Wow. I am an actual piece of shit. I am so so sorry that I said I'd update, and then went missing for like 15 years. For those of you that are still here, I owe you an explanation. The sob story goes something like this: I went to university. I got a job. Some days, I feel like I'm drowning in my own shit. BUT! Today, it's just you and me baby. I made time for you. Let's get down and dirty.

Wow. Okay. Anyway, this is something like the 7th evolution of this chapter, but it's finally here. Chapter 6. Enjoy. Let me know what you think, and hopefully you didn't forget too much. Sorry!

"I have a dream I want to chase, but I'm afraid. Afraid of failure."

I sighed and closed my journal. This wasn't the time to be writing about my feelings; I had an economics project to work on after all.

Just then, three knocks sounded on my door and Lyra fluttered in, small harp in hand and creative glint in her eye.

"This is it, Lucy," she said without introduction, crossing the room to sit on my bed. "I've figured out the perfect bridge for our song." Without pause, she proceeded to strum several chords into the instrument and sing a whimsical tune in her lulling voice, and after a few repetitions I joined in, harmonizing along easily.

"It's beautiful," I marveled when the dorm room was once again silent. "How'd it come to you?"

"We were studying this new piece while I was in music theory, and it just clicked," she sighed happily. Then her face lit up with a thought. "Want to practice the harmonization for the second verse?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, frowning. "Maybe later? My econ assignment is due tomorrow."

Lyra pouted then, crossing her arms petulantly. "How are we going to have the song ready for the gig if all you work on is econ?"

I gave her a wry smile. "Not all of us are music comp majors. I'd love to sing all day with you, but real life calls."

At that she fell back onto the bed and blew out a long breath. "It could be real life if you'd just switch majors. It's not too late; you're only two years in."

I laughed, "You know my dad would kill me."

As though on cue, my cellphone sounded from the desk, and a glance at the screen had my palms sweating.

"I gotta take this. It's my dad."

Lyra sighed for perhaps the twentieth time since entering my room, but dutifully excused herself and shut the door with a quiet click.

I swiped across the screen. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey yourself. How's the project going?"

"It's going alright," I said, turning over to my laptop and opening the blank document that had remained unchanged for the past three hours. "I really appreciate you sending me the company's reports and stuff. Really useful primary source."

"I'm just really happy your college is doing things like these. It's a great way to get you to start looking into the company you'll be working for in the future."

"You don't know that yet, Dad."

"Of course I do. I'm the one that added the nepotism clause into company policy." The phone line crackled with his laugh.

"The fact that you call it the nepotism clause," I groaned quietly.

Just then, the door opened without warning and Lyra popped back in. "Sorry Lucy, I forgot my harp in here-"

I widened my eyes in panic and cut a line across my throat with a finger. Lyra instantly slapped a hand over her mouth, but it was too late.

"Who was that?" he said suddenly. "Sounded like Lyra."

"Uh," I grappled for words.

"Lucy. Are you still dorming with her?" His voice was tense, my grip on the phone slick. "You told me you switched roommates."

Lyra fidgeted with the door handle, and she knew that we had been caught out. Despite this, she met my eyes a moment later and mouthed "tell him" with an encouraging nod, her brow scrunched with determination.

I took a shaky breath. "I actually wanted to talk you about that, Dad. I'm… sort of balancing this singing thing with school."

"Singing? You gave that up as a child, and again just recently." I frowned at how it sounded like my own decision. "I'm sure you don't need me to repeat what I said to you last time we had this conversation."

"It's just a side project, but it's something I'm really passionate about. I'm getting better with singing and composing every day because Lyra's such a good partner-"

"We've discussed this too many times, Lucy. Why can't I get through to you?" He sounded sad and my stomach twisted.

"I'm not-" I could feel my eyes stinging and my throat constricting, "It's not affecting the rest of my schoolwork though-"

"I want you to drop it. Stop walking down a road that doesn't go anywhere."

Your own panic. It stifles you. Worse than the water which steals the breath from your lungs, worse than the blood that pounds behind your eyelids. The panic, which stems from a pain deep in your chest, spreads with every contraction of the heart, like a disease of the blood, until you're weak. Weak, because you are at the mercy of your own uncontrollable self.

A thunderous roar cut through the fuzziness. Hope and fear punched through the haze, before iron grip seized my forearm to wrench me above water. I flailed wildly, spluttering and hacking out a few wet coughs before my arms were thrown around someone's shoulders.

It was like watching the world through a slideshow.

The rippling waves threatening to pull me under again.

The speedboat deck.

The sky.

A hand was pushing the seawater and hair from my eyes. I blinked again. My gaze locked on the hand gripping me, slowly trailing to the arm attached to it, to the person it belonged to.

Gray. It was Gray, looking down at me with a mixture of desperation and relief swirling in his eyes. Vaguely I could feel the rough fabric of his suit pressing against my cheek. He turned away then, and I felt a surge of disappointment. Why won't you look at me? I watched him mouth something, could feel the vibrations of his voice, and it was then that I noticed Jellal driving the speedboat that the two of them – now the three of us – were on.

I laid there gasping several wonderful breaths, blinking wildly against the fuzziness creeping at the edge of my vision, and there were hands on my face once again, smoothing across my brow and wet cheeks. However, my consciousness seemed intent on fading out as my hearing faded in, but right before slipping into blissful sleep I could hear voices.

"... she's safe …"

"… have happened with Juvia." Laughter. "Your chance to be hero for a day, huh?"

"Shut up, Jellal."

"One dinner, Lisanna, one dinner." Natsu's hand was on her wrist, gently pulling her down the lobby steps. His other was fishing around his trouser pocket.

"You can't keep doing this," she said tiredly, but let herself be pulled along nonetheless. "It's not good for either of us."

"One more dinner," he repeated around the cigarette between his lips as he pulled the lighter from his pocket, "Then you can decide what you want for good."

"I already know what I want," she cut in, "and it's not this."

Natsu's expression remained even as they approached the valet driver, but his trembling fingers as he lifted the flame betrayed him.

"Please." His voice was shaking. "I can't make it in this world without you."

I opened my eyes and immediately slapped a hand over them because holy shit was it bright. How long had I been out for? The blanket pooled at my waist as I sat into a slumping position and tried again, and this time, looking around, I vaguely recognized the captain's quarters, empty and silent aside from a soft snoring. Its source was Gray, slumped over the table Erza had been eating cake at the first time I came there, his head in his arms and his black fringe in his eyes as he slept.

I quietly sipped from the water bottle that was sitting on the table. After several minutes of silence, I slowly registered the damp red dress still clinging to my body, realizing that it was the same day, the same night in fact what with the darkness outside.

"Gray," I broke the silence, getting up and shaking him gently. "Gray, wake up."

He stirred from his slumber, sitting up and blinking dazedly a few times before his gaze fell into mine, and a grin immediately broke across his handsome features.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice rough with sleep. "How do you feel? You've been out for a little while now."

"I've been up a couple of minutes," I yawned. "It's kind of cold." I pulled the blanket tighter around myself and eyed his obviously wet suit and frizzy hair. "You're looking a little worse for wear."

He checked his reflection in the dark windows. "Yeah, it's almost like I jumped into the ocean and saved a drowning person," he frowned, mock-serious, but it quickly dissolved into chuckles between us.

"Thank you for that," I said. "I owe you."

"Well if we're being technical, you also owe Erza and Jellal, for whom this mission wouldn't have been possible without."

I giggled at his choice of words. "Considering I'm alive right now to be owing people favors, I'll take what I can get." We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. Gray looked worn, his eyelids puffy and his damp suit wrinkled and bunched at the creases. I felt a twinge of guilt. "You were probably worried. I-I'm sorry."

"Well I have an attorney to deal with it if you had become a liability, so it's alright." At my no-doubt shocked look, he managed a half-amused snort. "I kid. Mostly, anyway. Of course I was worried! How could you even say that? How could you… have taken off like that?" I thought hard for a response, but Gray didn't wait for an answer before hurriedly adding, "And I'm sure everyone else was as well. Worried, you know."

I let the words sink in before laughing softly, "Is it weird that that makes me happy?"

"That people worry for you?" He quirked an eyebrow. "Not really. Everyone wants to feel like they matter sometimes, and that people care for them."

"That I worried you." I glanced up at him shyly but he was judiciously pulling at the creases in his suit sleeve, refusing to meet my eyes, and I knew that it was time to address what I had said – or hadn't said – before speeding off earlier. I took a breath, "About what I said before – it's not because of you personally or, or my job that I'm," I considered my word choice, "cautious." He finally met my gaze with a neutral expression and I quickly pressed on. "I just – I had dreams of being something else when I was younger, you know? But that didn't pan out so this job was kind of second choice." Technically speaking though, it had been first choice.

Just not my first choice.

"What did you want to do?" he asked.

"Singing," I said, and he snorted amusedly. "Anyway, this job isn't the best thing in the world – I don't think anybody goes out in life dreaming of being a receptionist – but it's bearable and it gets me by, which is more than lot of people can say. And because of it, I met you, so it's not so bad, is it?"

He laughed, a deep melodic sound that sent chills down my arms. "No, not bad at all."

Just then, the cabin door swung open and Erza strode in, her face lighting up upon seeing us. She was immediately upon me, gripping my shoulders so tightly I winced. "Lousy, you idiot!" My head swung back and forth as she shook me. "Can you fathom what would have happened if Gray hadn't seen you capsize? If Jellal wasn't there to help? If any other captain that didn't know CPR was commanding this ship?"

I opened my mouth with an apology on my lips, but by then she was already upon Gray. "Gray, good thing you went and got me right away. But you're also an idiot. Because the one time that stripping actually counts, you leave your clothes on." She removed her hands from his soggy shoulder pads and wiped them on her white pants with distaste.

Gray self-consciously tugged his jacket tighter around himself. "Anything else you'd like to comment on, Erza?"

"Yes." She tipped her naval cap then and bent at the waist into a bow. "Gray, Lousy, it has been a pleasure being your captain today. Please find yourselves home safely. The ship has landed." With that, she swept out of the room as breezily as she had entered.

"Home, then?" I asked, standing up. My bare feet made contact with the wood floor and I realized at some point I had lost my shoes.

"Not quite," said Gray, copying the motion. "You said I had until the end of today."

I laughed incredulously. "You're not kidding? You want to keep going after everything that's happened? When we look like this?" I gestured between our respective hair for emphasis. I didn't even want to think about the bird's nest likely sitting atop my head.

Gray shrugged like it couldn't be helped. "We probably won't be admitted into the original restaurant I had planned on, looking like this, but there's another I have in mind nearby that just might."

I was at a loss for words as Gray slipped his fingers through mine and pulled me out of the cabin with him. Outside, the incoming twilight had dyed the sky with splashes of amber and plum, and the strip of stores by the docks had windows winking with light and warmth. An ocean breeze sweeping by had goosebumps rising on my arms. We collected our things off a deck table, and the brown paper bag peeking from my purse reminded me of that day's Very Important Mission.

"What's this?" he asked, as I handed the bag to him.

I quickly shimmied off the bag to reveal Gray's suit jacket, folded into a compact square. "The jacket you lent me that one time," I offered it to him, grinning. "I suppose now is a good a time as any to give it to you. You look like you could use something dry."

He accepted it, frowning slightly as he turned it around in his arms. "Thank you, Lucy. The navy doesn't really match my black slacks, though." He folded the garment carefully over his arm instead of putting it on. "Ready to go?"

I felt a twang of annoyance after all the trouble I had went through, but played it off with, "Sure, as soon as I get a pair of shoes."

Gray smirked then, a look that had me forgetting all about the jacket. "I think our resident captain can help you out there."

One simply does not question where Erza gets clothes. I'd rather not know which girl was walking home barefoot that night, but one pair of high heels later we had exited the yacht and were cruising down the beachside road in Gray's sleek black Audi with the windows down in hopes of drying our clothes. I swear I could feel the water freezing on my lashes, but after being in Gray's house and greenhouse, I wouldn't be surprised his car lacked a heating function.

The drive was relatively short, and Gray frequently glanced over, like he wanted to say something, but as soon as I caught his eye he would go back to watching the road and tapping at the steering wheel.

"Do you always go this far with your dates?" I joked mildly in an attempt to break the weird tension that had settled over the car.

Gray had merely hummed noncommittally, "You'd be the first in a while."

Taking a detour from the main road, we arrived in front of a small restaurant tucked into the side of building, its exterior open and honest, with large windows framed by a pinstripe awning. Showcased by the yellow lighting inside were wooden tables and chairs next to the classical paintings on the walls. On top of the awning was a name in a language I had no idea how to pronounce; Italian, maybe?

"I didn't peg you for the sort of guy to frequent this kind of place," I mused, as we exited the car and headed to the restaurant door.

"I'm a man of many secrets," he smiled, just as the restaurant hostess greeted us with a cheerful wave.

"So," Natsu said.

"So we're here," Lisanna replied flatly, picking at her salad with her fork, before seemingly changing her mind and sipping from her water instead.

They had arrived at Bice after an incredibly awkward and silent car ride, only further punctuated by the fact that they were now sitting at a table for two and still not talking.

"So this is your favorite place!" Natsu exclaimed somewhat forcedly, throwing up an arm for emphasis and managing to backhand a waiter in the face. Grinning sheepishly at the dirty look thrown his way, he turned back to her, "Right?"

"I'm surprised you remember," said Lisanna, leveling him a look, "considering we haven't been back here since you 'made it big.'" The air quotes were obvious enough in her tone.

His enthusiasm darkened a shade. "Don't bring my career into this, Lisanna. This is about you, and me."

She set down her fork slowly, before, eyes flashing, she exploded. "This has everything to do with your career, Natsu! Look at you!" She threw her arms at him for emphasis. "You smoke, you hang out with the wrong crowd, you're out at ungodly hours, you're on all the wrong magazines for all the wrong reasons, and you've got scandals lining up out the door!"

"Then help me!" he insisted, the panic simmering in his tone just barely hidden.

"I've tried!" And her pitch reached an octave Natsu had never heard before. Other customers began murmuring quietly and looking their way. "But you have to want to help yourself, and I don't think that you do."

To this, he said nothing, and an electric tension charged the air between them. Finally, however, his face crumpled. "So you're leaving me then?" He sounded defeated, and she sighed.

"We haven't been together for a long time now."

"So then Lyon and I had a stripping contest in the snow, and of course I- why are you laughing? This is completely true!"

I was laughing so hard I thought I might choke on my pasta. I swallowed it with some water and motioned for Gray to go on.

He offered a quizzical half-smile before continuing, "So of course I lost, I mean the guy had been living up north for years! But after spending a couple of winters up there I think if we went at it again I would win."

When I had caught my breath, I leaned my cheek against my palm, the smile still lingering on my lips. "Gray Fullbuster, stripping extraordinaire. Who would have known?"

Gray was looking at me so intently I thought I might have something on my face, but then his mouth relaxed into a warm smile. "You have a very beautiful laugh. I haven't heard it much."

I flushed, but it could have been the wine. "And you have a sense of humor. I haven't seen it much either."

He leaned closer, linking his fingers together with a light playing in his eyes. "I can think of a couple ways to change that."

Natsu was on his third glass of wine – or was it his fourth? – and he was definitely feeling it. At least, he reasoned, he wasn't feeling quite so terrible anymore. The alcohol had made him weightless, floating above the sea of emotions he really wasn't equipped to handle right then. Lisanna was still seated across from him, but whereas at the beginning of dinner it had seemed like she wanted to burn a hole through his head with her stare, now- now her image had hazed out just enough so that the glare wasn't quite so intense anymore.

"What am I supposed to do then?" he asked, and he suddenly felt very sad. "I- I thought you loved me."

Lisanna patted his arm in comfort. "It's okay, Natsu. You'll find someone new, someone who will help you be the best version of yourself. But you have to clean up your act first."

"But it's so hard. It's so hard to find someone new," he said. His eyes traveled lazily across the restaurant interior, sweeping along the string lights and the green vines they were wrapped around, before settling on a couple that looked like they had just survived a hurricane. The girl in particular, something about that piece of blonde hair that stuck up like some sort of satellite device, and just the sheer stupidity of the way her boyfriend looked in general, had him snorting out a laugh, which quickly devolved into a fit of drunken giggles.

"Lisa- Lisanna, you see that girl over there? Her head looks like it's searching for Wi-fi," he laughed, a merry sound that had Lisanna smiling wistfully.

"See? It's not that hard," she said quietly. She motioned for the bill to be brought over. "Now, I'm going to drop you off at your place and then-" she swallowed, "-and then that's it. Okay, Natsu?"

"Okay, Lisanna, okay," he said. It seemed as though he might just be mindlessly repeating her, but then he said, "I won't contact you anymore."

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Take care, okay Natsu?"

We were parked outside the front of my apartment. The quiet hum of the engine could only fill the quiet for so long before Gray, with a quarter turn of the key, pitched the car into silence.

This had undoubtedly been the wildest date I had ever been on, from the museum to the yacht to dinner, but was that the right thing to say? Before the silence became too great, I broke it with, "I had a great time today."

"I'm glad," was his simple reply, but his gaze was mixture of complications I couldn't even begin to decipher.

"Really!" I said, "I feel like you took me on three separate dates instead of just one."

"It's true. Look at us, already on our third date," he joked. After a short pause, he asked, "So… did I convince you?"

"Of what?"

"That this," he gestured over the console at the space between us, "is worth something?"

In a moment of courage, I leaned closer so that we were practically nose to nose, and dropped quick kiss on his lips. They were warm and soft amidst the freezing car interior. "I'll let you know the next time we meet." With that, I popped the car door open, stepped out and closed it just as quickly. I couldn't walk fast enough to the apartment, and even then the stupid door was stuck, and it required a bit of shoving before I stumbled unceremoniously inside and slammed it shut like the hounds of Hell were hot on my tail.

My plans for a hot shower and a comfy bed didn't exactly pan out, because as soon as I had flicked the lock on the door, a bouquet of flowers was shoved into my hands, and I stumbled to catch them.

"L-Laxus?"

He was regarding me in that same domineering position of arms crossed across his chest, looking like he was about to say something remotely nice, but then something registered, and he opted for, "You look like shit."

"Wow," I said, slamming the flowers on a nearby tabletop. "Hello to you too."

"Wait, that's not what I-" he looked physically in pain, and I crossed my arms in expectation. "Those are for you," he finally said, gesturing at the rainbow sakuras on the table. "Because I'm- fuck, I'm sorry, alright? I'm not your fucking boyfriend or whatever, so you can wear what you want."

"So you were out of line," I said.

"Hmph."

"Well, thank you for the apology. Are we good?"

A quick nod, and then he was marching upstairs where, faintly, the sound of a door slamming shut followed.

"Want to hear about my date with Gray?" I called, placing the sakuras in a vase next to the blue ones Gray had gotten me.

"Don't push it!" was Laxus' faint response.

I collapsed onto the nearby couch, and for the first time that day, realized how tired I was. I wanted to go upstairs, take a hot shower, and then curl up and sleep for a million years, but with the throw pulled over my shivering body, I found I had absolutely no energy or will to do so. Tomorrow's Lucy would probably regret everything about this, but today's Lucy was asking her to kindly shut up. So instead, I snuggled further into the couch pillows and, after a sneeze, drifted off into a dreamless sleep.