Thank you guys so much for the reviews!
I am so sorry that this took forever. School is taking over my lifeee.

The song for this chapter is "Where We Left Off" by Rocky Votolato.
One of the most beautiful songs I've heard.

"Let's pick up where we left off;
Let's string up everything that we've been afraid of,
We've been living under, we've been taught to remember
And let's learn how to love.

Thinking it up is making it real.
You create the scene you've lived in for years.
It's scary to think what some lies will make you believe."

- JayBee

BPOV

"Bells, who was that girl in Mean Girls?"

I looked into the living room from the kitchen and laughed at how hard Edward was concentrating on the crossword puzzle. "Which one?" I don't think he realized how vague his
question was. I let it go, though. Guys didn't understand Mean Girls.

"She was really mean. The blonde one." He stared at the blank TV screen as he thought. I laughed at the expression on his face as he turned and pointed at me. "The one they made fat!"

"Rachel McAdams."

I heard him whispering to himself as he counted the spaces. "It doesn't fit."

"Try Regina George."

I watched him as he scrawled it down and focused on the next one. I grabbed a box of Oreos and went to sit next to him as he held my arm and pulled me onto his lap. I loved staying in
and doing absolutely nothing on dull cloudy days.

Why was he writing all the words in lowercase letters? "You always write the letters in uppercase."

He shrugged. "It looks neater this way."

Uh… "Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I don't think your handwriting could look neat in any way." I said it in a teasing tone just to let him know I wasn't serious. Honestly, who cares
what someone's handwriting looks like?

He turned his head slightly and gave me a stern look. Even though I knew he was kidding, I felt guilty. "Oh, really? I don't hear you complaining when I write you little notes."

"I'm not complaining. I love my notes." I was one of…maybe three people who could actually read his handwriting, and I loved that.

He smiled and brought his head down as I fed him an Oreo. He read the next one out loud. "Hockey's 'The Great One.'" As expected, his face lit up. "Welllll…I think we both know who
that is." I watched him scribble down "gretzky," the muscles in his forearm moving back and forth as he wrote. I looked back up at him. Look at him. He looked so smug.

"I'm sorry, did you change your name to Wayne Gretzky?"

He nodded his head quickly. "Mhm. Last night. You didn't get the memo?"

I smiled before tilting my head up, giving him a kiss on the cheek and licking a crumb off of the corner of his mouth. I understood why he was cocky. Gretzky was a Ranger. Was. He retired.

"Babe, it's great that he was one of your people, but let's not forget who won the Cup this year…"

His lips tightened into a straight line as he looked down at me.

I knew I'd won, and as much as I wanted to tease him about it, I didn't. Reminding him that we'd won the Stanley Cup was enough. "Aw, baby, I'm just busting your balls."

He bit his lip and smirked, effortlessly turning me into mush. "Ah, well you can bust my balls later tonight."

I couldn't help but laugh, and he turned his head to look at me as he cocked an eyebrow.

I didn't take my eyes off of him as he went back to the puzzle and wrote down another answer. Even though it was nowhere near its old length, his hair had grown so much in the past
few weeks. I didn't mind the shorter length, though. I mean, I thought Edward loved having his hair played with before. But now –

He closed his eyes before moving his head under my hand. "Unhhh…baby, not now…"

That happened. And I loved it.

I smiled as he took my hand off his head and interlaced his fingers in mine.

He gave me a quick kiss before looking back down. "Um…blank blank Café."

We both answered as Edward wrote down "hard rock" in the little boxes.

I squinted at the letters before looking up at him.

"What?"

I tried to hold in a laugh as I pointed at what he'd just written. "What does that say?"

"Um…hard rock?"

"That looks like 'hard cock'."

"What?" He looked down at the puzzle before looking back at me, his brows furrowed. "It does not."

I let out a giggle before answering. He was too cute. "Yes it does! H-a-r-d c-o-c – "

I shrieked as he threw the puzzle and box of Oreos on the coffee table before pushing me onto the couch and tickling me as he laughed. "What does it say?"

"Har – hard cock!"

"Waaahhh! Wrong answer."

Did he just imitate a buzzer sound? I couldn't even stop laughing long enough to speak! "St – stop! Edward! Ahhh! Please!"

He was laughing almost as hard as I was, and that made me laugh even harder. "Say it! Say it and I'll stop."

"Can't breathe!"

"Well, then you better say it quickly."

"R – rock! Ha – ard rock!"

He finally stopped and I took in a deep breath. Holy crap. "You're not the only who can force others to say things they don't wanna say, Isabella."

I smiled at the mention of my full name. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and he was right. Just as I knew how to make him say his beloved Rangers sucked, this was definitely
a way to make me say something I didn't want to.

He smirked at me and I smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. He put his hands on the couch next to my head and held his body over mine. "So…what was this about hard cocks?"

"Not hard cocks….just a hard cock." I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing, and he moaned as he slowly lowered his body on top of mine.

I felt myself blush as he brushed the back of his hand over my cheek and spoke in a low voice. "Yeah? Which one would that be?"

I beamed up at him as I brought my hand under his shirt and ran my fingers over his lower stomach, feeling his abs clench under my touch. I brushed my hand over
his crotch…"This one." …And brought it back up to his stomach. "I mean…only if Eddie wants to play."

"Fuck…He would love to play." He took my hand and moved it back down as he let out a sigh.

So would I.

I began rubbing him through his pants. I couldn't hide my excitement, and to be honest, I didn't want to.

Sex with Edward was… beyond anything I would've been able to imagine. Saying I got excited every time we were about to do anything was an understatement. I never thought
having sex could be so incredible. I'd been with two other guys, and neither of them compared to Edward. In any aspect. He knew how to speak, how to touch, how to love.

He brought his head down and whispered his love for me in my ear before trailing his lips along my jaw. I felt my heart flutter as he pressed his lips softly against mine.

I slowly pushed my hand in his pants and smiled against his lips when he moaned at my touch –

Shit. Someone was coming. I pulled my hand out as quickly as I could, and it killed me to hear him moan again, this time in protest.

I picked my head up quickly and looked toward the stairs as Edward let out a long sigh, resting his forehead against my shoulder. I saw Emmett come down the stairs and nod at me with
a smile, then freeze when he saw Edward on top of me.

Edward turned his head toward Emmett, and it was obvious he was annoyed. I mean, I didn't blame him. I didn't want to stop either. But I'm glad we hadn't gone any further. I'd rather
not have Em walk in on us while we're in a…questionable position.

I looked at Edward when he spoke, and he looked like he was going to pounce on Em. "Emmett, are you fucking serious?"

I was glad to see Emmett look calm. I don't think I could handle them arguing right now. He threw his hands in the air. "What? Dude, you have a room. Use it." He went into the
kitchen, and I heard him open the fridge and move things around. "You guys want sandwiches?"

I looked down at Edward. Eh, the mood was ruined anyway. "Sandwich? I could go for a sandwich." I moved to get up, but he pinned me back down with his body, pushing his hips into mine.

"Do you feel that?"

That thing poking my hip? "Yes." I tried to sound nonchalant – and failed. I don't know how he did it, but one single hip thrust and he had my voice shaking.

He smiled before answering. "I'm not getting up."

I laughed before getting up and helping Emmett with the sandwiches. When we got back to the living room, I put the sandwiches down and picked the crossword puzzle up off the
table. I held it in front of Emmett's face, pointing at a row of boxes. "What does this say?"

He squinted at it and I heard Edward shift his weight on the couch to look over at us. "Ho…hor…" I heard him mumble a "What the fuck?" before answering. "…Hard cock?"

I turned to Edward and stuck my tongue out. "See?"

He leaned forward and grabbed his sandwich off the table before leaning back. "I'm throwing that puzzle out."

Em laughed, shaking his head as he went upstairs, and I went to sit by Edward as he turned on the TV. He began flipping through the channels and stopped when he saw The Transporter
come across the screen.

"My hair looks better than his, right?"

There was a random man on the screen, but I knew that's not who he was talking about. He was talking about Jason Statham. I don't know why I thought he might have forgotten about
the little argument we had about Jason's body, but it was obvious he hadn't.

"Edward, he's practically bald."

"So?"

I let out a sigh before answering. Was he serious? "You don't even compare to him."

His eyes got wide and I brought a hand up to my mouth when I realized what I'd said. "Bella!"

"Oh, my God! I meant to say he doesn't compare to you!"

Edward laughed, but I felt so bad. "Geez, baby…if I knew you felt the way…"

"Alright…enough of Jason." I put my plate down and grabbed the remote out of his hand, changing the channel. Drake & Josh. Yes! I loved this show.

Edward got up to bring our plates in the kitchen and lay down on the couch when he got back, pulling me down on top of him.

"Do you wanna watch something else?"

He looked down at me as he rubbed my back. "Hm? No, this is fine."

I let out a soft sigh and turned my head back to the TV. I loved him. Beyond words. He hated this show, but I didn't hear one complaint.

We watched TV for a while, Edward occasionally playing with my hair. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, but forced my eyes to stay open. I yawned as Edward kissed the top of my
head. He spoke softly as he stroked my back. "You wanna go upstairs? You'll sleep better."

"Mm…no…I don't wanna sleep…" I don't know what I was thinking, because the last thing I remember is snuggling up to his warm body and nuzzling my cheek against his shirt before
laying my head down on his chest.

I woke up in Edward's bed, a blanket thrown over me.

I turned onto my back, reaching under my body when I heard something crumple. I opened up the piece of paper I found, already knowing who it was from.

Babe,

I didn't wanna wake you. I stepped out for a bit. I'll be back in about an hour. Don't make plans for tonight. Let's go to Bowlmor Lanes. We can take Max. He always has fun there.

Love you. Always.

Edward

About an hour?

I knew where he was. Well…I knew who he was with.

Jasper.

He didn't tell me where he was going, and he only did that when they were together.

I got up and looked around, grabbing my phone from the bedside table. I had a missed call from my dad, and called him back as I sat back on the bed.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, dad. You called?"

"Yeah. They're showing a repeat of your favorite game. I just wanted to know if you would wanna come watch it."

"I'll be there in two minutes!"

I heard him laugh as I hung up and went downstairs. I loved watching games with my dad. And the game where Brodeur broke the record for most wins…that was the best.

I saw Esme downstairs, and walked over to her as she held out a bunch of keys. "Bella, sweetie, can you give these to Edward when you see him? He left them here and we're going
to leave in a little bit. He needs them to get in the house."

"Yupp. Thank you. Bye!" I took the keys and turned around, walking out the door. I sent Edward a text on my way home, just a simple "Heyy" to keep things light. He obviously didn't know
I was mad. I mean, I wasn't mad! I was just…I don't think I could ever let this Jasper thing go. I wanted to meet him, even if only just once.

I couldn't keep nagging Edward about it, though. I was sick off all the fights, and frankly, I got scared every time we fought. I didn't want our relationship to end.

That sounds dumb, I know. People fight. It's normal. I know he wouldn't leave me, but if he wanted to…nothing was stopping him.

I looked at his keys again. Did Esme realize that the house key wasn't even on here? There was only one key – his car's – and some keychains. I looked back and realized that his car
was here. But he took his house key? Didn't make sense.

I opened the front door of my house, closing it behind me as I walked over to the couch and sat down. I lay down as my dad yelled from the kitchen.

"Bells, you want some chips?"

I tilted my head up before answering. "Sure!"

He came back with root beer and chips, giving me my drink as I heard my phone beep. Edward.

I grabbed my phone in anticipation, and my dad must have seen the look on my face when I read the text.

From: Edward

- Hi. -

That's all it said! "Hi." What the hell is that? Hi.

I sent a text back as quickly as I could.

To: Edward

- What's up? -

"Easy, Bells. Don't break your thumbs off."

All I did was look up and smile, letting my phone drop into my lap when I realized how hard I was gripping it. I couldn't even pay attention to the game. I was fuming, and the feeling
surprised me. I didn't know why I was mad, and I didn't fucking care. I stared at my phone and vaguely heard my dad say something, and then yell.

I looked up. He was talking to the TV.

I heard my phone beep and my eyes shot down to my lap.

From: Edward C.

- Nothing really. I'll ttyl, ok? Sorry. Love you. -

I took in a deep breath and let it out as my dad looked at me. I let my phone drop to the floor. I wasn't going to text him back.

I just wanted him to stop fucking hiding shit from me!

"Bells? What's going on?"

I looked at the TV and back at him. "Clarkson got into a fight."

He shut off the TV and looked back at me. "That's not what I'm talking about. What just happened? You were fine two seconds ago."

No, I wasn't. "Nothing happened." The way he was looking at me, I knew he wouldn't let it go. "Dad, please."

"Bella, if you don't wanna tell me, please fix it. Do whatever you have to do. I don't wanna see you like this." He sat next to me as I turned to him. "Remember how you were after
you and Tristan broke up?"

I nodded. I didn't want to think about it. "Yeah."

"I don't wanna see you like that again."

Did he know this was about Edward…? How would he know?

I gave a simple "Okay" before he leaned in and hugged me.

No one's hugs could equal my dad's. Not even Edward's. Edward's hugs were amazing, but my dad's were…different. He didn't really let himself get close to anyone besides a few
good friends, so I cherished moments like this.

"Can I go to my room?"

He pulled back and smiled. "I mean…you live here. I would think you're entitled to go to your room whenever you please."

I smiled as I picked my phone up and walked toward the stairs. "Thanks, dad."

"Anytime."

As soon as I got to my room, I closed the door and threw on shorts and a t-shirt. I had no idea what to fucking do in this situation, because I didn't even know why I was
mad. Edward didn't do anything wrong.

Okay, you know what? He fucking lied to me. Does he think I'm stupid? What he's doing is so damn obvious. I seriously didn't want to admit it to myself, but I couldn't deny it
anymore. I always pushed this shit to the back of my mind, but fuck it. Why deny it? He didn't tell me anything about it, so I played dumb for so long. I was done playing dumb.

But why would he even hide it? He was open about it when he used to do it before. Yeah, I couldn't stand it when people smoked weed, but did he care that much about what
I thought? He couldn't be hiding it because of that. If he cared that much about what I thought, then he wouldn't have done it a few years ago, and he wouldn't be doing it now.

So why was he hiding it?

Ugh! I didn't want to fucking think about this right now.

I grabbed my iPod off of my table and lay down on my bed, putting in the headphones and turning it on. I turned on my side and looked out the window, grey clouds covering every
inch of the sky. Three Days Grace's "Take Me Under" came on, and I changed it immediately. Every time I heard that song, it reminded me of the time Jake and I sang it in his car. It was
still one of my favorite songs, but I'd really rather not hear it right now.

The next song made me smile, and I felt nostalgia wash over me. Backstreet Boys' "As Long As You Love Me."

I missed my childhood so much. I missed these old songs, and I missed life back then. It was amazing how one song could take you back so many years. I missed having fun and
running around without a care in the world. I let out a small laugh as I remembered all the times Edward and I played tag outside his house, Emmett always running behind whoever
was "it," trying to keep up.

I looked down at my knees, the faint scars still there, the scars that would be there for the rest of my life. I was glad that they would never completely fade away. It helped me
remember. It let me know that my memories were real, and I would never forget that day we played tag in fourth grade. I remember being on top of the few stairs in front of Edward's
front door as he chased me. I jumped down, thinking I'd land on my feet and keep running. Well, I jumped – and landed on my hands and knees, scraping them against the gravel.
Edward sat next to me as Emmett ran inside to call Esme, and she ran out with a First-Aid Kit in her hand.

I remember trying not to cry that day – the way I was trying not to cry right now.

I don't know when we went from being 9 to being 22, but it felt as if everything just flew by.

I looked at the door when I heard a knock, and felt bad for being disappointed when I heard the voice on the other end. I just…I wanted it to be Edward's voice.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, dad. It's open."

He walked in with a plate, holding it out toward me. "Hey, I got carrot cake today. Want some?"

I got up from my bed and took the plate, thanking him. I loved carrot cake. And I loved him for bringing it up for me.

I sat down at my desk as my bedroom door closed, and just listened to my iPod, eating my cake.

EPOV

I felt bad for leaving Bella that way and coming to one of her favorite places without her, but I needed time alone. I need time to think and I needed time to write.

I could bring Bella to Starbucks any day.

I finished scrawling down everything that had happened in the past few days and flipped through the pages of my journal. It was almost filled. I couldn't believe it. This would be
my fourth journal.

And no one knew. No one. Not even Bella.

As I flipped through the pages, I was amazed to see how many times Bella's name was in the book. I wasn't shocked. Just…amazed. For a brief moment, I wondered if all of my
other journals were this way. But the question was gone as quickly as it came to mind.

Of course they were this way. Of course her name was all over the pages.

I turned my head to the side and looked out the vast window, rain hitting the streets as people began getting out of their chairs and walking into the café.

As I watched the rain, I wondered what to do with my journals. Should I throw them all out? No one would ever see them. So what was the point of keeping them? I started writing
a few years ago to let my anger out on something besides people. I'd like to say it helped, but I really don't know if it did. Either way, I had a few years of my life written down, but
the pages were useless.

I didn't like going back and reading previous entries, and I don't want anyone to see anything I've written. There were so many times where I wanted to show Bella everything, but
I'm afraid she'll get mad at some of the shit I've written down. There are things about girls – in detail, stuff about people I don't like but that she does, and stuff about…life. I hated
hiding things from her, but these were my thoughts. My thoughts for me. Not for her. Not for anyone.

The rain didn't look like it would let up any time soon. I put my hood on, held my journal and phone under my hoodie, and grabbed my coffee before walking out.

I only had to walk a few blocks to get home, but distance always seemed longer in the rain.

By the time I got home, I was drenched. I checked Bella's bedroom window as I jogged up the walkway. Her lights were on and she was standing by the window. I waved and smiled
as she did the same.

Fuck.

Baby, I love you to death, but please don't come over right now.

I needed more time to myself. I felt the craving coming on, and it was getting stronger. I couldn't have her with me when I got this way.

I walked inside my house, calling out as I walked up the stairs to see if anyone was home. No answer.

I tossed my phone and journal onto my bed. I decided not to throw my journals out just yet. I'll read over everything one last time before I get rid of them.

I changed into grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt as my phone beeped. I picked it up, checking the screen. Bella.

From: Bella

Hey, are we going 2night?

To: Bella

Yupp. Just got home. Come over in an hour. I'll call Mrs. Radkey in a bit & ask about Max.

I went over to my computer and turned it on, opening up iTunes before putting on Hollywood Undead's "The Loss."

I had until 7:00. I had time. Time for it to wear off before I saw Bella.

I had to stop all of this before…I don't know. Before it got out of hand.

And it's not already out of hand?

Fuck it. I walked over to my bookbag and took out the little plastic bag and straw. I wanted more than anything to just throw it all out. Pour it down the bathroom sink. It would be
so easy. Get rid of it all.

But I couldn't.

It wasn't even a choice. How could I not use it? It was amazing. Unlike anything I had ever felt before. What I felt when I was on that high was…indescribable.

BPOV

It felt as if he'd been gone forever, and I was glad he was back.

Alright. I know I'm exaggerating this a little too much, but I'm so sick of this Jasper shit. What's the big fucking deal? I just want to meet the kid. I don't care if he's bad, good, the
Devil, an angel, whatever.

And what's the big deal about smoking weed? Yeah, it's not good. But why is he trying to hide it? Just fucking tell me!

I watched the rain pour outside before turning my head toward my bed.

His car key.

I grabbed it and changed into jeans and a sweater before putting my phone in my pocket and running downstairs.

My dad turned around from his spot on the couch and gave me a questioning look. "Dad, Edward and I are taking Max bowling in a little bit." Okay, we were going in an hour. But I had
to say something.

"Alright. Have fun. Tell him not to speed in this weather. Especially with Max in the car."

"Will do, pops."

I heard him snort as I smiled. Yeah, I was pissed as hell right now, but I wasn't going to let it out on my dad.

I opened the door and shut it quickly before running over to Edward's car.

This was it. Finally. I could see what was in his dashboard. I opened his car door and sat inside.

Did I feel bad for doing this? A little bit, yeah.

Did I do it anyway? Hell yeah.

I opened his dashboard before my conscience had a chance to kick in.

His car's registration papers, the car manual, a pen, a pad of Post-It notes…

I moved everything out of the way. I fucking knew it! I grabbed the two bags of weed I found and got out, slamming his door shut. I wasn't going over his house in an hour.

I was going right now.

EPOV

I pulled my bedside table away from the wall and opened the plastic bag before pouring out the white powder. I kneeled behind the table and looked up at the ceiling, closing my eyes
and reciting the same thing I did each time, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

God, please let this be the last time. Please.

I separated the powder into five lines before putting one end of the straw in my nostril and bending my head down.

A million things were running through my head, and I wanted so badly to just shove everything off the table and walk the fuck out of here.

Just do it. Do it and those million things will vanish from your mind.

I breathed in deeply as I slowly moved the straw from right to left.

Right to left. You couldn't just be right-handed like the rest of the world and do it left to right.

What the fuck? Where did that come from? …Edward, you're going insane. Just calm the fuck down and finish this.

I lifted my head and bent it back, looking up to the ceiling and snorting a few times. I waited a few seconds.

Nothing.

I brought my head back down and took in the second line, quicker than before.

Fuckkk. There it is. Amazing.

I'd never stop doing this shit. Why would I? Who would want to?

I sat there for a few seconds, waiting for it to get stronger before bringing my head down again. I froze for a quick moment as I heard the front door open downstairs. I breathed in the
third line before picking my head up and looking at my door.

Damn. I loved this. I more than loved this. I was in love with this. This feeling was beyond incredible.

Focus, dumbass. Your door.

It was closed. Whatever. Who could it be? Emmett? Alice? Whoever it was knew to knock before coming in.

I looked at the last line of heaven in front of me before bending my head down. Halfway through, I jerked my head up as my door opened.

Bella? Oh, shit.

Well, whatever. She could fucking wait.

I looked back down and continued as I saw her walking toward me.

BPOV

Holy…

The plastic bags slipped through my fingers and fell on the floor. When my legs let me move again, I went over to the desk and turned off the blaring music before making my way over to
Edward. Being frozen in shock was not what I needed right now.

This had to be a fucking dream. I was still cuddled up to Edward on the couch downstairs, sleeping. This wasn't happening.

I WAS NOT SEEING EDWARD SNORT COKE IN HIS ROOM.

I wanted – I was – why the fuck was he doing this?

I'd completely lost my train of thought.

My mind was calm. And empty. Not a single thought. I just watched him.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't avert my eyes. What the hell should I do? Turn around and leave? Stop him?

I felt myself panicking as my legs continued to move forward. Did he even know I was here? It didn't matter. It didn't matter if he knew I was here. I would just tell him to stop, and he
would stop. I'd ask him to never do it again, and he wouldn't. Everything would work out. It would be fine.

I couldn't stand seeing him like this. With a straw up his nose. Like a fucking…I didn't even want to think it. I felt my skin get heated as I went to grab his wrist.

"What are you –" My words got cut off as soon as I'd spoken.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He gave me a quick glance and pushed my hand off as soon as my fingers touched his skin. He brought his head back down, and I felt my heart break in two as
I watched his head move from one side of the desk to the other. I focused on his wet hair, the only thing I could see closest to his face.

This wasn't a dream. It couldn't be more real. His pupils were almost completely gone, and the green of his eyes had gone from beautiful to…scary.

Come on. Come on, no. This is Edward. Nothing about Edward is scary.

I reached for his wrist again, and this time, I didn't even get the chance to touch him.

In one motion, he chucked his straw on the table and grabbed my wrists, turning me around and holding my wrists against my chest as he pinned me to the wall. I watched the straw
roll onto the floor before looking up at him.

I turned my head to the side as soon as I saw the look in his eyes.

I'd seen that look before. This wasn't the first time he'd done this. Oh, my God. The day he said he needed time alone and I sat outside his door crying, thinking he was seeing someone else.

He tightened his grip and I felt my heart sink deeper.

Still looking away, I struggled to get out of his grasp.

Don't be scared, don't be scared, don't be scared. This is Edward. Edward. He won't hurt you.

I wish that was true. Because really, I was terrified. I knew this wasn't my Edward, and being unsure of what he'd do scared me.

"You're…Stop…Let me…Let me go! You're hurting me!"

His hold on me didn't ease up, and it killed me to know that he didn't care if he was hurting me. He could break my arm with little effort if he wanted to.

I'd never felt as small as I did at this moment. I was completely helpless. He weighed over 200 pounds, and every bit of it was muscle. Should I yell? It would be pointless. No one was home.

He shook me as he yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you to fucking look at me?"

I jumped at his words.Shit…the pain was too much. The pain he was inflict on me and the pain of seeing him get this low.

I thought of all the times he had lifted my chin with his finger to have me look at him. At this point, I'd give anything to have him be that way again. I was always grateful for everything he'd
given and done for me, but I couldn't help thinking that I had taken all the sweet things he did for granted.

No matter how many times he'd lost his cool, I'd never seen him act this way, this hostile, especially toward me.

He shifted both of my wrists into one hand as he grabbed my face and jerked my head toward him. It was only when I felt a tear trickle down my cheek that I realized I'd been trying not
to cry this entire time.

"And stop crying for every damn thing! You're like a fucking baby that I have to console every second!"

He squeezed my face harder and I felt tears falling down my face again. All I could do was struggle to get out. And the harder I tried, the more it hurt.

It was useless.

I just let my body go. I let all of my muscles relax. Trying to get out of his grasp was pointless. If I did get out, what would I do? Run? He'd catch me so easily.

God…I couldn't believe I was thinking about running away from Edward. My best friend. My life. Thinking about him catching up with me…and then what? Pinning me to the ground?
What the hell would I do then?

He wouldn't do that. This is Edward.

No, this was not Edward. Edward cared about me. He loves me more than anything.

Edward wasn't hurting me right now. Edward didn't have me pinned up against a wall. Edward wasn't acting as if he didn't care about me.

It was the cocaine.

I couldn't hold his gaze any longer. I was scared to look away, but I had to. I moved my eyes to the right, and saw his phone next to a book on his bed.

I had to call Jasper.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him staring at me. I was so afraid he'd yell again, but I just couldn't bring myself look at him. He let out a harsh breath through his nose before finally
loosened his grip on my hands and face, letting me go before he walked back to the table.

I stood against the wall until he bent his head down again. I reached for his phone, and looked at him before going through the list of contacts.

I was standing right next to him, scared he would jump up at any moment. But he was so oblivious. Or he just didn't care.

It didn't matter why he wasn't acknowledging me. I had to call Jasper. I had to find out what the fuck was going on. I finally saw his name and called him, staring at the bags of weed
on the floor. I got more anxious with each passing ring. What was I going to say to him?

I realized that it didn't matter. I just needed to talk to him.

The ringing finally stopped.

"Yo."

My mouth dropped.

How could this…what? How did this…how was this possible?

Everything came rushing back to me. I should've seen it. I should've known from the beginning. I should've fucking known!

They both smiled and greeted each other. I'm glad that wasn't awkward. Of course it wasn't awkward.

Bella, I don't like the kind of person he is…I know this sounds strange, but be careful around him.

Oh, my God. Our date.

How do you get the money to pay for everything? I mean, the truck, the apartment…

Haha…I have my ways.

Ha! I'm not afraid of Edward, trust me.

You know, Edward, maybe it's time you told her!

Bells, Edward's not as amazing as you think he is.

It was him. Jasper was him. There was no Jasper. Everything was a lie. Everything.

My voice was barely a whisper when I spoke.

"J…" I swallowed and tried again. "Jacob?"

"Bella?"

I didn't even…what the fuck do I believe anymore? I felt so weak…so much shit was running through my mind.

How is this…how? Why?

The phone slipped out of my hand and fell onto the floor. I walked over to Edward and sat on the other side of the table, staring at him.

"Is Jasper Jacob?"

He didn't even budge. What a fucking coward.

"Is he Jacob?" I yelled in a shrill voice and his head finally jerked up as he clapped a few times.

"Congratulations. You're a fucking genius."

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