to search for the fabled library and its mysteriously stubborn books.
Hitomu Hiragizawa buys the house. Eriol would start attending boarding school soon and they would need it should the family return to London. Eriol's mum and dad leave for another business trip though, and leave the little ten years old boy alone in the old house, surrounded by unfamiliar servants.
"Clow Reed huh?" The boy mutters under his breath, fingering the pages of the strange book he's found in the office.
Behind his eyes, he sees the harmless face of a smiling man.
When he sleeps, he dreams.
…
The other half of my soul goes to Fujitaka Kinomoto, a descendant of my line… Though he'd never know anything about his last life beyond forgettable dreams and an uncanny knack for intuition… He knows for sure that the all choices he makes are the right ones, up until the day his wife dies giving birth to his daughter, Sakura.
XxxxXxxxX
Clow voice trailed off as he stared into Violet, reading her for reactions, no doubt. The witch closed her eyes, feeling the weight of emotional drain leaving her so very tired. She still met his eyes though, not wanting to hide the tears now staining her cheeks.
Although glad the sorcerer shared something so significant with her, she still felt as if there was a knife twisting in her chest…
"You…" Her voice hitched as her throat clogged up. It took a moment for her breathing to steady again, and when it did, Violet felt control returning "If it wasn't for me showing up… you were going to… you did go through so much trouble just to get rid of your powers… Clow… What… what I never…"
"Fell in love with me?" The insane sorcerer finished for her. Violet nodded, trying to derail the anger that wanted to be left out. She had to deal this as an adult, and not throw her temper around to do the most amount of damage imaginable. Blowing Clow up into smithereens would not solver her frustrations with the sorcerer.
Then she calmed down. 'I am making things about me, when they should be about us' This thought brought clarity. A numb calmness that almost spilled ice in her veins, evaporating the anger…
'I feel betrayed… why? Because he had plans before meeting me? For not being accounted in his plans? Oh Violet, get a grip, witch!'
"Yes" Violet agreed levelly, proudly raising her head and daring him to contradict her "You showed me these" Her hands drifted over the accursed card book "And you told all that… for what?"
"What, you silly witch" The sorcerer chuckled mirthlessly. "I love you for a whole lot of reasons beyond what you're thinking…I love the way you ramble when nervous, the adorable crease between your eyebrows when you think too hard about something. I love how your insecurities melt away when you face something you want; I love your smiles, your laugher, your anger excites me and your sadness compels me to do better. I love how your eyes shine when you learn magic, how you shine brightly after every achievement… should I go on?"
"N-no" Violet choked out, inscrutable mask slipping away as every word that left his lips pierced into her heart like little arrows. "I... I never… never had something that… that I didn't fight for…" Her emotions all crumbled as her voice bubbled dangerously "Just thinking I could lose you… to a vision, to a prophecy was… I lost my family to a prophecy... I died twice for a prophecy…" Finally breaking down, the witch whispered wetly "The thought that you wanted me because you can't see me has crossed my mind, yes, but it didn't stay. I trust you. I know there were things you hid from me… I'm not naïve or stupid, but I also knew that all I had to do was ask"
"Violet…" Her sorcerer – he was indubitably hers after all he's said – voiced out, but the witch held up a hand that stalled the words in his lips.
"I will not let you kill yourself, get it? I'm not losing you over a prophecy" Violet inhaled sharply, furiously rubbing her wet cheeks and eyes. "I'm sorry you suffered so much grief because of your powers… if being with me make them dull, I don't mind being a veil for you… I… I love you too"
"Violet… that's why I told you what I did… why I showed you these and asked for your help" Clow told her slowly, smile warming slightly at the fact she finally voiced her feelings "I am not planning on dying anytime soon… but these are too important to just forget about, so I thought if we both powered the spells, I wouldn't have to resort to last measures like my life force"
"Oh…" As if she was a marionette with its strings cut, the witch sagged bonelessly against the darn book. "Oh…" She breathed out again, brain having to reboot as relief coursed like a balm all over her body. Once her mind was done joining its momentarily tattered sanity, Violet questioned something that has been bugging her for a while now "There is something else, isn't there? Why can't you see me, specifically?"
Clow blinked once, then smiled that closed eyelid smile that screamed mischief "Why, my dear, all you have to do is sink further into our bond… don't you feel it? Can't you see it? The answer to your question is right beneath your nose, always was"
'Now what sort of surprise will be sprung on me this time? I don't think I can take anymore today… But I did ask…'
And so Violet looked inwards. Her undeveloped mage eyes still vastly untrained, but her magic knew what to look for – Her mind cast attentiveness into the ether as the witch sunk into the obvious, pulsing connection she shared with Clow – a bond reminiscent of the one she once had with Voldemort, but filled with light and love¸ now that she knew what that particularly warm feeling was.
It glowed in the back of her mind, an awareness that existed beyond conscious thought. The bond grew stronger, thickening before her very eyes as her relationship with Clow intensified… she's admitted her feelings for him and he made his more than clear for her addled mind – Her heart hasn't stopped stuttering as she remembered his – So as she watched, the light blooming behind her lids lit up in her sorcerer – edged with warmth, the ball of ethereal light shined just under his heart, stretching out in her direction, a perfect mirror of her own…
XxxxXxxxX
TBC~
Extra notes:
1) This chapter gave a lot of trouble… I did it over and over, edited things in and out, and this is the result! - Almost nothing of this can be found! I pulled most out of my magician's hat, so it isn't cannon but my own ideas! xD
2) Too long, once more… but I didn't want to drag Clow's flashback much.
3) On another subject! What would you like to see in a Valentine day special? (leave this one open since I have nothing planned~ valentine days or 'Dia dos Namorados' only falls in June 12 in my country, so yeah, leaving the choice for you guys!) :)